Author's Note: So this is earlier than advertised, but I got it done early. Enjoy.

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"Ran-chan!" – Regular Speech

'Stupid Spatula Girl!' – Thoughts

"Hiryū Shōten Ha!" – Martial Arts Technique

{Grandmother!} – Mandarin/Language other than Japanese Speech

Beta'd by rewind gone nuts

Chapter 7: The Shield du Foie Gras!

Classroom, Fūrinkan Highschool

Cologne was glad that she had had the foresight to bribe one of the former Hentai Horde to plant a camera in the Cafeteria facing the ring. It allowed her to assess the skills of her Granddaughter's future opponent, as well as the Chef's own skills.

{She did well.} Xian Pu remarked. She was wearing a western-style dress similar to Ukyo's own, except hers was in various shades of lavender and purple that set off her hair and eyes very nicely. {Ukyo is very talented to have learned the Imperial Chestnut Fist so quickly, even with this new method my husband devised.}

{Just so.} Cologne acknowledged. She had been reluctant about possibly allowing the Osakan Chef to be the Second Wife of Shampoo, but training with the girl had shown her potential, which was in truth greatly restricted by her chosen form of martial art. She was talented and had a down-to-earth, practical viewpoint that would help to balance Xian Pu's own optimistic outlook.

What truly struck her about Ukyo was the fact that she was starved for acknowledgement. Not just from Ranma, but from other females. Any hint of approval or praise was lapped up by the brunette. This, Cologne supposed, was a result of Ukyo playacting as a male for so long. She had denied everything that was female about herself as much as was physically possible and had acted as a male. This meant that she was woefully lacking confidence in her feminine aspects, and any validation that she was feminine and desirable was very much appreciated.

The fact that the Chef also had an appreciation for her own gender was also a point in her favour. Xian Pu had never stated explicitly that she was the same, but the lack of any grumbling regarding Ranma's genderbending curse was enough to garner a suspicion about it to Cologne. Soon it had become apparent that, while her Granddaughter wasn't a true bisexual, she was also indifferent to the gender of certain people. People she had a strong emotional connection with, such as Ranma. And, if Cologne was any judge, Ukyo was slowly worming her way into that short list of people that Xian Pu found attractive regardless of gender.

The fact that Xian Pu was also attractive to Ukyo needn't be said, as it was more obvious than with her own Granddaughter. Subtle looks of appreciation, slight touches that went on just a hair longer than was strictly necessary…oh yes, this would be very interesting.

A knock on the door drew Cologne from her thoughts. "Cologne? It's me, Ukyo."

"Come in, child." The Elder said with a chuckle. The door almost flew open as Ukyo entered, smiling and flushed with embarrassment and victory.

"I won!" she crowed as she shut the door and latched it.

"Indeed you did." Cologne chuckled, "How far did you push the Parlay/Amaguriken combo?"

"About three-quarters of my best at the start." The brunette admitted, "I was up to full towards the end though. He has some hidden reserves of speed that he never showed at the mansion."

"Master of martial arts never shows full strength unless needed." Shampoo opined, "Even if it too-too silly martial art like this."

"Quite." The Matriarch nodded.

"Were you responsible for that JJJ guy showing up?" Ukyo asked shrewdly as she stripped the dress from her body and undid her ponytail.

"I knew that St Paul would try to pull something if she was left without supervision." The old Amazon said sagely, "There have been too many rumours of improper conduct regarding the Chardin Family among the other Martial Arts Dining Families for that not to be the case. The MADA has been looking for an excuse to observe a match refereed by Madame St Paul for a while, so this was a happy coincidence for us. Shampoo, start at Ukyo's best speed from the get-go. We cannot take any chances that he starts at his top speed also."

"Yes, Grandmother." Shampoo nodded seriously.

"Hey Shampoo, want to do the honours?" Ukyo held up the key to her corset.

"Too-too much pleasure." The Amazon Champion smirked. She took the key and unlocked the padlock keeping Ukyo's metal bride corset on her. The chef pried the metal contraption off her body with a groan of relief.

"Man alive, that feels good." She moaned, "Urgh, first thing I do when I get home is have a nice long bath. I swear that darn thing's been chafin' my skin."

