Hey, people! Chapter 6! I was inspired by Mulch. I think I'm nearly halfway through this entire year. There's these irritating little red lines under all the wizard words and names. I feel like dementors should already count as a normal word when Harry Potter fans make up maybe half the English speaking populace. It doesn't even think wizarding is a word. But whatever. My butterfly-like and easily distracted mind has decided that I'm going to learn Esperanto! And I might not update in a couple weeks because I'm going to be out of town for vacation.
The Slytherins started to warm up to Artemis after his saving one of their number. To his surprise, Theodore Nott, a fellow Slytherin, had asked for help on homework, and started acting with less than the standard Slytherin animosity. Apparently, the boy had been deeply impressed by Artemis' display of magic. The Slytherin girls ignored him- his mud bloodedness was canceled out by his wealth, talent, and good looks. He and Blaise started bonding over their joy at poking fun at Draco. Even Draco's insults seemed to have less of a barb to them. The henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle, followed the other Slytherins' lead.
Halloween finally arrived, and with it, the trip to Hogsmeade. Harry Potter would not be attending, due to altercations with his aunt and uncles. Artemis wouldn't have cared, except for the fact that more attention would be drawn to him, the second most mysteriously dangerous boy in the school.
Naturally, they-who-are-attached-at-the-hip were looking sorrowful at their upcoming separation. Artemis and the other Slytherins got in line in front of Filch, who was checking names.
"Staying here, Potter?" shouted Draco, who was standing in line with Crabbe and Goyle. "Scared of passing the dementors?"
Potter left without a word. Artemis rolled his eyes at Draco's immature behavior. They went to the door, and Filch checked off their names. The Slytherins went on into Hogsmeade.
As Artemis and the others were walking down the main street, Artemis noticed a heat haze, odd for early fall. He split off from the group and started walking towards the so called shrieking shack. He went to the outskirts of the forest where he wouldn't be noticed.
"I suppose Foaly has figured out how to locate human magic?" he asked the haze.
Holly flickered into visibility. "Heat haze in October?"
"Indeed."
"Nice dress, mudboy."
Artemis winced. "Please don't. It's customary wizard garb."
"Mmm hmm. So how's magic school?"
"It's good. Human magic has a much wider range than fairy magic. I can do basically anything with it."
Holly snorted. "Planning on taking over the world? You know, when the council found out about wizards, half of them wanted to blast them off the face of the Earth. All of them wanted to give you a mind wipe. You're lucky Foaly talked them down."
"You know, it's nice to talk to someone even somewhat versed in technological matters. It's given me perspective living in such a backwards society. They still use quills in the wizarding world. It's a little like Hybras, except without the excuse of being out of the timestream and having a literally demonic, two-faced, leader."
"Don't have to worry about them finding us, then."
"They think that pixies are these vicious little blue creatures."
Holly smirked. "They are vicious. And little. So mudboy, have any ideas lately? Anything we need to worry about?"
"Nothing you need to worry about." It was true he wasn't planning anything that would send the fairy community into turmoil. At least, not directly.
Holly's smile faded. "Well, I am here for reason. As it turns out, wizards and the Lower Elements aren't as separate as you would believe. There's a smuggling ring for certain unique items. You know, troll spit and centaur hair for holy water and dragon toenails. Apparently, this is a base of operations. You know, away from the normal mudmen but convenient for wizards. And I'm here to bring in the perps."
"I see. And what do you need from me?"
A flash of irritation crossed Holly's face. "Some paranoid wizards have a habit of writing anti- concealment charms into the foundations of buildings. No shields, no suits, no invisibility spells. And they're definitely not letting a little girl with pointed ears into a pub."
"You'd be surprised. Besides, I'm no better. I doubt they are letting third years into this pub any more than fairies. And among fairies, I am a very recognisable face. You could simply wear a disguise."
Holly shrugged. "Council's not risking it. And wizards know fairy property rules better than most. So they sent me to send you to a bar called… " Her eyes unfocused, reading something on her iris cam. "The Hog's Head. And don't worry. This bar is known for its seedy clientele. I'm sure they've seen stranger. So go inside, get them out, and I'll do the rest." She grinned. "Use that recognisable face of yours."
Artemis lost the argument. It's hard to argue with someone who has a high-powered Neutrino in their hands when you have neither of the Butlers readily available.
