Disclaimer: I don't own this series, any series that makes any cameo appearances, or the people who have made Bo-bobo. I do, however, own this fic.
Check from the previous chapters on how I named each character, so I won't have to do it again on the upcoming chapters.
--
"IT... WAS... TERRIBLE!"
A bandaged up Balder McBaldington (a.k.a. Larry) was lying on a trauma-ward bed, regailing his comrades with his encroaching defeat at the hands of the Bald Empire's most feared enemy: Bo-bobo.
"His afro, it was so GOLD and unscrewable!" He threw his arms around. "His nose hairs, and his ability to unite his techniques with his friends... It's almost GODLY!" Larry finally screamed. "And you, Mr. Narrator..." Yes? "You can call me Larry-kun..."
"Okay, he's going crazy, ma'am." A miscellanious goon called out, to something sitting in a chair.
"He's talking to the sky." Another said.
"Heh, don't worry, men." A commanding female tone spoke out. "Let him rest, and then we'll let him get his revenge."
A loud stomp... another loud stomp...
"So, you wanna play with Bo-bobo, my most loyal lieutenant?" She asked.
A louder stomp, that sent poor Larry-kun off the side of his bed, screaming in pain.
"MY HIPS!"
"So be it..." She stood up, and pointed out the window. "Now go! Bring that foolish Bo-bobo to his death!"
The booming stomps started fading... whatever was causing them was walking away.
"Bo-bobo..." The female authority mused. "Methinks you'll pay for being alive... and for making my little brother stand against me."
"Ma'am!" A third goon took notice of Larry-kun's condition. "Shadow Spy McBaldington's bleeding internally!"
"WHAT?" She cried out. "Send our med team quickly! We of the Bald Empire Intarweb Corps will NOT lose another one of our men!"
--
"So, I was thinking about something, minna..." Poppa Rocks mused. "What's our positions in this team?
Bo-bobo, Poppa Rocks, Jelly Jiggler, Dengakuman, Beauty, Gasser, and Hatenkou we're continuing on their trail-blazing towards crushing evil. Unbeknownst to them, Dengakuman left fire in his tiny footsteps.
"NOT LITERALLY TRAIL-BLAZING!" Beauty screamed.
"Okay, gang! This is our stereotypical roles!" Bo-bobo cried out.
Suddenly, a spreadsheet with measurements in height appeared to their sides. Beauty just looked at it, but decided to play along with their mind games. The order standing was from shortest to tallest: Dengakuman, Poppa, Jelly, Beauty, Gasser, Hatenkou, Bo-bobo (afro included), and just right beside him was a large tree. Everyone stared at the tree.
A face suddenly appeared on the tree, and its branches became arms. "Sorry, didn't mean to bud in on you guys. I'll just be on my way, and eat a couple of people." The treant tipped its fedora at them, and then used it's mighty roots to walk merrily along.
Ignoring a complaining Beauty, the afroed hero shouted out. "Okay, minna! These are our initial jobs, although we can change them, at anytime." He looked at the other end of the chart. "Dengakuman: Adorable Support!"
"Yeah, I can see myself not fighting directly, but lending my abilities for key techniques--"
He was cut off by Bo-bobo. "Poppa Rocks: D-o-T'er!"
"WHAT?" He was astounded, but not in the good way. "My techniques are not hurtful on a damage over time basis!"
"Jelly Jiggler: Tank!"
"Cool!" Jelly's eyes shone, clearly missing the lingo. "I get an armored terrain vehicle!"
"To tank;" Poppa pulled out an online dictionary. "When one holds the complete attention and aggression of an enemy unit, so they do not go after the tank's allies."
"WHAT!" The blue man screeched. "I don't wanna protect you guys!"
"Beauty: Cute Support/Healer!"
"Wow... what a designation." Beauty remarked.
"Gasser: Long Range Damage Dealer!"
"WHA?" He exclaimed.
"Hatenkou: Puller!"
"WHY WOULD I WANT TO BRING US TROUBLE?" He whined.
"And for myself..." He pulled out a sheet of paper, and was shocked by something. He ripped up the paper, kicked away the chart, and started walking on ahead. "Well gang, enough with our break, so let's get going."
"BO-BOBO!" Everyone screamed, and started pursuing him.
--
Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo: Video Crisis!
