A/N: And I'm back! Hi. So... Yeah... And, by the way, no, no Ferb's dream does not mean Vanessa's alive. I just like teasing Ferb and the audience...
Phineas and Ferb are perhaps the most brilliant inventors and the best problem solvers in the world; so when Phineas walked back to his shared room to get ready for bed, he must have immediately started excitedly ranting to Ferb about their extremely successful day, right? Wrong. Phineas Flynn entered the room in enraged mood, ready to punch the nearest person who got in his way, and it didn't exactly help that Ferb was reading a book. A stupid old fiction novel! Seriously?!
"That was a complete and utter failure! How could the day have possibly turned out that bad?!" Phineas had a good reason to be agitated. Isabella's whole left arm was now solid rock, and her toes were starting to feel a bit odd too by the time she went home. "We can always get our inventions done in one day, if not less, so why couldn't we help at all?!"
"Perhaps we're out of practice," Ferb didn't look up from his copy of The Grapes of Wrath. Truthfully, he really didn't want to discuss it. This could quite possibly be the worst day of his life, from his nightmare, to Phineas' complete idea failure, to the extremely slow beginning of this book, to the fact that Candace was completely freaking out about her wedding in two weeks. He just wanted to shut himself up in a coffin (quite literally), and sleep. In fact, yawning at the thought, he did feel a bit tired. A vampire feeling tired? Perhaps a bit odd, but nothing's made any sense lately...
"Out of practice?! Ferb, that's impossible! When we made that roller coaster, when had we ever made something awesome before? I mean, we'd done a few stunts and pranks, but nothing like the stuff we did after that roller coaster. And we didn't need practice for that, so why do we need practice for this?!" The angst of the new werewolf Phineas started to shine through, which was never a good sign. It was like there was a villainous Anti-Phineas in there, trying to corrupt every last shred of optimism and innocence in his soul.
"Well, why don't we try again tomorrow?" Ferb commented in a rather frustrated tone, "I'm annoyed too, you know."
"As you should be," interrupted the all too familiar voice of the Author. And again, the melodrama of the worst villain to lurk the Phineas and Ferb fandom was gracing our beloved characters. And, if the audience was paying attention and reviewing like they should be, they would note that this is the first time the Author has made an appearance in front of multiple characters.
Noticing her sudden appearance, both shouted, "You again?!" Then, both looked at each other and questioned, "Wait, you know her?"
Ferb continued, "Well, of course I know her! She's the one who turned me into a vampire."
"She what?!"
The Author laughed, "That was pretty cute. Did you two, like, rehearse that or something?"
Ferb attempted to pull his hood up, then realized that he was wearing pajamas and face palmed instead. "Not a word from either of you..."
"You sure? I have some pretty good comebacks for that," the Author barely contained her laughter.
"Why are you here?" Ferb asked sardonically.
"Why do you always ask that? I just wanted to let you know that yes, Isabella's arm is exactly what I was talking about the other day. And that you're not gonna be able to help her." The Author's smirk turned into a confused frown as she added, "Huh, I really need to get my eyes checked. They've been doing odd things for a few days now..." As the boys contemplated what next to utter, she wandered around the room, picking up random objects, most of which had been there since the boys were ten.
"Wait, how often do you two talk?" Phineas asked Ferb.
"It isn't exactly a rare occasion..." Ferb replied, looking quite uncomfortable with the Author's presence.
The Author noticed a dorky looking pair of glasses that belonged to Phineas, and out of curiosity, tried them on. A look of astonishment showed as she said, "Wow, these are perfect!" and kept them on.
"That makes no sense whatsoever," Phineas raised an eyebrow, "How do my glasses work on you?"
"No idea. Anyway, you guys have any threats or anything?"
"Uh, like, fix Isabella or else?" Ferb looked unamused.
"Naw, I like watching you suffer too much," the Author's smirk returned.
"In that case, no."
"Alright, then I guess my work here is done. Bye!"
"Wait!" Phineas called as the Author disappeared.
"What," Ferb questioned, "You wanted her to stay?"
"No," Phineas replied, "Mom's gonna kill me if she finds out my glasses are gone!"
"She stole your glasses?" Ferb gave an amused grin, "Haven't seen that one before..."
"Gosh, I'm just surprised they worked in the first place. It's not like we're related..." As Phineas contemplated the likelihood of their being related, then shuddered at the fact that he was thinking such thoughts. "Anyway, you know her?!"
"Well, yes. Yes, I do know the Author. How well do you know her?"
"I've only seen her once; she disguised as me and broke up with Isabella. What do mean by 'the Author'?"
"That's her pen name, I think."
"Well, it's a really lame pen name. Who decides to call herself the Author? And if so, why The Author rather than An Author? The Author kind of monopolizes the phrase, while you could have half a quadrillion 'An Author's and it wouldn't cause any minuscule contrast in the ownership or use of the phrase. Or perhaps she did that on purpose; I mean, I suppose that she is the main antagonist. Why does she want to be our nemesis anyway? What did we do to motivate that kind of cruel, avenging person anyway? Wait, if she's the antagonist, who's the protagonist? And who says this is just a story? It feels pretty darn real to me, though I might not be quite in my right mind, seeing as I'm part Canis Lupis. But that all feels really real too. I suppose that she might be lying, but how would she appear and disappear on command? Perhaps she's a witch, like Isabella. Naw, that's too odd..." Inhaling deeply, Phineas continued, "Wow, I've gotta lay off the coffee..."
"You realize that a year ago, that would've been normal, right?"
"Yes, but a year ago, you would've said exactly one sentence a day, making it physically impossible to carry a conversation unless I was the only one talking the whole time, which I was."
"Well, yes. And to answer your protagonist question, I volunteer as tribute."
"Volunteer for what?"
"Hunger Games reference... I thought teenagers liked that stuff... Anyway, I believe the Author's targeting me."
"I got that; I was just wondering what for. In that case, may the odds be ever in your favor!"
"Don't go overboard..."
Phineas chuckled, "Did ya notice any irony there?"
"Huh?"
"You kiss a girl, and you bite her and suck her blood... If that's not going overboard, I don't know what is!"
Ferb snarled, "Don't ever say that again..."
"Hey, not saying I would've done anything different, but... I mean... Argh..." And he had yet gain managed to let something offensive slip his tongue without thinking about the side effects. What did Isabella think of all those years I was too stupid to notice her?
Biting his lip, Ferb decided it was long time to go to bed again. This day had gone on long enough.
