A/N So I meant to have this up a while back but didn't have internet, and then was on vacation, then didn't have internet again…but now it's fixed. Sorry for the delay. The song I used is Don't Be Cruel by Elvis Presley. So thanks for the reviews and I'll have an update up ASAP. Thanks.

Chapter 6: Don't Be Cruel

When I enter my house, I can already feel myself becoming different. I already feel like I'm crawling back into the hole that I used to be in, the one that makes me feel worthless. I feel that dread in the pit of my stomach. It's such a horrible feeling compared to the butterflies that I get when I'm around Ryan. When I'm with him, I feel as though I'm the most important person in the world. When he looks at me, I get this feeling that's unlike anything I've ever imagined. It's because of him that I come to my decision. As I see Steve smile at me and the way my mom smiles at him, I already know what I must do. If I don't, I fear that I'll lose myself and scare away Ryan, my new best friend. If I don't do this, then I'm never going to get better. I need to tell my mom the truth. I need to tell her that Steve rapes me.

When Steve smiles at me, I feel the anger well up inside of me. I realize then that it's possible to hate a person so much that you want to kill them. In that moment, I find out what murderers probably feel before they commit the act. I would never kill a person though, just imagine them dead. "I've missed you," He says in that annoying voice of his.

"Well I haven't missed you," I mumble. I kind of wish he could hear me say it too. I wonder if my mom hears me. I feel the rebellious teenager side of me come out.

"What was that?" He asks, his smile still there, his eyes narrowing. He watches me like a vulture, like I'm his prey, like he's going to hunt me. In a way, I guess he is. He's such a pervert.

"I said I have a lot of work to do," I say, starting for the stairs. The sooner I get away, the sooner I can call Ryan, my only escape.

"Yet you have enough time to go frolic with a senior boy at the beach," He states. I look back at him. His eyes are challenging. He doesn't like me with Ryan. It gives me pleasure to know that I do something that annoys him. He really needs to learn that not everything revolves around him.

I smirk and say, "Yes, I do actually. But I have spent all my time with Ryan so now I have none left for you two. I'm sorry, I really am, but you know, duty calls." I glare at Steve, my eyes just as challenging as his.

"Let's have dinner at least," My mom says, finally speaking up.

"I already ate," I say, walking upstairs again.

"Can we at least try to be like a family?" Steve asks, and I turn around.

"No," I state simply. My mom stares at me, her mouth wide open in shock. I've never really talked back to her and Steve. In fact, I've never even showed any signs of not liking Steve. I usually bite my tongue and give her my fake smile. I don't want to fake smile anymore. After being friends with Ryan, I rather like my real one.

You know I can be found,
Sitting home all alone,
If you cant come around,
At least please telephone.
Dont be cruel to a heart thats true

"Marissa, come back and apologize to your stepfather." She demands, tapping her foot on the ground and crossing her arms over her chest.

I shake my head and say, "He's not my stepfather remember? Or are you guys forgetting the part where he gets down on one knee and proposes and then you get married? Until that happens, I don't need to apologize. Until that happens, he can't boss me around. Until then, there will be no 'family' dinners." I finish my walk upstairs, leaving my mom and Steve to talk amongst themselves.

I'm halfway through my homework when my mom comes into my room. She does not look happy. "What the hell was that about?" She asked.

"I.." I start, but don't get to finish.

"He's gone for a long time and then suddenly you're rude towards him. You never were mean to him before," She says, pacing around the room.

"Mom.." I try again, but again, she interrupts me.

"And I just don't get what's gotten into you. You are not allowed to talk to adults like that. It doesn't matter if they're part of your family or what. Steve has been nothing but kind to us, taking us in, letting us live in his house so soon. Most guys wouldn't like a teenager in their house, but not Steve. He 's great with you. The least you could do is show some kind of respect… "

"Mom!" I say, louder than I intend to. It's just so annoying that she is lecturing me like I'm a little kid. She doesn't know the half of it.

She looks at me and asks, "What?" She looks bored.

"Steve rapes me," I state. My voice doesn't crack, my words don't sound shaky. In fact, when I say it, I show no emotion at all. "He comes into my room most nights and puts a hand over my mouth and rapes me. It's been happening for a few months now."

"Don't say that," She tells me angrily.

"It's true, he does do it and it hurts so much sometimes…" I say, trying to make her understand me, to see my pain.

"Stop making up stuff!" She says, her voice starting to raise.

I let my mouth drop open in shock. She doesn't believe me. "Mom, I'm not making this up…" I say, trying to let her see that I'm telling the truth.

"Don't do this Marissa, just don't."

"Do what, I'm telling the truth!" I say, raising my voice.

My mom walks toward me then. I think a part of me knew what she was going to do next. Her slap against my cheek hurts more than I thought it would. She stares at me, her eyes narrowing and angrily says, "Don't you ever say that again, or you're out of this house. Do you understand me?"