A Man's Home is his Castle! But What Happens when the Man IS the Castle? DESTRUCTION!
--
The gang came across a mountain clearing, seeing a bustling city nestled inbetween the impenetrable forests, where calm, peace and quiet reign supreme. The sun was just coming out of the clouds.
"Good Afternoon, all..." The strange Poppa-shaped sun said whispily, hovering in the sky.
"WILL YOU STOP WITH THAT ALREADY?" Beauty yelled, throwing a rock at his face, shattering him into pieces. "AAAUGH!"
"What the hell, Beauty?" The orange candy appeared behind her, with a bandage right between his eyes. "You destroyed our sun! Now we're gonna have a new ice age on us!"
Another bright orb in the sky appeared. "Uh, that's alright. I'm the sun's understudy, Franklin."
"Franklin?" Bo-bobo stared directly at it in bewilderment.
Poppa tore his candy skin off to reveal a feudal-era samurai outfit underneath. "You may have been trained under the arts of the Sun, but I, his most famed successor, Poppa Patchi, will settle this score with you!"
"Go Poppa Patchi!" Hatenkou cheered, before he got bopped on the head with a 10 ton prop hammer.
"EMPHASIZE the syllables!" The samurai candy growled.
"Very well..." The sun known as Franklin tsked to the side. "If that's how you wanna play, then prepare to perish!"
'Poppa Patchi' dashed back a bit, giving him enough leeway so that he could start charging at the sun. The sun did the same, hurtling his massive form dangerously towards the ground!
"NO YOU IDIOTS!" Gasser over-reacted. "YOU'LL KILL US ALL--"
A catastrophical explosion...
"And that's how we all died." An old man Bo-bobo said, as he rocked back and forth in his rocking chair, his greying afro slowly sagging to the ground.
A little kid Jelly looked earnestly. "Granddaddy, if that's how we all died, how come we're all still here?"
He chuckled. "If I told you the bleak truth, little jelly-snapper, it would involve something how all reality is really inside our own minds, and how we rejected instrument-something and imagination, and we'd be sued by Gainax, and killed by mechs."
Okay, now this is ridiculous... back to the scene before...
"I'm just joshin' ya, Franky!" Poppa chuckled. "You'd make a PERFECT Sun! Now get out there, and be the best-damn energy provider you can be!"
"Thanks, Mr. Rocks! I will!" The Sun smiled, as he now stayed up at his respected distance.
--
The Muscle Crush Milder looked down at his brother, who was crushed by a measurements chart with a boot imprint on it.
"Just when we get out of the forest, you get walloped by a sign."
"Shut up..." The tinier elder brother groaned.
A loud step... Another loud step...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--"
--
The gang decided that this clearing that looked down at the city below was the perfect place to have lunch. Beauty, Gasser, and Poppa Rocks ate together, seeing the other four eat... in a Japanese-style living room.
"WHA?"
Bo-bobo was wearing lipstick, an apron, a motherly dress, and holding a bonnet-wearing Dengakuman in his arms. "That's right, little Den-baby... drink your milk..." He brought out a bottle, and punched it in his face, sending the little white guy onto where the others were.
"Ohoho, wife, you and your child abuse..." Jelly laughed, as he resumed reading the newspaper. Bursting through their door was the uniform clad Hatenkou, holding a wooden sword behind his back.
"Good day at school, honey?" Bo-bobo asked.
"Meh, it was alright, ma!" He brought his sword onto his lap. "My teachers say I'm a rebel all the time, but wait until they see my AXE!" He unsheathed his wooden sword, and pulled out a honking large guitar, and played a bass-ripping solo! Everyone clapped, even the sun and the carpets. "And, it even doubles AS an AXE!" He flipped the guitar around, and it became a sharp-bladed axe, which he proceeded to cleave the table in two.
"Okay... that doesn't surprise me so much..." Beauty said, but her eyes soon sunk, seeing Bo-bobo, Jelly, and Hatenkou eating calmly.
"Keep it down, Beauty." The afroed blond called out. "We're trying to eat quietly over here." He sighed delightfully amidst Beauty's cry. "What a great meal that was!"
"It certainly was!" Hatenkou added.
But just as the gang all got up, The two blonds collapsed. "WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?" The girl of the group shrieked.
