Show Me That You're Human
Chapter 7: Never Ending Counting Sheep
Rory woke with a start.
A woman screaming and a deep, malice filled laugh was all it took to make her palms sweat and her heart pound. It was the same thing that had plagued her dreams since childhood, turning a peaceful slumber into a terror filled void and like usual she remembered nothing other than a twisted metal wreckage and her mother's brown eyes, terrifyingly wide while she tried to reach her.
She lay in bed a few moments trying to still her heart before she sat up and climbed from her bed, her mouth and throat ridiculously dry. She rolled her tense shoulders as she walked to the door. The apartment seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, the dark shadows in the room filling her gut with terror again. She needed to get out, roam around the tower until her mind stopped playing tricks on her.
It was a dream she'd been having since she was a little girl. It was nothing more than fragments of a long forgotten memory, one that couldn't possibly be real. The images sometimes changed but the one thing that remained the same were the screams; the scream of tires on a road and a woman's scream, her mother's she guessed, high pitched and terror-filled.
Then there was that laugh. The cold and cruel laugh that filled every crevice of her mind until she could hear nothing but that.
A shiver crept up her spine and she hummed to herself, wishing Tony's elevators had music playing in them but the tower would be mostly be empty at this time of night, she supposed. The music wasn't really needed.
The doors opened and as she pushed through the construction plastic, she was met with the sound of the TV blaring some ridiculous pop tune. Instantly her hand went to her hip where her knife usually sat, an automatic reaction that wasn't needed inside Tony's tower, but still she was cautious. Years of training had drilled that into her.
As she edged around the giant Loki-shaped crevice in the floor, she could make out the shadowy outline of someone tall standing in front of the tv, their shoulder's tense as they facing her.
"Aurora?" They said her name and she squinted into the light.
"Steve." She smiled, relaxing, as she recognised the figure. She made her way to where he was and sat when he did. "What are you doing up?"
"I couldn't sleep." He replied, one hand going behind his head to rub his hair. "Came down to see what was on the television… and have some coffee." He nodded to the empty mug on the coffee table.
"Mmm, I know the feeling." She nodded, moving to sit beside him on the plush couch. She drew her legs up to her chest and hugged her knees. "I had a nightmare." She admitted, resting her chin on them. Her eyes went to the TV where some RnB station played the latest hit. She wrinkled her nose, she'd always been more of a rock kind of girl. She reached for the remote and changed the channel, her ears ringing in the silence.
"Oh?" Steve sounded surprised. She turned to him as the television turned white and lit up the room. She had to pause a moment as she realised he wasn't wearing a shirt and the perfectly cut body that was hinted at behind his t-shirts was finally on display. She smirked before she shrugged.
"Same one I've always had. Screaming. Maniacal laughter. Cold sweats of terror." She said, shivering again as the laughter echoed in her mind. She shook herself to clear her head, rubbing her arms to ward off the gooseflesh crawling over her skin.
"Sounds like fun." Steve grimaced, flicking the channel to something a little less loud and ridiculous. "You get them often?"
"Nothing I can't handle. In this line of work, nightmares are to be expected every now and then." She replied. "But this particular one I've had since I was a child. You think I'd be used to it but nope." She pulled a face, shaking her head. "How are you after today by the way? I knocked on your door but I guess you were out?" She rested her cheek on her knees so her head was turned to look at him.
Steve felt a blush creep over his face. He was embarrassed because he almost lost it in front of them and he'd run. He didn't want them to think he wasn't a strong person. He was strong; the panic just overwhelmed him sometimes.
"I'm fine. Honestly." He assured her, but was met with a disbelieving gaze. He sighed. He'd gone straight to the gym after the incident and had broken two more bags. That had tired his body out enough hat when he got back a little after 7 he'd fallen right to sleep.
That sleep hadn't lasted long and he'd woken up to find himself sprawled on the floor with a broken lamp, with a vague memory of being back in the war. It wasn't the first time he'd slept walked and broken furniture so he hadn't been too worried about it.
"I had a nightmare too." He found himself admitting, not entirely sure what made him say it. "It makes sleep a little difficult. It's why I'm here watching television and not in my room… My room always seems so small after one."
"Yeah, me to." She replied, a small smile of understanding on her face. "Was it because of today?" She asked in a soft voice.