What the hell? Out of the house? I shake my head and look down, fighting back the tears of rage. How dare she! I read the Gossip Girl series about a year ago. In it, Serena's brother has a motto. Fuck em' he says. That's now my motto. I stand up straighter and look at my mom, her ugly, hideous face and say, "Okay."

My mom smiles and I want to throw up. Well, you know what, fuck you! I want to scream. Instead, I give her my fake smile and say, "I have work to do."

She nods and straightens her blouse and says, "Okay. I'm going to attempt make dinner for me and Steve. Are you sure you're not hungry?" I nod and she says, "Well then, I'll leave you to your work."

As she walks away, I want to cry. Steve took away everything; my innocence, my virginity, my ability to see the good things in life, my childhood, and now, he's taken my mom.

Ryan calls about an hour later and right away asks me, "What's wrong?"

I don't say anything at first, wondering how he can tell that I'm upset even when I'm miles away. "How do you know something's wrong?" I ask after a while.

When I close my eyes, I can see him how he must look on the phone. I see his hair in his eyes, with that brooding look that he gets when either of us are upset. I bet he's running a hand through his hair, wondering what could be wrong with me. And then I see him smile the slightest bit at my question and say, "Because, believe it or not, I know you."

I smile just a little bit too and say, "To think a couple of weeks ago that's what you kept begging me to be able to do."

Baby, if I made you mad
For something I might have said,
Please, lets forget the past,
The future looks bright ahead,
Dont be cruel to a heart thats true.
I dont want no other love,
Baby its just you Im thinking of.

He is quiet and then says, "I know it's only been a couple of hours…but I miss you."

I smile and twirl a strand of my hair on my finger and say, "Believe it or not, I kind of miss you too."

He laughs slightly and says, "Well I figured as much but I didn't think you'd say it."

"Will you do me a favor?" I ask in a small, far away voice.

"Anything you ask," He responds quickly.

"Will you just talk to me for a while?" I ask softly.

"What do you want me to talk about?" He asks softly, and I can picture him in my mind, lying back on his bed, a hand behind his head, the phone to his ear.

"Anything…just, talk," I say quietly.

He's quiet for a while, all I can hear is his breathing, but that's even comforting. I close my eyes and he says, "I always wondered what stars were for when I was little. They were so comforting and I found I would think about them in my free time. I loved looking up at the night sky and seeing them there, shining down. I always was most comfortable when I saw those stars. Before they taught us that they were those big, flaming balls in the sky I used to think that maybe it was people smiling down at us. I'd look up in the sky and wonder who they were and what they were doing. Someone once told me that the Indus believed that stars were peepholes from heaven and whenever our loved ones were happy, that's when the stars would shine. I always kind of was fond of stars."

"I've never thought so much about stars," I admit. "I'm more of a sunset person."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Well, I like to look at sunsets, and I feel the peaceful feeling. You know, the feeling that everything is okay?"

Dont stop thinking of me,
Dont make me feel this way,
Come on over here and love me,
You know what I want you to say.
Dont be cruel to a heart thats true.
Why should we be apart?
I really love you baby, cross my heart.

"Yeah."

"Well that's what I feel. I like looking at the sunset because I know it's always going to happen. The sun is always going to rise and it's always going to set every single day." I pause and then ask, "So what happened?"

"With what?" He asks me, confused.

"What happened with looking up at the stars?"

"They got kind of depressing," He said with a sigh. "I mean, once we learned what they were, they weren't the same. And then my teacher goes and explains that stars burn out and basically what we see is not always there anymore. It's kind of sad really if you think about it."

"What is?" I ask. Stars are kind of nice, why does he find them sad?

"Well, when you really think about it, you can say that we all die. Even stars burn out," He says.

"I never thought of it that way," I state. I really hadn't. It's kind of a deep thing to talk about.

"Not most people do," He says.

I sigh content fully, totally forgetting about my mom and Steve. That's what effect Ryan has on me though. He can make me forget, and I think that's the best thing anyone can do. I look at he clock and see that it's getting late. That means Steve will be coming soon. "I have to go," I say sadly.

"Okay," He says sadly as well.

"So, um, bye…" I say, starting to hang up. Then I hear his voice.

"Marissa?"

"Hmm?"

There's a pause, a second's hesitation, and then he says, "I love you. No matter what happens, no matter how sad you may feel, remember that."

I smile the slightest bit and say, "I know."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When he comes into my room that night, he doesn't do anything at first. I just sit there, and so does he. We don't look at each other, we don't have to. "You told your mom," He states.

"yeah," I whisper.

"Why'd you do that, didn't I tell you not to?" He asks. There's not a trace of anger in there. He already knows that he's won.

"yeah," I reply softly.

"Well, answer me, why'd you do it?" He asks.

"I wanted it to stop," I say, a tear falling down my cheek. I don't usually cry when he's around. I hate to look weak, but now it doesn't matter anymore. My mom doesn't believe me. She slapped me.

