Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem or the poem.
Nowi
Written by: InvaderSunshine
Edited by: vaguekiwi
Emmeryn's death weighed on the minds of every Shepherd. Many had met her, or been influenced by her rule over Ylisse. At least, that's what Robin told me.
Robin had never been short on people to rely on. She had Chrom and they were pretty darn close. She was also well-liked by the army for her calm, serene disposition. She was the sort of person everyone had a good word on.
But Robin didn't exactly have the support she needed when Emmeryn fell.
Most of the Shepherds were either grieving or fighting some other emotional turmoil. It was not pleasant to lose a sister, an idol, or even a friend. For anyone, it was simply not pleasant to watch someone willingly fall to their death. Emmeryn's diligence as a symbol of peace didn't help matters.
I brought Robin her breakfast the morning after Emmeryn's fall.
Robin was in a dreary state of mind, similar to the rest of us in all but intensity. (That of course excluded Chrom and Lissa, who had lost their sister mere hours before.) Robin's perfectly calculated plans had let down everyone she held close.
I had doubts Chrom and Lissa felt as though she had failed them. She couldn't have possibly seen the future, yet in her mind, it was as if she should have seen it coming.
I knew whatever I said could not completely convince her otherwise, yet I knew it would be selfish of me not to try to cheer her up. I wasn't in the best state of mind either, but I could recognize when someone needed a shoulder to lean on.
I managed to navigate to the mess hall by myself.
We had made it to the harsh mountains of Regna Ferox the night before. This was only thanks to cavalry, diligence, and skill. Battle was unavoidable and happened as soon as we reached the Plegian-Feroxi border.
I didn't participate in that fight. Too much dragonstone use within the same period of time could have dangerous consequences. Some said it could lead to insanity or even death if I strained myself. I chose to help out in the medical caravan instead.
Not that I was any good with staffs. I had no clue what to do with those things, but I thought I could at least do something. It was better than being alone with my thoughts.
All I ended up doing was changing bandages.
Vaike was there too, but he didn't say much for once. I thought Emmeryn's death must have been why, but I wasn't yet sure of the extent in which he knew her. Out of courtesy, I ignored asking questions. Everyone needs to grieve in their own time.
Even Robin.
That's why she didn't come for breakfast.
I knocked on her bedroom door in the Feroxi barracks, drawing the side of the plate against my chest with my free arm. The plate was a bit heavy and I didn't want to drop it. It held mostly fruit, as I had deemed it the best out of everything the grumbling Sully prepared, yet I made sure to pick up a bit of oatmeal out of politeness. Robin needed energy and while fruit was fine with me, I had doubts just fruit would fill her up.
It took a few knocks for Robin to finally answer. This came with the sound of a blanket lifting and a hesitant 'come in'.
I complied, stepping into the barren room. Stone walls contained a girl sitting on the edge of a faded linen bedsheet. It was Robin. That much was clear, yet she didn't look like Robin. She didn't have her crafted calm anymore, or if she did the glue holding her emotions together just hadn't hardened yet.
Her skin was dry but her eyes were puffy, and her bare legs hanging out of her buttoned cloak betrayed that she hadn't yet changed out of her nightdress.
"I brought breakfast." I said.
I placed the plate on Robin's bedside table.
She eyed it with a grimace. "Sully?"
"Yeah," I replied, grimacing in return. I had only just met the woman and it had to be over the notion of breakfast, a meal that she had unfortunately been cooking. To put it simply, she was the worst cook I had ever met.
And that was saying something.
"The fruit should be good. I ate it. Not sure about the oatmeal though. I just …" I trailed off, hoping that the oatmeal didn't taste as much like glue as it looked.
I got a soft smile. "Thanks, Nowi. That was really sweet of you."
"It was nothing." I chirped.
It was really the least I could do. Chrom and Lissa had Frederick to force them to eat. The guy had diligently picked up everything that looked the least bit edible in the mess hall before heading to their respective rooms. I volunteered to bring Robin's meal in his place. He said Chrom would likely insist on knowing if Robin ate, so was going to bring hers too. I intervened in his place. Two heaping dinner plates was enough for one man to carry on my terms.
"Still," Robin sighed, a feverish frown hinging on her jaw. "You didn't have to do that. I have two legs. I should be more than capable of getting to the mess hall in time for breakfast."
"Robin, listen," I spoke, my playfulness replaced with seriousness. For once, I was actually scolding someone, not the other way around. I knew a thing or two about sadness and depression. It came with being around the block more times than I could count. It was better to squish negative thoughts before they had time to manifest themselves. "Nobody blames you for not coming down for breakfast. They don't blame you at all, for anything… None of this was your fault."
"But Chrom-"
I cut her off before she could finish. "Chrom doesn't blame you. I don't think he could ever blame you. You must know he adores you. You're the smartest person ever! So turn that frown upside down!"
"He's not mad…?" Robin asked in a childish whisper.
"Of course not!" I perked. "You're his best buddy, right?"
"I'm not sure if I would call it that… We've had a rather, er, complicated relationship lately. I don't think the situation with Emmeryn improved any of that."
