Tasty tasty drama. .3.

Alright, I'll admit, I struggled with this chapter. There was a lot ai wanted to say, and if I did it all it would have tacked up at about a third of my last goal for nanowrimo. I tried to cut it down to size and still give it a dramatic impact, but I feel like I didn't do as well as I could. Hopefully I'll hit my stride with part eight. (Why is it I always struggle on Kurt's parts? Dammit.) So enjoy, I guess. ;n;

Ah well. If nothing else, I'll foce myself to go back and do it better. .p.

Much love- Rhapsody.


Kurt Hummel was on cloud nine. To say that the happy centers in his mind were collapsing into themselves and creating a gaping black hole of joy was just above the line of an understatement. AS he lay there, listening quietly as selections of Finn's iPod floated around the room, he had to reach over and give his arm a real pinch to see it this was all really happening. The sharpness f fingernails against skin proved that it was.

He almost still couldn't believe it.

He had been stunned the few days before, with the episode Finn had gone through. Of course, at that point he hadn't allowed himself to be happy, not knowing if Finn knew what he was saying and was telling the truth, or if he was just having a mental breakdown from all the stuff he'd been going through. It was the kind of twist Kurt lived for in television, but had only dreamed about in his mind. The idea that one day the boy he lived to see each day was just going on and on (an ON) About how much he wanted to protect him and love him…it was mind blowing.

And it was real.

Kurt smiled, listening to Finn's breaths coming slow and steady in the rhythm of sleep. Part of him wanted to roll over and look, just to make sure once more, that this was actually happening. But he wasn't about to look like some kind of a creeper to a guy who openly admitted he didn't know how to love another guy. Creepy sleep-watching was not the first step. So instead, Kurt lay back, watching the ceiling and listening to Finn breathe until eventually he, too, slipped into the inky darkness of rest.

Things started off well in the dream. Lips, touching, feelings that were too good to be actual. Kurt was aware of hands, up and down his spine, through his hair, caressing him, and him returning the favor. It felt incredibly good, and the only thing that was keeping it imperfect was the fact that his eyes were closed.

Like hell, he thought, if this is going to happen, I'm not doing it blind He flicked his eyes open, expecting to see Finn in front of him, only to be startled by his own face. He jumped a little before pulling away and looking down at himself. He was not, in fact, fair haired light skinned little Kurt Hummel. He was Frankenteen himself, all six feet and lanky with short dark brown hair. Caught off guard, Dream Finn/Kurt stared at dream Kurt-Kurt in confusion. Dream Kurt was looking at him like some sort of googly eyed mess. Finn/Kurt knew he should have been embarrassed at being such a mess, but was instead just completely enraptured. Like he didn't want to be away from himself for more than a second. Which, while incredibly narcissistic, he also found very romantic. It was simple for Finn/Kurt to push off the weirdness of the situation and move in, trying to get back in the groove of making out with himself.

That was when the door opened. Noah Puckerman stood at the other end, looking in with black, dead eyes. Dream Finn/Kurt moved closer to other Kurt, pulling him close, protecting him. That made the beast that was Puck snort, looking a mixture of amused and angry. He moved closer, and as he did Finn/Kurt held other Kurt closely.

"I'll protect you." Finn/Kurt said to the other Kurt, who in return hooked onto Finn's ribcage like a child. Puck moved closer, but as he did the blackness of their surroundings faded away, and the familiar sounds of cheering fans and football commands rang out, and as he blinked the world turned into the football field, with not only Puck running at them, but the entire football team. And both Kurt Kurt and Finn Kurt were just standing there, unprotected, weak as they were charged. In the bleachers, insults and hate were roared, and Finn/Kurt felt his defenses buckle. Still, he moved in front of Dream Kurt all the same, shielding him. Just as the football team was about to trample them though, the world shifted again, and Finn/Kurt found themselves in their old living room, as Carol cried melodramatically and Burt shook his head, saying words of discouragement over and over again. That was when Finn/Kurt buckled, turning to other Kurt.

"I want to help you." He hissed at himself, who now looked very…very wrong. He looked like some stereotypical flaming gay, like something the medial would make up to show just how ridiculous and stupid gays were. Kurt, even in the dream, was offended at how terrible he looked.

