Hello guys! I'm sorry, I accidentally deleted my usual thanks to the amazing people who have reviewed, favorited and followed this story, so here they are with a huge thanks; lucyglitter11, leoslady4ever, Jessica Phantomhive, fairytailcelestialmage, AlyceOfHearts, ToxicLaser, XxsnowcatxX, emily-rivera and secretkiss11 :)
I think I love you but I make no sound...
Chapter Seven- Anger
"We have a deal?"
"Deal."
Mira, Levy and I did an odd three-way hand-shake and smiled broadly.
"Wow…still can't believe we're going up for this!" Levy commented, sinking down into a black bean bag in the corner of her room.
I grimaced. "We're not Levy, Mira's blackmailing us."
"Hey!" The Strauss sister protested.
Magnolia was having a beauty pageant; the one Fiore hosted every other year. This year it was in our town, last year it had been near Crocus.
Obviously, Mira was the first to get the news, get the admission forms and hysterically invite me and Levy as well. Perhaps it was because the pageant was so near home this time that I didn't have any problems, or perhaps it was because this time there was no high school to worry about.
At first Levy didn't want to go, but Mira struck up the 'once-in-a-lifetime' drama so she yielded.
The problem was I already knew there was no use in ME going in. Firstly because Mirajane was going and secondly because girls from all over Fiore would be there…was I any match for them?
This was probably the only interesting event that took place in Magnolia except for the Winter and Autumn Fest. And a chance for the Weekly Sorcerer to get some scorers in the front pages.
"When is it again?" I mused.
"12th of March," Mira replied, absorbed in the entry-form. Levy scanned it and flared her nostrils.
"We have exactly two days," she muttered.
I rolled my eyes and sat down at the foot of the bean-bag. The three of us were cooped up inside Levy's house after a hectic night with her friends Gajeel and Bisca. Mira chattered on about the pageant just as we got out of the cab to sleep over at Levy's.
We made a deal though.
I was going for red. Levy was going for green. Mira was going for blue or deep violet. Then were would be no unnecessary petty squabbles for dress colours later on.
Apparently those were the colours that suited each of us the most. I didn't mind red, only I found it a color that was either too bright or too dark.
"Hey, it's raining…guess we do have to sleep over here," I remarked. Raining in March; I would never get the weather.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Levy frowned.
"Kidding, kidding Blue. Anyone got food?"
"I have some pasta left over…"
I made a face. "I was hoping for something like ice-cream. I'm stuffed after that steak."
Mira laughed. "Please, Bisca ate three and still had space for a frappe."
"Wonder how she has that figure…"Levy sighed.
"Cana too," I said, leaning back against the black leather. "She lives on cakes and booze…and well look at her."
"Must be the making out," Levy smiled devilishly as Mira toppled over laughing.
"Hey…do you think they're going in for the pageant as well?" I asked suddenly.
"Hopefully…not." Mira punched her palm with her fist.
"Fat chance," I said. "So, who's up for getting ice-cream in the rain?"
The two of them blinked at me with black faces. "Thought so…" I rolled my eyes.
I was swinging my legs on the front porch, my headphones jammed back onto my ears and my thumb scrolling down the songs in my phone. It was raining again and I was sincerely hoping the competition wouldn't be moved indoors because it was supposed to take place in the open grounds of the Square Garden.
Adele's voice in my head drowned the sound of the rain out, so I didn't realize Rogue was walking up to me until he was bending down amusedly on one knee.
"What?" I said exasperatedly. I reluctantly took my headphones off—I really did like that song—and looked up at his wet state.
"Well good morning to you too," Rogue said. He sat down beside me without being invited and began to run his fingers through his hair in an attempt to dry it.
I gulped.
He looked…well hot. His dark hair looked darker than usual, with rain drops gleaming like diamonds in it. His simple ivory blue T-shirt stuck temptingly to his chest and were those jeans supposed to fit that perfectly?
Damn, what was I thinking?!
"How am I supposed to know?" Rogue said in surprise.
I bit my tongue, realizing I said the words aloud. "Forget it," I said. "So what's with the unexpected and totally not needed visit?"