"Maybe?" He shrugged, his insides squirming. "I'm fine though. I have a session with Doctor Holstein tomorrow. I'll talk to her then." He assured her, hoping she wasn't worrying about him. Even so, it was nice to be able to talk to her. She reminded him of Peggy. The genuine care on her face made him feel a little better. It wasn't filled with pity or judgement, just something genuine that made him feel ok again.
"Good." She nodded. "What's she like? I have a session with her tomorrow as well." She asked, rolling her eyes.
"She's nice, looks really young but she's nice." Steve said, frowning slightly. "What do you need to go to a shrink for?"
"Mandatory psych eval. All personnel who were on the ground during the invasion are required to have one. I got assigned Holstein because I was also demoted and again, that is a mandatory psych eval thing." She waved a hand. "No big. We've all had psych sessions before. You can't make it to level 7 without at least 5. 10 in Clint's case." She said, her smile assuring.
They fell silent, enjoying the company of the other person and watched the African Safari documentary that was just starting on Discovery Channel.
"Thanks, by the way." Steve said quietly after a few minutes. Rory glanced at him.
"What for?" She asked.
"For knowing what was going on today and not worrying about it." He shrugged a shoulder, his eyes leaving the TV for half a second to look at her.
"Oh I worried, don't mistake me not running after you as me not worrying." She glanced at him and found him watching her with a curious expression. It was tense but tender all at once, his blue eyes hooded in the dim light. "I just remember Grant liked his space. It was embarrassing for him to freak out like that because he was supposed to be the strong one and the attacks made him feel weak."
What she said rang true somewhere deep inside Steve and he was relieved to know that he wasn't the only one going through this. It made it a little less scary to know he wasn't an anomaly. "How long did it last for him?"
"Two, maybe three years. It was why he changed and trained to be a sniper." Rory fought back a yawn. "But it got better. Slowly. As long as he kept up with his psych sessions and had the love and support of his family he got there in the end."
Steve's stomach fell. He had no family to support him. He needed this to be gone quickly, he was an Avenger and he couldn't have a weakness. His teammates were depending on him to be at his peak and if he suddenly had an attack out in the field he'd be letting them down.
"Well I guess all I got is sessions with the doc, huh?" Steve shook his head, his tone bitter.
"You've got friends, Steve." Rory lifted her head, dropping her legs back down in front of her. "You've got me and Arthur and the other Avengers… Friends help just as much as family, you just gotta let them." She smiled, turning her body so her shoulder was against the back of the plush couch and she was facing him. She rested her head and closed her eyes, giving a soft sigh and a wave of tiredness washed over her body.
"It's a weakness though. The team doesn't need to see that." He shook his head, scowling and picking at the throw rug beside him.
Her eyes opened. "You don't think we've all been there? Clint has. He was in the army, he's killed and almost been killed more times than he can count now. It haunts him all the time. Natasha's been brainwashed, beaten, tortured. She gets nightmares, and panics just like the rest of us." She hesitated a moment before she sighed. "I backed out of a mission in Hungary because of something that happened on a previous mission. That was the first time I'd been shot and almost had no extraction. I didn't want to go through that again. No one thinks any less of me. Being scared isn't a weakness, and weakness isn't a sign of failure Steve. It's a sign that we've been broken and we need to fix ourselves. We're human."
Steve listened in silence. It was amazing and comforting to hear that he wasn't alone. He knew it was his own stupid and stubborn nature that made him feel like he was.
"Thank you." He replied, not knowing how to speak what he was feeling. Overwhelming gratitude made his chest ache and he felt a little less lost for the first time since he woke up.
"You don't have to thank me, Cap. I'm glad I can help." She smiled, shutting her eyes again. "I've grown up listening to stories about you. In some weird way I feel like I need to protect you."
Steve let out a laugh. "I don't need protecting ma'am."
Rory grinned. "Oh I know you don't need protection from lil' ol' me, Mr 300-pounds-of-muscle." She reached over and poked his bicep. He flinched away with a laugh. "You're just a part of the family, you know?" She shrugged and rubbed her eyes.
Steve smiled, watching her while she relaxed next to him. "I appreciate you looking out for me." He murmured. "Better than a bunch of suits who think that I'm nothing more than a weapon, right?"
