Author's Note: So I'm a day late, I got Mass Effect: Andromeda and have been having way too much fun with it. Seriously, why was that game hated so much?
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.
And to answer some reviews:
Derick Lindsey: First off, please end all your reviews like that, it really made my day. Glad you liked the title and song. And thank you for easing my worries over the transition, and it's not that the girls didn't want DJ and Malcolm, it's more that they went after the one they could find. Don't worry about the Malcerra crush, all will be resolved eventually. I'm really glad you like Heather's song, because that's the only one I haven't written ahead of time. As far as Sammy's reporting, I'm more concerned with the story not being too similar to canon than anything else, so we get an enthusiastic reporter. Glad you like Shawn and Heather's friendship and the mistake should be fixed.
StarHeart Specials: Fixed.
That British Guy: I'm not sure at the moment, I have someone else in mind, and the song's been written if they're chosen, but I'm not sure if I wanna go that route or not.
yeezynight14: Thank you!
Remaining Competitors:
Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot: Alejandro, Harold, Leshawna, Sierra
Team Omega: Duncan, Kitsune, Matthew, Mike, Tyler
Team Amazon: Scarlett, Sky, Victor, Zoey
The second quarter begins in drei, zwei, eins
Episode 07: Slap Slap Revolution
"New York!" Chris opened to a shot panning up the Statue of Liberty. "The city that eats other cities for breakfast!" Shots were shown of the Brooklyn Bridge and the fountain they'd visited in Central Park, then the montage moved on to show Mike and Tyler began climbing their team's steel wool rope. "Here our competitors went to new heights to discover New York's finest." Sierra was shown making her way up the rope. "From the bosom of Lady Liberty," the statue was shown again, "to the Big Apple's rotten, stanky sewer core," and was followed up by a shot of Team Amazon driving their motorboat through the sewers.
"In the end," a short clip from the previous episode's musical number showed the three vibrantly-colored teams racing their carriages together, "Team Amazon claimed victory, and surprise reward." Victor, Scarlett, and Zoey were shown smashing open the giant apples, and claiming the prizes within. "Which meant no one got booted off, not for lack of effort." A shot Matthew talking to Sierra on the ropes finished off the recap, and the scene flashed to host and chef in the cockpit.
"We have lucky number thirteen competitors still in the running," Chris told the camera before raising a finger and donning an attempted German accent. "Und ve shall zee who vill win ze one! Million! Bucks, zoon!" He resumed his regular voice to finish the bit while Chef rolled his eyes. "On Total! Drama! Woooorrrrlllddd~ Tooouuurrrr~!"
XXXXX
[The sequence opens with a tilted shot of a stagelight swinging up and turning on in front of an airport control tower, followed by another light popping out of an overhead compartment along with a pair of oxygen masks; then a camera forcibly ejecting a raccoon from a wing engine and another camera bursting out of a suitcase, sending undergarments flying. A pair of white-skinned arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, which then flies down the aisle of first class seats. It passes a drink cart, then forces Chris to jump to the side as the camera flies into the cockpit.]
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine
[Chef is piloting the plane in the cockpit, bobbleheads of himself and the host sitting on the control panel. For a single frame he turns his head and glares at the camera before it passes through the windshield and out onto the runway, the silhouette of the CN Tower visible in the distance as the camera flies over and through several baggage carts.]
You guys are on my mind
[Fading through the whiteness of a baggage cart, the camera emerges close to the CN Tower. The camera flies up along it, the sun shining bright at its peak. The scene arcs downward towards a lake, and speeds forward into it with a splash.]
You asked me what I wanted to be
[The bubbles from the splash fade to show Noah underwater in his bathing suit, with crossed arms and a scowl on his face. He does nothing to stop himself from sinking, and the camera pans up to the surface.]
And now I think the answer is plain to see
[On the roof of the cabin of a boat woven from reeds, Scarlett is calmly looking down and writing something on a notepad.]
I wanna be...famous
[The camera pans down and to the right to where Sierra and Leshawna are having a slap fight as crocodiles leap out of the water on either side and snap their jaws. The boat leaves the screen, and on 'be' one of the reptiles winces; the camera moves back to the boat, revealing that it had crashed into an inflatable raft which Harold on. The raft begins to sink, and while Harold sinks the two girls reach for him at the same time, only to end up in another slap fight.]
I wanna live close to the sun
[The camera flashes to the Statue of Liberty, immediately cutting to the top of its head as Sky helps Victor climb to the top. He gives her a grateful smile.]
Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won
[The couple stops with shock on their faces as Mike, sporting a dark grin and hair over one of his baggy eyes, suddenly runs past, pushing a terrified Duncan in a baby carriage. The punk opens his mouth in alarm as the comedian stops and launches the carriage straight into Staci, who had gotten down on all fours in their path. The carriage flips over, sending Duncan over the edge of the statue.]
Everything to prove
[The camera quick-pans to Matthew with a sneer on his face in a frozen setting. Duncan lands on the boy and knocks him down. The punk smirks at the hipster, who sends him a hate-filled glare.]
Nothin' in my way
I'll get there one day
[Another pan to the right shows Heather with a compact mirror in her hand and doing her make-up. Her eyes widen in alarm as she spots something in the reflection, and then she runs away. The camera pans to a polar bear glaring at the queen bee... which reveals itself to be Kitsune wearing a costume when the goofball takes of the head to giggle to herself.]