"…That's rude."
I sighed. "Yeah, it is. Okay, I'm sorry."
"Should be, you're always snapping at me."
My face betrayed me. "…Guess I deserved that." I laughed nervously.
Rogue's lips lifted up infinitesimally and I understood I was forgiven. After spending almost four months conversing with this boy, I had learnt to read his face better and better every day.
"So, what's up?" I started again.
It had been…what? Three weeks since I saw him? After our little 'chat' back in February, I had awkwardly said sorry once and then he had left. He texted once sometime, telling me he would be out with Sting.
I never replied.
I didn't want to admit it, but even after knowing everything I felt like he was still hiding something. His evasiveness at my questions about Yukino and the days when he would randomly not come over when he promised to.
"Would it be weird if I say I missed you?"
My heart stuttered and fell into my stomach. "Um…would it be weird if I said yes?"
Rogue filled the porch with his laughter. It was brief and beautiful. Like a rare orchid one would suddenly find in a meadow of roses.
"Guess it would," he replied. His hand left his hair and rested on his right knee. "I always to seem to laugh more around you, you know."
My heart leapt from my stomach right up to my throat. "Yeah, you hardly talked when we first met. Remember me tickling you?"
Rogue nodded. I waited for him to smile at the memory, but as usual his reaction was nothing like a normal person would expect. He just kept his cool expression intact.
"…And you're still not talking," I scowled playfully.
Rogue's crimson eyes flashed to mine. "I am. I'm just not the talkative type."
"Gee, I had no idea."
"I used to laugh more around Lisanna too," Rogue said suddenly. "I figure I stopped after she…"
I should have felt sorry for him, consoled him even. Instead, an irritating anger filled me. Why was he discussing Lisanna now? I was not Lisanna.
"Maybe you should open up a bit," I suggested with a level tone. "I mean...once you get to know a person—"
"True, but she was just that kind of person. Bright and cheery." He looked at me. "Bit like you."
I had no hard feelings towards Lisanna. Frankly, after all I heard about her from Erza and Rogue, I almost felt like I knew her. I learnt about her gentleness, the pleasant aura she seemed to radiate.
But what was I? A replacement of laugh drugs for Rogue?
"I'm honoured," I teased.
"Did you know Sting likes Yukino?" Rogue said, out of the blue again.
I was relieved at the change of subject. "No…you never told me. But how? He keeps flirting with every other girl."
"That's his style."
I turned my face away in disgust. "I really hope Yukino finds someone good. Not Sting."
"Like I said, Sting can be a good guy. It's not all fame and kisses."
"I see we're back to the old argument."
"Seems like it."
"Screw this Rogue. Let's not even discuss him."
We both stared at the light drizzle the rain had slowed down to outside. The wind-chime in the shape of a sun swayed violently from a column where it was hung.
"I didn't use to like rain you know," I said. I leaned forward to catch sight of the gray sky.
"Well what changed your mind?" Rogue asked.
I bit my lip. "I had my first kiss in the rain…"
"Natsu, right?" I looked up at Rogue's calm voice.
I was all worked up about him talking about Lisanna, but he was not in the least hostile about me talking about Natsu. I swear I always felt guilty around him.
"Yeah," I smiled wistfully. "He simply threaded with me through the cars on this busy street and kissed me in the rain. I was very…adventurous. I didn't care that a car could hit us or we could end up with pneumonia."
"That was dangerous," Rogue said.
I glowered. "It was romantic!"
"No…it was dangerous."
"Romantic."
"AND bad for the health. Didn't he care about you getting sick?"
I couldn't believe this boy. "Well Daddy Daycare, a bit of danger makes life worth living. You spend time dirt-bike racing and you tell me kissing in the rain is dangerous."
Was I defending Natsu?
"On the contrary, I said standing in the middle of moving cars is—"
"You don't like rain, do you?" I realized aloud.
Rogue turned his eyes away. "No, I don't."
I didn't ask him why he didn't. Because somehow, I felt I knew the answer. He lost someone in the rain. Obviously this weather brought back bad memories for him. Just like it actually brought good memories for me.