"Hmm..." The candy walked up to the two of them. He poked their knees. "You two will do it in--"
"NOT US!" Gasser bolted his foot into Poppa's face.
"Sowwy..." The candy missing a tooth said, as he walked to the lying two. He poked their knees. "Poor guys, they've been up all night fighting a Bald Empire goon... they didn't get their proper sleep."
"Well, we know what to do, everyone!" Dengakuman chirped, drawing out two ice creamsicles.
"That's right!" Jelly exclaimed. He tied a rope around both Bo-bobo's and Hatenkou's waists, and tied them to his stomach, dragging them as he walked.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" The white thing squawked.
"Wait, so we're not dragging them behind us?" Poppa inquired, tying himself to a rope around Hatenkou.
"NO!"
"Well, you're no fun, you meanie..." Poppa said grimly, as he turned his back on them, and started to cry.
Suddenly, a loud step... another loud step...
The booming sounds of the steps were massive enough to rouse Bo-bobo and Hatenkou from sleep and into immediate fighting stances. Seeing this, the others decided to follow suit. The sole girl of the group even tried to mimic Bo-bobo's stance, but she clumsily fell over, and just braced her arms and fists.
What they saw was a massive, massive, massive, MASSIVELY large metallic being. He appeared to look like a rust-colored armored knight, with a large shield and everything. If there was a scale drawing comparing how big he was to the others, Bo-bobo would be halfway up the being's SHIN. The massive knight's armet (helmet) looked down at our heroes. It took half a step back, drawing out it's massive sapphire-hilt sword. Its form looked powerful.
"BEHOLD! THE MAGNIFICENCE... OF MY POWER!"
However, the more than squeaky and wimpy voice emanating from the knight gave the gang second thoughts about their opponent. Unintentionally, the gang broke down in laughter.
"WHAT? YOU DARE MOCK MY BRILLIANTLY POWERFUL FORM?"
"Dude!" Poppa Rocks yelled. "You sound like a wiener! Like we're gonna be afraid of you in your nerd suit!"
"IT MATTERS NOT THE SOUND OF MY VOICE!" The knight said, stepping on the orange candy. "WHY IS THE PEN MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD? ALL THE SWORD HAS TO DO IS SLICE THE PEN IN HALF! THAT'S MY PHILOSOPHY!"
"SHUT UP!" Jelly yelled back, as his purple aura started channelling around him. New liquid serpents came out of his back once more, lunging themselves at the giant. "Super Shaky Shake Fist! VERTICAL JELLY VIPER STRIKE!" The knight easily sliced the snakes in two, making the Jiggler whine in pain. "AAAAUUGH!"
"Jelly!" Bo-bobo was concerned.
"I AM ONE OF THE TRUSTED LIEUTENANTS IN THE BALD EMPIRE'S INTARWEB CORPS! I AM DATASTOMPER EPAULET (Shoulder armor)! THOUGH MY CLOSE FRIENDS CALL ME SIDNEY."
"I think Sidney's a nice name for that squeakiness inside, sir!" Beauty called out.
"I HATE THE NAME SIDNEY!" Below, Beauty gawked. "VILE WENCH, DO NOT MAKE ME SLAM YOU LIKE I DID YOUR ORANGE COMRADE!"
"Hey!" Gasser called in anger. "Take the compliment at least, jerk!"
"Yeah, you big meanie!" Dengakuman stupidly performed a flying side kick at the armored sabaton of his foot, surprisingly denting it.
"WHAT!" Sidney looked down, fussying over the impossibly-sized dent in his foot. "HOW DID YOU DO THAT, YOU LITTLE FIEND?"
Ignoring the fussying of the massive warrior, Bo-bobo pointed up at him. "So, you've come to finish what Larry couldn't?"
He finally ignored the dent, and cleared his throat. "THAT IS CORRECT, HONORABLE BO-BOBO! I, DATASTOMPER EPAULET WILL CHALLENGE YOU AND YOUR ALLIES IN MOST HONORABLE COMBAT! I WILL FIGHT ON BEHALF OF MY POKER BUDDY LARRY, AND ON BEHALF OF THE CAPTAIN OF THE INTARWEB CORPS, LADY MARMALADA JIGGLER!"
Jelly's eyes became drastic. "What...?"
"Do you know that person, Jelly?" Hatenkou asked.
