Lexa got into the car just as quickly as she could, she looked at the time on her phone 1:30PM.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" She said.

"We will get you there, Lexa." Thelonious said.

"You think?" She asked.

"I do" He nodded, "The route looks clear with just a bit of traffic."

"What's the arrival time?"

"Four thirty" he told her.

"Fuck" She said under her breath again that was cutting it to close.

How in the world she let Ontari get her so worked up into staying in the meeting for another hour and a half she didn't know. Oh wait, yes she did.

'We want you to go to Syria with this team.'

The words rang in her head over and over.

Of course she said no, she practically threatened to pull out of the mission all together if they didn't give her another other option. There was no way she was going to go, even if they made some really good points on why she should be there to set things up. She knew that was just the Commander in her talking and that she needed to stay here with Clarke and the kids and be a wife and Mom… not a marine; it's what she wanted anyhow. Those days were behind her, she had bigger priorities now like getting to her son's first baseball game.

/

Clarke was getting Jacob into his uniform she checked her phone one more time, nothing. It was now 3:15, Jake had to be at the field at 4:20 for warmups and head count the game started at 4:40. She wanted to text Lexa and check on her to see where she was, but she hadn't, in fact she hadn't heard from her all day. That was weird because Lexa normally checked in a lot even if they were fighting.

Clarke put down her phone "did Momma call?" he asked.

"No buddy, but I am sure she will, okay?"

Jacob just nodded. Each time he had asked about Lexa since he had come home from his stadium tour with his auntie O, his little face dropped a little more.

"I know buddy, but like I told you she is trying REALLY hard okay?" Clarke smiled.

"I know" Jacob nodded, "I just really want her to see me pitch."

"Hey little man" Octavia said walking into his room.

"Yeah auntie?" He asked.

"Why don't you go find your Nanna? She just got back from her hotel and I bet she wants to hear all about your day."

"Oh great idea and I bet she will even make you a smoothie in your new game cup if you ask really nice!" Clarke smiled.

"Yeah?" Jacob smiled.

"I bet" Octavia nodded.

And with that Jacob ran down the stairs.

"Has she texted you?" Clarke tried hoping that Lexa had texted someone.

"No, why don't you ask Anya?" Octavia said sitting onto Jake's bed pulling Clarke down with her.

"Oh good idea" Clarke said sending a text to her sister-in-law.

Clarke: Hey, have you heard from Lex?

Nearly right away Clarke's phone buzzed.

Anya: Yes.

Clarke: ...?

Anya: She is on her way stuck in some traffic…

"So?" Octavia asked.

"Apparently stuck in traffic" Clarke shrugged.

Clarke: She going to make it?

Anya: Looking like it… but….

Clarke: Who knows?

Anya: I just think she's going to be late.

"Anya thinks she will just be late" Clarke told Octavia.

"Late is better than nothing, for J's sake. I mean it sucks but…" Octavia trailed off.

"No you are completely right" Clarke said.

Clarke: Late is better than not at all I guess.

Anya: Well Im going to kill her if you don't

Clarke: You may have too Idk if I have the strength anymore.

Anya: alright, I got this.

Clarke: Haha okay thanks… I think.

Anya: Anytime I got you blonde sister.

Clarke just handed Octavia her phone to read the last part of the conversation.

"Well yeah" Octavia said "I'm going to freak out if she misses it."

"Me too" Clarke said. "I can't take Jacob's face right now; he is already preparing himself for it and its killing me O."

"I know me too, and I'm not even his mom."

"Thanks for today by the way he had such a good time." Clarke said.

"Oh my gosh I loved it too. I have so many more pictures on my actual camera, I will get them too you their so good."

"I bet and thank you, He adores you ya know." Clarke said laying her head on Octavia's shoulder.

"Yeah well the feeling is mutual." Octavia smiled.

"When are you and Lincoln going to try?"

"Soon" Octavia said.

