A/N Hey folks I just got my first challenge by review. ElMarquis wanted me to write a report and here is the details. "What about Draco Malfoy found dead, having severely beaten himself before falling and impaling himself on the spire of the tallest tower of Hogwarts while his wife Astoria seeks the comfort of DADA Prof Potter?" That seems like it could be a lot of fun to write and I believe this could be my longest report yet, well fictional report that is, I once Had to make an official report that I rambled on and on about not knowing why I had to write it, I think I took 3 pages for that one! Just so you all remember, I don't own Harry Potter and please be sure to read and review and continue to give me great report Ideas!

Forceful Penetration

Responding Auror: Kingsley Shacklebolt

Crime: Lewd acts, Indecent exposure, Rape, Desecration of a Famous Object, Suicide, Suspected Pedophilia

Suspect: Draco Malfoy

At 1200 I was informed of a possible murder that took place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At 1205 I arrived on-scene and noticed a large crowd of students gathered by one of the windows on the seventh floor that looking towards the Astronomy tower. As I approached the group I overheard part of a conversation by a third year Gryffindor stating "someone trying to educate him by shoving knowledge up his ass". I dispersed the crowd and approached the window to start my investigation. Upon looking out the window I noticed that a nude individual was impaled on the a spire of the tower. I then went to get a broom so I can take a closer look at the body.

After I approached the body I noted that there were many cuts and bruises covering 90% of the body and that the spire was penetrating his anus and protruding 2 inches from his a good look at the bodie's face I was able to identify him as Lord Draco Malfoy. On observing the cuts and bruises I was able to tell that a blunt object had to have been used with great force. Having observed all I needed to I decided to ask around for witnesses and determine what an of age wizard with no connections to this institution was doing inside a school with so many young children.

As the scene was at the astronomy tower I decided I should pay a visit to the teacher Aurora Sinistra to see if she had any insight to the incident. I located her coming out of one of my colleagues rooms. My colleague Junior Auror Harry Potter was on special assignment to teach the course Defence against the dark Ms. Sinistra I noticed she was out of breath and breathing heavily. I asked her if she was alright and she told me she recently finished doing strenuous exercises. After confirming she was healthy I asked about the scene at her tower. She informed me all she knew was that Mr. Malfoy was arguing with his wife Astoria Malfoy because she wanted to get an apprenticeship with Mr. Potter so she could become a master of Combat Magic. Mr. Malfoy declined and threatened to dump her in a brothel so she replied she wanted a divorce. Ms. Senestra then saw Mrs. Malfoy running from the tower and followed to give the woman emotional support. I asked Ms Sinistra on where I can find Mrs. Malfoy and was told she was with Mr. Potter still getting comforted,

I dismissed Ms Sinestra and watched as she walked away, I overheard her murmuring about needing pain relievers and a cold shower after her vigorous round of comforting and for some reason she asked herself if she could get pregnant from her help. Not knowing why she would make those comments I turned and knocked on Mr. Potters door. I heard Mr. Potter yell out to hold on and I also heard a lot of rustling and a few comments like "No that's my underwear" and after about 5 minutes the door was opened by a sweaty and disheveled Harry Potter and behind him was an equally sweaty and disheveled Astoria Malfoy. I asked if I could enter to speak to them privately and was granted access. After I entered I noticed the room smelled like sex but know I had to be wrong due to Mrs. Malfoy being married and Mr. Potter engauged.

After Clearing my head I started asking Mrs. Malfoy what happened that might cause her husband's death. She confirmed that the argument took place and that immediately after she came to Mr. Potters room and that Ms. Sinestra joined in shortly after. I noticed her cheerful attitude and questioned her about it and was informed that Mr Potter and Professor Sinistra did a very good job and comforting her and I quote "comforted her brains out multiple times". Looking around the room I noticed that there was blood stained clothes and a bloody baseball bat lying on the floor in a corner. I asked Mrs. Malfoy if she or Mr. Potter murdered her husband but she denied it. She then informed me that Mr. Malfoy was a very sensitive man and was driven to tears when she asked for a divorce. She then told me that he was probably driven to punish himself at is failure and impotence and that he was such a drama queen that he would pick the slowest most painful and dramatic way to end himself.

I asked both Mr. Potter and Mrs. Malfoy about the bloody bat and clothes and was informed that the were from fighting a covon of vampiers and rescuing a prinssess from a place I have never heard of, can not spell and not find on any Mr. Potter is a Master of Battle Magic and Mrs. Malfoy his apprentice I could find no fault in their explanation. As they had a solid alibi I determined they were not in any way responsible for the death of the victim.

After detailed studying of my field notes in the crime scene I was able to determine that, Mr. Malfoy being so hart broken and despondent from his own actions punished himself by using a conjured bat to beat himself mercilessly and then climbed to the roof of the astronomy tower and slowly impaled himself through the rectum until he died of blood loss. I am still astounded that he chose a painful method as that and as I found no weapon on-scene it had to have dispelled. As I have concluded the investigation of the death I have no choice but to charge Mr. Malfoy posthumously for the offences of Lewd acts due to the use of the spire as a sexual object, Indecent exposure due to being naked at the time of death, Rape of the school building Hogwarts, Desecration of a Famous Object by staining the tower with blood and fecal matter, and Suicide. As we were unable to determine why a deviant such as Draco Malfoy was doing around under aged children while will keep the investigation of him being a suspected pedophil active until it is determined one way or the other.

A/N: So ElMarquis how do you like it, I just hope it was funny enough as I tried to put in as much comedy as possible