"Exactly." She smiled, her eyes closed once more. "You can come to me for anything Steve, day or night. I'll do my best to help okay?"
"Okay."
"Including nightmares and panic attacks."
"I'm fine."
"Steve."
He sighed in amusement as her eyes snapped open once more and she glared at him. "Understood." He gave her a small salute, watching as she smiled in triumph.
"Good."
"You know I technically outrank you, right?"
"Yep. You gonna fight me on it, Captain?"
He was met with sparkling eyes and he shook his head quickly.
"No ma'am. If there's one thing I learned it's that you never fight with a Carter woman. You gal's have a tendency to win."
"That's because we're usually right."
Steve shook his head, a snort escaping his lips as he threw the blanket from beside him over both their legs. He settled beside her, his eyelids growing heavy and the spot where her foot pressed into his leg tingling ever so slightly, completely content with his life. A strange feeling, yes, but one he knew he would come to appreciate with time.
Steve watched as Doctor Holstein scribbled into the notebook on her lap. Everything they'd ever talked about in the last 3 weeks was documented in that little book. It was strange to think this new part of his life could be condensed down into just a few pages and ink but there it was. It's ugly blue cover poking out at him from against her knee. It was a familiar sight. He came in, sat down, smelled her perfume before they talked for an hour and then he left. He couldn't tell if he was making progress or if this was all a waste of his time but he'd been assured he had to be here as a requirement of SHIELD.
"Can you tell me about this nightmare, Steve?" She glanced up at him, smiling encouragingly. "You don't have to if it's too hard, but I would like to know." She pushed some dark hair that had fallen in front of her eye to the side and tucked it behind her ear.
He shrugged a shoulder. "Makes no difference to me Doc." He murmured. "I was back in a warzone with my old team. We were under attack, shells going off everywhere, guns firing, people dying. We were trapped in trenches and the only way to survive was to get up and out. None of them made it." He clenched his fists, seeing the dead faces of his friends flash in his mind again. "I woke up on the floor with a smashed lamp." He swallowed, looking guilty. It was the third lamp in as many weeks that he had to replace.
Erica took her glasses off and rested her pen on her knee. "So you had a panic attack as well." She stated. Steve just nodded. He was used to waking up in funny places. Sometimes he woke up in his living room, his shield on his arm as if someone was about to attack him. "You know that that is just another part of your PTSD, don't you Steve?" She reassured him. "Your mind wants you to see what it wants to see and it distorts your reality." She explained. "We've been working on how to control them, remember?"
Steve nodded. "I know. It helped earlier in the day." He glanced at her and found her looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "I was at the café down the street and a jackhammer started to go off. I saw and felt and smelt everything I had on the battlefield. But I controlled it. I could breath and I managed to clear my mind."
"Good." Doctor Holstein smiled warmly. "Very good, Steve. Small steps are better than no steps." She picked up her pen and scribbled something down. "Your nightmare was probably just left over from that attack you avoided during the day." She spoke, half to him and half to herself. "But avoiding an attack all together is progress."
"I ran away." He spoke softly, causing Holstein to look up at him sharply.
"You took yourself from a triggering situation. Right now, that is not running away." She insisted. "That's self preservation. You're a strong man. If you had had a full blown attack at that café you could have done some damage." Steve nodded slowly as she spoke.
"Acknowledging you needed to get out of that situation is admirable and progress." She assured him, her eyes warm and encouraging. "Did you manage to get back to sleep last night?"
An involuntary smile broke out on Steve's face.
For the first time since he woke up and the nightmares started he had managed to go back to sleep. He'd been talking to Rory and she'd closed her eyes so he'd settled in to watch the TV a little longer and then all of a sudden she was shaking his shoulder and sun was shining through the windows.
It had been the nicest wakeup he'd had in a very long time.
"Yes, I did. I fell asleep on the couch in the living room." He nodded. Holstein beamed at him.
"That's the first time that's happened, isn't it?" She asked, scribbling quickly on the notepad. He almost laughed at her excitement. If there was one thing that woman was, it was proud of his small victories.
"It is." He nodded. "Best sleep I've had in a long time too."
"What changed, do you think?"
"I ran into Aurora Dugan while in the living room and I fell asleep talking to her." He admitted. Holstein stopped writing for a second and glanced at him.