"Ukyo look fine." Shampoo stated, looking her up and down appraisingly. The Osakan tomboy blushed and hastily got dressed in her usual okonomiyaki chef outfit. Securing the sash that kept everything together firmly, Ukyo smirked as she looked in the mirror.

"Yup, this feels more like me than that darn fancy-dancy dress." She nodded.

"Shampoo think Ukyo looked nice in dress." The wine-eyed girl protested.

"Well, yeah, I did." The brunette admitted, "But it just ain't comfortable for me ta wear those girly-girl clothes. Boys' clothes are way comfier and I've been wearing 'em for years. Dressin' up is for dates with Ran-chan only after this."

"Shampoo agree. Dress up too-too nice for Airen on dates." The other girl sighed dreamily.

Cologne clapped her gnarled hands to draw their attention. "Concentrate on your match, Shampoo. As ridiculous as this is, this is still a battle and you are still the Joketsuzoku Champion. Aside from Son-in-Law, you have never been defeated outside of the sparring arena; I expect that to continue today. Understood?"

"Is understood, Elder." Shampoo bowed slightly. Ukyo noticed that with her dress, the hairstyle that she usually wore didn't really suit it.

"Let's be having you, sugar." The Chef sighed, "Can't be lettin' ya go out there lookin' like that."

Shampoo frowned but let the Osakan girl take her hair out of its usual Odango style. Grabbing a nearby hairbrush, Ukyo gently brushed the lavender locks back before nodding to herself. Drawing them back, she put Shampoo's hair into a similar type of ponytail that she herself had worn. Strictly speaking, wearing her hair down suited Shampoo more when she wore this dress, but with it being a martial arts match she was about to partake in, she couldn't risk having her hair get in the way at a critical juncture.

"There. That looks good." The Chef nodded again, proud of her work.

Cologne nodded appraisingly. Both practical and pretty.

"You head on out now, Ukyo." She told the girl, "Get yourself a ringside seat for my granddaughter's victory next to Son-in-Law."

"Ya don't have ta tell me twice." Ukyo grinned. She wished Shampoo the best of luck before leaving. Cologne noted in amusement that Shampoo had to tear her eyes away from Ukyo's backside and legs.

Yes, this was definitely the most interesting period of her life since she had been a girl.

With Ranma

In the Spectator's Gallery

"So the reason why Ukyo won is because she was force-feeding Picolet the whole time?" Akane frowned at the end of Ranma's explanation, "Is that even legal?"

"Allow me to take that question, what-what." JJJ interjected smoothly. The Anglophile casually adjusted his bow tie as he spoke, "Madame St Paul stated the rules at the start of the match. The only victory condition is to clear your plates before your opponent clears theirs. How you go about doing so is beside the point. An easy strategy would be to simply place your food on your opponent's plates, but no martial arts diner worth their name would lose sight of which plate they had and hadn't eaten from, not to mention that it would be fairly obvious visually."

"And there ya have it." Ranma shrugged.

Nabiki scowled slightly. The odds on Ukyo actually managing to emerge victorious against Picolet had been laughably low before the fight. Every boy and girl at Fūrinkan had seen her fight, against Ranma, against Principle Kuno's numerous schemes, or both, and knew that while Ukyo was good, she wasn't near Ranma in strength or speed.

Now that Ukyo had won, those few who had bet on her winning were raking in the cash, including Ranma, who had laid down the largest bet. He had bet ten-thousand yen and he had earned quite a bit more than that from his 'cute fiancée's' victory. The odds were a lot more in favour of Shampoo, especially given Ukyo's victory. For the first time in quite some time, it looked as if betting on something to do with Ranma would be…unprofitable.

This bore thinking about.

Akane felt her insides writhe again as she recalled the sheer speed that Ukyo had displayed during her match. It had looked a lot like Ranma's Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken, if somewhat slower than he could manage. Had she not seen it herself, she wouldn't have been able to believe that Ukyo, of all people, could use that technique. The bifauxnen Chef was mostly comfortable with using that oversized spatula to attack and defend with, and Akane had taken a quiet pride in the fact that she was a better hand-to-hand combatant than Ukyo.