When Artemis walked into the pub, there were a few glances. The well-dressed, clean-looking, youth did not look like someone who would frequent the establishment. None looked at him twice, as all had shady business themselves. That is, except for one.
"My favorite mudboy!" he said, thumping his mug on the table before ripping a piece off of his drumstick (which was definitely too big for chicken, and was not something Artemis wanted to identify). There was only one person on or under the world who would do that in a bar full of wizards of questionable morality…
"Mulch. I had heard you were on the straight and narrow. A private investigator, I believe?"
He waved a hand clumsily. Perhaps drunkenly. "Everyone needs a vacation. I've got a bit of cash in the bank, and when I heard you're a wizard, well, I couldn't resist. Plus, the booze is so much better up here." He shook his head sadly. "Rice wine just isn't the same. ABERFORTH!" he shouted suddenly. "GET MY FRIEND HERE A SHOT OF YOUR FINEST!"
The strangely familiar man wiping the glasses carefully with a dirty rag looked up. Artemis shook his head, horrified by the condition of the pub. "I would rather not." The man mumbled something impolite and returned to wiping the glasses.
Mulch shrugged. "Suit yourself. So Holly sent you in, huh? The LEP are after me?" He saw Artemis eyeing the other customers. "Aww, don't worry about them. We've got an understanding. Honor among thieves, am I right? Abe," he said, nodding to the barkeep, "keeps his secrets well." He grinned, showing all his numerous teeth. "And everyone else knows not to mess with me, after that one guy… These teeth have a life of their own." Artemis really did not want to know.
"So, Mulch, how did you end up here, should this be a mere vacation? At a bar that just happens to be under investigation?"
"Well, a friend of mine suggested Abe as, you know, a friend of the People. And I was sold on Scotland. I mean, the dirt here, it's full of magic. Great aftertaste, no pollution. Lots of rabbits. And the company's great."
"I take that to mean that you have a smuggling ring here." Mulch was about to protest, but Artemis held up a hand. "I only offer my services. I can extend business to the school, and move much less suspiciously than one of the People."
Mulch grinned wider. "And here I thought you were going clean. 80-20 cut?"
"Half each."
"75-25."
I'll give you 40-60 with some contraband items."
"Deal." Mulch spat on his hand and held it out. It was slightly fluorescent.
"No. Definitely not."
Mulch sighed and withdrew his hand. "Worth a try. When can I contact you?"
"Every weekend, unless school security tightens."
"You won't tell Holly about this, right?"
"Honor among thieves, Mulch."
When Artemis walked out of the pub, Holly became visible. "Find anything?"
"I didn't see anyone," he said innocently.
Holly looked skeptical. "You were in there for a while. I checked your heat signature. You talked to someone the size of a dwarf. Who would that be, I wonder?"
"Wizards come in many shapes. There was a small fortune teller who was unusually accurate, to say the least."
"Sure."
"Well, I have to go back to school."
Holly snorted. "Back to Hogwarts. Don't miss curfew, mudboy!"
Artemis started walking towards Hogwarts. He met up with the other Slytherins on the way. They were chattering about the first trip to Hogsmeade.
"What were you doing, Artemis? I didn't see you," asked Theodore.
"I didn't either," said Blaise, who was on Artemis' other side.
"Hmm," remarked Artemis. "I tried that 'butterbeer' I've heard so much about, and walked down the street. Nothing appealed to me, so I went to read by the shrieking shack. I didn't see much of you, either." Blaise looked like he accepted the answer, but Theodore stilled seemed suspicious.
That evening, the Halloween feast, true to Hogwarts form, was massive. The ceiling lit with lightning, and the ghosts had a performance. The only thing to spoil Artemis' mood was Draco Malfoy, who wouldn't shut up about poor Potter not going to Hogsmeade. He and Theodore ignored him and the two large gorillas following him, and compared wizard customs to muggle customs during Halloween.
"Wizards have big feasts. It's kind of a remember the dead thing. That's what the ghosts are about."
"Sounds better than what muggles do. I've never participated, but the children dress up in costumes and give each other candy. The adults dress up in costume and have massive parties with a lot of alcohol."
"Actually, alcohol is very much involved. Wizards don't like to remember the dead."