"Yes PLEASE, Oh be pregnant with me!" Clarke said.

"That's VERY soon" Octavia laughed.

"Well I need a bump buddy and my kids need cousins."

"I am working on it, I promise."

"You're my best friend Octavia" Clarke said.

"HEY!" Raven said walking in the door.

"You're my other best friend!" Clarke said.

"I know" Raven said smiling, "Can I join the love fest?"

"Yep" Octavia said sliding over "come on."

"How was Kate?" Clarke asked resting her head on Raven's shoulder now.

"Great" Raven said, "She sat through the whole movie."

"Did you spoil her with popcorn and candy?" Clarke asked.

"NO, don't answer that!" Octavia said. "What happens with her aunties stays with her aunties."

"Ohhh really now" Clarke laughed.

"Yep" Octavia said.

"Uh huh, it's our right to spoil and sugar them up" Raven said.

"Oh I cannot wait until you have kids" Clarke laughed.

/

Lexa was starting to get antsy it was almost four and she was in dead stopped traffic.

"Accident?" She asked Theo.

"I can't really tell yet, the App just shows congestion for the next ten miles" He told her.

"We are going to be creeping like this for ten more miles! What's the arrival time now?"

Lexa had asked Thelonious that now about forty five times in this slow trip.

"It says 5:10PM, Ma'am."

"Drop the Ma'am Theo… Just because I'm agitated doesn't mean you need to get all formal on me."

Abby: Hi dear just wanted to let you know I am here. Just checking on you…

Lexa: Mom I can't handle this… I am going to be late at best. I am freaking out.

Abby: Lexa honey, breathe.

Lexa: Can you call me?

Abby: Of course.

Lexa's phone rang, "Hey"

"Hello dear" Abby said.

"Where are you right now?"

"Standing outside your house"

"Alone?" Lexa asked.

"Completely, Jacob is on the couch watching a show before his game and your wife, your daughter, Octavia and Raven are in Jake's room talking."

"About me I would presume" Lexa sighed.

"Lexa honey, lets focus on you right now" Abby said.

"Okay, I just needed to talk to you for a second, to hear your voice." Lexa said the last part in nearly a whisper.

Abby and Lexa had been close from the start of her and Clarke's relationship. Lexa took to Abby, which was rare because she didn't take to anyone back then well besides Clarke so she figured that was why. Abby had filled the roll of Mom in her life pretty quickly.

"I know, Lex. I know."

"I don't know if I am going to mak-"

"Honestly honey, let's not even worry about that right now. It's just going to get you more worked up and you are in a car with nowhere to go, you will go nuts Lexa. We don't want the anxiety to flare."

Lexa never suffered from PTSD but she did have some severe bouts of anxiety that started right around the first time she finished her first tour and came back hard again once she retired. Though now it had been controlled for quite a while, she was starting to feel it rise and Abby could tell.

"Okay" Lexa breathed.

"There you go" Abby said calmly, "want me to tell you about my day?"

"Please" Lexa said focusing on Abby's voice.

/

4:25 PM

Clarke sat on the bleachers with Raven, Abby and Octavia, Kate was in Abby's lap.

"When is Anya getting here?" Clarke asked Raven.

"In about ten minutes, she just texted me and had left the office already."

"Can we please have a girl's night soon so we can talk about this?" Octavia asked.

"Yes, please?" Clarke smiled.

"Sure" Raven rolled her eyes.

"Thank you!" Octavia said.

"How's your leg?" Abby leaned over and asked Raven seeing she was rubbing on it.

"Um, it's ok…" Raven said.

"Do you want me to look at it this week?" Abby asked whispering.

"Yeah, I think so" Raven nodded.

"Okay will do, we'll figure out when."

"Thanks." Raven smiled.

"I'm so excited to watch him pitch tonight" Abby said looking down the line at all the girls.

"I'm so glad you could be here Mom" Clarke said.

Her mom could figure it out as a doctor, why couldn't her wife.