'Cause I wanna be...famous
[The camera zooms out to show a baby seal snarling at the goofball, who gives it a confused look until it attacks her and causes her to run away. The camera zooms in on the glacial background, and flashes over to Tyler and Alejandro surfing a rather large wave. The jock tries to double-point to the camera but he crashes into the charmer, sending both into the water.]
(Na nananana nanananana nananananana)
[Malcolm and Zoey were next, taking over-exaggerated steps along a certain British crosswalk as the Total Drama Jumbo Jet suddenly flew down the road, forcing both teens to duck in terror as the plane blew cars and trees past them. The scene changes again, now showing the entire cast in a human pyramid on top of the jet wearing parachute packs, singing the lyrics, and kicking their legs to the beat. On bottom are Alejandro, Sierra, Harold, Leshawna, Staci, and Malcolm. The second row consists of Heather, Scarlett, Zoey, Sky, and Victor. The third row is Noah, Matthew, Tyler, and Kitsune; while on top are Mike, looking like himself again, and Duncan.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)
[The jet flies right past Big Ben, causing one face of its clock to spring off; the jet flies over the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, startling a very French mime into dropping a croissant; the jet flies past a rock balancing on a stone pillar, causing the rock to fall off and land in front of the camera with a cloud of dust.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)
[The dust clears to show Mike and Duncan in close-up on top of the human pyramid, with the punk suspiciously eyeing the comedian. The camera then pans down to Sky and Victor as they smile at each other, then down again to Malcolm as a bird flies into his face, causing him to frown.]
[The lyrics end as the scene cuts to Chef Hatchet in the cockpit, looking above him with a scowl on his face. A guitar is strummed as the hulking pilot looks forward and turns the plane sharply to the left, and the last few whistling notes play as, back outside, the cast falls through the open air. Most soon deploy their parachutes and float down safely, the camera panning down as Matthew and Sierra arrive to show the majority of the cast lined up and smiling at the camera. The hipster lands on the far left end; to the right are Leshawna, Harold, Noah, Zoey, Mike, Sky, Victor, Scarlett, Heather, Duncan, Alejandro, and Sierra. Malcolm is sitting on his butt in front of Sky and Victor, the couple looking at the boy in concern. Tyler had landed on his stomach in front of Matthew, Leshawna, and Harold, and Kitsune had landed on her butt next to him in front of Noah, giving the camera a peace-sign. The jet speeds in for a landing behind them as the song ends, the logo for 'Total Drama World Tour' on its side. Only then does Staci finally land flat on her face in the middle of the group, causing everybody to avert their eyes from the camera and look down at her with surprise.]
XXXXX
The episode began with a shot of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet in flight before cutting inside to the contestants seated in economy class, currently Team Omega is on the right wall and Team Chris on the left, with Sierra looking particularly upset.
"What's wrong Sierra?" Harold asked, causing the super-fan to sigh dejectedly.
"It's my signed Drama Brother misprint debut album," Sierra answered. "Someone snapped it in two!"
"That's the one you guys caught after ten of them were made?" Kitsune asked, to which Harold nodded. "That's just evil."
"Oh," Mike said nervously, "yeah, totally evil."
XXX
"Oh my gosh," Mike panicked in the restroom confessional. "Did I break Sierra's CD?"
\
The scene changed to the economy class of the plane. Mike's unnamed personality reached into the overhead compartment above Team Chris and pulled out a CD case. With a dark chuckle, he snapped the case and disc inside in two.
\
"I thought that was a really weird dream. What is happening to me?"
XXX
"Five episodes and no eliminations!" Duncan cheered. "We're killin' it!"
"You moron!" Matthew scolded. "In all those five episodes we haven't won anything! The only thing we're 'killing' is our chances at the million."
"Are you still ticked about the last challenge being a reward?" Kitsune asked.
"Yes," the hipster replied plainly. "At least during an elimination I can take some comfort in the fact that I have one less person to beat. But to go through all that effort and nothing?"
"Calm down dude," Tyler tried to say.
"I'm just gonna cut you off right there," Matthew said. "I don't care what you have to say. And there's no point in you wasting your breath to say it." The jock scolwed at the comment.
XXX
"I have had it up to here with that guy!" Tyler declared, holding his hand above his head. "I'm almost considering throwing the challenge just to vote him off."
XXX
"You've been getting nicer," Kitsune told the hipster in a teasing manner.
"Don't let him get to you Kitsune," Alejandro told her while subtly glaring at Matthew.
"I don't think the team that has half its members at each other's throats is the best place to go for team-building advice," Matthew shot back before becoming thoughtful.
"Come on," the goofball told her villainous friend as Matthew rolled his eyes and looked away, "you of all people should know I can handle myself."
Alejandro shot another accusatory look to Matthew before a flash took the scene away.
\
"Why thank you," Victor said as he accepted a chocolate from a white stewardess. He was sitting next to Sky in the reclining seats.
"I know," his girlfriend added. "And it's better with us in the same team."
"Every moment is better alongside you," the gentleman said, causing Sky to blush.
"Doesn't Sierra ticking off Chris help us?" Zoey asked Scarlett as the shot cut to the two of them at the mini-bar.
"Yes," the brainiac agreed with a sip of her juice. "However if whoever is doing this manages to remove the entirety of Team Chris, then we will be his next targets."
"What makes you so sure it's someone from Omega?" Zoey asked.