"Ah yes, Aurora Dugan. I see she's taking those orders seriously then." She chuckled and Steve's eyebrow rose, catching her sarcasm.
"I don't want her to obey those orders. She's been nothing but good to me since I met her and it's only been a week." He insisted, remembering the argument he'd had with Fury over her.
"I know Steve. Don't worry, I'm re-evaluating the impact she may have on your mental health and keeping an eye on it." She nodded, a smile on her face. "Why was she in the living room that early in the morning?"
Steve hesitated a moment before he responded. "I don't know." It was a lie but it wasn't his place to tell anyone about Rory's nightmares. "She didn't tell me why and I didn't want to pry. It's none of my business."
Holstein scribbled something in her notebook and was silent for a long time. Steve waited patiently, his nose tickling, as the smell of her sickly sweet perfume seemed to intensify in the silence. "I see. Why do you think Agent Dugan helped you fall back to sleep?" She asked, without looking up.
Steve thought for a moment. He wasn't entirely sure but he liked her company a lot. He found it calming and he hadn't been joking when he told her he felt less lonely since she came into his life. It was like she was on a mission to make him feel at home.
"She makes me feel less lonely, I guess." He smiled, remembering her instructions to tell his doctor that. "She's easy to talk to, very friendly and… she wants to help me. I feel like she genuinely cares about me as a person."
Doctor Holstein looked up from her notepad, her eyebrows above the frames of her glasses. "Do you think we're not trying to help you?" Her voice softened as if he'd hurt her.
"I think you're assigned to help me but the majority of SHIELD, no offense to you Doc, sees me as a weapon and nothing more. Aurora treats me like a human."
Holstein merely nodded.
"We are here to help you and we don't see you as a weapon, Steve." She flicked a page in her notebook and continued to write, not looking up at him while she spoke. "I still have my reservations over you and Aurora Dugan being in close proximity so I will be monitoring you closely."
Steve rubbed the back of his head and pulled a face. "But why?"
"Because I want to make sure her 'memories of the past' don't trigger any more attacks for you." She pointed out to him. Steve scoffed.
"She doesn't, I can assure you. If anything, knowing about my friends and family helps a lot." He insisted, hoping that she would just leave the topic of Aurora alone.
"Or they can trigger your attacks." Doctor Holstein sighed, sliding her glasses off her face again. She ran a hand through her hair, the brown locks falling against her shoulders. "Just humour me, ok? I might be wrong, I just want to be prepared for anything." She chuckled.
"Fine, but she's not being ordered away from me again." He nodded, defeated. "Just please tell Fury to give her back her job. I hate knowing that it's my fault she lost it."
"She's in with me for a psych evaluation soon so I'll see what I can do." Erica said with a nod. "How do you think you're adjusting, Steve?"
The question made Steve look up. The four weeks he'd actually been awake he'd been trying so hard to adjust and fit in. It was hard to know if he was ok or not though. It felt like a lifetime since he'd been asleep.
"I think… I'm ok, now I've made some friends." He nodded slowly. "The team and Aurora's friends are nice people. I'm feeling less lost."
"Have you thought about what happens if you meet a pretty girl you might be interested in?"
Her next question caught him even more off guard. "Honestly? No." He admitted truthfully. "It's not exactly high on my priorities list."
"Maybe it should be." Erica shrugged. "You're young and handsome, there should be nothing stopping you."
"Saving the world is a pretty good excuse." He pointed out. She smiled at him.
"You know what I mean, Steve. You can't hold onto the past forever. Moving on wouldn't be replacing her." Erica's words were assuring but Steve wasn't ready to think about it too much just yet.
Steve looked at his hands and nodded. "I know… I just… don't think I'm ready just yet. I have too much going on in my life. It wouldn't seem fair to throw that at someone."
"That's fair. Just don't hold yourself back, ok?" She snapped the notepad shut. "Your time is up, unless there's something else you want to talk about?"
Steve shook his head. "No ma'am, I'm good."
"I'll see you in a couple of days." She smiled and watched as he stood and headed for the door.
Steve felt like he could breath again as he walked out of her office, and closed the door behind him.
"Hey Stranger." A bright voice greeted him and he looked around.
"Hey." He smiled when he saw Rory leaning against the wall. "What're you doing here?"
