CHAPTER SIX

Nobody knew where Leonardo went on Monday night, but everyone knew he went somewhere. Raphael knew that if he came home around ten, he would bypass his brother. And that was certainly something to aim for. He was usually gone on Sundays, too... but there was no guarantee about that. He'd chosen to wait the extra day, for the assurance that he wouldn't have to deal with Leo. But he hadn't counted on being met by Master Splinter.

His attempt to walk past, to his room, was stopped by his sensei's call. "I was not sure when we should be expecting you."

Raph paused, and turned to study Master Splinter, carefully evaluating the tone. He wasn't being confrontational. He almost sounded like he was inviting a conversation.

"You've been gone for nearly a week."

Even though Raph wasn't feeling particularly conversational, he knew he'd better give him what he was looking for before the conversation turned into a confrontation. "I knew Leo wouldn't be here," he admitted, deciding on the honest approach.

Master Splinter smiled a little, and nodded. "Come sit," he invited, gesturing to the sofa next to his chair.

Raphael glanced away, toward the door to his room. "I'm really -"

"Sit now."

Sensei didn't have to sound angry to make it clear that he was giving a direct order. There was no anger in his voice. But there was also no question that he expected to be obeyed. Raphael sighed as he came closer, and sat down on the edge of the sofa, hands folded between his knees.

"You put all of us in danger, Raphael," Master Splinter said quietly. But his voice was not accusative, and Raphael was careful not to get defensive.

"It's not like I did it on purpose."

"I believe that." Master Splinter took a sip from the cup that was resting in his hands. "But it makes no difference in the end, if we are discovered here."

Raphael sighed, and looked away. "Look..." he started, calm but clearly irritated. "What do you want from me? I stay away and you worry, I come home and you feel threatened."

"You are oversimplifying it."

"Am I?"

"The woman you let follow you was the threat. Not you."

"I didn't let her follow me. She didn't exactly ask for permission."

"Then in that case, I am even more concerned."

Raph sighed audibly. "Of course you are."

"Raphael, you are ninja," he chastised, a little more roughly than he had been speaking to this point. "If you were irresponsible enough to let your senses be so dulled that you would not even notice an untrained woman following you, this is as great a fault - perhaps even greater - as if you had invited her down here."

Raphael set his jaw, and looked away as his sensei continued.

"I trust that you would use judgment if you thought to invite anyone here, as we did when we all welcomed April and Casey. But you used no judgment in this matter, and it is the lack of judgment that I see as a threat to your safety and to this clan."

"Fine," Raph said. He'd had enough of this lecture. "So what do you want me to do about it?"

"What I want, and what you are willing to do, will not coincide. We both know this. So why do you even ask?"

Raph looked away, and licked his lips as he considered an answer. "I guess I keep thinkin' that if we have this conversation just one more time, we'll be able to work out some kinda compromise."

"Are you willing to compromise, Raphael?"

"I keep tryin' but every time I do, you come back with something else that's worse." He gestured in the air. "You tell me not to come home drunk so I stay gone. Then you tell me I need to come home 'cause you worry. We both know you want me to just hang out in the dojo like I did when I was ten. But we both know I ain't gonna do that. So either you want me here like I am now, or you don't. And I will give you whichever it is you want."

Master Splinter lowered his head, and sighed again. "Raphael, you are a part of this family, for our benefit and yours. This is your home, and you are welcome here. Whether you are here or away, it is not a compromise because it does not solve the problem."

"Then what is it you want from me?" Raph demanded.

"I want you to be aware of how your actions affect all those around you. If you cannot or will not change them, at least be aware so that you can minimize the damage, and minimize the threat."

"What threat?" Raphael asked. He was trying as hard as he could not to be vicious, but he was getting more and more frustrated. He didn't really want to fight. He just wanted to be heard. And getting angry would make that impossible. "The Foot Clan hasn't started a fight with us in almost three years."

"And we are still feeling the effects of the last fight they did start."

"Sensei, I'm not going to live my whole life in fear of stuff that might happen. In another three years, is it gonna be long enough then to be able to move on?"

Splinter's eyes narrowed slightly. "When you can look at this family and say that we have completely healed from the damage they have done to us, then it will be long enough."

"That ain't ever gonna happen, Sensei. And you know it. What this clan was... it got broke. We can glue it back together but we ain't got all the pieces. We gotta work with what we got now."

