Hey guys – just to let you know this chapter does get a bit dark and suicide is a topic so just a warning. R&R
I had awoken in Severus's room again. It felt so safe there I never wanted to leave. I sat up not wanting to leave those warm sheets but I knew I had to find out why I was here. Just as I was wondering this the door crept open and Severus stuck his head in to see if I was awake. Upon seeing that I was he walked in and came and sat on the edge of my bed. Behind him floated in my trunks full of all my things. 'Whats going on?' I asked slowly and cautiously. 'Well, we now believe Malfoy is going to continue with your Uncles work and so the headmaster wishes for you to be placed under my constant watch. I know this isn't going to sound very good to you but you are also being placed under a suicide watch as the traumas lately have the headmaster believing you may do yourself great harm'. I sat there and contemplated this. I had ever really thought about going through with suicide but now that everything has piled up on top of me the thought was just sitting there. I felt very isolated. I just wanted to escape.
I was allowed to have the first 2 lessons of today of for only god knows what reason. I stayed curled up in Severus's bed for a little longer until finally getting up and dressed. After being dressed I went to the bathroom to do my make-up and hair. I walked in to find all my essentials on the counter on one side and Severus's on the other side. My brush was in the front so I grabbed it and looked up to start brushing my hair in front of the mirror. The only problem was the mirror was gone. There was a shadow on the wall where the mirror had been so Severus must have taken it away. I found this to be extremely odd. After doing what I could without a mirror I wandered out into the lounge room. Severus mustn't have had a class because he was sitting on the couch watching the fire. I walked up and sat beside him and stared at him. 'How are you dealing Hermione?' he asked gently. I was so sick of talking it got me no were. I felt this pull in me and I just mindlessly wrapped my arms around him as he did to me and stayed there for at least an hour.
It was now almost time for transfiguration and as I walked out the door Severus said 'I'm sorry about the mirrors I just care to much for you to hurt in anyway shape or form. I … I like you to much for anything bad to happen…' I was stunned as he placed a soft kiss on my fore head. I smiled back at him and hugged him again before leaving.
Transfigurations was a blur. Severus was racing through my mind along with how pointless like is without him. My life is only worth living right now to see him everyday otherwise I'm not sure what I would do. I was now mindlessly walking just placing one foot in front of the other on my way to advanced potions when Malfoy pushed me against a wall. 'So mudblood, I think I will take whats mine now.' Malfoy said ass he cupped my ass in his hand and opened the door next to us. I was shoved into an empty potions classroom and onto a desk. I was so numb that I just lay there and let his filthy hands roam over me. I was going to be raped I knew it and I still couldn't feel a FUCKING thing! What was wrong with me? Malfoy's hands had just gone up my skirt when he flew off me. How had this happened? What was going on? The only thing I could think of to do was run for it. I ran and I ran until I reached the astronomy tower.
It was cold up there and I could feel the wind blowing up my skirt but I didn't care. I wasn't exactly sure why I ran here but it all felt right. I walked over to the window and looked out on the grounds. I could see 2 students skipping class. They were holding hands and walking out onto the quidditch pitch. They stopped and kissed each other. 'That's something I could never feel… real love.' I said to nobody. I could see the baby unicorns with their flowing bluey silver hair playing happily on the edge of the forest. 'I could never be that happy again…' What was I to do now? I didn't have a care in the world or a soul that cared about me. I was obviously worthless and dirty because of how Malfoy and my uncle used me, my so called 'friends' never cared… this was just all too surreal.
I crossed to the other side of the tower and onto the ledge. I looked down and tried to think rationally…. But what was a desperate girl to do?
I'm so terribly sorry it has taken me so long to update. I have so much going on for me and it got better and now its getting worse again but I wanted to right this and I guess it's a good way to use my emotions. Please review it would be great to hear from you all!