"You told me you'd take me somewhere last month. And then you hopped off with Sting," I said, changing topics again. "You shouldn't keep a girl waiting you know," I winked.
"Oh yeah…" Rogue scratched his head and I tried to keep in the cuteness overload. "I was thinking of taking you to watch the cherry blossoms. Doesn't matter, season's over."
I mentally called Sting every bad name in every language I knew. "And what about the next day?!"
"You were mad at me," He pointed out.
"That's right…"
"Hey, Lucy…" I couldn't get used to the feeling I had when he said my name. "Don't be upset."
I brushed my bangs off of my forehead and smiled. "'Course not. I do all the upsetting when I get back to my room and bathe my pillow in tears."
He frowned. "Not funny."
"Sorry," I giggled. I felt a little better that he cared enough to comfort me at all.
"Well, if you're really that upset you could come with me tomorrow. To the amusement park?"
His face fell when he said it and I realized he didn't approve of that place. Just trying to make me happy.
"I can't Rogue," I said. "I'm in this competition."
He looked up so fast I thought his neck snapped. "The Fiore Concours de Beauté?"
I smirked. "Yep."
"Don't."
MY face fell now. "Why?!"
"'Cause guys check you girls out. A lot. I should know."
I ignored the first part. "Yeah? How many have you checked out?"
"None," he said flatly.
"Really?" I nudged him in the side and he turned away, his cheeks red.
"And how many nosebleeds?"
"None!"
He glared at me but I couldn't stop laughing; it was too hilarious.
"Well, let's see if I can get a response from you, shall we?" I challenged. I was crossing boundaries we both never realized were created, but I ventured forward anyway.
"Not happening." But I saw Rogue's cheeks reddening further.
"Alright then, will you be my escort?" I asked formally. Truth to be told, I did need one. Mira had Freed and Levy was offered by Gajeel.
Rogue looked surprised. "Um…sure?"
"Be nice."
He composed himself and smiled. "Yes Lucy Heartfilia, I'll be your escort."
"See you tomorrow then. Don't be late."
After the café that night, I headed straight home. Mom had left three messages, so I called her back.
We spent about an hour talking, and she said she was going to be heading over to Magnolia next week. Mira came out of the next room and talked to her for a while as well and I waited patiently.
Finally, I hung up and went to my room for a bath. I showered as slowly as possible, trying to relax. It was like every day in this week was busy and I badly needed a break.
I waited for my muscles to loosen up, shampooing my hair in the process. At last the warm water ran out and I reluctantly got out, wrapping a towel around myself.
I was pondering on what would be comfortable enough to wear when my mind slipped to Rogue and Natsu.
On one hand, Natsu was always the one who never brought around a dull moment. He was always the wild one between us, making me do stuff I never imagined and then I ended up liking it.
On the other, Rogue always surprised me…in a good way. He wasn't like normal people; his perspective of things was always different. Like the time I said I didn't like the darkness but he said that we would never see the stars otherwise.
But Natsu was not the caring person.
And Rogue was not the wild person.
Greedy me, I needed both. Rogue's character never really fitted mine. He didn't like half the things I did. He was hesitant to try new things, and I was always the one to take first steps.
I felt so angry with that boy sometimes.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome, to the 34th Fiore Concours de Beauté!"
And answering clap followed from the seated crowd in front of the gigantic stage. The open garden had chairs places in order for the audience, and the judges on the far left at a table.
The stage was bordered with thick wooden posts from which cream-white curtains hung on three sides. The French name for the pageant hung grandly from the top and the ribbons flowing from it cascaded down the nine steps down the stage from where we would come down and join our escorts.
"Lucy, I thought we decided on red!" Levy complained in a whisper to me. We were standing behind the stage, covered by the curtains.
I flushed. "Mira decided this looked best. Don't complain; look here come the others."
Levy looked away to the other girls filing in. I lightly fingered my dress.
It was different shades of blue and green and onyx. The neckline plunged down, ending in a loose bow. The dress reached down to my thighs where it was positioned carefully so that it didn't drape over my legs. My back was uncovered because the three thin blue straps holding the dress up went down to the clothing near my waist at the back. My hair was braided from the sides to form a bun, leaving some strands hanging down my ears.
