Chapter 6
Be still my beating heart
For thou shall not receive
The love you pound so greatly for
even as you see
this pain of unrequited love
is simply how it must be
Word Count: 5520
The walk back to my shared room with Genesis after Zack left was an exceptionally long one. I had decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator because it gave me time to reflect back on the day. I had made a habit out of doing so long ago. I had also learned that if I ignored my problems,they would only get bigger. I had dealt with that enough in the past.
The main thing weighing heavily on my mind was Sephiroth. Even though I believed him when he said he regretted everything that had happened and realizing it really wasn't all his fault, I could still see my home burning to the ground when I thought of him. Our sparring match earlier had helped solidify that he really was the General of Shinra and not the mad man I once knew, but the horrible memories that his image held were still there and not easily ignored. I was willing to try though and more than determined to succeed. I told Sephiroth I would give him a second chance to make things right and I meant it. If that took a little extra effort on my part to forget and forgive then so be it.
As for Zack... I still wasn't sure. I didn't understand why he was acting so strange since I arrived. Were all the small kisses a sign that he has a crush on me too? Or is it just his new way of showing puppy love to a old friend that he missed a lot? I really didn't know, but if it ended up being the latter I was better off just giving up now. I didn't want to risk ruining the friendship that's vital to my very survival.
Finally reaching my floor, I turned to go down the long hallway when a flash of red coming out of one of the rooms caught my attention. Sora was slowly walking down the hall once again reading his book. For him and Genesis not being full brothers they sure did look alike. Even though I really wasn't trying to avoid him I just wanted to get back to my room unimpeded. Of course, I wasn't that lucky. Just as I was getting ready to pass by him, he looked up at me and smiled brightly.
"Hello there,little Angel of Strife! How are you this fine night?" He asked, promptly shutting his book.
Shifting slightly and frowning at the title 'little', I shook my head. "I'm fine, just heading to bed."
Bobbing his head slowly, he spoke in a slightly more serious tone. "Ah yes, I imagine you'll have an early morning tomorrow if my brother has anything to say about it."
"Thanks for the heads up. I'll remember that," I replied, continuing on to my room.
"You are welcome, Angel of Strife."
I paused at the mention of the odd nickname he had coined for me. "Why do you call me that? And earlier you said I look like an Angel. What did you mean by that?" I asked, facing him once more and propping my hands on my hips.
"You mean you haven't already figured that out? I thought it was obvious!" Sora said, a truly shocked look crossing his face. I wasn't in the mood to humor him though.
"So why do you call me that?" I retorted, tapping my foot impatiently to get my point across to him.
Sora grinned sheepishly at me and scratched the back of his head. "Well I call you Angel of Strife because your fist name is Angel and 'strife', in essence, seems to follow you where ever you go. It's also your last name so it fits nicely."
"And why did you say that I look like an Angel?" I repeated, beginning to get a little agitated with him.
"Because you look like one of course," Sora replied, his cheeks flaring a bright red as he shuffled closer to me, his mouth coming dangerously close to brushing against my ear."Remember I said all Angels look normal when they aren't exposing their wings? The only difference is that they're very beautiful humans. You, Cloud, are an extremely beautiful human."
My own cheeks turned scarlet and my brows furrowed as a new thought crossed my mind at his words. "You keep talking about humans as though you aren't one. Why is that?" I asked.
This time Sora didn't answer immediately and for a while the only thing to be heard was his soft breathing in my ear. Finally, just when I thought he was not going to answer, he took in a shallow, hesitant breath and I found myself holding my own."Because, dearest Angel, I'm not human. I never have been."
Shock over took me for what felt like the hundredth time that day, the air whooshing out of my lungs all at once. Lowering my voice to where not even Sephiroth could have heard, I asked the one question I had to know. "What are you then?"
Sora shifted slightly, his lips brushing against my ear and causing a shiver to shoot down my spine. "I only tell you this because I can sense you're pure. I can also pick up on the absolute loyalty and trust Zack has in you. After I share this knowledge, you must not tell anyone. Not a single soul. Only a few here know what I am. Rufus, Reeve, Sephiroth, and Genesis are the only ones."