'She probably had to learn it to keep up with Chardin's speed.' She thought with a frown. This wasn't unexpected, as the blond Francophile had move almost as fast as Ukyo had. Neither Ukyo nor Shampoo would have been able to keep up with him beforehand, so it made sense.

'Great. So now Shampoo is not only faster and stronger than me, she has access to a speed technique that even Ryōga had trouble dealing with, even with his durability training from the Bakusai Tenketsu.' The Tendo Heiress thought bitterly. Her frown morphed into a scowl as she recalled Ukyo pointing out that Akane herself had had multiple chances to grow and had failed to take them.

She hated this. She hated feeling inadequate, she hated that Ukyo and Shampoo were becoming stronger, she hated that the main reason she had been able to mallet Ranma was because he let her…

She hated it all.

"Ran-chan!" a familiar voice drew Akane from her downward spiralling thoughts. She looked up to see Ukyo, dressed in her usual outfit and carrying the metal corset she had been wearing that looked really uncomfortable, approaching their seats.

"Hey Ucchan." Ranma greeted her with a smile, "Bet you're glad to have that thing off."

"Yup." The brunette nodded fervently, "Damned thing. Makes me look at canned food with sympathy now."

That earned a snort of laughter from Ranma, and even Nabiki cracked a small smile. Akane just huffed.

"So how good is Picolet at his own game?" the Saotome Heir asked seriously.

"He's a hair faster than I am." Ukyo answered after a moment of consideration, "You'n'Shampoo could bury him with speed though. His accuracy's better than me too. He ain't stupid, because just before I won, I could see that he'd twigged onto what I was doing."

"Sounds about right." Ranma nodded, "Shampoo should be able to beat this guy on pure skill though, so the likelihood of St Paul pulling a trick out of her knowledge of Martial Arts Dining is high."

"Highly likely." JJJ agreed from the side, "The Chardin Family have been ashamed of the creation of the Parlay du Foie Gras for centuries, so it would fail to surprise me that they've come up with a trick or two in order to deal with it. Dashed unfair, but ho-hum."

"Nah. Shampoo can handle him." Ranma said confidently and crossed his arms, "Should be almost time now…"

A Few Minutes Later…

"Ahem! Ladies and gentlemen, the next match is about to start!" the announcer called out, "Reintroducing Picolet Chardin III!"

The Grandmaster of the La Belle France School of Martial Arts Dining sped back into the room and landed smartly atop the stage, although this time he didn't try to snack on other people's food en-route.

"And introducing his second, and final, opponent, 'Saotome' Shampoo!"

When everyone's gazes landed on Shampoo, their jaws dropped. Hiroshi and Daisuke were practically drooling. Often, they had (in the privacy and safety of their own homes; they weren't suicidal) compared the Amazon to sex on legs thanks to her hourglass figure and body-hugging clothes, but this dress showed off her bust to a degree that her Chinese clothing didn't, showing a quite nice degree of cleavage.

Akane was, simply put, burning with envy and jealousy. She had a modest B-Cup that was slowly growing. Both of her sisters were at least modest C-Cups and Ukyo was about the same. Shampoo was definitely a D-Cup of some description, but the Tendo Heiress was in no fit state to estimate where on the small-modest-large scale she was.

'I knew it! I knew she'd look even better than Ukyo!' she snarled to herself as her eyes bored into the approaching Amazon before they flickered to a stunned looking Ranma. 'Pervert!'

She longed to mallet him for this, but even she remembered the lesson he had delivered on the roof of the school. Until she could badger her father into training her into someone who could face him, she couldn't hit him.

Ukyo grinned at the slight flush on Ranma's face as Shampoo glided forward. She was proud, because she had had a hand in making Shampoo look good. Then she paused. Why was she proud of that? Shampoo was the enemy, the current situation aside. With Akane out of the running thanks to those marriage licences, Shampoo was the only real obstacle in the way of her getting Ranma to fall for her.