"The fact that no team has ever gone five episodes without elimination. This challenge will test my theory. Unless something extraordinary happens, Team Omega should be on the chopping block."
\
A close-up of the season's world map showed the plane icon weaving its way over Europe, then the scene flashed back into the cabin were Kitsune was casually looking at the view outside the window.
"What are we doing in the Alps?" she wondered aloud.
"Achtung, mein wiener schnitzel!" Chris called over the loudspeaker in his German accent, gaining the attention of Team Chris before the shot moved to the cockpit. "In preparation for landing, please unbuckle your seat belts and head to the cargo hold." As soon as his transmission ended, both he and Chef Hatchet snickered.
\
The footage skipped ahead to the whole cast assembled on top the cargo bay doors. "Chris better explain this soon," Matthew complained.
"I know," Kitsune said, "this plane's so run-down the bottom could fall out any minute."
The doors opened up beneath and sent the thirteen teens fell into the open air. "You and your big mouth!" Duncan yelled, giving the goofball a pointed look as the others screamed around him.
They all landed safely moments later, plunging one by one into a snowy landscape dotted with conifers. Alejandro was the first shown to recover from the fall, but quickly looked up in shock as he heard screaming. He held out his arms and was promptly landed on, and forced back into the snowbank, by Leshawna.
"Thanks Alejandro," she said to her teammate with a smirk.
"No problem," the charmer's muffled voice came from under her.
The camera cut to another drift as Scarlett and Victor popped up out of it. "Are you alright?" the gentleman asked the brainiac.
"Yes, thank you," Scarlett said as she brushed the snow off herself. "Fortunately all the snow cushioned the fall."
Nearby Sky was shown growling at the two, but she stopped in surprise when she heard Zoey's muffed voice say "A little help here?" The three non buried members of Team Amazon then went over to where the indie chick's legs were sticking out and pulled her free. "Thanks," she said to her team.
The team's attention was drawn skyward by the sudden sound of a fan, and Chris paramotoring down towards them. "Guten tag, und willkommen in Deustchland!" he whispered down to them. "A.k.a., Germany," he added as he swooped past them as the mountaintop rumbled ominously.
"We're in avalanche territory, soooo, ya might wanna keep it down!" he added in another pass over the contestants.
"What?!" Tyler asked. "Speak up, I can't hear you!" The mountaintop was shown rumbling again, and the shot cut back to Duncan and Matthew frantically covering his mouth.
"Welcome, to today's musical challenge!" Chris announced without missing a beat. The music note icon appeared in the corner of the screen with a muted ding, and he continued with "Avoid the Song-alanche! To avoid a potentially fatal tumble down the mountain," he explained while swooping a few more times down the snowy slope, "and a suck-tacular climb back up, ya better keep the singing nice and not loud!"
/\/\/\
[The mountaintop was shown rumbling again as a Bavarian folk rendition of the first movement of Mozart's 'Eine kleine Nachtmusik' began to play. The scene cut to Matthew, Tyler, and Scarlettas they opened up the song.]
You, shut up, so I can win the dough!
[Matthew sang, hissing in a low but sharp voice at Tyler.]
Hey, you're not, the only one who wants to win, "you know!"
[The jock responded, the final two words said out of line to complete the rhyme and loud enough for the Scarlett and Matthew to shush him for it.]
No one, will even get the prize, if we are buried alive
[Scarlet sang next, walking away from the two boys and stopping next to Sky.]
I don't know what you're trying but Victor is mine!
[Sky sang with a pointed look that caused the brainiac to frown in confusion.]
I have absolutely no idea what you mean by that
[Scarlett replied, scratching her head.]
I'll laugh, in your face when he makes his choice and decides to pick me, me, me
[The shot cut to a close-up of Leshawna's face as she sang next, pointing to herself every time she repeated 'me'. The camera also pulled back to show an angry Sierra in front of him and a nervous and uncomfortable-looking Harold further past her.]
Why can't, you step aside and realize that he and I are truly meant to be?
[Was Sierra's reply, putting her fists on her hips and leaning towards her rival as she repeated the same melody she'd put her words to. Then she turned away and said "Right Harold?" to which the dweeb looked away.]
[The scene cut to Duncan and Kitsune, both trying not to look at each other.]
I, can't keep going like on this; pretending nothing's amiss
[Kitsune sang determinedly, causing her ex to give her a unsure look.]
We never should have called it quits; Being without you is the pits
[She continued to sing, and his look turned hopeful.]
And being with you is pure bliss; so lets get back together and seal it with a kiss
[Kitsune sang, and she gave him a pleading look after she finished.]
"Well if you say so."
[Duncan said as the music continued.]
"Duncsune's back together?"
[Sierra asked, the music continuing despite no one singing. Sierra no!" Alejandro told her in a panicked hurry, tugging on her arm and glancing nervously back up the mountain.]
[Mike, Zoey, and Victor were shown looking over with wide, fearful eyes as the music continued, and Tyler and Matthew broke their mutual glare to do the same.]
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
[Sierra squealed, the background briefly changing to heart-shaped clouds.]
\/\/\/
The effect was immediate; the mountain began to rumble, and a sheet of snow on top slid. Matthew, Tyler, and Mike were shown screaming in terror as the avalanche engulfed them, and several others were shown getting carried down the slope against their will. Harold clinging to a terrified deer; Leshawna tumbling on top the snow; Sierra already half-buried with only her arms sticking out; and Duncan and Kitsune were clutching each other and screaming as they drifted along. The snow eventually covered them all.