"I want to help, but if the world hates me, I can't. I've lost everything for you. I need it back. I can't love you anymore."

And as Finn/Kurt watched dream Kurt crumble into a heap of depression, Finn/ Kurt stood, staring out at what had turned into a sea of people, all turning from hate at him instantly into cheers.

"I'm sorry." The words rang in his ears, "But they're just more important."

Kurt Hummel, the real Kurt Hummel, jerked awake. He could feel his pulse in every inch of his body and as he blinked he felt the sting of almost- tears in his eyes. What the hell had just happened? That was a dream, he knew it was a dream, but the impact was still there, making Kurt shiver a bit as he thought about it.

Was that, he wondered as he looked at his alarm clock, how Finn felt? Like he wanted to help, but was afraid of everyone else? As Kurt got shakily to his feet and stepped around the sleeping form of Finn, looking like a little angel, he couldn't help but remark on how foolish that was. Like, in the beginning of the dream, he'd been really, really happy. Non only that kind of happy, but like, in love. Kurt didn't know exactly what "Love" felt like (He knew crushes. He knew crush love very well) but what he'd known in that first few seconds, that seemed to trump the fear and fury that came later.

Kurt climbed the stairs, knowing his dad would probably either be up or gone. The shop opened at 10:30 on Saturdays, and it was currently 10:03. The smell of fresh coffee met him in the kitchen.

It was just a nightmare. Kurt told himself, shaking off the last bits of fear and pouring the bitter liquid into a cup.

Just a stupid dream.

Still. He had to ask himself. Was that really how Finn felt?

If it was, it was awful.

Fifteen minutes passed before Finn came upstairs, and by then Kurt had talked himself out of most of the insanity. He was just happy to be there, with Finn, who was in fact, his Secret-almost-boyfriend. Kurt chose to dwell on that rather than the stupid dream, and found it that much better as inn stepped into the kitchen, looking bedraggled and messy. Kurt ran a hand through his hair. God, he must've looked like a mess.

He knew it was silly, but in his mind Kurt envisioned the romantic comedy version of how he'd liked thins to happen. He'd been doing it for a while, not on purpose or anything, just daydreaming. And as Finn stepped into the kitchen, he imagined how next, Finn would smile and walk over, pulling Kurt close and kissing the top of his terribly messy head. He'd whisper something sweet, and then take a sip of Kurt's coffee before pouring himself a cup . Then they'd both sit down and talk about things, before going off and having a terrific day. It was cheesy, he knew, but it was also the way he wanted it.

Of course, that was nowhere near that terrible thing called reality.

In reality, Finn walked in the with grace of a baby deer and nodded awkwardly at Kurt before rubbing crud out of his eyes and collapsing at the table not far off.

"Did I wake you up?" Kurt asked, eyeing Finn curiously. Why was it he found those qualities so adorable? Whereas some might find that kind of morning routine less than charming, it made Kurt have to hide a little grin. Maybe it was just the fact that he was seeing Finn. In the morning. At his house. Secret almost Boyfriends!

"Nah," Finn said, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "I'm just a mess in the morning."

"Not too bad." Kurt replied, wondering just how affectionate secret-almost boyfriends could be. "Just…Coffee?" He purred.

"Sure." Finn said, watching out the window as bored looking squirrels dug through the snow for treasures on the lawn. Kurt poured him a cup, estimating the creamer and sugars, then sat adjacent to him. He smiled as Finn blinked back to reality and took a sip of the coffee, sputtering at the heat.

"Hm." Finn said, looking positively thoughtless. How long did it usually take his brain to warm up?

"So. Finals next week are gonna be a bitch."

Next week? Finals? RIGHT. Kurt swallowed a scalding mouthful (Rather than his alternative, the almost too comical Spit-take) realizing that on Monday through Friday, they'd be testing in classes, doing a pep rally for the school, and then would have two weeks for the winter holiday break. In which time, no doubt, the 'family' would pack up and head off, as Kurt and his father did every year, to spend a few days just outside the city at his grandparents. Which made Kurt stare intently at the cupboards in front of him because he realized, unless Carol was going to be a spoil sport and deny the Hummel's their grandparental love, he'd have Finn all to himself for at least, but not limited to, four days.