Mira liked red instead. She had long dress up till her feet on with a thin gap in the front to show off the cleavage. HER hair looked good, done up in a side ponytail.
Levy was simple. All colours were mixed up so she chose purple instead. It was short, and her open hair contrasted heavily, but she looked pretty.
The host, Aria, went up on stage after the opening announcement.
"We shall now introduce to you the teams from each town. First we have the winners of last year; the Sabertooth team of Crocus!"
Only two girls went up on stage.
"Blue Pegasus team of Clover!" Seven girls went up.
Aria kept on calling the teams. The eighth out of the ten was ours.
"Fairy Tail team of Magnolia!"
Again seven of us went up; me, Levy, Mira, Cana, Bisca, Reyna, a tall girl called Evergreen, my new friend Juvia. Mira half-sobbed upon seeing Juvia's fair body standing out in her emerald green dress.
Finally the teams were sorted. I felt nervous as I looked down at the crowd seated on the grass, searching for Rogue. I saw Gray looking dashing in a suit, I saw Natsu, I saw Gajeel, I saw Freed….but not my escort.
We went through three rounds of parroting around, 'test of grace' and finally the dance. Aria called out each of our names, and the girls elegantly walked down the stage, down the steps and locked arms with their respective boyfriends and escorts.
"Minerva Orlando! Escorted by Rufus sorry-forgot-your-title!" Aria said brightly and the crowd laughed.
A tall, dark-haired girl in a black dress I understood was Minerva joined a guy with long, blonde hair at the bottom of the steps.
"Mirajane Strauss! Escorted by Freed Justine!"
On and on it went until they reached my name. "Lucy Heartfilia! Escorted by Rogue Cheney!"
I plastered a smile and walked timidly down the steps. Aria smiled at me in encouragement. I looked around stupidly once I reached the bottom step, feeling like throwing a fit. Where was Rogue?!
"Lucy, take my arm." I looked to see Natsu beside me, his eyes intent.
There was no time. I locked arms with him and he led me to the dance. We waited patiently for the others to join us before it started, not speaking.
Finally; "Yukino Aguria! Escorted by…um…."
We heard a shy reply from the mike. "I don't have an escort."
"Oh, um…oh but you do. Your escort is waiting right there!" Aria said suddenly. I craned my neck to see Yukino out of all people, sliding down the stairs…and joining Rogue. So this girl was Yukino? Lisanna's sister?
There was a mistake. There had to be. But I watched as Rogue smiled at her and she grinned right back. Aria continued with the procedure, ignoring the little event.
My eyes stung and I gritted my teeth. I was feeling so damn angry. So Rogue couldn't make time to escort me, but he had time to escort Yukino. Alright, he was late and I had been pissed already. But even after he did make an appearance, he could've just joined me. Why Yukino?
"Lucy," Natsu breathed in my ear. He was not stressing it, he was being normal. "It's time for the dance."
I rubbed my eyes and looked at him. His face was smooth, expressionless. The first chord of the music struck, and he joined the boys opposite us girls.
We bowed. Then we took one big step forward and started to dance. My right hand, intertwined with Natsu's left was shaking.
"Shh, calm down. They're still judging," he whispered to me.
"Thanks," I said to him. "I know you hate me and stuff, but thanks."
"Not doing it for you."
I should've expected a harsh reply, but I was puzzled for a moment. "Then who?"
"Doing it for him." Natsu gestured with his eyes to somewhere among the couples, and I saw he was pointing to Gray.
"What—you know Gray?" I asked in surprise, as we turned and took tiny, lithe steps.
"Yes. He's a great friend. Remember I told you about him?"
I shook my head. I had made a good job of blocking all conversation with Natsu, so such an insignificant thing would've slipped out completely.
But how did Gray help me?
"He saw your escort wasn't there yet," Natsu answered my unspoken question. "And he told me to go instead. I haven't talked to him for a long time, so he didn't really know about…well us."
"Oh."