"My session is next. Mandatory. Yuck." She pulled a face and kicked off the wall and stepped toward him. "Hey, so, I was thinking of watching Sleeping Beauty again tonight with popcorn and hot chocolate in my apartment, if you cared to join me?" She smiled and playfully punched her fists against his bicep. She rested one there and met his eye.
"That sounds good, yeah thanks." He nodded, returning her smile.
"Great! We should order pizza as well, there's this great place uptown, I hope they'll deliver here" She placed her hand on the door handle to Holstein's office. "I'll see you around 7?"
"Yeah, see you then." He nodded and waved his hand, feeling a lot lighter than when he went into his session. Rory grinned and waved back as she pushed into the office.
"Aurora Dugan, we meet at last." Erica Holstein trained her brilliantly green eyes on Rory and gestured toward the seat. "Please, take a seat."
"Thanks. Hi, nice to meet you." Rory sat and crossed her legs at the knees. She watched as Doctor Holstein took out a notebook and opened it to the first page. She was younger than Rory had imagined and dressed impeccably. Her clothes screamed money and her body language was robotically professional. She wore some kind of perfume that didn't match with the image though; it was too sweet, like spun sugar and very sickly.
Rory knew she would going to have a headache at the end of this.
"Now Miss Dugan –"
"Rory. Please." Rory interrupted her. "Not many call me Aurora, except family and that's usually only when I'm in trouble." She smiled.
Or Steve. She thought. Not once in the past few days had he called her 'Rory'. She kind of liked that he didn't.
"Formal setting, Miss Dugan" Came the clipped reply. She scribbled something in the notebook as Rory stared at her in surprise. "Do you know why you're here today?"
"Psych evaluation. I was on the ground during the invasion." She replied, tucking some hair over her ear.
"You were also demoted." Doctor Holstein pointed out, glancing at her from over the top of her glasses. "We need to have a bit of a chat, over about four sessions to make sure you're coping with everything."
Rory snorted and shook her head. "I was demoted from field to desk, it's hardly a big deal."
"It can be an adjustment for some agents. Especially one with a record like yours." Doctor Holstein pulled a file toward her and opened it up. Rory craned her neck, trying to see what was in it. Something about the Doctor's tone rubbed her the wrong way.
"Record?" She queried, her stomach clenching at the thought of an unfamiliar doctor rifling through her darkest secrets.
"Well, you only graduated from the Academy five years ago and yet you've done so much for such a short amount of time." Holstein turned a page in her file, the paper crinkling loudly.
"SHIELD works us hard I suppose." Rory nodded, linking her fingers over her knees. "It doesn't seem like a long time when you're busy."
"Would have been longer but you studied for a short time at Boston College?" Holstein read from the page in front of her and Rory held her breath. Some of her past had been redacted, she's made sure it had, but it still had her on edge anytime someone went over her history.
She thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to answer the woman. "I always wanted to go to SHIELD, I just had things that held me back. Changing when I did seemed like the best time." She replied, happy with her response. It wasn't quite a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either.
"You were very successful too, considering your results from Boston College were subpar." Holstein met her eyes and Rory blinked at her in surprise.
"The Academy was something I was finally interested in… What I studied at BC wasn't overly interesting to me and I think that reflected in my grades." She gave a small shrug.
"So would you say it was an easier time because of your legacy?"
Rory's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, my legacy?" She asked.
Holstein nodded, peering at her over her glasses again. She had cold eyes, brilliant green but so cold and hard. She gave Rory an odd feeling, almost like she felt the need to protect her mind from probing thoughts.
"Your grandparents built this place from the ground up. You passed through the academy with flying colours. You don't think that it's because of who you are?" The tone was still there, slightly condescending and slightly accusatory.
"I worked damn hard at the Academy and we didn't make it publicly known who I was. Clint Barton was my S.O. straight from the academy, with help from Natasha Romanoff. They went hard on me because of my legacy. I didn't have an easy time because of my name and if you're insinuating that Nick Fury goes easy on me because of my grandmother and grandfather, you're very wrong." Rory knew her tone was sharp but she didn't need the doctor writing down that she had a God Complex because of her family.
"How so?" One eyebrow rose slightly. The smell of pun sugar intensified and Rory had to breath through her mouth.