'That ain't the only odd thing 'round here.' The Osakan Chef thought, 'Gettin' ta know Shampoo over the last two weeks has been…oddly nice. Once you get past the 'obstacles are for killing' part, Shampoo's a fun girl ta be around. Unlike with the guys I went to school with before Fūrinkan or the girls at Fūrinkan, I can talk martial arts with her and get more than a polite 'hmmm' in response. She's as good a cook as me, maybe even a bit better, although it really bites to admit it. And of course, talkin' about what we like about Ran-chan is nice too…'

Growing up, Ukyo had been pretending to be a guy the entire time after Ranma and Genma left. She had been forced to keep a distance from everyone because of that and had never had 'true' friends before coming to Fūrinkan. Granted, all the girls that liked 'Ukyo-kun' had been nice to talk to, but they hadn't been real girlfriends, in either sense of the word. 'Girl talk' had been something that she had overheard wistfully.

If it hadn't been for their rivalry over Ranma, Ukyo could see them getting along very well. There again, there was that 'co-wife' deal that Cologne talked about…

She shook her head. Nope. No way. Even if Shampoo was as hot as Ranma's female form, she had wanted Ranma to herself for too long to want to share him with anyone.

…even if the thought was strangely intriguing.

On the stage, Chardin fixed Shampoo with a rapt gaze as she approached. Truly, she possessed the physical grace and poise to be a bride of the Chardin family, more so than Ukyo did, although she was also a worthy candidate. Still, no use crying over spilt milk. The only candidate left was Shampoo, so he would defeat her and make her his bride.

'With the countermeasure technique bestowed upon me by Madame St Paul, if she does know of the Parlay, she will be in for a sharp shock when she uses it.' He thought as the purplette nimbly jumped onto the stage. Like Ukyo, she didn't flash her panties, much to the disappointment of the watching boys.

The old bridal trainer somehow reappeared in the ring without anyone seeing her enter and raised the microphone to her lips. "Ahem! This second round will now commence! The rules are the same as the previous match; at no time are either participant to be seen eating! I shall dock points from any who are seen eating! Is that understood, mademoiselle et monsieur?"

Shampoo and Chardin nodded grimly.

"Then take your seats."

Once the two contenders were sat, another series of seemingly freshly cooked dishes were spread between them, looking as tasty as the last ones had.

"Miss Shampoo, I am aware of how Miss Ukyo defeated me." Picolet said lightly, "Be assured that lightning will not strike twice. The Parlay du Foie Gras is not invincible and I will not fall for the same trick twice."

Shampoo merely smirked back at him. "Shampoo think you need to eat more, speak less. Victor not determined until after match over."

His eyes narrowed. "Once I win, we shall see about reducing the amount of feisty spirit you have within you to a level suitable for a woman of the Chardin Family."

"On your marks…get set…" Madame St Paul started the countdown.

"Shampoo will not lose."

"GO!"

With quick blurs, their arms vanished.

"And the match is off to a super-fast start!" the announcer said, "They're moving just as fast as Contender Chardin and Contender Ukyo were towards the end of the last match!"

"He's moving just as fast as towards the end of his match with me!" Ukyo exclaimed, "Looks like he ain't holdin' back anymore."

"He's moving faster." Ranma corrected her, his eyes not leaving the movements of Chardin, "Instead of grazing from all of the plates at once like he did against you, he's focussing on just two or three at once. That lets him be more accurate and up his speed more. Well, even with that, Shampoo's faster still."

It was true. Despite Chardin's speed, Shampoo surpassed it by a verifiable margin. Chardins arms moved almost too fast for the eye to follow, while all that could be seen of Shampoo's arms were a pair of solid blurs. Just about the only person in the room who could follow her movements was Ranma.

"Odd." The Saotome Heir frowned.

"What is?" Nabiki asked.

"He's just sitting back and letting her stuff him." he answered, puzzled, "Why? He knows that she's using the Parlay du Foie Gras on him and he said that he had a counter to it, so why is he just sitting back and taking it? Unless…"

"An excellent exhibition of the use of le Parlay, Miss Shampoo!" Picolet said condescendingly, "Now allow me to show you the counter to it! Le Bouclier du Foie Gras!"

With a wet, meaty thud, half a roast chicken slammed back onto its plate, having bounced off the other plate wedged into Picolet's mouth.