"Aw, I don't think so." I corrected. I highly doubted that Chrom would blame Robin for something she couldn't have possibly seen coming. "He's just going through a rough time right now."
"Yes, he must be…" Robin decided, grimacing harder. She looked at me worriedly. "Did he eat anything? Did Lissa?"
"Frederick's taking care of that, but I think if anyone could lift his spirits, it's you. He really likes you, you know?"
A blush crept onto her cheeks, and I was glad we had switched to a more pleasant topic. "I'm not sure what you mean, Nowi."
Really?!
"Oh, please!" I gushed, putting my hands on my hips. "I'm over a thousand years old. I know love when I see it."
Maybe that was a bit of a lie, which was tricky because I'd always been a pretty bad liar.
I had never been in love. Nobody had ever told me what love was like, but I can tell when two people 'like each other'. I can only assume that it's when they blush and stutter and trip because they spend too much time looking at the other person. Robin and Chrom had been doing an awful lot of that.
In some way, I must have believed my suspicions to be accurate.
Her blush deepened. "L-love...?"
I must have believed myself in some way, because Robin didn't see past my ruse.
"Yup. Don't even deny it," I snickered, glancing at her untouched food. The oatmeal had started to cool. She needed to eat. "I'm going to leave you to eat now, but you have to promise to eat!"
She gave a short laugh. Her heart wasn't in it, but it was a start. "I will, Nowi. I will."
I left her to her privacy and he breakfast leisurely making my way down the stony halls. Usually, I would have skipped but I wasn't in the mood. I'd keep my spirits up for anyone else, but there was no point in doing it for myself. It's hard to lie to yourself.
I was still a bit unnerved from yesterday. Somebody had committed suicide right in front of me and while I didn't know the woman personally, a scar was etched on my mind. Death was something that came for everyone, but humans were much more susceptible to it. Even if my new friends died of old age, I would still probably outlive them.
Loneliness would make itself known again.
I didn't know if I was ready for it. While I'd tried, living without people is emotionally draining. I knew I needed people to be alright, but there was a problem with that.
People don't last forever.
Emmeryn's death reminded me of that. It reminded me that no matter how much I cared for someone, they would always leave.
That was reason enough to refrain from skipping.
That and Gaius had appeared around the corner. Out of friendly acknowledgment, he decided to walk beside me.
"Hey, Kid." He slowed his pace to meet mine. My legs only permitted me to walk so fast without running; a downside to being about as short as the average twelve-year-old.
And by the way… I was not a twelve-year-old. I just got mistaken for one because of my height. Jeez! Sometimes height can be horribly demeaning.
"Hiya!" I chirped. "How's it going? Did you find any new games to play?"
"I dunno about games," Gaius spoke coolly. "But I found some new Feroxi candy."
I grabbed his cape enthusiastically. "Aw, cool! Gimme!"
Gaius shot me a sly smirk. "I can't. I ate it all."
"Aw… That's too bad," I whined, as I pouted childishly. I wasn't really sad, as I was a grown woman and could certainly buy my own candy with my new military stipend. It would just be more trouble to track down where it's sold, not to mention Regna Ferox is teeth-chatteringly cold.
"Don't worry about it. Lon'qu said it's pretty common around here. Didn't have any himself though." he assured me while digging into his cloak for something that was probably candy.
"Is that the guy who's supposed to be terrified of women?" I asked, remembering the man's lengthy distance between himself and the red-haired pegasus knight. It seemed Cordelia was getting sword lessons from him, but he always maintained his distance.
Gaius was clearly pleased with my answer, because he held out a cherry flavoured sucker. "You nailed it."
I took it with a smile and pocketed it. "Thanks, Gaius!"
"No problem, Kid."
The two of us turned left. I was the one following him. There wasn't much to do when pretty much everyone was feeling some sort of gloom. It was only those who didn't know Emmeryn all that well who were able to have some sort of joy in their day. Not joy, but at least a sense of calm.
"Where are you heading?" I asked. It would have been pretty awkward if he was heading for the nearest chamberpot and I continued to follow him.
"Back to the barracks. I need to restock on sweets. Maybe I'll check up on Vaike later. He's still in the infirmary." Gaius answered, he seemed genuinely concerned for Vaike.
Gaius was new to the Shepherds, but he had managed to make friends during his stay, namely Vaike and I. Even though the two guys had their differences, they seemed to get along just fine.
"He's still there?!" I blurted out, grabbing Gaius by the cloak again.
Infection is not uncommon when undergoing battlefield treatments. We had ventured through a weighty downpour and muddy terrain while crossing the border. Infection was a possibility and not an unlikely one.
And infections could kill a person.
"Ow! Kid, ow!" Gaius choked.
I promptly let go of his cloak. "Sorry, sorry!"
"Ugh, it's alright. Just don't do it again. You almost pulled my head off my shoulders." he grimaced.
"Sorry, sorry," I muttered, feeling guilty for making one of my new buddies fear decapitation. "I should see Vaike now… You'll catch up soon, right?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Alrighty! See ya!"