"Director Fury knows he can push me, so he does." She said simply. "He probably wouldn't have fired anyone else for breaking orders either. Just simply punished them in creative ways. He knows I hate paper pushing so here I am. Demoted to desk with paper coming out of my ears." She smiled pointedly. Holstein was nodding along as Rory spoke.
"But you don't think you got special treatment because of who you are."
"No." Her answer was firm and non negotiable. "No, I don't think I did. If anything it was harder because of who I am."
"Ok." She stared at the psychiatrist, wondering what the woman meant by that. Holstein perused the file again and Rory felt like her life was on display. She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. "How are the nightmares?"
"Fine." Aurora replied tersely.
"Oh? Captain Rogers mentioned that you were awake with one last night. Was it the same one you've always had?" Holstein tapped her finger against the folder and glanced up at Rory.
Rory froze on the spot, her face remaining neutral and calm. "Captain Roger's mentioned that I had a nightmare?"
"He mentioned you, yes."
"It was only a small one, nothing to worry about." Rory shook her head, working to keep her breathing steady. She had to breath through her nose again and the perfume was still there.
"So it wasn't the recurring nightmare you've had since childhood?" She tapped the page again and Rory bit her lip. It was in her file and medical record. She'd been to more psychiatrists than she could count over her lifetime, always for the same, recurring nightmare but none could ever find a conclusive reason for it.
They had to list it on her SHIELD medical report just to prove she was mentally stable. She'd tried as hard as she'd could to have that redacted too but it was unfortunately still there.
"No. It was aliens." She lied, keeping her voice even. "You know, after the alien invasion we've just had? They were chasing me again."
Doctor Holstein nodded and jotted some more into the notebook. "Do you think they'll continue?"
"Probably not? Does it matter? I'm an agent, we all get nightmares. It's part of the job. I'd be more worried if I didn't." She pointed out, her voice edging closer to terse.
"Very true." Holstein smiled at her, the first one Rory had seen out of the woman and it unnerved her. "Let me know if it does get worse." She prompted. "Let's continue, shall we?"
Rory let out a small sigh.
The multitude of tests that were used in a psych evaluation were never the most fun things in the world. They were usually dry, boring and repetitive and the small, 60-minute session felt like it went on forever but soon it was over and Holstein was shuffling papers and sliding them into an envelope to be analysed later.
Rory felt like she could breathe for the first time in an hour
"So before we finish for the day, I will let you know that I'm monitoring Captain Roger's very closely now that you are in his life." Holstein said, making Rory pause as she stood from the chair.
"Why?" Rory asked, her brow wrinkling. "Do you think he's at risk?"
"Not so much a risk but I just want to make sure his mental health is going to be ok." Holstein replied.
Rory let out a snort and shook her head. "He's a grown man and sure he has his problems but I hardly think I will make much difference." She tucked some hair over her ear and then folded her hand across her stomach. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you'll find I may help him a little. The man needs friends, not colleagues."
Holstein looked like she was going to argue with her for the moment but she didn't say anything other than goodbye. "I was just letting you know, Miss Dugan."
Rory nodded. "Understood, Doctor." She turned and opened the door.
"Oh and Miss Dugan?" Rory turned back to Doctor Holstein, trying not to roll her eyes.
"Agent. I'm an Agent." Rory corrected her. It had been bugging her all session. The woman wanted formalities and Rory had earned her title.
Holstein smiled that smile again. "My apologies, agent; If you do have another nightmare please come to me. We'll work on some strategies for dealing with them, ok? I don't want to have to make this down on your file as a sign of mental instability."
The hair on the back of Rory's neck stood up on end. She'd been threatened in the past and that was hitting all the right notes. She didn't know what it was about Doctor Holstein that made her back arc but she didn't trust the woman.
"Sure thing, Doc." She faked a smile before she stepped out of the office. "Hell no." She muttered as she walked to the elevator. She never talked about her nightmares. She'd dealt with them long enough to know she didn't need anyone to help her, because after her heart stopped racing and she woke up properly, she was fine.
She didn't even know why she'd told Captain Rogers but apparently he couldn't be trusted with the news. God, she couldn't believe him. Why the hell would he talk about something like that to a Doctor, for gods sake? It wasn't his nightmare to tell, it wasn't his place to discuss her.