"Now it all makes sense..." The blue man sighed. "The woman in orange in my nightmares..." The blue man pulled out a locket, and a picture of a red, a pink, and a younger blue Jelly appeared, with a corner of the photo ripped off. "She's... my long lost sister!"
"WHA?" Gasser was appalled.
Poppa slithered out from under the knight's feet, and suddenly popped in front of Jelly's face. "WOW! YOU have a sister? That's so excellent! Is she hot?"
"Poppa, now's not the time!" Beauty screamed.
"I CAN VOUCH FOR A FACT, THAT SHE IS INDEED QUITE RAVISHING!" The knight added, making Beauty just gawk unbelievably. "REGARDLESS, THIS TOPIC OF CONVERSATION IS BEGINNING TO BORE ME! LET US NOW DUEL, BO-BOBO!"
"So be it." Bo-bobo channeled his golden aura around his being. "Fist of the Nose Hair!" His body began glowing white, as he suddenly became enveloped in the glowing energy. Amidst the shine, a giant mecha with a spherical dome atop its face. The massive size of the mecha was... up to the shoulders of the knight. "BO-GINEER EXPERT: BO-BOBO BATTLE BOT!"
"Okay..." The other three humans were dumbfounded.
Poppa, however, flew up into the cockpit of the mech's face. "Ensen Rocks, reporting!"
"EEEEK!" Bo-bobo, with lipstick on and in a bubble bath, started screaming, with the candy glaring. "Pervert! Get out!"
"What?" Poppa Rocks was now angry, as he grabbed the tub, and kicked Bo-bobo out of the Bo mech. "This is MY mech, you harpy!" Suddenly, Bo-bobo came back in his normal attire, except his arms were wings, and he had a beak. He ignored the loud 'caw' of the Bo-bird, and the complaining Beauty. "I didn't say it in the literal sense, you jerk!" With that, he fired a sky uppercut, and sent Bo-bobo once more into the stratosphere.
"I SAY..." The no longer ignored knight was intrigued by Poppa uppercutting his best friend into space. "SO, SHALL WE FINALLY BEGIN?"
The cockpit finally closed on him, as his magnificently annoying voice boomed through the Bo-bobo mech. "Bring it on, muscle complex!"
"YOU WILL SOON REGRET THOSE WORDS, HEATHEN!" Sidney-- "I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD NOT CALL ME SIDNEY, KIND NARRATOR..." Sorry... Epaulet lept into the air amazingly, and his massive silver sword started shining. "Technique of Knightly Devotion! SILVER SWORD WAVE!" As whiny as his voice was, he launched an energy wave at an incredible speed.
"Oh man, that's fast!" Poppa reacted, by pressing a button on his panel. "Activate the Jelly Defense Barrier!"
The mech grabbed Jelly from the ground, stretched him out so much until he became a makeshift shield, and he dissipated the entirety of the attack, at the cost of Jelly being cleaved immensely. "I CURSE YOU, DOOOOOOOD!" He wailed as his pieces fell on the ground.
"THAT IS NOT IMPRESSIVE." The knight insulted him, as his sword suddenly green. "NOW, TAKE THIS! Technique of Knightly Devotion! CRY OF THE FOREST!" From his mighty blade, a torrent of nature-channeled energy proceeded, but was unfortunately halted, by the mech using poor Dengakuman to suck up the total amount of energy. "WHAT DUR?" He was dumbstruck.
"I don't feel so good--" before he could finish his sentence, Dengakuman popped like a balloon, and exploded in faint energy. Fortunately, he just rematerialized unconsciously on top of a dead Jelly.
"I'm... not dead..."
"Fool! I was only warming up!" Poppa called out. "Now, eat some firepower!" The hands of the mech retracted, only to release a torrent of fire. "Fire melts metal, right?"
"BWAHAHA! THIS IS THY FINEST EFFORT?" Epaulet boomed his taunt, scraping his feet against the ground, bearing his rust-colored shield at the storm of flames. Unfortunately, the shield was rust-colored, because it really WAS rusty, and crumbled apart. "OH MY!"
"You left yourself open, man!" The Bo-bobo mech suddenly flew at the knight, and released a volley of punches, kicks, and repeated smacks with REALLY oversized lunch trays. "Yeah, you've been a bad boy! Now get back to class!"