Artemis laughed. "What other holidays do you have?"
"Well at school, we have Easter and Christmas off, and summer hols."
"Aren't wizards secular?"
"We are, but we like to match up the muggle schedules so they don't think we're some sort of cult or something. It's become traditional, and besides, by the middle of winter, everyone wants a break."
All in all, it was a good day for Artemis. However, Harry Potter, the resident child celebrity, naturally had to have a brutal murderer on his tail. And it just had to be Halloween.
Artemis and the other Slytherins were interrupted in the middle of getting ready to bed.
"Get ready to go downstairs," Snape said. You're sleeping in the Great Hall."
The Slytherins, confused, went into the common room. The prefects were waiting. They went into the Great Hall, where the other houses were already standing.
"The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle," Professor Dumbledore told them as Professors McGonagall and Flitwick closed all doors into the hall. "I'm afraid that, for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the hall and I am leaving the Head Boy and Girl in charge. Any disturbance should be reported to me immediately," he added to Percy Weasley, the Gryffindor Head Boy. "Send word with one of the ghosts."
Professor Dumbledore paused, about to leave the hall, and said, "Oh, yes, you'll be needing… "
One casual wave of his wand and the long tables flew to the edges of the hall and stood themselves against the walls; another wave, and the floor was covered with hundreds of squashy purple sleeping bags.
"Sleep well," said Professor Dumbledore, closing the door behind him.
No one seemed interesting in telling the Slytherins what had happened, so Artemis asked Neville, as the Gryffindors appeared to know the most.
"What happened?"
"Sirius Black. He slashed the portrait in front of the Gryffindor dormitory. They haven't found the Fat Lady, she's the one in the portrait, she's hidden in some other painting. I think he's trying to get in to get Harry." Neville's eyes were wide and frightened.
"Which begs the question, how did he get into the castle in the first place?" Artemis tapped his chin thoughtfully.
"Fowl, why are you hanging around with Fumblefoot?" called Draco. "Act like a proper Slytherin, even if you're not!"
Artemis sighed. "Draco, you should act like a polite young man, even if you're not. Remember what you owe me."
"The lights are going out now!" Percy shouted. "I want everyone in their sleeping bags and no more talking!"
Draco couldn't say anything, so he merely glared at Artemis and got into his purple sleeping bag. Artemis did the same, and quickly fell asleep.
Harry Potter
Harry's eyes widened as he listened to Dumbledore. Someone must've helped Sirius Black get into the castle, despite the headmaster's protests. Who would do such a thing? It must be a Slytherin. They were the only ones who'd want Harry dead. Draco, probably- but he was a slimy git, he was too much of a coward. Not a death eater yet. Maybe his father told him to. Blaise and Theodore weren't very serious, and the girls didn't care about much- more interested in getting pureblood husbands than being Death Eaters. But that Fowl kid… he was mysterious. He'd appeared this year, but he'd been good at magic, maybe better than Hermione. Hermione said he was a muggleborn and a genius, but he was Slytherin. Yes! That was it! He'd been sent to the school, smug little Death Eater, to infiltrate and help Sirius Black kill him!
Harry turned to Ron once the teachers weren't looking, and mouthed Artemis Fowl, pointing at the boy's sleeping bag. Ron nodded.
Finally, at 4 or 5 o'clock, Percy fell asleep. Harry muttered to Ron "It's Fowl. He must've let Black in. Why else did he start in the third year?
Ron nodded, but Hermione disagreed. "It's not his fault! He's friends with Neville, and nicer than the other Slytherins. Why would he help Voldemort, he's a mudblood," she hissed.
"You have a crush on him," Ron said. "Like Lockheart, remember? Just because he's so smart. We should search his bags. Percy's asleep, and he's only here tonight."
Hermione frowned, but didn't stop them. They crept over and Harry reached for the bag. He started to unzip the top… and that's when his face started to itch. He scratched his cheek. It felt almost… bumpy. Ron reached for the bag as well, and Harry saw his face go bright red. Then boils broke out. They started in the normal places, around his nose, his hairline, towards his ears. Then they crept over his face, and swelled. It looked painful, and Harry knew the same was happening to him. Then it hit.
At first, it just tingled. Then his face hurt. It burned. He touched it with his hand, and it came away itching and red. He and Ron staggered back to their sleeping bags, barely managing to get in. Hermione looked worried.