"That does not mean that it is harmless to shatter what pieces we do have left."

"Like what?"

"Like your relationship with your brothers."

Raphael shook his head, resigned. This wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation. It probably wouldn't be the last. He had learned his lines so well, there was no anger to them anymore. "That was gone a long time ago."

"One of the missing pieces," Splinter offered, using Raph's analogy. "Tell me, where did those pieces go? Did they cease to exist? Or are they only lost and needing to be found?"

Raphael studied him for a moment. Then he looked away. He should've known better than to talk in riddles with his sensei.

"Look, Master Splinter, I'll be honest. Leo gets on my very last nerve with the way he worries himself sick every minute of every day about all the bad things that could happen. Mike is so fucking needy it's pathetic. And Don? I don't even fucking know him anymore. It's never gonna go back to what it was. Ever. I found a way that I can deal with that. Is that so fucking wrong?"

"It is wrong if your way of dealing with the problem is to hide yourself away from it. For if you are not part of the solution, you are only adding to the problem."

"You expect me to solve this?" Raphael laughed briefly, cynically. "You can't be serious."

"You played a significant role in breaking this family, Raphael," Splinter answered flatly. "I am completely serious when I say that I expect you to play a significant role in putting it back together."

Raphael's jaw set. He didn't answer. There was nothing more for him to say. After a long moment of silence, Master Splinter sighed again. "What you choose to do, Raphael, is what you will do. I have accepted this years ago. As long as your actions do not directly involve this clan, your business is your own. But regarding what happened here the other day, Leonardo is right. It becomes the affair of this entire clan the moment you bring it into our home. At that point, you forfeit your right to defend your privacy and independence."

Raphael kept his eyes on his sensei for a long moment. "So what do you want me to do?" he asked. "About her?"

Master Splinter sighed deeply, and shook his head. "There is nothing to do now but wait," he concluded after a long moment of silence. "Now it is her turn to do what she will do."

*X*X*X*

10:02. Leonardo was right where he should be. He knew he wasn't alone, and he knew it wasn't Leslie watching him. Not tonight. Tonight, he'd been followed. He'd known it from the moment he'd set foot on the subway platform. Whether it was chance that their paths had crossed there or it had been planned, he wasn't sure. But he knew who was behind him, and he made no effort to shake him off.

The rose was already set, incense lit, and Leonardo had settled by the time he felt the approach. He didn't look up as his brother's moonlit shadow fell over the tombstone.

"Who was she?"

Leonardo closed his eyes. "She was a friend."

For a long moment, there was no response. Then, finally, Donatello sat down beside him, legs crossed, studying the engraving. He was noticing the obvious. She was young, he didn't know her, and the date of her death always coincided with the time of the year when Leo struggled the hardest with that lingering depression that naturally came over them all in the winter months. At its core, it was biological; they were supposed to be hibernating. But the anniversary of her death made things immeasurably worse.

"Casey is buried here too, you know."

Leonardo set his jaw, absorbing the blow before he nodded. Don didn't mean it as a blow; he was sure of that.

"You ever go see him?"

Leo took a calming breath before answering. "Sometimes."

"But you come see her every week."

Leonardo turned slowly to look his brother in the eye. Don wasn't the type to arbitrarily spout off emotion. In fact, of all of them, he was by far the most levelheaded when it came to things like that. That accusatory tone had a purpose.

"What do you want, Donny?"

"I want to understand."

Leo looked away.

"That was the year from hell, Leo. You're coming here to memorialize it? To keep it alive?"

"Not it. Her."

"Why?"

"Because nobody else will."

"That's bullshit."

Leo glanced back at him, but said nothing.

"It may be true, but it's a bullshit reason."

For a long moment, neither one of them spoke. Then, finally, Leonardo spoke. "What do you want from me, Donny?"

"I want you and Raph to stop living like we're sixteen. It's like watching a bad play that keeps getting rehearsed, over and over again. You keep coming here and reliving it every week, and then you come home and expect the rest of us to do the same."

"That's not true."

"That's bullshit. I could set a clock by you. You come here on Monday, on Tuesday everyone knows to steer clear of you. By Friday you lighten up, Sunday you're almost normal, and then you come back here again on Monday."

