Chapter Seven

Understanding

Peyton still couldn't believe it. Jake was here. He was finally back and not leaving ever again. Everything was perfect...well not everything. Jake had been back for a little over a week they were together, but still there was that secret looming over her head. She slept with Lucas. Lucas and Jake were really good friends and had even begun to spend a lot of time together. She had always admired those two as friends. Jake was the first guy to actually give Lucas a chance when he started as a Raven and since then they had a strong friendship. It had been Lucas that was able to get a hold of Jake that time that she really needed him. She had never been more grateful for their friendship then that time. It was hard now though. With the fact that they had slept together.

Under normal circumstances she'd be hanging out with them, but not now. Jake was always trying to get her to go out with them, but she would refuse. She couldn't be around Jake and Lucas together and it wasn't because she still had feelings for Lucas because she didn't. It was just that it felt wrong that they were keeping this huge secret from Jake. She felt as if she were cheating on him and she didn't like that feeling.

It was the same feeling she got when ever she would talk to Brooke on the phone which is why she had pretty much stopped talking to Brooke. The guilt was seriously starting to get to her. She hadn't spoken to Brooke since before Jake got back. Brooke had tried calling her a few times, she just left them unanswered. She was sure Brooke was wondering what was up, but she couldn't help it. It hurt too much. She knew she was a horrible friend and now she was being a horrible girlfriend.

She wanted to tell both of them, but at the same time she didn't want to hurt either of them. She loved them both so much. Something had to give and soon. She knew it wouldn't be long before Jake caught on to the way she was acting. She knew it wouldn't be long before he started to worry as to why she didn't want to sleep with him. They hadn't slept together yet. She knew he wanted to and she knew she wanted to, but she always came up with an excuse as to why she couldn't. It didn't feel right. She couldn't make love to Jake while keeping in the huge secret that she slept with one of his best friends. It was all just so wrong and just thinking about it made her feel sick to he stomach. She literally had to stop herself from running into the bathroom on numerous occasions and emptying the contents of her stomach.

This was all getting to be too much for her and if it were up to just her she would have said something a long time ago, but she had Lucas and his feelings to think about. He had a lot to lose as well as she had and she had no business ruining his life without his permission, but at the same time she had asked him on numerous occasions if she could say something and he always told her not to. She understood why he didn't want what they did to get out. He loved Brooke. He didn't want to lose her. Neither did she. Brooke had never been the forgiving type and this time wouldn't be any different.

So that's where she was today, no where near finding a solution that wouldn't end up hurting the people she loved. No matter what happened someone was going to end up hurt. That's just how these things happened.

"Hey babe."said Jake as he walked into her room and leaned down to give her a quick kiss."What did you do today?"

Peyton shrugged from her position on her bed."Nothing really. I'm not feeling well so I just stayed in bed. You?"

"I dropped Jenny off with my parents. I swear they act like they never see her. She was just there yesterday."

"Yeah, but you were gone with her for what? A month and they had to go all that time without her. I understand why they want to see her as much as possible."she looked down."They want to spend as much time with her and you as possible because they're afraid you're gonna leave again."

"Is that how you think they feel or is that how you are feeling?"he asked sincerely.

"Maybe it's just me. I'm afraid that this is too good to be true. I'm afraid that I'm gonna wake up one morning and you're gonna be gone."she wiped away a few tears.

Jake took a seat next to her."I'm sorry Peyton. I hate that you are feeling this way. I don't want this for you. I love you so much and I hate seeing you in so much pain. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

"You've said that before."

"But I didn't have custody of Jenny then, but I do now. There is no reason for me to leave again."

"What if Nikki comes back?"

"Then I report her to the police and she gets arrested. She isn't allowed to come anywhere near us. Look I haven't said anything and I wasn't going to, but Nikki is in jail. The reason I got full custody was because I set her up."

"What?"