Without so much as a look back I scrambled in the opposite direction, taking a turn to race down the empty stairwell. The infirmary was on the bottom floor, on the opposite side of the building as the barracks. The room that Robin occupied was solely her own. She didn't sleep in the barracks unless it was absolutely necessary. I guess that's an advantage of being Chief Tactician of an army.
The infirmary was rather large, a fully equipped military hospital. It wasn't a pleasant place thoughl, and I pitied Vaike for being confined there. It was filled with groaning new amputees and the smell of blood and waste.
I also pitied Maribelle for having to work here. The woman scrunched her nose as she greeted me; a clear symbol of her distaste.
"Hello, darling," she welcomed, distaste seeping into her voice. It wasn't me who disgusted her. I had doubts she was very accustomed to her new surroundings or had any sort of attachment to them. "What brings you to this wretched place?"
"Vaike," I replied, though I wasn't able to hold back my repulsion when a nearby soldier vomited into a pail. "Ugh…"
Don't barf. Don't barf. Don't barf. Don't barf!
I swallowed the sour taste at the back of my throat.
Pwew!
She put a hand on my shoulder to steady me, though I had doubts she would treat me so gently if I didn't look so young. "Are you alright darling?"
"Y-yes. I-I think so." I stuttered.
"Alright, dear," Maribelle sighed, frowning in concern. "Let me know if you need anything."
"Thanks, Maribelle."
The woman patted my shoulder in a small attempt at comfort before walking away to help another medic with the man who was throwing up.
She was certainly strict and definitely not the type of person I'd be able to convince to play a game of duck-duck-dragon with me, but she had a kind heart from what I could tell. She would have had to have a kind heart to work in the Feroxi infirmary, as well as an iron stomach.
I obviously didn't.
I felt as though I was choking on my breath and my heart pulsed with anxiety. The room reminded me of loss. As I paced down the narrow hall between the cots, eyes planted on the floor, the room tilted warningly.
It wasn't as though I wasn't scared of my own death. Naga knew the infirmaries reeked of infectious disease and my death would surely come to me when it chose. I just didn't like it when humans died. To me, they had such short lives and so little time to enjoy it, and humans were all I had to keep me company in this vast land I called home.
The fragility of human life was beautiful, but it scared me. Humans always lived with such purpose and ambition. They had true drive in their lives. As for me, I had never thought of such goals. My lifespan would never pressure me. Unlike them, my life was in slow motion, barely passing by. For instance, growing up was just a number to me, because in my mind, I had already grown up. There was no reason to live a slow, manakete life as a serious adult when you knew you'd be living to be well past your three thousandth year.
What would I be...? Super grandma...?
Life felt particularly slow as I placed each foot in front of the other, although it was due to the constant reminder of human death that it was being so dreadfully slow.
The truth is, I didn't want to be alone. I really, really didn't want to be alone. But how could I keep myself together when I was always under the pressure of having my friends drop dead at the drop of a hat? How could I stand by and watch them fall like Emmeryn did, just as sudden and just as fast? How?
I did what I had always done. I took a super deep breath, remembered the good times, and I smiled.
When I looked up, the stench was still in the air. The people were still moaning in their cots. It still reminded me of death, but at least it was bearable.
I scampered to Vaike's bed trying not to dwell too much on the death around me.
Vaike had a blanket similar to Robin's bunched around his chest. His cot was like any other military cot; stiff and scratchy. There was a stool next to his bed, evidence of a medic that had sat there, or perhaps another visitor. A pillow propped his head up, which lolled to the side. His eyes gazed lazily at his struggling neighbors.
He hadn't noticed me yet.
"Vaike!" I greeted him with as bright a voice as I could manage. I hopped right up on the stool, spinning slightly on my seat.
His head snapped up in attention. "Whoa! Hi there, Nowi."
I giggled before sitting with the heels of my feet on the stool's bars. "Hi, how have you been...?" I frowned. "You don't have an infection, right...?"
"Nah, I've been alright." Vaike enthused, an amused smirk appearing on his face. "Nothin' can stop the Vaike!"
Except death…
"Nowi...?" Vaike asked, his voice laced with concern. A large hand grasped my shoulder reassuringly. "Is everythin' alright...?"
I did what I had always done. I took a super deep breath, remembered the good times, and I smiled.
"Everything's fine." I assured him. The smile even reached my eyes as I looked back at him.
Everything's fine.
A/N: Yeah, I know it hasn't yet been two weeks. I've been trying to hoard chapters, but have been doing a terrible job at it, though I'll let you know that I have an AP English exam on Wednesday. That's my reason for posting so early. I thought I should post a bit earlier, so I wouldn't end up spending my time before the exam proofreading. Special thanks to Rainbowpanda5000 for the continued reviews! Thanks also to all who reviewed in the past, gave this story a follow, gave it a favourite, or even read! Knowing people are reading and enjoying this story really helps me pump out the chapters. Anyways, wish me luck on the exam? Let's all cross our fingers that I get a 4 or a 5 for my score.