"I understand. Your secret will always be safe with me,"I whispered back.
Nodding, he whispered, "I'm an Angel, Cloud. I am one who protects the Planet and all those within it."
The silence that passed between us then was deafening. Only our breathing and his occasional, gentle nudges against my ear. The shock left me breathless. Sora was an Angel… No wonder he took offense to my lack of knowledge earlier.
When I finally found my voice, it took me a second to sort out my muddled thoughts. "I-I um…this is a big secret, Sora. I promise to keep it to myself. Why would you want to tell me though? I'm anything but pure and my weakness is what ultimately caused Zack's death."
He chuckled as he backed away from me far enough to look me in the eye. "You honestly can't see yourself for who you really are on the inside, can you?" He asked, frowning as he stared at me."That's sad, Cloud. No matter how Angelic you look on the outside, it pales in comparison with what's on the inside."
Before I had the chance to say anything, he swept past me and headed for the stairs I had just left. Confused and a bit lost, I made it the rest of the way to my door and silently crept inside, careful not to disturb Genesis, and promptly went to sleep.
***Angels***Inner***Light***Pure***Without***Slight***
The next morning, as predicted by Sora, I woke up at five to discover Genesis hanging over me roughly shaking my shoulder. I thought I was imagining things when he asked if I wanted to spar with him. I was used to getting little to no sleep between Avalanche and early morning deliveries, but I was not used to fighting first thing in the morning.
"Why would you want to fight this early in the morning, especially before breakfast?" I grumbled, grabbing my pillow and smashed it over my head.
"Because, Cloud, early morning training for a SOLDIER that has yet to go out on their first mission is essential, especially if you aren't used to fighting half asleep," he said, ripping my blankets off of me. "If you're anything like Angeal, Sephiroth and I, it'll put you in a good mood for the rest of the day. At any rate, it wakes you up better than any caffeinated drink I know of and training is food for the soul. Up!"
Not bothering to contradict him, I got up to get dressed and grab my sword. As I did, the memories of yesterday's busy and confusing day came to the forefront of my mind. I finally admitted to myself that I have a crush on Zack, Sephiroth is actually in his right mind and is looking for his kid, and Sora is an Angel. Right… I only hoped today would be a little more normal. There was only so much I could take at once and while the WRO's SOLDIER was proving a interesting experience, I was also learning a lot of things that made me really stop and think.
Leaving my room,I found Genesis ready and waiting in the small living area reading what looked to be Loveless.
"So you read poetry and your brother reads everything about the Ancients and Angels," I said, sitting down across from him.
"Yes, I suppose that would be correct, but my brother is more interested in learning about the Ancients than the Angels,"he replied, without looking up from his book.
"I see." It made sense actually. Since Sora really was an Angel naturally he would be more interested in the Ancients than learning more about his own race.
Genesis closed his book with a sharp snap and placed it in one of the deep pockets of his coat as he rose from the couch. "You are ready to go then?" He asked, a smirk playing across his lips.
"I am," I answered, rising as well. "Let's see if this really works as well as you say it does."
***Angels***Inner***Light***Pure***Without***Slight***
I was truly surprised by how well training first thing in the morning worked. Not only did I wake up, but the adrenaline did indeed put me in a good mood. Genesis was an excellent fighter and provided a good challenge for me, but he never won. At around noon, Genesis called it quits and we left the training room in good spirits. As I was leaving though I found myself literally face to face with Zack. I stopped right before knocking my forehead against his.
Blinking rapidly and getting over the brief shock, I shot him a warm smile as I finally found my voice. "Good morning, Zack."
Beaming down at me, he pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear,"Morning, Cloud."
My cheeks flared white hot as he lightly nuzzled my ear, making a tremor shoot down my spine. Before I was able to regain control of myself, he pulled out of our embrace and turned to Genesis. The tall red head's eyebrows were arched suspiciously.
"Morning,Gen! Sparring with Cloud, huh?" He inquired, smiling over at him.
"Yes, we were just going to head down for lunch," he replied, moving his icy blue gaze over to me.
A grimace appeared on Zack's face then and he shook his head."They're serving Shinra meatloaf today. Rufus was in charge of the WRO lunch schedules this week and it shows."