Chris was shown laughing in close-up, the camera quickly zooming out to show him swooping over the jumbled pile of contestant and snow that had accumulated at the foot of the mountain. "Awesome!" he told them as they groaned.
XXX
"Did you see that?" Sierra asked the restroom confessional excitedly. "Duncan and Kitsune got back together! All the people on the Duncsune blog knew it would happen, but no one knew when. And I got to see it first hand!"
XXX
The footage cut back to various contestants climbing up the snowy slope, and the camera focused in on the four members of Team Chris.
"Sorry, guys, I just got really excited about Duncan and Kitsune," Sierra explained, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck. "I couldn't help it."
"Don't worry, we understand," Alejandro told her before looking at their other teammates; Leshawna was looking fairly annoyed, but Harold looked more distracted than anything else. "Well, I do at least," he amended. "It's nice to finally see her happy."
"Right," Sierra smiled. "I keep forgetting that you two are friends now."
The shot panned to Team Amazon, the four teens looking exhausted as they hiked back up through the snow.
"I smell something unexpectedly spicy given our current location," Scarlett said. The four shared a curious look, then increased their pace up the mountain.
They gasped in shock as they reached the top, and Chris was shown standing next to a large pile of what looked like meat and an even larger machine crank. He was wearing a warm leather jacket, a Tyrolean hat, and his usual smug smile.
"Raw meat?" Sky asked.
"I guess we'll have to cook our lunch today?" Zoey suggested.
"No lunch as of yet," Chris said to them. "Anyway," the host continued as the rest of the cast arrived, "don't think of this as raw meat. Think of it as raw building materials. Over fifteen hundred species of sausage call Germany home, hence the theme of our most efficient challenge yet!"
"SHUT UP UND STUFF IT!" Chef yelled in a German accent, popping out from behind the meat pile.
"Danke, Chef," Chris said before walking away. "Each team must make a giant German sausage by shoveling meat into the grinder," he explained as the camera zoomed out to reveal the machine crank was in fact a giant meat grinder with a translucent sausage casing already attached; two other grinders and meat piles were stationed nearby, "push it down and grind the mixture out into an oversized sausage casing," he added as he reached and then pointed out the casing. "All without losing a finger or toe."
"So thumbs are fair game?" Kitsune joked, causing her now-boyfriend to snicker.
"Sausages?!" Alejandro repeated in queasy disbelief. "This is the most disgusting challenge yet!"
"Count yourselves lucky you're not makin' hot dogs," Chris told her. "No beaks, hooves, or butts in this meat pile." The shot cut to Scarlett as her cheeks bulged, and he leaned over to vomit just behind Victor. "You'll have to shovel fast," the host continued, "or risk getting stuck with an incomplete sausage. Which will be a lot harder to ride down the hill."
An idyllic snowy slope was shown, clear of rocks and with a lovely rainbow arcing between mountains in the distance. "Uhh, no, not that hill," Chris said. The shot quick-panned rightward to a darker slope littered with rocky outcroppings and overturned trees. "Thaaaat's the spot," Chris said as a sudden bolt of lightning that struck a spot of bare snow.
"Of course," he added as the camera panned over the shocked and gaping faces of the contestants with only Sierra looking pleased, "if you had a shiny new electric meat grinder, just plug her into our portable generator and voila! Sausage stuffed in seconds!"
"And if we left said device on the plane?" Victor asked sheepishly.
"You left the grinder?" Scarlett asked incredulously. "We told you to bring it once Chris told us to meet in the cargo hold!"
"Well it did not seem prudent at the time," he defended quietly.
"By the way," Harold said, "is there a reward for this challenge?"
"Oh, there will be prizes for those who make it down the hill alive," Chris answered with a broad grin. "And, there will be punishment for one sorry loser on the last-place team. Behold," he turned and motioned off-screen, "der penaltyhosen!" The shot cut to Chef, who was holding a small-sized Bavarian tracht, including lederhosen. He was also holding onto an alphorn, which he promptly blew.
"Go, go, go!" Chris said, raising his arms.
The camera zoomed out enough to show the teams arriving at their grinders; Team Amazon took the leftmost one, Team Omega took the one in the back, and Team Chris took the one in front.
"Alejandro, you toss the meat to the grinder," Leshawna ordered. "Sierra, you put the meat in the grinder, Harold will stuff it, and I'll do the grinding. Start belivin' in the impossible baby," she said as she turned the crank, "'cause this pig's about to fly."
\
The scene flashed over to Team Omega, where Matthew had climbed on top the grinder with a shovel. "Tracksuit and Fox Girl, shovel the meat up here so I can pack it in. Mohawk, we need your strength on the grinder. Mike, stuff that casing. Everyone got it?"
"On it!" Mike said, taking his place alongside the casing.
"Let's do this," Duncan said as he grabbed the crank.
"Why'd you call him by his name?" Tyler asked in annoyance.
"Because I actually respect him," Matthew replied. "Now shut up and get stuffing!"
He was answered by a shovelful of raw meat hitting him in the face. "You know what, I think this set-up is great!" Tyler said with a grin.
The camera panned to Team Amazon as Scarlett cringed at the sight of the meat pile then fell to her knees and threw up.
"It does not appear that Scarlett will be able to help right now," Victor said with a glance toward her.
"No, no," she retorted. "I can do it, I just shouldn't think about it. I'll shovel the meat to the grinder."