"Oh, and Contender Chardin had blocked Contender Shampoo's Parlay with a plate! The Bouclier, or shield, is blocking her!" the announcer roared.

Ukyo just stared in deadpan. "He seriously did it? He actually used a plate to block his mouth?!"

"That has to be the strangest -not to mention stupidest- martial arts technique I have ever seen." Nabiki said with a twitching eyebrow.

Akane was simply speechless with incredulity.

"Yup." Ranma answered Ukyo, "It's the simplest way to go about countering the Parlay. It might stop him from eating as well, but with his mouth being the only way Shampoo can get rid of the food in front of her, it's a deadlock in his favour. Fortunately, I did tell Shampoo a counter method to this counter…"

"Broken Shield du Foie Gras!" Shampoo snarled and jammed a second plate into Picolet's mouth before redoubling her Parlay du Foie Gras and sending food through the space between them.

Just as Ranma had advised.

"I say, that is quite the innovative strategy." JJJ remarked.

"In an amazing, and somewhat disgusting, turnaround, Contender Shampoo has jammed another plate in there and is sending food in through the gap between the two! It is indeed breaking the Shield!" the announcer commented, "What will happen next?!"

One eyebrow twitching, Picolet spat out the plates and worked his mouth for a moment. Having a plate inside his mouth was nothing much to complain about, after all, he could fit an entire watermelon in his mouth, but two at once did stretch things a little, no pun intended.

"You leave me no choice but to use the Picolet Family Secret Blow." The Francophile stated serenely.

"That hoary old chestnut? Oh please." JJJ rolled his eyes, "It's not against the rules, but it is dashed unsporting, what. Most unsporting indeed."

With a simple flick of each hand, Picolet dropped his knife and fork to the table's surface and then leaned over…and started eating with his face atop the plates.

"…" Nabiki turned to Ranma in disbelief, "Seriously?"

"It is a legitimate tactic." The Saotome Heir answered, clearly irritated, "It is an underhanded way of going about it though. There is literally no way for Shampoo to use the Parley to force-feed him. On the other hand…"

"On the other hand?" Ukyo asked urgently. As much as having Shampoo out of her way when it came to Ranma would be nice, the Osakan Chef did not want to inflict the likes of Picolet on her rival.

"On the other hand, he has almost no way of properly seeing his food." Ranma said with a nod as he spotted the confident look on Shampoo's face, "He has only his peripheral vision to work with, which is fairly limited. He can see a little to either side of his head at most. This means that if Shampoo is as alert as I think she is, she'll be…aha! She is!"

On the stage, the Amazon's arms were blurring again, with the food on her plates vanishing quickly. On Picolet's side of the table, plates and dishes were being rearranged and refilled with food while he focussed on munching on one dish at a time.

"Is what Shampoo doing even legal?!" Akane asked in disbelief.

"Again, it isn't sportsman-like, but yes." JJJ answered her, his fingers laced together and propping up his chin, "Chardin lowered the bar first, so it's perfectly acceptable to follow suit when your hand in marriage is on the line. Were this a regular match, I would have expected St Paul to step in when her own master acted so disgracefully. The only goal for the diners was to clear their plates and the only restriction is that they cannot be seen to be eating. This method Miss Shampoo is using skirts the usual standards of propriety, but given Chardin's own conduct, I will allow it."

Up on the stage, Madame St Paul was gaping with her jaw hanging around about her ankles again as she took in the sight of her Young Master being beaten by this…this uncivilised brute of a girl! It was one thing against Ukyo, as she was Japanese and had the advantage of a surprise technique, but a second time? Against a Chinese gaijin? It was absolutely intolerable.

'How did she come up with that counter method so quickly?!' the bridal trainer thought in disbelief, 'The Shield du Foie Gras is a secret countermeasure technique developed by the then-head of the Chardin Family after the disgrace of le Petite Bouche and his accursed Parlay du Foie Gras! How could someone come up with a counter for a technique they have never seen before?!'

It should be noted that Martial Arts Dining is a very limited martial art, with next to no innovations in techniques or styles. This carried over to the practitioners of the art, making them somewhat conservative, and unimaginative. There was also a preference to keep things stable and unsurprising amongst their attitude. This is why St Paul and Chardin were so easily taken off guard by Shampoo.