Kurt tried not to jump up and down like a an idiot and was only brought back down to earth as Finn spoke to him once more.

"You okay?" Finn asked, giving Kurt an 'are you a crazy person?' look. Kurt reeled himself in, realizing he couldn't exactly share his feelings. What would Finn think if he was told he was being taken t a house very far away where, most likely, they would be in a giant house with, at least half the time, only each other as company? Kurt had a feeling Finn wouldn't be as thrilled as he was.

The two stayed together until about noon, when Finn told Kurt he had plans to hang out with some other friends. And while he told Kurt he was welcome to come, Kurt could see just how much of 'Secret' was going to be put in the whole 'secret' boyfriend thing.

But that was okay. Kurt still had to remember that dream, and wonder if that was how Finn felt, or thought he would feel if their secret came out. Like hell Kurt would be hiding from any drama that faced them, but at the same time he wanted nothing to go wrong with his new best friend.

After the weekend, the week could have not crept by slower. Kurt spend nearly every moment bored, distracted, waiting. It didn't help, of course, that Finn pretty much denied Kurt's existence at school. If Kurt got close, Finn would bolt, like he was terrified that Kurt was going to attack him with like, kisses and chocolate. Secret, Kurt had to remind himself, secret almost boyfriends. And apparently that came with a hellofa lot of paranoia.

But it would be worth it. Within a week, the family would pack up, embark on the drive that would take them to the city, and then there would be no needs for secrets because, as long as they older people were gone, there would be no one to keep the secrets from.

Sure enough, as they boys got home Thursday, it was brought up by Burt that, if they wanted, Carol and Finn could go upstate and meet Burt's lovely mother and father. Then perhaps they could go and see Carol's family and don't forget both sets of other grandparents who were both so excited to meet the new boys in their lives and so on and such as. It all really sounded like garble to Kurt after Carol agreed to embark on the journey. Kurt tried not to float away.

And so began the winter of their most-content. They would spend Christmas at Kurt's grandparents and then hop from event to event with the other eight days of break, just stopping and planning a nice little new year's party at home. It all sounded meticulously wonderful to Kurt, who knew exactly how to be a social butterfly in these sort of situations. It was exhillerating.

Christmas came and went, and Kurt was the recipient of mostly money, something cherished for him, seeing as no one really dared to go out and buy him anything specific with his 'interesting' tastes. Finn got kind of snubbed, seeing as most relatives hadn't known about him or his mother until a few days before, but Kurt promised to go out and get him something with his own money. All in all, combined with the money his father had gotten him and the fact that they were a very short drive away from a decently fashionable city…it all added up for Kurt.

Unfortunately, Kurt couldn't win everything, and his Romantic head-over-heels vision of the next two weeks stayed just that. That wasn't to say that the boys didn't bond. No, they had plenty of moments where Kurt wanted to never move, never let time pass on. Within the first few days, the awkwardness around being together faded, and Finn could deal with being with Kurt all the time. The boys could talk, laugh, and soon began to bond with each other on deeper and deeper levels. It stopped being about music and favorite colors and all those little part-time relationship things, and really started to deepen. They got into discussions about their parents, about the pressures in their lives, about how terrified they really were of the world around them. Soon, they were inseparable. But at the same time there was always a distance. Kurt wanted nothing more than to have Finn, fully and really, all to himself. But if that included being out in public, around the parents, or even talking about being near people, Finn clamped shut like a startled clam. Kurt tried to think back to that dream he had, where it was Finn against the world, but still, he couldn't relate.

Kurt knew there was a lot Finn had to fight. Whereas Kurt had known himself his whole life, Finn now had this new part of himself to face. And for the boy who wanted to make everyone happy, this was a challenge he couldn't win. Finn faced this by simply never acknowledging Kurt as any more than a person near him when they were in the public eye. When they went shopping Finn kept a distance and never met anyone's eyes. At parties he was always on the other side of the room. Even when it was just the parents, Finn kept his distance, never even meeting Kurt's eyes. Kurt tried to deal with it as well as possible, trying to sympathize with Finn's inner war, and for the most part did well. But there were times when he'd be happy, enjoying himself and laughing, and he'd feel for Finn around him, eager to share his joy. And that's when he would feel it. Like rejection, a little stab that told him that, no matter how much they liked each other, it wasn't enough to make Kurt matter. And that was when Kurt was at his worst.