"And I shall pack it in," Victor delcared. "It is the least I can do after forgetting the grinder."
"Stop apologizing for it and we're good," Sky said, already standing by at the casing.
"And leave the grinding to me," Zoey finished, rubbing her hands and grabbing the crank. Scarlett was shown tossing a shovel of meat right into the top of the grinder; Victor shoveled any meat that missed the mark into it; Zoey turned the crank; and Sky watched it carefully as it oozed out into the casing.
"Gross!" she complained.
\
"We're almost there," Alejandro said confidently as he was shown scooping and Harold was shown holding on to the partially-filled casing.
"Oh, definitely," Leshawna said, grunting slightly with effort as he turned the crank. "Still, I think we could be going faster. Sierra," she called out to the superfan to the super-fan, the shot cut to her waiting for more meat to shoveled to her, "Do you think we can work together long enough to turn this crank?"
"I guess we can," she said, jumping down next to Leshawna and giving her a tense look as she started to help her crank.
\
"Uggh, this is disgusting," Scarlett muttered under her breath as he stomped on the meat packed into the top of the grinder.
"It is alright Scarlett!" Victor called down to her. "I know this must be difficult with your weak stomach, but it is only raw meat! You do not have to eat it, and it will wash right off!"
Scarlett blushed and sputtered in a sudden fluster. "You didn't have to mention it!"
\
"Hey, where's all the meat?" Mike asked as he looked at a barely stuffed casing.
"Duncan and Kitsune stopped working to make out," Tyler explained as he idly leaned against his shovel.
"And you didn't think to say anything?!" Matthew asked incredulously.
"You told me to shut up and stuff," the jock replied impishly. "So I did."
The hipster growled in anger.
\
The footage skipped ahead to a zoomed-out shot showing all three teams hard at work, their respective logos appearing above them on-screen. Both Team Amazon and Team Chris has sausages that were nearly full, while due to two of their member's leaving Team Omega's casing had only been stuffed to about two-fifths the level of their rivals. Alejandro had gotten on top of his team's grinder to shovel the last small pile of meat they had; similarly, Scarlett had joined Victor for Team Amazon while Sky had moved from casing duty to cranking duty with Zoey. Team Omega, on the other hand, was more arguing amongst themselves than actually working.
"Look at it this way," Kitsune said as Matthew, Mike, and Tyler glared at her and Duncan, "we may lose, but at least it's not second place."
"No," Matthew declared. "We can still salvage this." His eye caught Leshawna and Sierra working Team Chris's crank together in tense silence. "And I know just how to do it," he added under his breath.
"Done!" The five members of Team Omega were snapped out of their discussion by Alejandro's sudden declaration, and looked over to see Team Chris standing proudly with their fully stuffed sausage.
\
"All aboard Der Weiner Express!" Sierra cheered, riding the oversized sausage with Harold in front of her and Leshawna behind. Alejandro was pushing it up to the edge of the slope, and hopped on when it teetered just past a metal flagpost.
"I hope everyone's holding on tight," Leshawna said as their four-person sausage sled tipped forward, "'cause this is gonna be rough!" Her voice rose into a scream on the last word as Team Chris began their rapid descent.
Team Amazon arrived next, Scarlett, Zoey, and Sky already riding the meat while Victor pushed. The three onboard looked nervous but excited, and as soon as Victor got on and the sausage sped off, they whooped and hollered in the thrill of it.
"Forgot to mention," Chris called down, the camera looking up from below the drop, "watch out for the rabid mountain goats! They're super deadly!" He chuckled, then told the camera "We brought 'em in special."
\
The scene flashed back to earlier footage showing Chef kneeling on top of a metal crate, a nervous and fearful look on his face as he grabbed the lip of the crate's side cover. A mountain goat watched with annoyed disinterest nearby, and curiously a yellow triangle-shaped warning sticker on the crate's side showed a silhouette of a much younger goat.
Chef stood and pulled up the side cover, releasing an adorable goat kid out onto the snowy mountainside. It hopped towards the larger wild goat and bleated cutely, to which the older beast growled a reply.
The baby goat then unleashed a truly savage roar, revealing a mouth filled with dangerously sharp teeth. The older goat looked taken aback, and the shot cut away in discretion as Chef cringed and looked away from the sounds of crunching bones that were coming from off-screen.
The shot cut back to the young goat as it happily slurped up a goat leg, then bared its sharp teeth and leaped away.
The scene seamlessly transitioned back to the challenge, showing Team Amazon and Team Chris about neck-and-neck on their sausages. The shot cut to the goat kid standing in their path; it roared ferociously, then jumped at them. The two teams were shown screaming, and the goat was shown jumping straight at the camera with its mouth wide open.
\
(Commercial Break)
\
"Duck!" Harold cried, hunching down and putting his arms over his head. Sierra, Leshawna, and Alejandro quickly complied, and the baby goat sailed right over them. It closed its mouth mid-air and looked backwards in confusion, then smacked into the side of a rocky outcropping. It fell to the snow in a daze, and the shot cut back to the bewildered faces of Team Chris.
"Well that was easy," Sierra commented.
"Move! Move! Move!" Tyler chanted as he and Mike quickly pushed Team Omega's finished and over-stuffed sausage to the starting line, Duncan, Kitsune, and Matthew already riding it.
"Here we go!" Mike cheered as he and Tyler jumped on and the meat-sled tipped forward and began its descent.
