Mac wasn't a fan of denial. He met people up to their throats in it every day. People trying to escape the quicksand they had made for themselves.
Unfortunately, he couldn't really talk. After all, he was an ezpert at pretending things didn't exist. Like that he didn't see Peyton's goodbye coming from a mile away. Like that everything she had said was completely true. There was no denying that Mac spent way too much time in his office, but no one knew that he did that because that was where he felt the biggest connection with her.
Stella shook her head in disbelief. Why she was watching some primetime forensic show was beyond her. She could count about 5 professional mistakes every 10 minutes. But still, it was either that or the news. And if she was going to hear about crime and tragedy, she'd rather it wasn't true.
As one of the main detectives hooked up with the lab tech she thought of Mac. As a crime scene investigator, you sometimes have to rely on the Aha! moment to solve a case. You have to wait for the light bulb to turn on before you take the next step. Only this time, the case was her life, and the step was her best friend. And if she tripped everything she ever loved would crash and burn.
The TV flickered in front of her and she noticed that Lab Tech was having second thoughts, "What if…."
Detective put his hands on her shoulder and stooped down to look her straight in the eye, in a way that sort of reminded her of her partner. "What if we don't try this and miss out on the love of our life?" Kiss.
Only Stella didn't see it, she slammed the door and ran out to her car in her tracksuit bottoms and NYPD t-shirt.
He dialed the first three numbers, then quickly pressed the cancel button on his phone. Stella, was his significant other, he realised. It didn't matter that they weren't married, neither were they dating. She was his significant other. The person who made him laugh and cry, the person who could make him spill his guts, the only person he cared about more than his job.
That was why he drove to her place late that night, why he knocked hastily on her door, why he didn't care what she was doing it as long as she opened it. That was why when she finally did; he kissed her before she had a chance to ask him what he was doing there. And that was why when he woke up on his couch and realised it was all a dream, he found he was disappointed. He sat up and held his head in his hands. The possibility was haunting him, but for once, his marine courage was failing him.
The moment she turned on the engine, she prayed for traffic. She had no idea what she was doing. And she didn't even know if he would be there. But of course, New York City chose that particular night to empty out. And every green light seemed to wait for her. Had she believed in signs, she would've thought that the city was encouraging her. She fiddled with the tuner button, but every radio station was playing some sort of love song, and after deciding she couldn't handle that, she turned it off. The sounds of the city offered little reassurance. And The NYPD building seemed quite daunting. It was now or never. 'What if we don't try this and miss out on the love of our life?' It was definitely not never.
"I hoped I'd find you here." The voice from his dream said. He looked up and saw her, with her bright grin standing in front of him. She looked like she had jumped out of bed to come here. But he really didn't care; a messy Stella was still more beautiful than anyone he'd ever seen.
He chuckled, "Hoped? You know me, where else would I be?"
"With Peyton." Her name hung in the air heavily, and Stella seemed to notice that it shouldn't have been mentioned.
He remembered she didn't know, that he had resisted the urge to tell her as soon as it happened. "Peyton and I are… aren't…" He was sure he saw a little twinkle in her eye, but she quickly disguised it with her sympathetic face.
"Oh."
"I was going to call you", he offered, not sure how it would help.
They weren't…. she couldn't describe how she felt. At first a rush of relief and happiness overwhelmed her, but she remembered that this was her best friend. She always promised herself that she wouldn't be the jealous unloved one. Stella Bonasera doesn't break promises.
"I'm here because I wanted- I want to talk to you." She said, slightly lost for words. She had never done this before. He shifted over and gestured for her to sit down next to him. This helped. Anything he did right then would've probably helped.
"That's why I was going to call you." He smiled, and she laughed. Then sat up a little straighter and turned to look him straight in the eye.
"I'm not sure how to say this, so I just will and then we can make sense of it. OK?" she waited for him to nod, "Mac, I, I don't want to live my life in a what if."
He stared at her for a second, perfect that non-emotional face he often wore. She wished she knew what he was thinking, though she usually did, tonight was different. She opened her mouth to continue, when he took her hand in his.
"Stella, we've been partners for 11 years, and friends for most of that time. The question stopped being what if a long time ago. It's a matter of when."
She held her breath. She was standing on the edge of the world. And she jumped.
With a shy smile, she looked at him and squeezed his hand, "What about right now?"
He looked at her for a second, going through every mental picture of her that he had and decided that this was his favourite. He didn't think he'd felt like this since he said I do to Claire. And he'd never expected to again. And he knew for certain that this was why everything else happened in his life. Evereything was just a prequel to right now.
"Right now works for me."
She stood by the elevators staring at them, as they hugged. Of course they hugged, you don't just pash your best friend of 11 eleven years. She had told him to thruth though. She wasn't jealous, she was happy for him. And her. They deserved to be happy, and now they finally were. She had come up to leave a note on his desk. But she hadn't been thinking, it wasn't even 10 pm yet; of course he'd still be in his office. She had asked for a transfer today. Because it was the right thing to do. They had their family, and now they had each other. And she was just that family friend who had stayed too long.
"Thank God for glass offices, eh?" an elderly man appeared beside her. He was dressed in dark green overall, with a nametag that said George and she concluded that he was the after-hours cleaner. She laughed politely at his comment.
"You a colleague of theirs?" He asked nodding towards the couple, still seated on the couch.
She considered this for a second, "I used to be."
"Oh."George seemed slightly disappointed; he was looking forward to saraing some office gossip. "Long overdue, though, don't you think?"
She glanced over at them then at the note she held in her hand. Mac, I'm leaving next week. I'll see you before then but I couldn't tell you in person. I'm sorry. Good luck. I'm glad you're happy. Both of you. –Peyton.
"It was only a matter of when." She smiled a little sadly at the short man. "Listen, could you please give this note to him. I'd like him to get it tonight."
"Sure thing M'am." George smiled and place dthe note in his front pocket. Like on cue, the elevator door opened and she stepped inside, looking back long enough to see his lips touch hers.