Especially when that could mean the difference between being reinstated as a field agent and being stuck on the desk for the rest of her life.
Before she knew it she found herself in front of his door, hammering loudly on it. She fumed, her temper unfortunately getting the best of her and she tapped her foot as she waited.
"Aurora, hey." Steve smiled at her as the door opened, revealing him to be only in a towel, his torso glistening with moisture. For a moment she couldn't reply, her eyes taking in the sight before her. "What's up?" He shifted and her eyes snapped to his as she remembered why she was there.
"Did you talk to Holstein about my nightmare?" She demanded, not returning the smile.
Steve blinked in response, looking slightly bewildered. "I mentioned that you were awake when I was," He nodded slowly. "But I didn't –"
"Don't." She shook her head, cutting him off. "Just don't. That was private." She snapped, scowling. "That's just flagged on her radar that I may be suffering from some kind of… 'mental instability'." She quoted with her fingers, rolling her eyes.
"But I –"
"It's fine, just… don't talk about me to her ok? I don't like people knowing my business." She shook her head, running her hands through her hair. She turned to walk back to her apartment, not knowing what else to say to him.
"Hey, no wait." Steve's voice sounded surprised and slightly panicked and he followed her into the hall. He reached for her arm, stopping her in her tracks. "Aurora, wait. What happened? I didn't say anything about –"
"Don't touch me." She shrugged her arm out of his grip. "I told you I had a nightmare and you told Holstein. Maybe I should have been explicit and told you I don't talk about that kind of thing with just anyone and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone," she paused to catch her breath. "But I thought it would be self explanatory."
Steve opened his mouth to respond but she didn't let him.
"Do you know how nightmares look to SHIELD, Steve?" She tapped her temple, a scowl on her pretty features. "It looks like a weakness, one that could be exploited or one that could mean I have bigger problems. Ones that might stop me doing my job."
"You're not unstable though, anyone can see that." Steve argued, shaking his head. "Everyone gets nightmares." The words were out of his mouth before he realise he was just repeating the same stuff he'd been told by Aurora and Doctor Holstein.
"Not recurring ones. Not ones that have absolutely no basis or reason." She said. She took a deep breath. "Look, I have to go. Don't worry about tonight, I have… stuff." She waved a hand and backed away from him, swiping her keycard against her keypad and pushing into her suite before he could say anything more.
Steve stood in the hall, pinching his brow in frustration. He stared down at the floor where Rory had just been standing. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation that had just come to pass. She was mad at him, that was for sure and it appeared to be because he mentioned her in his session with Holstein.
But he hadn't told her it was a nightmare.
"You know, you're supposed to put clothes on before leaving your apartment, Cap." Clint's voice filled the hall and Steve turned to look at him.
"Yeah I was uh… Talking to Aurora." Steve said absently, stepping back toward his suite.
"In a towel?" Clint's eyebrow rose. "Nice going man, reel her in with those abs."
"What?" Steve blinked. "Oh." He said when he saw the look Clint was giving him. "No nothing like that. She was mad at me… I don't… know what for though." Steve rubbed the back of his neck. "Something I apparently said to Doctor Holstein, I think."
"Ah Rory can be a bit of a loose canon at times." Clint shrugged, clapping Steve on the shoulder. "One minute she'll be your best friend, the next you've said something stupid and she's pointing her gun at you."
"So exactly like her grandmother then." Steve said dryly. "Perfect."
"I uh, don't get the joke but sure. We'll go with that." Clint nodded. Steve chuckled.
"Remind me to tell you some time. Peggy actually pulled the trigger." He left his hand from the back of his neck and rests it on his hip.
Clint choked out a laugh. "Wow yeah, Rory's never actually shot me but she's lost her temper a fair few times. Give her a couple of hours to calm down and then try and talk to her." He moved past Steve and headed for his door. "But stay shirtless. The shirtless thing works for you, Cap."
Steve's cheeks turned red as he turned back and entered his suite, both confused and slightly annoyed that Rory had lost her temper at him without an explanation.
Author's Note:
There are small pieces of story in this one that will make sense later. Hope you enjoyed it regardless and thanks for reading. If you like it, comment, like and share please. It really helps get the story out there!
Playlist:
Counting Sheep - Safia
"From now on we are enemies" - Fall Out Boy
Hysteria - Muse