When looking back on that break, Kurt would often have to do it with a grain of salt. Did he have a fantastic boyfriend that claimed to love him like no other? He did. But damn it if anyone else would ever know. Suffice it to say, as both boys awoke on the third of January and began to ready themselves for their first day of school, tensions were high.

Kurt awoke Finn with a kiss on his nose.

Finn blinked awake and smiled in that dopey way that made Kurt's heart melt. Things had been rather boring lately, with the post-holiday hurra fading and school looming. They were living together full time now, which made things just that much better or worse, depending on how it was chosen to be looked at. Finn had been particularly distant, as though he was trying to put up a few (More) barriers before school started.

Already, Kurt knew there was going to be no hand holding or sweet talking. If anyone saw the boys, they'd be positively oblivious to their affections. The physical side of things would be easy for Kurt, seeing as the boy's hadn't gotten any farther than hand holding and closed mouth kisses. But the thought of spending his time thoroughly ignored by Finn all day nearly tore Kurt to bits. And nowadays, when he really had to face how little Finn would do with him in public, Kurt would just refer back to the dream, trying to remember the horror, the embarrassment, the shame. It was the only way Kurt knew to react, other than a hissy fit.

Kurt strutted over to his closet and began to put together his outfit. He'd pack three, not knowing how many Puck would ruin in the time of one day, and would then make one for Finn. As the taller boy began to wake up, Kurt leafed through the new outfits that he'd bought Finn for gifts. They were all very Kurt-esque, but to Kurt that made it all the better. As he picked out a nice shirt, new pants, a jacket and some accessories, Finn ambled up behind him. Kurt handed him the outfit. Finn blinked.

"I can't wear this."

The remark was so blunt, Kurt could almost feel the words smarting into his skull.

"Why not?"

"It's so…fancy. Like, you'd wear this to an event dinner."

"The first day back to school is an event." Kurt chirped, picking out the ensemble for backup outfit two.

"Kurt. I can't wear this to school. Everybody will see it and…"

"And what?"

"They'll…They'll think something's up. Don't you think it would be kind of obvious?"

Publicly ignoring and denying Kurt's existence was one thing. But bashing his fashion sense? That was a whole new realm. Kurt turned darkly away, walking over to the mirror. He fixed his hair and said nothing. Finn backtracked.

"It's not that I don't like the clothes, I just think they're a bit much. I mean, you wear the whole….fancy clothes thing great. I don't think I could pull it off." He was trying to be sweet. Kurt didn't care.

"Whatever, wear a potato sack for all I care. It won't matter. We won't be seen together, will we?"

Finn looked at him sideways.

"What?"

"It's not like you'll even look at me the moment we leave this basement. As soon as we're in the view of the public, I might as well be invisible."

"Kurt, we talked about this, I'm not ready to-"

"To WHAT." Kurt barked, surprising himself with the anger. "To tell the world you're in love? To kiss me, really, actually Kiss me? What if I were Quinn? Or Santana? I'd be your arm candy all day. But no, I'm Kurt, I'm the gay soprano, I'm a bruise to your image. It's like Mercedes said when I told her I liked you. She said I just liked to idea of you. You know, the great looking football jock with the heart of gold. But no, I told her she was wrong. I liked you because you were Finn Hudson, boy , happy, sweet. But it's the opposite with you, isn't it? You love me, I know you do, but you hate the idea of me. Of having a boyfriend. Of being looked at a little differently because you think my eyes are gorgeous nd I'm a good kisser! You said you weren't ready to be with me? Well then, I guess I'm not ready to be with you. Someone's who's so afraid of the big bad world isn't good enough for me. I'll see you at school.

Or no.

Guess I won't."

And with that, Kurt left a very stunned Finn in the middle of his basement.