"Lean forward!" Kitsune said as the camera tracked their speedy progress. "We gotta catch up with the other teams!" The four boys did as told, narrowing their eyes and leaning forward and speeding up soon after.
"Look out!" Duncan said, his eyes going wide.
The shot cut to a rocky outcropping, then back to Team Omega as they screamed. "Someone steer this thing out of the way!" Kitsune yelled
"With what?" Matthew asked before the sausage hit the rock, causing the whole thing to explode and sending the five teens flying down the slope.
\
The scene cut back to Team Chris, where Alejandro had gotten hold of a long branch and was using it as a rudder to steer their sausage around rocks.
"Great steering, Alejandro!" Harold complimented.
"Thank you," he replied, "but it is no big deal."
"There's the finish line!" Sierra said with a point ahead of them.
\
The focus cut to a zoomed-out shot of the finish line at the bottom of the hill as Team Chris slid past the banner; Team Amazon followed about a yard behind them. After that was the screaming members of Team Omega as they flew past the camera and crashed into something off-screen.
The members of Team Omega were shown groaning next to a wooden platform. The camera pulled back, showing not only the other two teams in similar situations, but that the platform was a stage where Chris and Chef waited along with four pairs of what looked like dancing game mats.
"Congrats on arriving first, Team I Am So Hunky Dory Dreamy Hot," the host told the four. "Too bad about that landing, though. I would've used someone as a brakepad but hey, your call." The members of Team Chris gave him glares of various strengths.
"On to part zwei of today's challenge," Chris continued. "Competitors must learn, and perform, a traditional German dance on this very platform. The mats are rigged to deliver a hilarious and painful jolt every time one of you missteps," he briefly motioned to his foot, "or, I need a laugh. Last team standing wins."
"Where's the reward you promised?" Leshawna asked.
"Patience, mein flower," Chris told her. "Team Me," he declared, turning to Chef who was holding an armful of pickelhauben, "first to arrive, first to get their reward." Chef tossed the helmets to the four, and only Alejandro and Sierra didn't immediately sag under the weight.
"Gosh," Harold said, "these are heavy."
"Yes they are," Chris said happily. "Team Amazon," he said next, the camera cutting to the four as they were tossed ushankas.
"This is not traditional German headwear," Scarlett commented as she examined the hat.
"And, in last place, Team Omega," the host said next, the girl and four boys getting tossed Tyrolean hats similar to what Chris was wearing.
"Gonna be weird trading out my headband for this thing," Kitsune said as she hesitantly replaced her fox ears.
"Don't care. Now, we need eight people for this," Chris explained, "so two of the teams are gonna have three people dance and the rest sit out. And Team Amazon, you're one of 'em."
"We'll take this one," Zoey said as she, Sky, and Scarlett stepped forward.
"Alright then," Chris said, "the other team with three dancers will be...Team Omega."
Matthew, Mike, and Duncan stepped forward.
"And as for Team Chris is Really Really Really Hot," the host told the other group of four, "two dance, two sit out."
"Ooh! Pick me!" Sierra cried as she jumped up and down.
"This challenge's got 'Leshawna' written all over it," the sista bragged.
"Cool," Chris said. "Now which member of the losing team must wear," he started slipping back into his German accent as the shot cut to Chef, "der penaltyhosen?" Chef held up the costume as the eyes of Team Omega went wide.
XXX
"I guess it was my fault we lost," Kitsune shrugged in the restroom confessional.
XXX
"I'll do it," Kitsune declared bravely, stepping forward and earning a gasp from her teammates.
"Whoa, dude!" Tyler said in awe.
"Are you sure?" Duncan asked in a skeptical tone. "That thing's like a German bikini!"
"Well it's my fault we lost so..." she trailed off.
"Funny," Chris laughed. "I was gonna make you wear 'em, but now that you want to. Congratulations, Mike." Mike gave him a blank look that quickly changed to dread as the penaltyhosen landed on his head.
\
The footage skipped ahead, showing everyone in place with Chef standing nearby just off the raised stage. Sierra and Leshawna were on the leftmost pair of pads while Scarlett and Sky stood on the rightmost; Duncan and Matthew were on the back-left pads, and Mike and Zoey were on the back-right.
"How are the hosen?" Zoey whispered in concern to her boyfriend.
"Way too tight," Mike answered, trying to pull down on the short legs. "This wedgie is killing me!"
The two were interrupted by the end of an alphorn blowing right next to them, the camera cutting to Chef who was holding the instrument. "That's German for shu~uut up!" he told them before tossing the alphorn over his shoulder. "Follow my lead and nobody gets hurt," he added, "yet."
A snazzy drumbeat opened the next piece of music, several brass instruments joining in after a few seconds. "Right knee up, left arm swings," he commanded to the melody, demonstrating the motions as he called them out. "Stomp, hop, slap your thighs. Kick your butt, jump and clap."
XXX
"My grandparents are German," Sierra confessed in the restroom, giggling and calling a quick "Schnitzel!" to the camera. "So I'm like a tenth generation slap dancer! It's what kept me alive on the school playground, and probably why I didn't make any friends," she said with a thoughtful look. She shrugged, then happily said "But who cares? I have all my Total Drama friends now!"
XXX
The footage resumed with a close-up of the leftmost dance mat as the music restarted itself, and Sierra jumped down excitedly. The camera pulled back to show her bobbing up and down excitedly while Leshawna watched with an unamused expression.
