Shall we get back to a little bit of smut? Oh, I believe it's time… That means the M rating is for a reason. Please, if you are offended by adult themes, this story is not for you.
Thanks to my readers, you're one of the reasons I do this. The other is… well, Jacob! Yummy!
Not Stephenie Meyer, and I don't own Twilight. I also do not own 'Apologize' by OneRepublic, but the lyrics sounded so right! 'Nough said.
So, I hope you are all enjoying the revamp as much as I am. I just felt that I let them get to the happy stuff a little bit too early, and I needed a bit more angst. Plus my story wasn't as long as I'd hoped because I skipped out on a few details, now you can read what I had always hoped to write. Please review…
Jacob's POV- So Close
"There's some pants for you in one of the dressers in Nessie's room," Bella smiled back at me as we pulled up to the Cullen house. "Try and get some rest, Jake."
I nodded once as she and Edward climbed out of the car. I climbed out of the backseat and walked to the other side of the car, opening the door as quietly as I could. I picked up Nessie into my arms and closed the door with my foot.
I slowly started heading toward the cottage, careful not to jostle her too much. It wasn't far, and I could at least get her there. My body was starting to feel dragged down with exhaustion, and I really wanted to sleep… but I could get Nessie home. I walked through the stream on the far side of the property, being careful to keep Nessie wrapped up close to me. I didn't want to wake her up; she was just as tired as I was. It had been a long day for both of us…
"I'll never run away again," I whispered. "I promise."
"I love you, Jacob."
I looked down at her, her eyes were closed and she was turned toward my body. She was dreaming about me. A small smile graced her sleeping face as I softly kissed the top of her head. Her beautiful curls hung around her shoulders and framed her face. I sighed; the pain in my chest dulled more. She was so beautiful, just… so beautiful.
"I love you too, my Renesmee," I whispered into her ear. "Always."
She smiled again and turned her head against my chest. We reached the cottage and I turned the handle and nudged the door open with my toe. I didn't turn on the lights, the moon was bright and I could see everything pretty clearly. This was strange, being in this house alone with Nessie… with the knowledge that something could happen between us. I wanted it, more than I could imagine, I wanted her.
Clearing my mind of those thoughts, I walked into Nessie's room and lay her down on her bed, pulling her shoes off and tossing them onto the floor. She nuzzled her face into her pillow and gripped the blankets gently. I decided she'd be okay like this and walked over to her dresser; sure enough there were some sweatpants there. I tugged them on quickly and tossed the blanket to the floor.
My stomach growled loudly as I made my way out into the kitchen. I hoped to God they had food. I opened the fridge and saw some left over lasagna, Nessie's favorite. I felt bad for about 3 seconds before my stomach growled again. She would forgive me. I grabbed it and put it into the microwave. While I waited for the food to heat up, my mind raced some more. Where did we go from here? Nessie was my girlfriend now… and my father was gone. How could my life change so much in the span of hours?
The timer dinged, signaling that the food was done. I was starving; I had been gone for hours and hadn't eaten anything. Grabbing a fork from the drawer I started shoveling the food into my mouth, I didn't care that it was hot. I just needed food and some sleep. I finished the food quickly, not really tasting it as much as I probably could have. I put the dish into the sink and made my way to the sofa in the middle of the living room. I plopped down onto it unceremoniously and lay back with my hands behind my head; my body grew heavy and the exhaustion finally caught up with me… it wasn't long before my eyes drifted closed and the world fell away as I slipped into a deep sleep.
"Oh Jacob…" My eyes opened as her voice drifted to my ears.
"Ness, what..."
"Jacob, I love you. I want you…" she moaned.
A growl sounded in the back of my throat as I looked down into her eyes. She was kissing her way up my stomach slowly. Her hands were splayed across my chest and her hair was falling over the sides of her face and onto my stomach. It looked incredibly sexy, and the look in her eyes… I wanted her so bad at that moment, so badly it hurt. She was taking her time, kissing and nipping at my skin with a smirk on her lips.
"Shit," I moaned as she slid her body over mine. "Nessie." I could feel every part of her, her nipples straining against the fabric of her shirt as they rubbed against my chest, her pouty lips as she drug them over my collarbone, up my neck to my ear.
"You're so beautiful, Jacob. And you're mine…" she whispered softly before taking my earlobe into her mouth and sucking gently.
She moved over my lap, straddling my legs. I could feel the heat coming from her center as she moved against me. This was Heaven it had to be. She fisted my hair into her hands, our faces mere inches apart, her sweet breath fanning across my face. She was everywhere; I could feel her, see her, and hear her… Lord help me, I could taste her.