"I have no desire to relive that time of my life."

"I didn't say you want to. I said you do it. And you make the rest of us do it. And sooner or later, it's going to kill us all."

Donatello stood. Leo said nothing as he closed his eyes and waited for him to leave. But he took his time, stopping to speak once more before he turned away.

"I don't know who she was. I don't know why it's more important to you to honor her memory than your family. But we're dying, Leo. We all are."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Leonardo demanded, feeling the first flicker of anger rise up inside of him. He knew they were broken. They'd been broken for a long time. But he couldn't fix that.

"I want you to care, Leo. Just care. That's it."

Slowly, Leonardo looked up, feeling his hands clench into fists. "You think I don't care?"

"I think you're more concerned with your penance and your pride than with making amends."

"Just what sort of amends do you want, Donatello? You think I haven't tried to level with him?"

"I think you want him to come to you on your terms. And he won't." Don paused for a moment. "I wouldn't either."

"He was wrong."

"Yeah, he was. But he's not the one carrying the grudge three years later."

"He has no right to carry a grudge."

"I do. I was the one who almost got killed over the whole damn thing, remember?"

Leonardo clenched his teeth so hard he thought they might crack, looking away again as the anger built, layer upon layer. This wasn't the time or the place for this.

"And let me tell you something, Leo."

Donatello took a step closer, and crouched down beside him, elbows on his knees. Leo kept his face turned away as his brother spoke, low and angry.

"If it was my grave you were sitting at right now, it still wouldn't make it okay."

He didn't say another word. Instead, he straightened and walked away quietly. Fists clenched in the grass, Leo didn't turn to watch him go.

*X*X*X*

"Donny? You in here?"

Mike stepped out of the dark tunnel and looked into the empty room. It had been a subway station once, and it still resembled one. But it had been abandoned for decades. This whole tunnel was abandoned. It was blocked off where it split off of the tracks that were still in use, but the boards hadn't been that hard to move. If anyone was looking for it, they might be able to tell that the loose boards covered a tunnel that led somewhere. Don had never bothered to put up any kind of security in this place. Mike had always wondered why.

Putting both hands up on the platform, Mike jumped up, using his upper body strength to pull himself up the rest of the way. He swung his legs easily onto the cement that was cracked with age and disuse.

"Oh, Donny..."

He grinned as he looked around. Don wasn't here. If he was, he would've answered by now. Odd. Usually when he wasn't at home, he would be here. Walking slowly, Mike headed for the computer set up on the desk.

A fridge, a desk, a chair, and an old couch where Don slept most of the time were the only pieces of furniture in the room. And unlike the clutter of Don's work area back at the lair - or his room, for that matter - there wasn't much on the desk. Just a monitor, a keyboard, a mouse, and a pad of notebook paper. Ironic, since the excuse he'd used to set this place up was that he needed a lab away from anyone who might be disturbed by his toys, electronics, and inventions.

Nobody could argue with that. They'd all had close encounters with Don's creations at some point or another. But there was nothing here to suggest that he was using this space as a lab. In fact, Don hadn't built much of anything in the past few years. He just fixed and maintained what they already had.

Mike reached for the notebook and flipped it open, somewhere toward the back. He didn't know what it was for and what might be written in it and he really wasn't trying to be nosy. He needed paper to write a note. That was all he was interested in. He also needed a pen. He scanned the desktop for one, but there was nothing but a layer of dust. A drawer in the desk was the next place to try, but it was locked. Mike laughed out loud at that.

"Geez, Don, you gotta be kiddin' me."

He searched the rest of the room - every bit of it - but couldn't find a pen. Then it occurred to him that Don would notice anything unfamiliar on his computer's desktop. He could use the computer to write a note and leave it in the middle of his desktop. It wouldn't be missed that way, he was sure. But he couldn't get the computer to advance beyond the black screen that came on when he powered it up. It wanted a password, and Mike didn't have it.

Michaelangelo sighed. Breaking passwords was beyond Mike's level of computer expertise. He didn't even want to try. Knowing Don, the computer might self-destruct or something if he failed to get it right after three tries. But he needed a pen, damn it... He eyed the drawer carefully, and a slight smirk crossed his face. A challenge! He might not be able to break Don's password. But he'd be willing to bet he could pick that lock with one hand tied behind his back.