A grave look passed over all our faces. The Shinra meatloaf had proven to be devastating if not deadly to those who had mako in their systems. Something about the mixture just didn't set right with any of the SOLDIERs. Rufus hadn't known about that and now anyone in SOLDIER that wasn't aware of that little fact were going to pay the price. The feel of Zack's hand sliding into mine forced my attention away from the meatloaf and I smiled, tightening my hold on his fingers.
Just then Sora came around the corner and called out to us. "Would all of you like to go with Sephiroth, Angeal and I to the Chocobo Patch since they're serving the meatloaf?"
We all nodded in agreement. Since the WRO wasn't going to serve us anything edible, we might as well go find some ourselves. When Genesis mentioned something about wanting to go find a new poetry book, I was reminded that both Zack and I needed to get Christmas gifts. The holidays were quickly approaching and I hadn't even gotten Zack or any of my other friends anything yet. As we were making our way out, Sora said that he wanted to visit some friends afterward.
***Angels***In***Flight***Tonight***This***Night***
Once we arrived at the restaurant, the hostess seated us in the largest booth. Zack sat on my left and Sephiroth on my right. As we ate, I couldn't stop glancing sideways at Zack every now and then. He was talking animatedly to Genesis while leaning against me or holding my hand at random times. It was almost like he needed to know I was still there.
After an hour had passed and lunch was beginning to wind down, Sephiroth asked if I would mind accompany him outside for some fresh air. The look in his eyes said that he wanted to talk to me alone. I nodded and Zack moved out of the booth so that Sephiroth and I could get out. Before I left, Zack gave me a hug and a cute puppy like 'hurry back' look before sitting down once more. Sephiroth cleared his throat as I followed him out of the restaurant. Once outside, he sat on a bench and sighed as I sat beside him.
"I knew you had it bad for Zack, but I wasn't aware of how bad,"he said, folding his arms over his chest.
I looked over at him and shook my head. "What makes you think that I have a crush on him, Sephiroth?"
He grinned at me, a knowing glint in his glowing mako eyes. "You forget, Cloud, that I was once in love. I can read the signs when I see them."
I groaned inwardly, feeling my face grow hot. "Alright, I'll give you that. Yes, I do have a crush on him, but nothing's going to come of it. I value our friendship too much to risk ruining it."
"Perhaps so,but will you really ever be happy until you take the chance and tell him?" Sephiroth asked, quirking a thin, silver eyebrow at me.
"I won't risk losing him right after I got him back. I don't think I'd be able to handle it."
"Very well, Cloud," he said, rising from his seat and walking a few paces in front of me. "However, I thought someone like you would have more courage than this."
He's trying to get me to rise to the challenge by calling me a coward. Well I have news for you Sephiroth,it isn't going to work, I thought, taking a slow, deep breath in through my nose.
"I'm understandably cautious when it comes to Zack. He's my greatest weakness, but also my greatest strength. I won't lose him over something as small as a crush," I said, crossing my arms defiantly over my chest.
"It's ultimately your decision, Cloud. Just make sure that your choice is one that you can live with," he replied, coming to sit back down.
I nodded in acceptance, realizing that he was just trying to help me, and promised I would think about it. Silence surrounded us as we looked out at Edge. A few children were playing on a street corner and I smiled as one of them danced around in a circle and the rest followed as a part of the game Moogle Says.
"I called one of the nurses who helped Hezera give birth," Sephiroth suddenly said, the words tumbling out of his mouth in quick succession like he couldn't get them out fast enough.
I whipped my head around to the silver haired General, one of my eyebrows arched in surprise. "Oh, what did she say?"
"She gave me the name and address of the orphanage," he answered, gripping the leather of his pants tightly.
"That's good. At least you have a number to call now."
He nodded as he stared down at the ground, a thoughtful look in his glowing eyes. "She also had something rather interesting to tell me. The reason why Hezera's labor was so difficult is because there were twins, Cloud. One of the boys made, it the other died…or so I thought. Apparently, they were able to revive the one that had died and sent him to the same orphanage as his brother,"Sephiroth explained, a new found excitement in his voice.
