Chapter 7

Three hours later, Bucky pulled the car into a turn off in a park and turned it off. He looked over at Thea, who was still sleeping and shook his head like a dog again saying, "Она слишком красива, чтобы быть реальной." He then opened the bag he had stashed under the seat and then reached gently over to Thea. When her eyes opened drowsily, he softly said, "I will be back. Stay here."

Suddenly very alert, Thea sat up and demanded, "What is wrong?"

He rasped, "Nothing. I must do something unpleasant. I do not want you to watch."

Immediately, Thea began hyperventilating. "Oh my goodness! What is it?"

"Bella, I said that I don't want you to watch. Please just trust me."

Thea asked, "Would it upset me?"

He sighed. "Yes."

"But it was necessary."

Bucky vehemently replied, "Unfortunately."

"You promise?"

"Yes, Bella. I don't do that anymore."

"Okay. I won't watch."

He watched her for a moment before he said seriously, "Get down so you can't be seen and don't look out."

After he got out, Thea laid down on the front seat and began to softly cry. She heard the boot open and felt the car move as he got something heavy out. She knew that they were in danger and that he would might have to kill again to protect them, but however had they been driving in the car with a body in the boot for hours and she hadn't even known? Surely there was another explanation. It had to be something else large and heavy that he would not want her to see. Because there are so many things that fit that description, right?

Then she thought of the three men that he had shot to protect her, including the one that had threatened to rape her, and she began to shake as she lay crying. How had her life come to this? She had always believed she knew how her life would be. She had spent years studying what had been her heart's delight and doing such wonderful research. Yet after last year, none of that felt important or interesting anymore. She had rather lost herself, but surely choosing this man was the crowning achievement of her madness. How could he be the person to whom she knew she was wildly attracted against all reason, yet be the violent, rough man who tossed her over his shoulder to carry her to safety, and worse be the desperate assassin who burst into her house and ordered her around so aggressively? Even more important, how could she be ok with any of this? Why did it matter so much to her that he know he was redeemable? She had always disdained girls who got caught up with trying to save the boys with the broken wings, but now she must be the most naïve, idealistic, foolish girl in the world. Thea continued to berate herself and second guess her decision to jump suddenly into a relationship with a former stone-cold killer as she hunched down in the car alone and waiting.

However, when Bucky returned and opened the door, she sat up and watched as he dropped heavily in his seat. She could see the genuine misery on his face and felt a few of her doubts slip away. "Was it HYDRA?"

"You do not need to know, Bella. It was simply necessary."

"Are you ok?"

Bucky looked at her as if she were crazy. "I've done this before. Just never as me."

"I know, that is why I asked if you were ok."

"If I were ok with this, then I would still be the assassin that HYDRA wanted me to be. I will never be ok with it."

Thea budged closer to Bucky and said, "I'm really, seriously scared."

Clearly hurt, Bucky asked seriously, "Of me?"

"Of you keeping terrifying secrets like something horrid in the boot? Yes. Of whether there will have to be lots more killing? Yes, and you should know that I can't manage much more. Of the fact that I barely know you and have decided to trust you with my entire life? Yeah, pretty terrifying, really. So, do tell me, am I being stupid to be scared?"

He shook his head. "You can trust that I will keep you safe, Bella. Do you want to know about it? I will tell you, if you want me to. I don't think that it will change your discomfort though, nor should it honestly."

"Yes, I do want you to tell me."

He sighed. "Ok. His name was Kuznetsov. He was not just HYDRA, but he actually worked with me on several past missions. He wasn't looking for us, but he was trying to secure an exit from the same source we are using and followed me back to the church. There was no other option, Bella. I had to move him out here, so even if my efforts fail and the remains are able to be identified, his death will not be tied to us in DC. Not many people could take down Kuznetsov, so I would be one of those suspected immediately."

Thea peered up at him and saw the wild look in his eyes. She doubled down on her earlier decision and put her hand on his shoulder. She said softly, "How horrible. Okay. I will trust you."

Bucky sat very still, then he slipped his arm around her for a brief moment. Then he reached forward and started the car. Thea sat forward to turn on the seat heater before leaning back into her seat and drifting back into a wretched sleep.

Nearly six hours later, Thea was sitting in the middle of a bed in a hotel room and waiting for Bucky to finish his shower. She had not enjoyed a shower that much in a very long time. Her hair was still wet, but it would dry eventually. At least she didn't feel grotty and smell worse like she had done for days. Now she was wrapped up in a blanket overtop her nightdress and dressing gown. She couldn't let him see her in the nightdress, of course, but it would be wonderful not to sleep in day clothes for a change. They had an actual bed and shower. She had brushed her teeth like a human being. It felt like months and not days since she had lived normally. The dividing line between before and after Bucky seemed like the Great Wall. Beforehand, she would absolutely NEVER have been in a hotel room with a man other than one of her brothers and certainly not in a nightdress and most definitely not when she knew that the man had feelings for her. Now she was ready to deal with the embarrassment just to sleep properly for a change.

Bucky burst out of the bathroom wearing a black long-sleeved t-shirt and black pants that she had not yet seen. She had to look away, since she felt a wave of deep mortification swarm over her. Good heavens, he was far too good-looking, and she was here alone with him.

Bucky dropped onto the sofa and asked, "Do you need any medication?"

"Oh, yes, I do actually. Thank you."