"I knew Nikki wasn't ready for all this. She was only doing this because she saw we were okay without her. She was doing this because Jenny had you. I taped her leaving with a guy to get wasted and he told her he knew were to get coke. She fell for it and left Jenny alone in a motel. She didn't even seem to care that Jenny was crying. I broke down the door and I got my daughter. I waited there with social services and the police. I showed them everything. She was arrested. They even took Jenny away from me for about a week. It was the worst week ever, but we got through it. They checked me out, took a paternity test to make sure I was her father and then once they were satisfied that Jenny would be safe with me they awarded me full custody. I have a restraining order out on her, but she's still in jail. Like I said it was a horrible week, but now everything is okay. Everything worked out. Nikki isn't going to come back into our lives."he watched as Peyton took everything in. He could see she was still a little skeptical, but coming around."I knew something was going on. I could feel you pulling back from me. I was a little hurt, but I wasn't sure what was going on so I just stayed quiet. Now I know what it was. You were afraid, but you don't have to be anymore."Peyton nodded."I'm hoping that this is a turning point for us. I'm hoping things will only get better from here. I wasn't going to say anything about Nikki, I didn't want to bring all that into our relationship, but I'm glad I did. I'm glad there are no more secrets between us."he smiled at her.

Peyton's heart sank at his words. No more secrets. But there were still secrets between them, one big one. How could she not say anything to him after everything he had just shared with her? She was torn. She loved him so much and she was afraid he was going to decide he couldn't forgive what she did and leave her again.

"Peyton are you okay? You don't look good. What's wrong?"

"I slept with Lucas."she blurted out. There it was. It was finally out. Out of all the ways she thought about telling him, this wasn't it. She never planned on blurting it out like that, but no matter how it happened she was glad it was out. The secret was eating her up inside, she couldn't breath. She watched Jake as he took it all in. Her heart was pounding.

Jake sat there and looked at her. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. His girlfriend had just told him she slept with his best friend. That was the last thing he ever thought he would hear. How had this happened?

"Jake, please say something, anything. Yell at me if you have to. I need to know what I can do to make this up to you."she waited for him to say something, but still nothing came."Jake please."she pleaded.

Jake looked at her and saw the alarming look on her face."Okay...whe...whe..when did this happen? Today? Yesterday? When?"he asked in a calm voice.

Peyton looked at him."None of those times. It was two days after you left. The day Brooke left. I was so sad and hurt that you and Jenny were gone. I was worried about Jenny because we didn't know where she was. I felt like I didn't have anyone. Brooke had just left that same day. I wanted to feel numb. I wanted to forget everything if even for only one night so I started to drink. Not long after Lucas showed up. He was hurting too. He had just told Brooke that he loved her and wanted to be with her and she just left him standing there. We were both sad and lonely and had too much to drink. We weren't thinking and things just escalated. It was a one time thing. I promise it never happened again. I love you and he loves Brooke. We know there is nothing between us. Do you think you could ever forgive me?"she waited for him to answer.

Jake took in everything she said.When she said she slept with Lucas he had just assumed she meant recently, while he'd been back, but no, she was talking about when he left. It was a while back. He was disappointed that it happened, but he couldn't really be upset with her. He told her to go and find happiness even if it was with someone else. She slept with Lucas when they weren't together. Sure the fact that she slept with him was going to be weird, but he couldn't be angry with her about it. She hadn't done anything wrong. He loved her too much to let something like this tear them apart. She hadn't cheated on him. He hated that she was beating herself up about this. It happened, it was over with and it would never happen again. Some might think he was weird, but in a way he was a little glad this happened, this way they knew what it was like to be together. There would be no what ifs. They were together and that was that.

"Will you please say something Jake? I am so sorry I did this to you."she said through tears.

Jake couldn't take it anymore. He pulled her into his arms. He needed to make her feel better. He hated seeing her like this."Shh, Peyton. It's okay."

"No it's not. How can it be okay? I cheated on you Jake."

Jake shook his head."You did no such thing. We weren't together when it happened."

"That doesn't really matter. I still slept with Lucas."

Jake nodded."I know you did and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little because it does. I don't want to think about you with anyone else."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I love you Peyton. I'm not going to let one mistake you made while we weren't together ruin us. I understand that you were hurting and alone. It may sound weird, but I'm glad Lucas was there. I'm glad he helped you get through a tough night."

Peyton pulled away from him slightly."Are you serious? You're okay with everything?"

Jake nodded."I love you Peyton and like I said it's tough thinking about you two together, but we weren't together and I want us to get through this. You are sure you don't have feelings for Lucas, right?"