He laughs an evil laugh, a laugh that I imagine the devil laughs and says, "Can't you learn little girl? You can be so stupid sometimes." He climbs on top of me and I already know what's coming. His rough hand presses against my mouth tightly and he stoops down so that I can smell his breath and whispers, "It will never stop."

Lets walk up to the preacher
And let us say I do,
Then youll know youll have me,
And Ill know that Ill have you,
Dont be cruel to a heart thats true.
I dont want no other love,
Baby its just you Im thinking of.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day there's a red handprint on my face still. It kind of stings. I can't go to school this way, so I decide to lie. I call Ryan and tell him that my mom wants to take me to school today for some reason. I go downstairs and tell my mom that I'm going to school with Ryan. Really, I go to the beach. I walk down the shore, and then I go to a lifeguard station that I've always wanted to look at. I sit there and stare out at the ocean all day. I don't get hungry. I don't get thirsty. I just sort of sit there, wondering if anyone will ever find me. I decide that I'll sit here until someone cares enough to come look for me. I imagine my mom coming and apologizing when she finds out that I didn't go to school. She'll blame herself. I just sit and wait until I see the sun starting to set. Then, I see a figure walking towards me. I pretend I don't notice.

"I know you see me," I voice calls out.

I look at the figure now and see that it's Ryan. I smile a little. "You found me," I say.

He reaches the ramp and walks up, smiling at me. "I already knew where you were. I've known where you were this whole time."

He sits next to me and I ask, "well then why didn't you come?"

He looks at me and then out at the sunset and says, "Because I know you love sunsets…so why not come when I can enjoy it with you?"

I feel a shiver go down my body and realize that I forgot to bring a sweatshirt for the cool California night. Ryan comes to my rescue though and puts his arm around me, pulling me close. We've never actually been this close before and it's such a weird feeling that comes over me. I'm not afraid, rather, I like it. "How'd you know where I was?" I ask.

"You're always looking this way," He says, his gaze falling upon me. We both stare at each other for a couple of minutes, our faces just inches apart. Part of me wonders if his lips are soft…the other part tells me I should run for my life. Then, his gaze falls upon my cheek. "I take it there was an argument in the house yesterday?" He looks into my eyes and asks, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head and he says, "Okay, then we won't."

Dont be cruel to a heart thats true.
Dont be cruel to a heart thats true.
I dont want no other love,
Baby its just you Im thinking of.

We both look out at the water, and I rest my head against Ryan. His arms tighten around me and he kisses the top of my head softly. We're both quiet for a while and then I finally whisper, "Thank you." I turn and look at him.

He looks at me confusedly and I kiss his cheek softly. "For what?" He asks, looking at my lips longingly.

"For, I don't know…being you," I say, looking into his eyes, those wonderfully amazing blue eyes. I know I could kiss him at that moment…I know that a part of me wants to. But another part, a more sane part, is telling me that I should wait. I'm not ready for all of this just yet.

He softly asks, "Can I kiss you?"

I shake my head and whisper, "Not now."

"Then when?" He asks, looking into my eyes. "When will it be okay for me to kiss you?"

I look at him, taking in his longing blue eyes and his lips. I shrug and say, "I don't know…." He starts to say something but I put a finger on his lip and say, "I'm not ready for that just yet…for what it means." He watches me curiously.

I remove my finger and we're both quiet, just staring at each other. Finally he breaks the silence and quietly asks, "Are you sure that you will want to someday?"

I nod and give him a small smile. He smiles back and I say, "I'm going to be honest with you…I kind of want to kiss you." His smile widens as my words sink in and I say, "But the problem is that I'm not ready yet." He nods and I pause, thinking of what to say. When I think of something, I say, "So though I can't tell you the exact day or hour or month even….know that all this effort that you're putting into making me fall for you isn't a lost cause."

He's quiet and then says, "So you're falling in love with me?" I blush and look away without saying anything. I look out at the sun setting and I feel Ryan's arms tighten around me, pulling me closer to him again. I rest against him once more and he kisses my head lightly and I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach. He puts his face close to mine and says, "I can't wait until the day that you can tell it to my face…because I know that day will come sooner or later." I don't say anything and he continues, "And I can't wait until the day that you can finally let go of whatever it is that's holding you back from me and learn that when you let yourself fall, I'll be here to catch you." He gets quiet after that, and we both just watch the sun set peacefully.

It's weird when I think about it now how everything changed in that moment. In that tiny moment my whole life was twisted around. It's like, I was no longer who I used to be. In that moment I noticed that the sunset seemed more beautiful than ever before, almost like it was my first time seeing one. The sun wasn't just yellow or orange, it was so intense and clear and amazing. And the water wasn't just water…it was tiny droplets of heaven. The sand seemed so much softer when we finally walked, hand in hand, to Ryan's car. The feeling that I get when I'm around Ryan intensified…at that moment, I think I fell in love.