"Which one?"

"The same. White oblong. And I need the small yellow pill again."

Bucky fiddled with the pills in the box until he found what she needed and brought it to her. He spoke in a flat tone, "I'm not going to try anything. You don't need to look like that."

Surprised, Thea looked up at him and saw that he was, if anything, more uncomfortable than she was. "It is just that I know my family would disapprove. It feels so wrong. I'm not supposed to let a man see me like this until I am married."

He snorted. "Like what? Wrapped up in three layers and sitting on top of the covers? You are not doing anything inappropriate. I know what kind of girl you are. I am not going to take advantage of you."

"Well, I know I'm being silly. You lifted me like a sack of flour through the street. You carried me on your back for miles. I slept leaning against you in a mausoleum of all ruddy places. I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable now."

"You are back in a normal environment, so you expect a normal situation. It was like that for us during the war a few times when we would have a few days of respite in some miraculously unbombed town. Go ahead and sleep. I'm going to be over here."

Surprised by his comment, Thea regarded him thoughtfully. After a moment, she asked seriously, "You are going to let yourself sleep, aren't you?"

"I have to sleep, or I won't be able to function fully tomorrow. There is a knife under your pillow and a gun under the pillow next to you."

She stared at him for a moment anxiously. "Is that truly necessary?" His look answered her question, so she asked further, "Well is it at least a small one? My hands can just barely handle the P238 Richard bought me, but I can't use my brother's Glock."

Bucky leant further back into the sofa cushion as he watched her. "It is your Sig."

"You found my gun box?"

He made a derisive sound before he said, "Easily. I found your jewellery, your document safe, everything. I will have to show you how to better hide things, Bella."

Quite annoyed, since she had believed that she did a good job at following her brother's security procedures, Thea flopped back onto the bed and said, "Ok. Fine. Good night, Yakov."

Bucky made a pleased noise at her use of his cover name. "Good night."

She laid there for an hour trying to sleep. He had dropped off quickly, but she couldn't manage a wink. Finally, she decided to get up and go sit at the window. It felt weird to be sitting there calmly and comfortably. As she pulled back the curtains and peeked out, she heard Bucky move.

"What is wrong?!"

Thea turned her head. "Nothing really. I just couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd look out the window for a while."

"Go back to bed, Bella. You need the rest. I could see how much pain you were in."

Thea sighed. Then she got up and shuffled over to the bed. "I feel better now though."

"That is because you took a pain pill. Your body still needs the rest. Go lay down."

Suddenly, Thea thought of the night before when Bucky had held her as she slept. It hadn't felt at all romantic. It just felt comforting, but now she wished he were next to her again. However, it would mean something quite different here and she did not want that. She laid back down and stared up at the ceiling. She was genuinely losing her mind.

"Go to sleep, Bella."

"I am trying to do." She rolled over and looked into the darkness. She felt so restless that it was like ants were crawling over her. "I feel like I'm going mad. This is all just overwhelming."

Bucky's deep voice carried quietly across the dark hotel room. "I know, but you are safe right now. No one is going to come into this room. I would take down anyone who tried. You know that I have a plan how to get where we are going. You are safe."

"I believe you. However, I've just tossed away my whole life. I've left my family behind and they all think that I'm dead and knowing how distraught they must be is hurting me more than I can say. I don't know where I'm going to be in a week let alone a year. I don't know how to deal with this."

Bucky got up from the sofa and came over to the bed. He said down and said, "I forget that what feels like freedom to me might be anarchy to you."

Still quite jittery and very uncomfortable with having Bucky so close as he sat on the edge of the bed, Thea vehemently agreed, "Yes, it is! I don't know how to deal with it. I don't like uncertainty. I love organisation and plans."

There was a long silence as Bucky sat breathing a little heavily next to her. Then he miserably answered, "Bella, I will do anything you want. What would help you?"

"I really don't think that anything can help. Ugh, I still have those dumb rings on." Thea slipped both fake wedding rings off and slammed them on the table.

"You will need them again tomorrow."

"Yes, so we can be fake married. I remember."

Bucky was silent again as he sat next to her. She could tell that he was upset, but neither of them spoke. Finally, he asked, "It is only a cover story. Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because I believe that marriage is sacred. You shouldn't make a mockery of it by pretending to be married."

"I can make a different identity once we are in Alaska. I can make you my sister if you prefer that."

"No, thank you. I am not your sister and people would notice that we don't act like siblings."

"Then you are stuck with this identity and me as your fake husband. I am sorry."

Thea could hear the pain and self-doubt in his voice. "I don't object to you, just the lying."

"You should. Now go to sleep, Bella."

"Don't do that. Don't put yourself down and then me by extension just because I don't dislike you."

Bucky got up and said in a strangled voice, "I need to separate myself. It would be better if I went back over there."

Annoyed, Thea laid down and said, "Fine."

Bucky dropped onto the sofa and murmured, "ты не знаешь, как сильно я хочу тебя сейчас."

Thea pulled the covers over her and said, "I'll just try to sleep then."


AN: StefanosAnna: Thank you very much! Я знаю, что мой русский является элементарным, так что я просто надеюсь, что читатели могут понять меня ясно.

SunnySides: Thank you for another kind review and your comments. Bucky is a certainly a fun challenge to write believably. I so hope that you continue to enjoy the story!