Peyton nodded her head with no hesitation."I have no feelings for Lucas what so ever other than friendship. I don't want to cut him out of my life because of what happened between us, but if it's the only way to keep you then I will. I'll do anything Jake."

Jake smiled at her."You don't have to do that. I don't want you to cut Lucas out of your life. You two have been friends for a long time. That means something. I trust you and know nothing will happen again."

"I can't believe this. I can't believe that you are okay with all of this. I have thought about this in every scenario possible and you being okay never even entered the picture."

"I'm a little hurt to hear you didn't have more faith in me, in us."he said looking down.

"I'm sorry. I was just afraid."

"I know and it's okay."

Peyton sat there in his lap just holding him for the longest time. She was afraid if she let go he would disappear."Do you think Brooke will take it this well?"

Jake let out a little laugh and shook his head."I don't know, but if you remember how things were last time with just a kiss can you imagine how it will be when she finds out you two slept together."

Peyton nodded as more tears fell."I'm gonna lose her again. I know it. She is going to hate me. I don't think I can tell her."she said shaking her head.

"This is up to you, but if you want my opinion, you need to tell her. This isn't something that can or should be kept from her. You told me which was the right thing to do, you need to tell her too."

"What if she never wants to speak to me again? What am I supposed to do without my best friend?"

"I can't answer that for you Peyton, but Brooke will respect you more if you tell her the truth."

"But Lucas doesn't want me to say anything."

"This isn't Lucas' decision. This is yours. He should want to tell her himself. The fact that he doesn't says a lot to me."

"He just loves her and is afraid that he's gonna lose her again."

"Then he shouldn't have slept with you Peyton."

"Don't be mad at him Jake. This was both our faults."

"I'm not mad at him. I'm just saying that Brooke should know. I know I'm glad that you told me, but whatever you decide to do I'll be here for you."

"You don't know how much that means to me. I really thought I was going to lose you."

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not going anywhere."


"Seriously Brooke was this really necessary? I mean did you really have to go shopping for all this stuff?"

"I can't believe you even asked me that Nathan. You know that I need new things to take to San Fransisco."

"So you're telling me that you're not going to go shopping with Sasha when we get there."

"I am saying no such thing."

"But you got everything you could possibly need."

"Yeah, but there are different stores there."

"Fine, but that means you're gonna have to cut down on the things you're planning to take. I don't want to be crammed on the way back. Don't forget we are riding with you on the way back. Leave room for us and our things."

"Oh quit being such a baby. We will have plenty of room in the car."

"We better."said Nathan plopping himself down on the couch.

Brooke followed suit and too planted herself on the couch, only dropping her head to rest in his lap as she got comfortable. She turned to look up at him."Are you nervous?"she asked with a smile.

"I wouldn't be if you quit asking me all the time. You're the one making me nervous."he said as he absentmindedly played with her hair. He loved these times when they just sat there and talked. He loved spending time with her. It was always the highlight of his day.

"Well I'm counting on you doing well so don't screw this one up."she said matter of factly.

"Yes ma'am."he said with a laugh.

Brooke pulled herself up and looked at him."I know I've been giving you a hard time, but I know you're gonna be amazing Nate. Just you wait and see."she gave him a quick smile before getting up to collect her shopping bags.


"Wow. This room is beautiful."she walked over to the window and looked out."The view is gorgeous."said Brooke as she continued too look out.

"I know I hope my room is as good as this one."called out Sasha as she looked through the room.

"It is just the next room over. I'm sure it's gonna look exactly like this one."

"I know, I'm just saying. Josh is totally gonna love it here. I wish they would hurry and sign in. I miss him."

"You act as if you haven't seen him in forever. You saw him right before we drove off."

"So you're trying to tell me you don't miss Nathan at all?"she asked with a smile. She knew she was playing with fire, but they were getting along so well what would a little question like that do?

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I do miss him, but only because I was stuck in a car with you for too long."she said with a laugh.

"Whatever. You two gonna be okay in this room together for two nights?"

Brooke rolled her eyes."Yes. We're just friends and we'll be fine."

"Sure. Whatever you say."she said with a laugh.

Brooke turned to give her a sarcastic remark when the door opened and in walked Nathan and Josh.

"Wow! Is this our room Brooke?"

Yep. It's gorgeous isn't it?"