"WHAT CLASS?" Everyone else screamed.
(Movie Preview: Repairing the Epaulet)
A normal high school classroom. Males and females of all colors, sizes, and races (I saw a couple of crocodile Ko-gals in there) were studying diligently. Outside the window, was the massive knight Epaulet, sitting on the school field in his school uniform over his armor.
The knight sighed. "THE SUN IS SO HOT..."
"See what happens, when one who is out of place, gets taught the meaning of all of life's intricacies..." It was Jelly's turn to be the voice narration.
"OH GREAT SUN-SEMPAI, WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND WHO MY HEART BELONGS TO?" He pleaded.
The shining sun beamed brightly. "You just need to take your time, and remember to stay true to yourself."
"WHAT THE!" Beauty gawked in the audience.
"BOMARU-SEMPAI! WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND THIS PROBLEM?" The knight pleaded to Bo-bobo, his armored visage keeping his eyes on Bo-bobo's on the rooftop.
"It's simple, friend!" He jumped on Epaulet's shoulder. "This problem never existed. You're just over stressed, is all. Try to take some time and enjoy life."
Scene change to the giant, standing atop a mountaintop. "THANK YOU ALL! YOU HAVE SHOWED ME TO APPRECIATE LIFE! NOW, I MUST REPAY THE FAVOR DEARLY!"
(Repairing the Epaulet, coming soon... never)
"HOW DARE YOU!" The knight's sword finally turned into a blood red, and he raised it completely in the air. "I DESERVE TO HAVE A MOVIE TOO! NOW HAVE AT YOU!"
"Huh?"
"Technique of Knightly Devotion! FLARE EXECUTE!"
The sword dug into the top of the mech, and cleaved cleanly through it, hacking it in a fiery rage into 15 pieces.
"Top of the head, my face, my left cheek, my right eye, the middle of my neck, left elbow, right pinky, left ribcage, stomach, left thigh, right thigh, right knee, left knee, left shin, heart..." Poppa Rocks said weakly, coughing up orange.
"WHAT?"
"I'm going to have you take proper responsibility..." He could only smirk. "...for killing me..."
The Bo-bobo mech exploded, engulfed in a sea of fire. The metal crashed to the ground, as well as the city below, exploding that in another massive chain of flames.
"No... NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Beauty cried, her tears we're becoming too much for her, as Gasser held her close.
"Not him..." Jelly stuttered. "Sister... you will pay for this, I assure you..."
"HE WAS A WORTHY OPPONENT..." Epaulet sheathed his sword again. "AS HONORABLE AS THEY COME... HEAVEN WILL BE PLEASED TO RECEIVE A--"
"Fist of the Nose Hair!" Bo-bobo released a powerful war cry, as he was hurtling back from the stars, and, all while wearing a duck costume, channeled his foot into a powerful aura. "STAR STRIKE OF NOSE HEAVEN!" His kick broke the powerful rune on top of his head, causing the knight to slowly teeter, and finally collapse on the forest.
"BO-BOBO!" Beauty bawled. "HE... HE KILLED POPPA!"
"What!" A new anger killed a part of himself, as Bo-bobo looked towards the fallen giant. "We will avenge you, old friend..."
Suddenly, the giant was surrounded in a magic circle, as his massive size was starting to shrink back down, as he was now Bo-bobo's size. He got up, and looked around at his surroundings.
"Well," the still whiny voice of the knight spoke out. "Good riddance to that tall business. At the least, my powers are no longer limited."
"SIDNEY!" Bo-bobo thrust into his fighting stance. "You will pay for Poppa's death!"
"Oh, he will, Bo-bobo... he will..." said an eerie-voiced Poppa Rocks... who was standing right beside them, unscathed and unharmed.
"GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Beauty shrieked.
"Seven against one now?" The knight chortled. "Should be a worthy challenge! Prepare for round two, heathens! Have at you!"
--
How will our friends deal with this medieval menace?
Will the Intarweb Corps push onward with their plans for domination?
Will Baseball Diamond Player have to work with his long time nemesis, Basketball Court Man, to save the city?
"WHAT THE HELL?" Jelly screamed.
And when did Jelly get a side-story?
"Harsh..." He sighed. "Oh well, tune in next time!"