Nodding slowly, I fixed my eyes on his."So now you have twins you need to find?"
"Yes, but it has proven difficult so far. I spent most of the morning on the phone with the orphanage. Apparently, both of them have been adopted by different families. Other than that they can't disclose any further details. They wouldn't even tell me if their new names had been changed."
"Which orphanage were they sent to?" I asked sincerely.
"Rocket Town Orphanage or RTO, as they're more commonly known,"he answered.
My eyes widened at Sephiroth's words. "That's where I was adopted from! They know me there. What's the number? I'll give them a call and see if I can find anything out. They owe me some fairly big favors so it shouldn't be too hard."
"You would really do that for me?" Sephiroth asked, shock and surprise flying across his face.
"I told you I would help however I can and if making one simple phone call will do the most good then I'll do it. What are their names?"
"Squall and Angel," he replied, sighing heavily. I could tell speaking their names caused him a lot of pain. "Angel was the first born. Hezera named him before she died. I named Squall because the hospital needed to have a name on file for his death certificate, but that all became unnecessary when he was revived. Ask for those two names when you call." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, handing it to me.
"Angel is a good name, as is Squall," I said, opening the paper briefly to glance at the number before stuffing it into my pocket for later.
"Thank you, Cloud. We better get back in," he said, rising from the bench and walking towards the restaurant's front door.
As we made our way back to the group I mulled over what I had just learned. A couple years ago I would have never thought I would be friends with Sephiroth. The fact that I was having such personal conversations with him was dizzying. I only hoped I would be able to get some answers for him.
It wouldn't be very hard to remember Angel's name since it used to be my own, but I would have to write Squall's down somewhere. Also, finding time to call RTO might pose a problem. With training, missions and anything else that Reeve decided to throw at me I wasn't sure when I would get the chance to call.
When we reached the booth, Zack quickly got up to let Sephiroth and I sit back down. The second I was once again seated beside him, Zack's fingers were laced through mine. My cheeks flared brightly and I turned to avoid anyone else noticing and saw Sephiroth's nod of approval. I smiled back at him before turning to catch Angeal staring intently at our male waiter. I was pretty sure Angeal was gay,but I just had to ask to be sure. I decided to blame Zack's influence.
"Angeal,don't take this the wrong way, but are you gay?" I asked, nearly whispering the last part.
My face became even redder when Angeal began laughing.
"Yes, I am, Cloud. I'm surprised you picked up on it. I normally keep my gay moments to a minimum, but I bet most of us here are gay or at least bi."
Then Zack's eyes lit up and I knew that he had gotten one of his brilliant ideas, which usually ended up getting us in trouble. That, or me embarrassed beyond belief.
"Alright then guys moment of truth! Raise your hand if you're gay!"He exclaimed, not caring that half the restaurant could hear us.
And the winner is embarrassed beyond belief, I thought, beginning to lower my head in shame.
But when Angeal, Genesis, and Sora raised their hands, I started to feel better, but the fact that Zack hadn't raised his hand hadn't gone unnoticed by me. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and bit down nervously on the inside of my cheek.
"Okay,now who at this table's bi? Raise your hand!" He prodded, glancing over at me with a wide grin.
I raised my hand and, to my great joy and surprise, Zack's hand also rose into the air.
"Well, that leaves us with three gay, two bi, and one straight. Wow, what a group!" Zack said, causing everyone at the table to laugh at his silly comment.
The waiter brought our check then and Zack snatched it off the surface of the table before anyone else had the chance. He paid for our meal and all of us left the restaurant together before dispersing. Zack and I said goodbye to everyone then set off to go Christmas shopping.
***Angels***In***Flight***Tonight***This***Night***
The shopping trip with Zack had been just what I had needed all week. No, all month. Walking from shop to shop and hanging out with Zack just like the old days was something I would never forget. The fact that it started snowing before we were even half way finished with our trip made it just that much more special.
I stopped by the Seventh Heaven to visit Tifa and the kids. I hadn't seen them since I left so I knew this visit was long overdue. As soon as I walked through the door Denzel ran up to me and wrapped his arms around me as tightly as he could. I hugged him back then avoided all of his attempts to get me or Zack to tell him what we got him for Christmas. The boy was nothing if not persistent.