"One two three, slap my knee," Sierra sang, slapping her knee and turning around, "my husband to be's Harold McGrady ," she continued, the camera cutting to the dweeb as his eyes widened.
"Four five six," Sierra continued, the camera focusing on her butt as she put her hands on it, "pick up sticks," the shot cut back outward as she leaned back and raised her left knee, "my heart won't tick without my Harold fix!" Her line caused Harold to drop his jaw.
"Seven eight nine," she leaned towards the camera, "straighten your spine," she leaned back again, the camera showing Matthew, Duncan, Mike, and Zoey watching in amusement. "Good to see Harold lookin' so fine," Sierra sang to the camera.
"Ten eleven twelve, nothing rhymes with twelve," she sang, bending down then singing at the camera positioned between her legs. "Leshawna wants him back but he is mine!" she finished with a confident declaration, sweeping a pointed finger at the sista.
\
The footage skipped forward slightly, now showing Matthew and Duncan going through the motions of the dance while Leshawna was in frame.
"I wouldn't take that if I were you" Matthew whispered to Leshawna.
"Huh?" the sista answered with a moment's blank stare before realization came to her. "Oh! Well, what am I supposed to do about it?"
"Well Season One Leshawna would've showed her what's what," Matthew replied matter-of-factly.
"That was over a year ago," she retorted.
"And also when Harold wrote all those poems for you," the hipster said. "How many has he written for you lately?"
XXX
"That should get me some wiggle room while I figure out how to avoid elimination," Matthew said in the restroom. "I've seen this show enough to know that personal feelings always trump causing the team to lose. And since I don't care about those moron's opinions..."
XXX
The scene re-focused over to Matthew and Duncan, having a hushed conversation while they went through the motions of the dance.
"And why exactly are you getting involved in another team's drama? Duncan asked.
"Do you wanna win or not?" Matthew snapped at him before were suddenly electrocuted.
"Hahaha!" Chris laughed as the camera cut to him. "Looks like it works," he said, looking fondly at the remote control in his hand. "But just to be sure..." He pressed the button again, and the camera zoomed out to show all eight dancers getting shocked at the same time. "It's challenge time!" he declared.
Sierra, Duncan, and Sky were shown stumbling around the stage in literal shock, and Zoey said "I feel like an overcooked sausage," before getting zapped again and falling over.
"Last person standing on the platform wins the challenge for their team," Chris told them before the camera cut in close and he whispered "This is gonna be fun!"
The shot zoomed back out as Chef pressed another switch, which caused hydraulic pistons to extend and raise the dance mats high into the air with the contestants already on them. Sky and Leshawna were on the far left mats, while Zoey and Duncan were on the far right. Sierra faced off against Mike on the back-left, and Scarlett and Matthew squared off on the back-right to round things out.
The music started up again, and the contestants stared at their mats in shock for a second before beginning.
Scarlett and Matthew were shown first, the brainiac aggressively trying to smack and slap and kick at her opponent, and Matthew frantically trying to both defend and get a few hits of his own in. The shot zoomed out again, showing that all four pairs were slapping each other and several were complaining about it.
Zoey made a misstep and was shocked for it, causing Duncan to laugh as well as Chris and Chef. Sky also moved wrong, causing Leshawna to grin she was being electrocuted. When the gymnast recovered, though, she frowned and slapped her harder. She paused for a split-second then delivered a kick that sent Sky flying off the platform.
Zoey and Duncan's duel was shown again, the two narrowing their eyes at one another and raising their hands to strike once more. Zoey went to strike, then faked out and went into a roundhouse kick; but Duncan simply caught her foot and swung her off the platform.
Sierra and Mike were shown watching from their own mats, but Sierra broke her gaze first to give her opponent a vicious grin. "Oh no...," Mike said in dread the moment he noticed Sierra's look, and the super-fan launched a barrage of slaps and knees that Mike failed to block. Sierra finished it off with a flying kick to the comedian's stomach, sending him hurtling off into the snow.
Meanwhile, Scarlett and Matthew were shown battling furiously with neither dancer gaining a clear upperhand. The shot pulled back to show Leshawna, Duncan, and Sierra watching from the other raised mats, then the camera cut back to Matthew as his eyes widened in realization. He purposefully missed a step and got shocked. Scarlett took advantage quickly, slapping him as soon as the electricity stopped and sending him off the mat.
\
The footage skipped ahead a few minutes to show the dance mats rising for the second round; Leshawna versus Sierra on the left, and Duncan versus Scarlett on the right. Their teammates were briefly shown watching silently from the sidelines, but the camera quickly focused on the two members of Team Chris.
"How is it that Leshawna and Sierra have to battle each other?" Alejandro complained.
"Just how things got seeded," Chris explained. "Be glad for the free chance for the win."
"I'm not lettin' this chance go away!" Leshawna declared as she tackled Sierra off the platform. the shot cut to Harold and Alejandro watching in shock as the sound of a violent fight was heard. "You think you can steal my man from me?!"
"He's so not your man," Sierra retorted from offscreen. "He dumped you, remember?"
"Noo!" The boys cried.
Back at the challenge, Duncan and Scarlett were also watching with the punk in glee.
"Man I love a good chick fight," Duncan said.
"Well I love distracted opponents," Scarlett countered, quickly sending a kick to his groin.
Duncan let out a high-pitched squeal, then fell off the platform.
