Untouched, Ch. 7
Rosalie's POV
My breath ceased as Bella's warmth swept across my eternally cold skin. Had my heart not stopped beating so long ago, I know it would have skipped four beats, at least. Each of the day's nagging thoughts dissipated, all at the simple touch of this human being. I savored the sensation, having not felt such warmth for so long. With a regretful sigh, I reached for Bella's hand as it brushed my cheek, and uttered the two words I most hated to say.
"Bella, stop."
She looked hurt and taken aback. I hastened to explain myself as an ardent blush rose in her cheeks.
"Bella, I am sorry, but we cannot do this right now. I'm not at my best at this moment. So much has happened lately that I scarcely know up from down, and I will not endanger you with my current lack of restraint. Also, I doubt that either one of us is certain that you will not regret this later, for some reason or another. You know that we still have a long way to go, and there will be many difficult decisions that each of us must make, together and otherwise."
Bella took a step back, and my hand dropped from hers.
"You're right," she spoke, though her eyes and tone of voice each betrayed her acquiescent words. I had to make her see that waiting was the best option.
Bella's POV
My heart sank as Rosalie directed me to stop, even though I could hear the regret in her voice. I felt my face heat up, and I could not help but be more than a little frustrated. It had taken me so long to gather the courage to even imagine kissing Rosalie, much less to actually move to do so. I wanted desperately to feel her lips against mine. Not for the cold sensation, because I knew that from Edward already, but just to touch her. I longed to feel her mouth and body pressed against me, to feel in her unyielding granite skin a softness that Edward lacked. I also knew that one kiss would clear my mind of everything the past week hurled toward me, and the thought of that blissful emptiness was nearly temptation enough to disregard her request.
"Please do not be mad. It's just that we are both technically in other relationships, and I know how important trust is to you, as ironic as that may seem to be. I mean, we have obviously overstepped some boundaries here, but I know it still matters to you. It is not that I do not want this, because I am telling you honestly that I want nothing more. And to that effect, I swear to you, here and now, that every single one of my kisses from now until forever belongs to you. I just do not think that now is the best time to begin delivering on that promise."
Her words eased the pain of such a blunt rejection, and the truths within them rang loud and clear in my head. Even now, after a love confession and an almost kiss, I still hated the idea of hurting Edward, no matter that my own happiness was at stake.
Rosalie's POV
Although I knew Bella less than I liked to admit, I could imagine the feelings and thoughts running through her mind. She would still be hurting from my earlier words, and for that I felt horrible, but she would understand my reasoning. She would also feel guilty for hurting Edward, putting others before herself, as always. I hoped she would acknowledge that she deserved happiness as much as Edward did, but my lack of special ability left me without a way to know for certain what she felt. Then again, not even the Volturi had been able to reach Bella, mentally. It seemed that I would have to rely on old-fashioned communication.
"Bella, please, tell me what you are thinking."
She sighed, and I could almost hear the tears pooling in her eyes, though she was no longer facing me.
"I am thinking the same thing I have been thinking all day: someone is going to walk away from this with a broken heart. Edward is going to walk away from this with a broken heart." Bella's voice was rising slowly, and at the same time becoming more ragged. She turned to me. "How, Rose, do I tell Edward that I have always been in love with his sister, and that I only fell in love with him because it was the most logical thing to do? What words do you use for something like that?" Her last words came out as a whispered sort of sob. "Are there even words for that degree of betrayal?"
"It is not a betrayal if you are doing what makes you happy. Not what makes puts you ahead, or benefits you superficially. If he loves you, he will want you to be happy."
Bella's cheeks glistened with tears. I hated to see her cry, but nonetheless continued. She needed to know that it was not only Edward's happiness that mattered. "I know that you hate to hurt him, Bella, but he will not be hurt forever. You may never be close to him again, but he will forgive you. What worries me is that you may not forgive yourself, Bella. You worry so much about upsetting other people that you forget to take care of what you want. What if, six months, twelve months, twelve years, from now, Edward has forgiven you, and perhaps found happiness elsewhere, yet you are still stuck on that look on his face when you told him you no longer wanted to be with him? Where will that leave me? No matter how much Edward dislikes it, Bella, he will forgive you. It may take a long time and you might feel horrible for a little while, but he will. Like I said, he loves you. You know he wants you to be happy. The thing is that you have to want the same for yourself."
I wanted so badly to wipe the tears from Bella's face, and to hold her close until she feared nothing. Instead, I gave her some space and let my words sink in. I only hoped that she had listened, and would give her own happiness a shot.
