Save the Writer! Ch7

Miku leaps over the fist of the giant troll, and shouts into the megaphone.

Miku: "How do you like 18d8 sonic damage!"

Luka: "Miku, it's Kaito and Meiko who are doing the D&D rip-off."

Miku: "Do I look like I care?"

Luka: "I was just saying..."

The troll sways from the blast of sound, but soon swings again. Miku narrowly dodges and then leaps onto the arm, running up it, and leaping as it tries to shake her off, landing on its shoulder. She points her gun at the head, and opens fire.

Now, let's do a little calculation here. The gun on her arm fires at 1200rpm (rocks per minute). Miku sustained her fire for 30 seconds. Each rock inflicts 3d6+8 damage, with a critical hit being on a 20. Assuming she hits 75% of the time, and that the troll has 50% damage resistance, what is her expected amount of damage?

Answer: a lot.

Miku: "Screw the numbers, I have a massive gun."

I am not going to argue with that. But it's actually 4275.

Miku continues to fire, until the troll starts to crumble, and she falls down with it. She does some death-defying leaps that are too awesome to fit into words, and will need to wait until this thing gets an animation to be understood, and lands on her feet, just in-front of where the giant troll's head landed.

Luka: "…"

Miku: "That wasn't too hard after all."

Luka: "So where's this key then?"

Miku: "I take it it's the troll-face." She walks over to it, and it shrinks as she takes a hold of it, to the size of a human head.

Luka: "So, now we've just got to get back."

Miku: "Don't worry, I bookmarked the Gate of Fandom, so we can get there easily."

The pair select the Gate from their bookmarks, and the area around them fades, then a new area materialises. They are standing by a large gate, with the letters 'FF' at the top in gold. The gate posts were made of blue marble, and the actual gates were solid silver. In one of the posts was a hole which looked suspiciously like a human.

Luka: "So this is the gate of fandom?"

Miku: "Yeah, Wolfie brought me here once for a look. I never thought the server-master would be behind it though."

Luka: "So... now we wait for the others..."

Miku: "Yeah..."

Luka: "…"

Miku: "…"

Luka: "So..."

Miku: "Yes..."

Luka: "You and Wolfie ever thought of having children?"

Miku: "Well, we've thought about it, but we thought it'd be rather difficult, me being a fictitious entity belonging only within the realms of imagination, and not actually having a presence in the real world beyond being a voice, and him being... well..."

Luka: "Real?"

Miku: "Yeah, something like that. What about you and Gakupo?"

Luka: "Wh-what? Who said I and Gakkun were...?"

Miku: "Nobody, but it's just so blindingly obvious."

Luka: "Damnit! I hope there's a scene change soon."

Miku: "Don't worry, this is only appearing because Wolfie can't think of anything better to fill the first quarter of this chapter. There should be a scene change right about..."


Kaito: "...now!"

Meiko: "Sorry Kaito, I didn't catch that over the scene change."

Kaito: "I said, 'Finally it's my turn now!'"

Lumi: "Actually, you spent your ten seconds talking, so it's my go."

Kaito: "F***!"

Lumi pulls out a spell-book. He turns to the back page.

Lumi: "Maximised, Empowered, Still, Silent Magic Missile!"

9 missiles fly from Lumi's hand, hitting Yaoi fangirl Cleric.

Misty: "Wasn't that a level nine spell after all the metamagic."

Lumi: "Yes."

Misty: "Does this not strike you as... no never mind. But if it's silent, how come you said it?"

Lumi: "'Cause otherwise how would you know which spell I was casting?"

Misty: "Never mind... oh, my turn. Now, activate the emergency override setting..."

Misty... doesn't glow, the bracelet just transforms into a longbow, still attached on his left wrist. A quiver of arrows.

Misty: "Cool... what are these arrows made of?"

Voice of Wolfie: "They are made of Yuriston metal, a substance anathema to Yaoi Fangirls."

Misty: "Fine by me. Now, I seem to have got twin-shot feat..." Pulls two arrows from the quiver, and attaches them to the bow. He releases the string, and one arrow hits Yf Rogue and Warrior.

YfR & YfW: "Argh!"

Misty: "Oh, and look at that, I got an initiative boost. My turn again." Fires at Yf Wizard and Cleric. They both fall.

Meiko: "Finally, we're safe."

Kaito: "I didn't get a turn."

Meiko: "Oh well, now you can make full round actions against my ****"

Kaito: "What?"

Lumi: "Oh, well Wolfie just realized he should probably develop the romantic relations in this fic a little. He's going a little bit far, maybe, but this is MiH..."

Kaito: "Let's just get the key, and get out of here."

Lumi: "Okay, it should be safe to take the lift now... hang on, where's Chewy?"

Misty: "You know the plot-hole I came here through?"

Lumi: "Yes..."

Misty: "His disappearance was that plot hole. Speaking of which, I have to go..." Jumps through a large black sphere.

Kaito: "Come on... I hope Rin and Len are okay..."


Key: "Come on Len!"

Len: "No!"

Key: "But I'm so much better than that flat little midget. A~nd, I'm not your sister, so nobody'll have a problem."

Len: "If I cared that much about what people thought, and that little about Rinny, then do you think I'd still be with her?"

Key: "We~ll... Okay, but I have something she doesn't." Leans forward to make her bosoms clear.

Len: "And? I like Rin's chest more than yours, however big they may be relatively. I love only Rin!"

Rin: "Aw~ that's so sweet Lennykins!"

Len: "Rin?"

Rin leaps at her brother, and puts her arms around him tightly. Then she turns to the key.

Rin: "Hands off my Len!"

Key: "Okay then I'll play this card. Len *censored*s me, or I won't come with you!"

Rin: "Oh really?" Releases Len and walks over to the key.

Len turns away, in time to see a black sphere appear, and Misty jump out of it.

Misty: "Hey there Len! Wow, my transport's been upgraded from a hole to a sphere. Cool!"

Len: "Hey..." Hear's the key's screams in the background, as Rin shouts "Now try to sleep with him!" at the top of her voice.

Misty: "You know, I was going to give you weapons, but your sister seems to be managing fine by herself. But here you go anyway." Hands Len a bag.

Len: "Er, thanks... I guess."

Misty: "I'll leave this to you..." Jumps into another plot-hole-sphere-thing.


Wolfie: "Derrick, give it up!"

Derrick: "Why? Ah! Security question number one! 'What is your Waifu's maiden name?'"

Wolfie: "Shit!"

Derrick: "Question two: 'What is your Waifu's favourite food?'"

Wolfie: "Double-shit!"

Derrick: "Three: 'What is your real name?'"

Wolfie: "Phew... you won't get this one."

Derrick: "I don't have to, I only have to get three out of four, and question four: 'Wolfie, what's the scouter say about Miku-chama's awesomeness level?"

Wolfie: "It's over nine-THOUSAND!" Pauses briefly, "Ah f***."

Derrick: "Indeed."

Wolfie: "Oh well, you're only through two levels. It will at least take you a while to get through all of the other layers... but for the moment..."

Bis Bald

BW