Tifa was still sore at me, but she was at least talking to me again. Marlene showed me some of the drawings she had made while I was gone and she made Zack model for her so she could draw him. Denzel and I snickered the entire time watching Zack struggle to sit still. When it came time to leave, I promised Denzel and the rest that I would call more often if not visit whenever I could.
When we returned to the WRO SOLDIER building we quickly hid the presents in our respective apartments and spent the rest of the day sparing.
***Angels***In***Flight***Tonight***This***Night***
The next morning I once again awoke to Genesis standing over me. Apparently, he had something against letting his roommates sleep past five in the morning. He did not, however,offer to spar with me first thing and instead opted for breakfast in our small kitchen. Once we had our respective bowels of cereal and began eating, Genesis spoke up.
"So," he began, glancing up at me through his bangs. "Sora told me that he let you in on the big secret."
I nodded as I chewed. "Yeah he did. I'm not exactly sure why he did though." I paused briefly as I took another bite of cereal, choosing my next words carefully. "He also said something about me being pure and that it was a shame I couldn't see how beautiful I was on the inside."
"I see," he replied, leaning back in his chair. "Even though Sora has extraordinary perception and thinks he knows best because he's an Angel doesn't mean I'm satisfied. Do you have any idea just how rare his kind are?" I shook my head, my eyes wide, listening intently to my roommate.
"The Angels aren't nearly as close to being extinct as the Ancients are, but they're still close enough to it to cause worry. There's probably only a hundred of them left. Scientists pay a lot of money to get their hands on one and there are even some who would take advantage of that," he said, leveling me with an intense stare.
I knew exactly what he was implying though. "Genesis, I understand where you're coming from, but you don't need to worry. I wouldn't sell my most hated enemy to a scientist, much less Sora. I know what it's like to be an experiment, to be laid open and changed to the point you don't know yourself anymore. No, I wouldn't let that fate come to Sora or anyone else for that matter."
Genesis sighed heavily as he leaned forward on his elbows. "I see. I'm sorry I misjudged you, Cloud. It was wrong of me."
"No, you were just looking out for your brother, as you should,"I replied, sending him a reassuring smile.
"Yes, but it's a bit different with Sora and you."
"How so?"I asked, confused about what he was referring to.
A mischievous grin curled the corner's of Genesis' mouth upwards. "You don't know my brother has a crush on you? He has truly fallen for you."
It seemed that,once again, it was to be a day full of shocks and surprises. Even then I couldn't stop my jaw from unhinging and falling open."Genesis, I-I can't accept your brother's affection. I have someone else who holds the claim to my heart."
Genesis nodded, a knowing look in his eyes. "He knows. I just wanted to make sure you knew. If he's ever overly friendly or hovers closely to you, just know that is only the affection he feels for you. Once an Angel has had their wings for a year they gain the ability to see into someone's heart and soul. It's a defense mechanism that has saved them from extinction. So, naturally, he could see that you didn't love him."
I frowned, catching onto something strange that he had said. "What do you mean by once they have their wings? Aren't they born with them?"
"Unfortunately, not. An Angel's wings don't grow until they reach a point in their lives called the dark reversal. Only then will they attain their full potential. Dark reversal is normally triggered by extreme negative emotion. Sora's trigger was the death of our parents and my decent into madness. Once an Angel experiences dark reversal, their wings take shape and grow. I hear it's a particularly painful process,"Genesis explained.
"So until this dark reversal happens they are just regular people with good looks?"I asked, finally feeling like I understood.
Genesis smiled as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes and no. They also have great prowess with weapons, an extremely sharp mind, and the natural ability to both lead and take orders when necessary. In essence, they're the perfect SOLDIER that Hojo was always looking for. Angels truly are a wonder to be around and I love my brother dearly. He's one of the few truly precious things left on this world. A gift from the goddess, if you will."
"Genesis, I don't mean to upset you or your brother. If my heart wasn't already taken by someone else then I would have been happy to give Sora what he wants. He's the one who's beautiful on the inside and outside, not me,"I replied, glancing down at my bowl and pushing it away from me. The memories of how rude I was to him that night in the hall made me feel even worse. While I was stressed out and confused that was no reason to have treated him like that. I was not even close to being pure. Sora was wrong about me.