Neither boy slept the rest of the night. They were both in agony. Finally, at about 8 o'clock, the excruciating pain subsided to a numb ache. It still hurt. Harry had no idea how long it would last.
Artemis Fowl woke up soon after the pain subsided. He looked at the partially unzipped bag, then at the two Gryffindors. He smirked, and Harry glared at him. That was when he was certain Artemis was a Death Eater. Who else would curse his bag so evilly? He knew Fowl was a Death Eater, and he would prove it.
Breakfast that morning was horrible. Everyone kept sneaking looks at Harry and Ron, and whispering, wondering what had happened to them.
"He's a Death Eater, he cursed his bag!" Harry said.
"Yeah, why would he need that on his bag, anyway, unless there's something suspicious in there?"
Hermione was angry. "You shouldn't have been snooping in the first place! But that was a nasty curse. I don't know how he put it on his bag. Maybe… " But she sounded doubtful. "I'll see about a countercurse Until then, don't do anything stupid." With that, she walked out of the Hall. Harry and Ron suffered in silence until their first class.
Artemis Fowl
Artemis woke up and looked at his bag. It was partially open, and he wouldn't have left it that way. He looked around the room, and saw (big surprise) Potter and the youngest Weasley with a painful case of boils. Granger, their slightly more intelligent friend, had none on her face. She looked unhappy with them. He smirked at them. That'll teach people to go through my things. He'd made the spell himself- it wasn't actually too hard to make one. The right Latin phrase, a combination of two or three basic movements, and a few tests, and he'd perfected it. He hadn't tested it on mice- Holly wouldn't like that, and his new gift of tongues made it rather an unappetizing prospect. Besides, they weren't human. Instead, he'd tested a less potent version on the gorillas, who were far less intelligible and wouldn't notice an occasional boil or two. There were several benefits, mainly that (a) there were no convenient counter curses and (b) that no one would suspect a third year unless they knew him well. Naturally, his Slytherin friends had a clue.
"Artemis, did you do that to Potter and Weasley?" asked Theodore over breakfast.
"They did it to themselves," Artemis said coolly. "I just helped them along."
Blaise grinned. "Brilliant! Snooped through your stuff, did they?"
Artemis nodded. "Standard Gryffindors- thought I was a Death Eater, probably."
Theodore snorted. "If any of us become Death Eaters, you'll be the last. More likely to become a Dark Lord yourself."
Artemis smiled at his backhanded compliment. "They'll be hurting for a couple weeks, I suspect. Gryffindors." He sighed. "No respect for privacy."
A week later, Artemis was confronted by Hermione. She cornered him as he left Potions.
"Artemis, what did you do to Harry and Ron?"
"You mean those boils? Shame they haven't cleared up yet." He smiled at her.
Hermione looked positively furious. "I mean it! You cursed them, and I haven't found a counter curse that works, yet! Why do you even have such a strong curse? What are you hiding?"
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "You're a muggleborn, as well. Try being one in Slytherin. Or even a Slytherin in the rest of the school. We're not exactly popular. How long do you think it would be before you wanted to keep people out of your bags?" He continued before she could get a word out. "Don't worry about your friends. The boils will fade in… oh… a week? The hotheadedness won't. Watch out for them." With that, he patted her shoulder and walked away, leaving behind one very confused Gryffindor behind.
That's right! I'm hurting Ron and Harry! Hermione I'm halfway fine with, but Ron especially has always annoyed me. I won't hate on them a whole lot but I felt like including that. I'm not really into Gryffindor, either, in case you didn't notice.
Artemis is going to start a black market. Mulch was just the first step. Just because he's busy learning magic, doesn't mean he isn't preparing for full control of the wizard business world.
I've always wondered how spells are created. Do the words really matter or are they just a focus? Who made the spells? Merlin? Wizards of old? Are there innovations in spellwork where people discover newer, better words? Are there spells that have been lost in the gears of time? What determines the working of special words? I get that Harry Potter is really a kids' book about seeing the wonder in the world and love conquering evil, but I for one really like to know the mechanics of stuff. I feel like Artemis would agree, and further than that figure it out, create new spells, and generally confuse (and dazzle) everyone around him.