"You want me… don't you?" She moaned, pushing her body against me harder. I gripped her waist tightly as she ground her hips into mine.
"God, yes," I moaned. "I need you."
"I want you, Jacob. Can you feel how much I want you? How much I need you…" she moved her left hand down my chest and grasped the waistband of my pants. I should stop her, I should tell her no… but I couldn't say anything, I just watched her as she pushed her hand into my pants. Goosebumps covered my skin as she ran her fingertips against the inside of my thigh gently.
"Your skin is so soft." She moaned. I clenched my eyes closed, this couldn't happen, not yet. This was too fast.
Her hand inched closer to my erection; her skin dragging against mine was the sweetest kind of torture. My body was on fire with want, and her eyes never looked away from mine as she grasped me in her small hand.
"Jacob…"
"Nessie…" I moaned.
"Jacob… Jake, wake up."
My eyes snapped open as I sat up quickly. Nessie stared at me as I ran my hands over my face, wiping away a bit of sweat from my brow. A dream… it was just a dream. Oh God, it was a dream…
"Are you okay?" She asked softly.
"Y-yeah, I'm fine," It was a lie. I was far from fine. But she didn't need to know that I was back to having those dreams again. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and swung my feet over so I was sitting up.
"Would you like some breakfast? I could make it while you take a shower."
"Yeah, honey… that sounds good," I nodded.
She smiled warmly as she bent down, her face just inches from mine.
"I love you, My Jacob," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my lips gently. The ache in my chest was almost gone now… almost. She was making me better, and I couldn't even give her everything she deserved. I wanted her, I needed her… but I was scared. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"
"I love you," I whispered against her lips. I cupped her cheeks in my hands. She was so soft… "My mind just won't stop."
This should be easy, but nothing with me ever went according to plan. Things were always so fucked up and harder than they should be. It couldn't ever be smooth or simple… or could it?
"You were talking in your sleep," she smiled up at me. "A lot."
"Oh yeah? What was I saying?"
I had a pretty good idea what might have been said, but I was a bit curious how much she heard.
"You were calling my name, mostly."
"What else?" I whispered.
"You were… moaning," Shit, was she… blushing? "I mean…"
"I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable."
"N-no, I'm not, I mean it doesn't," she stuttered. "I…"
"You what, baby?" I asked as I ran my thumbs against her cheeks.
"I like it… that you think about me like that."
"You do?" I asked quietly.
She nodded and the blush spread across her skin a bit more.
"I love you, and I have thought about you that way, too."
"I…" I swallowed past the lump that suddenly formed in my throat. What could I say to that? "You think about me that way?"
Again she nodded.
I couldn't help but smile. She was so wonderful, so beautiful… and I didn't deserve her. I loved her, honestly and truly… but I didn't deserve her. I would take whatever she had to give, and be thankful for it. This was where I was meant to be, and I would never take it for granted. I had Nessie, I had her… and I wouldn't ever let her go. No more being afraid… I was going to jump in with both feet, and I was going to show her that I trusted her just as much as she trusted me.
"Nessie, I love you, too," I traced my hand down the side of her face. "And I want to marry you…"
"You… w-what?"
"You don't have to answer me right now. I know what I want; I was a fool to think that I didn't know what I wanted. You're everything; you're all I need to make it through this life."
"Jacob…" She looked up at me, her hands gripping my shoulders tightly as she studied my face. My heart thumped a bit harder as I stared her. This was right…
"I don't need an answer right now, honey. I'll wait forever if I have to, but I know this is right. I can feel it with all I have inside me," My thumbs were making lazy patters across the skin of her cheeks again, but she didn't answer me; she just clung onto me and stared into my eyes. "I also wanted to thank you. Thank you for coming to find me. Your face is the one thing I needed to see after what happened."
"You don't need to thank me, Jacob. You'd do the same for me," She whispered. "That's what I'm here for, I want to help."
"I know you do, you are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so sorry I didn't realize that until now, but I swear… I'll spend the rest of forever making sure you know that's how I feel about you. I promise you. I'm so thankful to have you, Nessie…"
She placed her fingers against my lips, glancing up into my eyes. My heart stuttered once and then picked up pace. Her eyes told me all I needed to know.
"I want to marry you, too," she whispered. "I would love to be your wife."
I kissed her fingers gently, a smile pulling across my lips. I never looked away from her eyes; I could see the honesty in them. This was what life was all about, taking the risks, putting your heart out there for the person that deserved it. She was worth it; she was worth the risk. My life was never going to be the same, I had seen loss and pain and death… but this, this right here… was life. She was my life, and I would spend the rest of forever living… for her.