"And Team Amazon wins again!" Chris wasted no time in announcing, the shot from the two groaning young man to the grinning young woman still on her dance mat.
XXX
"Why do they always go for the kiwis?" Duncan asked the restroom camera as he still held his groin. "WHYYYYY?!"
XXX
The footage resumed on a shot of Chris and Chef on-stage, addressing the three teams standing on the snow. "Team Amazon, fresh-baked strudel awaits you in first class," he told the four on the right.
"All right!" Sky cheered, sharing a celebratory kiss with Victor before sending a haughty smirk at Scarlett, who just looked bewildered.
"Team Omega," Chris told the five in the middle, "once again you're in not-winner, not-total-loser purgatory." Mike, Tyler, and Kitsune gave him neutral looks, while Matthew's eye twitched and Duncan was still groaning. "And Team Not So Perfect Me," the host told to the final group on the left, "you're voting someone out." Leshawna, Harold, Alejandro, and Sierra shared a nervous look.
\
The scene flashed to the plane in flight, then to Mike's unnamed personality in the cargo hold.
"Hey Staci," he called out, causing the stowaway to show up.
"Oh Mike!" the chatterbox said happily. "Do you have any food? I'm starving in here."
"For the last time I'm not-" he said as he passed the girl a small sausage. "Whatever, I need you to finish filling me in on the past two seasons while I figure out what's going on on this plane."
"I could tell you," Staci pointed out with a jovial smile. "If I listen at the vents I can like totally hear everything in the plane."
"Perfect," 'Mike' smirked. "Now let's get started."
The four members of Team Chris were already seated nervously in the elimination room, and the host was standing before them with a tray of season's symbols of safety.
"I have three barf bags full of the finest peanuts never allowed to be handed out on commercial planes, due to allergy-induced lawsuits," he said, ending with a short wink at the camera. "Time to vote who gets 'em!"
XXX
The four teens were shown voting in a four-way split, with Alejandro and Harold on top and Sierra and Leshawna on bottom.
XXX
"Okay, the votes are in," Chris told the four as the scene flashed back to the elimination room. "Harold," he said casuing the dweeb to smile. "You may or may not get one after I hand the first one to Sierra" he finished with a wink.
"Smiley face!" Sierra cheered as she caught her snacks.
"But," the host said, "you definitely will get the second one." Harold caught his snacks with a smile.
"Alejandro," Chris said as he idly tossed the last bag in his hand, "you're Total Drama's least trustworthy competitor and you've already caused my favorite person to go home. A pretty good reason to send you packing."
"Leshawna," the host continued. "Let's face it, you're full of entertaining moments and you've already caused the season's first fistfight. A pretty good reason to keep you here. And so, the final barf bag goes to..."
"Alejandro," the host finally announced, tossing the final barf bag to the charmer.
"What?!" Leshawna cried as she stood up. "But I- Harold?" she asked with a pitiful look. The dweeb just looked away sadly.
"I'm sorry Leshawna," he said honestly. "But-"
"But we're outta time!" Chris interrupted with a smile, forcibly shoving a parachute pack into Leshawna's arms then pushing her over to the open doorway. "So long! Farewell! Auf wiedersehen! Good night!" He left her there as she held on to the plane to keep herself from falling, and walked away with a smile on his face.
Matthew appeared from behind one of the wooden statues with a dark grin on his face.
"You!" Leshawna declared venomously.
"Goodbye Leshawna," the hipster said as he knocked her hand away from the plane door, sending her out and falling to the ground with a scream.
"Will Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot ever live up to their namesake?" the host asked, the usual ending music starting up as the shot cut back to him, the remaining three members of the team in question. Alejandro, Harold, and Sierra gave the host a glare that he shrugged off effortlessly. "Find out next time, on Total!" the shot cut outside to the image of Chris on the plane's tail fin as the first blaring note played. "Drama!" the shot pulled back just enough to show the edge of the wings. "Woooorrrrlllddd~ Tooouuurrrr~!" The final shot showed the plane flying off to the left, and nothing more.
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
\
\
"I can't believe I got tricked by that scrawny little-!" The Sista With A 'Tude exclaimed as she floated downwards through the chilly air courtesy of her open parachute. "I really gotta stop lettin' other people talk me into stuff. Now I lost the million and Harold," she said sadly.
She growled. "When I get my hands on that boy I'm gonna wring his neck!" She landed on the same mountain the meat grinders were on and said "Here again?! Can this get any worse?"
It was then that the same mountain goat kid from earlier appeared and bleated cutely at her. "Aww, are you lost little guy?" The goat kid growled and pounced on her, and the camera cut to the side of the mountain as she screamed in terror.
Author's Note Post Script: So it is with a heavy heart, we say goodbye to Leshawna. I am a little upset that I managed to reuse her canon bit of being screwed over all three seasons, first by Al, then by herself, and now by Matthew, but it was necessary for Sierra's plotline for Leshawna to be gone.
Sky's jealousy is getting more intense, and Duncan and Kitsune have gotten back together. Of course I'm sure you all are gonna latch on to Mal talking to Staci in the cargo hold, it's just a little scene to both tide you over for his 'full reveal' and to explain both how he knows what's going on and how Staci managed to not go feral.
And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.
I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.
With that I'm signing off
-TotalDramaFan14
RDWT ELIMINATION TABLE:
17th Place: Noah
16th Place: Staci
15th Place: Malcolm
14th Place: Heather
13th Place: Leshawna