"Do not doubt my brothers words to you, Cloud," Genesis advised as if he had been reading my thoughts."Just as he can see that you don't love him, he can see the purity of your heart and soul. He wouldn't have told you what he did that night if it was any other way, feelings for you or not."
***Angels***In***Flight***Tonight***This***Night***
I spent my free hours after breakfast sitting by the window and watching the clouds drift by outside, thinking about everything Genesis and I had talked about. My thoughts were interrupted around noon by a message from Reeve on my PHS. Apparently, he had finally gotten my schedule together. I rose from my chair and went to sit on the couch instead to read the message.
Hey Cloud,it's Reeve.
I want to congratulate you on achieving First Class status
within the SOLDIER program as well as the return of your best friend.
He truly is something.
As for the missions for the rest of the week, I have a request.
Instead of getting out into the field immediately,
how about giving me a hand with a little problem of mine?
One of the instructors in charge of the new recruits
became extremely ill after eating the meatloaf yesterday afternoon.
The medical staff doesn't think he will be able to go back to work tomorrow
or all week for that matter.
Would you be willing to take over his class until he's recovered?
I know you're a good leader, Cloud, and I know that
you can lead this class into success if you put your mind to it.
I have faith in you and I can't imagine choosing a better person for this job.
Email me back with you answer as soon as possible so that I can get things set up.
Reeve, head President of the WRO
Some people would never change and Reeve, thankfully, was one of them. He had always been a good leader and even better with his words than Genesis. However, I wasn't sure if this was a task I could complete.
Sure, I was the leader of AVALANCHE, but what does that have to do with teaching recruits? I thought, chewing on my bottom lip as I reread Reeve's email.
I did a pretty fair job when Denzel asked me to teach him about swords and how to use them. This, however, was a group of kids, not just one.
Well,Tifa was always encouraging me to try new things and make more memories. If this is what Reeve and the WRO need me to do then I'm in.
Making up my mind in a split second, I sent my positive reply back to Reeve then set off to get some training plans and classes set up. Normally, I would have done so with Zack's company, but he had been sent to the east side of Edge to deal with some mako infected dragons that had been attacking that part of the city. I had not even gotten to say good bye because the mission was urgent. I knew he was going to be okay, but still I worried about him.
I was on my way towards the elevators when I once again saw a flash of red out of the corner of my eye.
"Do you always spend your time in the hallways, Sora, or is this just a coincidence?" I asked, slowly turning towards him. The look of adoration on his face as he stared up at me from where he was sitting was almost painful now that I knew the truth behind it. And that I could not possibly return them.
"I simply find the peace and quiet the hallways provide a comfortable experience. You should try it some time," Sora suggested.
"Perhaps I will. Although, I usually go to Aerith's church when I want to be alone," I replied, sitting down next to him with one leg folded underneath me and the other bent over it with my right hand resting on my knee.
Sora sighed heavily then and looked down at his lap. "Angel, do you know what you do to me? Do you know my feelings for you?"He asked, his voice a mere whisper.
"Yes, Sora, I do and I'm sorry, but I can't give you what you want. You know why," I answered, shifting uncomfortably and staring down at the ground in guilt.
"I do know,but a man can dream, can't he?" Sora replied, his tone sorrowful. "I'm entitled to dream and wish for what cannot be. Cloud... No, Angel, you mean the world to me and if I must only be a friend then that is how it will be. Know this though. I will see that you are happy for the rest of your life. The Planet has asked too much of you too quickly and if I can take that burden from you even for a little and do what my race is meant to do, then I will."
Tears filled my eyes as I looked up at Sora and nodded slowly, suddenly feeling every bit like the young cadet I used to be. "Sora, thank you. Just knowing there is someone else that cares is all I'll ever need."
"Then I'll always be here, Angel," Sora replied,standing up and stretching his arms lazily over his head."Tell Zack that he is damn lucky to have you and that I wish him luck." Turning around, Sora calmly walked towards the elevators, waving his hand lazily. Hiding a small smile, I got up and went to get those classes set up.