I lowered my head as another song played, and I realized that I had not kept my promise to myself. I promised never to have anything to do with Natsu but here I was.
Irritated, I watched the other couples, my head on Natsu's shoulder now. We turned and I saw Rogue with Yukino.
He wasn't looking at her which cheered up a tiny part of me. But he wasn't even searching for me. He just looked straight ahead into the audience.
"Angry, aren't you?" Natsu said bleakly.
I realized my hands were shaking in anger, not sadness. "What's it to you," I muttered in a statement.
"I would've never done that to you."
"Couldn't care less. Just dance."
"You're lucky Gray knows you at all."
"You're lucky Gray befriended a jerk like you."
Natsu looked away. "Yeah well, we don't have much contact nowadays."
I laughed darkly. "What, screwed it up with another person?"
"Shut that pretty mouth and dance Lucy."
At last the music ended and a huge cheer went up from the audience. The boys hooted and the girls….well all girls here were participating, it was just the boys watching.
There was a short while for which this turned into a formal party. The rest of us scattered around, talking, having fancy glasses of what looked like wine... while the judges decided.
Gray and Juvia walked up to me at one point and I smiled at them. Gray's arm was snaked around Juvia's waist and he was holding a glass in his unoccupied hand.
"Hey thanks Gray." I raised my glass, forcing a smile.
He laughed. "Any time Lucy."
Juvia was looking so pretty I almost gave up hope for the competition. She grinned at me and there was an immediate feeling of becoming friends with her.
"Looking good," she remarked. "Who's the lucky boy?"
Gray nudged her. She probably didn't know about the Gray-Natsu-Rogue thing.
"Oh…forget it." Juvia looked confused.
"That's okay. Um...Natsu." I said hurriedly. "You too, you're looking great," I added formally.
She saw through my bluff. Untangling herself from Gray, she patted my arm and launched into discussion about everything and everyone on earth but boys. I was thankful for that.
I wandered around, avoiding anywhere close to Rogue and Yukino. He never left her side. Three boys from Blue Pegasus team's side flirted and followed me around until I poured champagne on one.
Sometime later, Aria announced the results. "And this year's winner of Fiore's Beauty Pageant is…"
The girls waited with bated breath. "Is…"
I couldn't believe I was taking part in something I found silly and shallow back in high school. "Is…"
"Hurry up, will ya?!" Rufus called. We laughed at him nervously.
"Is Juvia Lockser! Runners up are Lucy Heartfilia and Minerva Orlando!"
I smiled and patted a blushing Juvia on the back just as all the others crowded around her too. She walked up on stage, giggling her head off, accepted the crown and jumped down to kiss Gray.
Well…at least I was first runner up.
"Go away."
I curled up beside the lake, tucking my knees under my chin. My dress was getting dirty, sitting in the grass, but who cared? It was only half an hour after the pageant ended, and I didn't want to go home. So I wound up near the lake.
"Lucy, would you let me explain?" Rogue pleaded. HIS suit was unruffled and perfect like his face.
"No."
"Hey, I'm sorry—"
I got up and then looked at him. "How dare you?" I whispered. "You NEVER show up when you promise to, fine. You disappoint me and humiliate me by not being on time for once, fine. You make me dance with Natsu, fine. But don't you have a shred of idea about how I would feel seeing you all lovey-dovey with Yukino Aguria?"
Rogue sat down beside me. He stretched his arm to calm me, but I shook it off. My little outburst felt good.
"Lucy, I was not lovey—"
"But you decided to dance with her anyway. You were late, so what? Couldn't you just join me?"
"Lucy—"
"Just shut up Rogue," I said viciously, turning my head away to look at the Emerald Lake. "And go away. For good."
"Look, she asked me to! She was all alone when she came to Magnolia last night, and crying so I—"
"And she had confidence enough to participate? I believe I asked you first?"
"Yes but—"
"But nothing Rogue. You may not be my boyfriend or all that crap, so I admit you don't have responsibilities. But when you promise to be there for once, don't you think you should keep your word? For me?"
"Lucy you're being petty." Rogue sounded angry. "Why are you so worked up about a single dance? Or are you that shallow that dressing up and dancing means the world to you?"