Or so said Cologne, who had hopped along to the ringside while the four of them had been raptly watching the match.

"I noticed it when going through the book we found." She explained, "Ordinary martial arts have at least one or two variations in technique over two generations, if not outright new techniques added. With Martial Arts Dining, at least the La Belle France School of it, I saw that new techniques were lucky to be added every five or six generations, if even that, and no variations whatsoever. That confirmed my suspicions on the matter."

"She's almost there…!" Ukyo breathed, grabbing onto Ranma's arm excitedly as she practically vibrated in her seat. Ranma managed to suppress a flush as his childhood friend had obviously forgotten to tie her sarashi as tight as it had been before, with two soft sensations pressing against his arm.

Picolet took that moment to look up and his eyes widened in horror as Shampoo had only a small amount of food left to shift to his plates. He scrambled for his cutlery and opened his mouth to say something, but Shampoo shut him up by using the Parlay du Foie Gras once again, force-feeding him an entire plateful of veggies. His conditioned reflex to food entering his mouth made him swallow them before he could think not to.

'I don't want to do this…but she leaves me no choice…' Picolet thought, 'In order to win, I must cast my pride aside!'

"Parlay du Foie Gras!"

"I say!" JJJ sat up straight.

Picolet's hands moved almost as swiftly as Shampoo's as he returned food to her side of the table.

"In another surprising event, Contender Chardin is using Contender Ukyo and Contender Shampoo's technique, the Parlay du Foie Gras, himself!" the announcer called excitedly.

"He's capable of using the Parlay as well…who'd'a thought." Ranma remarked. Well, what he was surprised about wasn't the fact that Picolet could use the Parlay, but more the fact that he was using it at all. He had an excessive amount of pride in the Chardin Family's use of the Absolute Mouth Control Technique and the distaste he had shown for the Parlay was obvious if you watched him carefully.

Unlike with the rest of his techniques and moves, the way he used the Parlay was sloppy, even downright amateurish in places. It wasn't something he took pride in or liked. It was a tool to be learned and maintained at a certain level, nothing more. Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo could use the Parlay with twice the skill that he was currently using it at.

Shampoo, thanks to her greater mastery of the technique, was able to force-feed Picolet with one hand while blocking his knife and fork with the other. She wasn't quite ambidextrous, but she was well on the way there, which helped. The clatter of clashing stainless steel against one another filled the cafeteria as all within it sensed the end to the fight was at last within sight.

Eyes narrowed, Shampoo's face was otherwise as serene as a glacier as she relentlessly fought back against the master of the La Belle France School. She was in the zone and not willing to let up, her trained instincts scenting desperation from the man opposite her, so she moved in for the kill.

'This too-too sweet.' She thought savagely as she blocked a thrust with his fork with her knife, 'Eat food in front of hungry Shampoo and Ukyo? Laugh while eat food in front of hungry Shampoo and Ukyo? You pay for that!'

'I…can't win…!' Picolet realised numbly. No matter how well he fought, this slip of a girl had outdone him at every turn. Using the Parlay du Foie Gras to a degree even higher than even Miss Ukyo, anticipating the Shield du Foie Gras and preparing a counter-move, knowing how to use the Picolet Secret Blow to her advantage and now proving that his own Parlay was at a pathetic level by comparison…he was outdone. Overwhelmed. One, single girl was proving herself to be his superior.

Still, he couldn't give in. He had his pride, tattered though it may be. He thrust out, aiming to place some roasts on one of her plates…!

With a rasping sound, Shampoo blocked his fork again and disarmed him of it, sending the roasts into the air also. With calm, economical movements, she plucked them from the air and force-fed them to Picolet before placing her knife and fork on one plate.

"Thank you for the food." She said with a victorious smirk on her face.

"And it's ooovvveeerr!" the announcer yelled, "While not as overwhelming as Ukyo's victory, Shampoo faced a more prepared and wary opponent and prevailed! Give it up for 'Saotome' Shampoo!"

The roar of approval was almost deafening as Shampoo's smile of victory was dazzling.

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Next Chapter: The Double 'Friend Date'

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