"Hell yeah. I could get used to this."he said checking out the room."Dude, it has a fully stocked bar. We definitely have to get into this later."

"Count me out."said Josh."No drinking for me until after we kick some ass in tomorrow's game."

"Yeah, you're right. Well wait til tomorrow."

"Then I'll definitely join you then. You girls in?"

"Do you even have to ask?"asked Brooke as if he were crazy.

"Sorry. I forgot we brought a couple of alkies."

"Shut up."said Sasha as she pulled her boyfriend out the door."We're gonna go get settled in our room. We'll catch you both later."

"Sure. Bye Sash."called Brooke as she opened the door to the bedroom. This was the first time she'd seen it and noticed it only had a king sized bed. This could be a problem. Yes they were friends, but friends that occasionally kissed so being so close together could be bad.

Nathan came in after her."So only one bed, huh? Are you going to be able to contain yourself? I mean I don't want to wake up to your roaming hands."he said with a laugh.

Brooke playfully pushed him."You wish."

"You have no idea."he said as he checked out the bathroom."Do you know there is a jacuzzi in here?"

"I do now."she said as she began to unpack."So what are we doing later?"

"I don't know I guess we could go and check out the city. We can't do anything to strenuous tonight. We have to be up early tomorrow."

"Nothing too strenuous, huh? Too bad for you."she said with a laugh.

"Hey, there's always tomorrow night."he said putting his arm around her.

She playfully shrugged him off and repeated herself."You wish."


"Tonight was so much fun."said Brooke as she and Nathan walked into their room."The city is so beautiful. I can't wait to go shopping tomorrow when you guys are practicing."

"Brooke please don't go over board. I know you love punishing your parents by spending tons of money, but please think about us and our stuff."huffed Nathan. He was seriously worried about being crammed in the car with both girls and their stuff. Those two together shopping always meant they'd go overboard.

"Quit being a baby. I already said we wouldn't buy too much, but if you keep bringing it up I just might break that promise."she said with a laugh.

"Fine, my lips are sealed."he sat down on the couch and took a deep breath.

"What's wrong?"asked Brooke as she took a seat next to him and took his hand into her own. She could tell something was wrong with him and wanted to help.

"I'm kinda nervous. I mean I know I shouldn't be, but this is a big deal. If we win tomorrow we win a big check for High Fliers and they really need that check to get new equipment and stuff."

Brooke smiled."You'll do fine Nate. You'll do better than fine. If anything the fact that High Fliers has you on their team means they're gonna win. It's all about you Nathan. I've seen you practice a ton of times and you're the best out here. Don't tell Josh I said that."she said with a laugh.

Nathan looked at her. She was so beautiful and the fact that she had so much faith in him made her even more beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her."Thank you Brooke. You don't know how much your words mean to me."

"You're gonna kick ass out there tomorrow Nathan and I'll be cheering you on from the stands."she said with a smile. She loved making him feel better. He was always doing that for her so it felt good to do it for him.

"I don't know what I'd do here without you. Thank you for coming Brooke."

"No problem. I wouldn't miss my favorite guy for anything in the world."she watched him watch her. The feelings she had tried to bury the last time they kissed were slowly seeping out. She'd be lying if she said they'd been fully put away. The way he looked at her made her heart melt. She wasn't sure if he knew he was doing it, but he always looked at her that way.

"You're my favorite girl, you know that right?"

"I better be."she said with a laugh as she placed her hand on his cheek to show him she knew he was being sincere.

Nathan closed his eyes at the contact. Her touch was always so soft. He felt her tighten her grip and slowly move his head forward.

Brooke couldn't believe what she was doing. She was being so bold. She knew this was wrong, but for the life of her she couldn't remember why. All she knew was that she needed to feel his lips on hers once again. It had been too long. She slowly pulled his head down and captured his lips with hers. Slowly she began to massage his lips with her own. She traced his bottom lip with her tongue and the second he parted his lips she allowed her tongue to slip in, tasting him once again. She felt herself give an involuntary moan into his mouth. This felt incredible.