He regretted his words at once; I saw it in his eyes. My tears spilled over in anger and I stood up.
"Fine. I'm honoured to know that after four freaking months, this is your opinion about me. Go to hell."
Rogue stood up as well, but he seemed more pained than angry. I looked down to hide my tears, but he saw them.
"Don't cry Lucy, please," he begged.
"Yeah well you leave no choice, right Rogue?" I shouted at him, trembling. "Name one time— one—when you kept your word to me. I won't be treated like this and more over you are nothing like me. You don't like half the things I do, you're so damn quiet all the time! What were we doing all this while? Thinking we'd just be friends? You know you didn't."
"I did."
That stopped my anger short. Transformed it into despair. I had just said those words in anger…but did he really never think about another direction? That idea never came to his mind?
I tried to stop myself from crying. But his two words hurt me too much and I broke into a quiet sob. How pathetic of me. Suddenly, he pulled me into his arms. My eyes widened against his chest and his arms held me close by my back.
"I don't like seeing you cry. Please, don't." he repeated.
I would've fought against him, yelled at him even. But it felt so damn right as I leaned my forehead against his chest. His warmth comforted me, his hand stroking my hair made me feel whole; like there was nothing bad in this place that Rogue couldn't chase away.
My sobbing slowed to a halt and I took in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't be. I should, and I am. Really sorry."
He had a double meaning. He wasn't just sorry for not coming, he was sorry he never wanted us to happen. We were just friends, and I had once again hurried into things. I had believed he found me attractive, but since when I did become that self-centered person?
"Rogue, am I selfish?" I asked him suddenly, unwilling to let go. I don't know why but I felt I couldn't bear to leave his warmth right now.
He tilted my head up and looked at me, his eyes determined. "Never think that. You are probably the most selfless person I have met. You're always trying to make others happy. I have noticed that. Why do you put such thoughts in your head?"
I didn't answer him.
"You said if you'd get a response from me," he said quietly. "And I want you to know that you look beautiful."
I still didn't say anything. I was feeling drowsy after my crying session, and I wanted to stay here with Rogue.
But he let go of me too soon. Now that I stopped crying, he freed his arms and bent down. Then he wiped the remaining tears from my cheek and brushed my hair back.
"That's better. Shouldn't you go home now?"
If he didn't want that, why was he leading me on? Why would he compliment me like that?
"No. Stop it Rogue." I brushed away his arm. "Stop acting like you really care. Don't you realize what you're doing to me? I keep thinking that this is the moment when he realizes we can't be 'just friends', but you're not interested at all!"
He kept quiet. "Is that what you want?" he asked finally.
I made a sound of humorless laughter and disbelief. "Is it always about me? Do you never, ever feel like it's supposed to happen?"
"You said there was nothing in common between us."
"I—Rogue…you do realize we can't continue like this. I have trust in you and you keep breaking it. If you really don't care…then I'm sorry but I can't be friends with you."
Rogue's eyes tightened. "I do care Lucy. I do, more than you'll ever know. But why can't you be friends with me?"
I looked away. "Because I won't be able to stand it. I can't look at you in the face every day and remember this."
Rogue leaned back against a tree, pinching his nose. "Why Lucy," he said softly. "Why are you making this so complicated?"
"It wouldn't be if you just turned up today. We would never be having this conversation."
And what was I supposed to say? I think I love you but wait till I'm sure? Was I going to play with his heart before he played with mine? Was this a game?
"Lucy, after Lisanna…I can't…" Rogue looked at me, his crimson eyes glazing.
"I'm not Lisanna Rogue. Learn to see me as who I am," I said pleadingly, coming closer to him. "Please," I closed my eyes in defeat.
And then I was in his arms again. "Sometimes," he whispered to me. "Sometimes, I'm sure I see you clearer than you see yourself."
Holding on to the moment as long as I could, I began to cry in his arms again.
And, how's the melodrama you guys? :D See, I updated quickly; I came back yesterday, BUT I posted this today so yeah :P Hope you guys liked it :) Please review :)