Nathan felt himself going with the feeling. Kissing Brooke felt so good, so natural. It had been too long since the last time. He didn't realize until that moment how much he wanted to do it again, how much he needed to kiss her again. He wanted to escalate things, he wanted more of her and she seemed willing. The moans that were escaping her from only their kissing was proof of that, but he stopped himself from initiating anything more. He remembered what happened last time they did this and he didn't need a repeat of that. He couldn't take another week of Brooke avoiding him. It would be too much. He cursed himself for being able to think straight. He slowly pulled out of her grasp."What are we doing Brooke?"he asked. He didn't want what was going on to stop, but they needed to talk about this before anymore happened.

Brooke stalled herself as she felt him pull away. She quickly withdrew her hand, which was now firmly around his neck and shrugged."I don't know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you again. I'm always doing this and I'm sorry."she felt a little embarrassed."I'm gonna go to bed."she quickly stood up and turned to go into the bedroom.

"Brooke wait."Nathan called after her."Don't go to bed like this. I don't want for us to wake up and be in the same place we were the last time this happened. I can't take you avoiding me again. You're too big a part of my life right now to just drop out of it again."he took her hand in his and led her back over to the couch."I don't know how this is supposed to go and I know you're probably hating me for making this into a big issue, but this has to be done."

"Does it have to be done tonight?"she asked.

"If it isn't I feel like we'll end up the same way we did. I'm afraid of losing you Brooke. You're too important to me. I don't want to fight with you. I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for, but I have to say this. I want to be with you Brooke. I'm not sure where any of this came from, but I know it's there and I don't want it to go away. I need you."he paused to see what she would say about his revelation.

Brooke looked at him. Had he just said he wanted to be with her? He did. Nathan Scott just said he wanted to be with her, that he needed her. That was huge. Hearing him pour his heart out to her meant so much to her. She didn't even know how strongly she felt about him until that moment. She now knew she had feelings for Nathan and wanted to be with him too, but could they? Could they actually be a couple? No, she didn't think so. There was too much outside influences that could wreak them. He had been married to one of her best friends and she was with his brother. Them being together was just wrong, no matter how you looked at it. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't see any other way. This was all her fault. If she hadn't been the one to keep initiating the kissing then he probably wouldn't have any feelings for her."I'm sorry Nathan. This is all my fault. I shouldn't be kissing you like this. I should have never done it in the first place."

"Don't say that. It wasn't a mistake, you and I both know it."

Brooke shook her head."No, what I know is that this is wrong. We shouldn't be doing this."

"Why is it wrong? You want this and so do I."

"Why is it wrong? Lucas and Haley. We can't do this to them."

"There is nothing between me and Haley anymore. We're divorced Brooke."

"She's still my friend Nate. She didn't divorce me."

"When was the last time you talked to her? When you and Lucas went to see her? She wasn't the one to make the effort to keep in touch. That was you and Lucas."

"Lucas."she whispered.

"That's it, isn't it? You're not over him, are you?"

Brooke shrugged."I don't know. Some days I think I am and then there are others that I miss him. He's the only guy that I've ever really loved and if I get with you I feel like I would be betraying him. I don't think I could do that to him."

Nathan wanted to scream out that Lucas had betrayed her with her best friend last year without giving it a second thought, but he didn't want to bring up old painful memories. He didn't want to hurt her any more than he had to."I understand Brooke. Like I said I don't want to push you into doing anything you're not ready for. I need you in my life Brooke. If it's just as a friend then okay. I'll take what I can get from you."

Brooke looked at him. He was being so great to her. He could have made this hard, but he didn't. He was being the great guy she knew he was. She stood up and quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. She wanted him to know that even though they couldn't be together he still meant a lot to her."Thank you so much Nathan. You are so amazing to me. This could have been the worst conversation ever for me, but you didn't let it play out that way. I'd give anything to give you what you want. I just can't and I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I love that you are so loyal. You're an amazing woman Brooke Davis. I hope Lucas knows that."

"Me too."she said as she let him go."I'm gonna go to bed."

Nathan nodded."Yeah, I'm just gonna crash out here tonight. I think we both need a little time alone."

"Okay."whispered Brooke."Goodnight Nathan. I'll see you in the morning."

"You too."he watched as she made her way to the room. He gave her a small smile when she turned to look at him before closing the door behind her. He threw himself onto the couch. There was no way anything good could come from his confession. He could already see it. Tomorrow he would wake up and Brooke would be gone. He could see her once again avoiding him, only this time it would last longer because she knew he wanted to be with her. He never should have said anything.