"Of course" Abby said.

"Nanna?" Kate asked looking up at her grandma.

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"Can I have one?" She pointed at a little boy who had a cotton candy.

She glanced to Clarke before forgetting the idea of asking her, "Sure honey, let's go to the snack shack."

"Mom!" Clarke said.

"I'm the grandma Clarke, it's my job."

"You guys and all your made up rules" Clarke laughed.

"There not made up!" Raven said.

"Yeah you're just mad because you have to play the role of Mom first and not fun auntie" Octavia said.

"I'm hardly mad about it, but it would be nice if I got to play the role of auntie soon" She looked to both her best friends.

"Cool your jets turbo, I just started dating Anya" Raven laughed.

"And I told you, I'm trying" Octavia said.

"What are you trying?" Lincoln asked coming up behind the bleachers and wrapping his arms around Octavia.

"Oh my gosh you scared me!" Octavia said.

"Lincoln" Clarke said surprised to see her friend. "When did you get back into town?"

"Like an hour ago" He told her.

"Yeah, we planned on him meeting us here. I just wanted him to surprise little man" Octavia told the blonde.

"Well at least if my wife doesn't make it his uncle Lincoln is here to surprise him" Clarke smiled.

"I'm happy to be here" He said, Raven fist bumped him and Octavia kissed him as he sat down on the bleachers, Jake spotted him almost instantly out on the field warming up with his team.

"Oh I think you have been spotted" Octavia said.

"UNCLE LINCOLN!" Jacob hollered.

Lincoln waved and gave Jake a big thumbs up and Jake went back to paying attention.

"What's happening my people?" Anya said showing up.

"Hey" Clarke said.

"Hi" O said scooting over so Anya could slide in between Raven and Clarke.

"Hi babe" Anya said kissing Raven.

"Hi" Raven said.

"Anything?" Clarke asked her.

"Looking like five-thirty" Anya said to her sister in law.

"And the game ends at five-forty, nice" Clarke nodded.

"She's trying Clarke" Abby said coming back with Kate, who had a huge cotton candy in her hands, Abby had a big bag of popcorn in one hand and another bag in her other.

"What's with the bag mom?"

"Snacks for all" Abby said handing down the big bag of popcorn and pulling out candy and waters from the other bag.

"YES!" Raven said.

"You're the best Abby!" Octavia said.

"Thanks Mrs. Griffin" Lincoln.

"Lincoln" Abby warned.

"Sorry, Abby" He nodded.

"Thank you" Abby smiled.

"How's she doing?" Abby asked Anya quietly.

"Um, she's ok… I am more concerned about this one though." Anya whispered towards Clarke.

"She's ok Lex is alone, I worry about the anxiety" Abby said.

"Did you talk to her?" Anya asked.

"Yeah"

"And it's back?" Anya asked.

"It's coming back up" Abby nodded.

/

Lexa ran out of the car and over to the field. It was 5:20 she was just praying the game was still going because to be honest she had no idea how long it was. Abby saw her running across the parking lot and decided she would be the one to go meet her.

"Am I… did I…" She could hardly breathe.

"You have about twenty more minutes" Abby said.

"Okay" Lexa nodded clearly disappointed, but happy she made it for something.

"But" Abby said.

"But?" she said defeated.

"He pitched the first half of the game."

"Fuck" Lexa said, tears welling up in her eyes.

Lexa didn't cry, like ever. She could count on one hand the times she had in public too, she hated it.

"Its ok honey" Abby hugged her. "Pull it together and come watch him play he has to bat still… that's something."

Lexa nodded, she could hear Kate screaming for her.

"Let's get over there before that little girl loses it, yeah?" Abby smiled.

Lexa wiped her eyes and smiled "Yeah."

"It's good to see you, Lex" Abby said with her hand on her back.

"You too, Mom" Lexa smiled.

/

Lexa watched the last of Jacob's game with Kate on her lap sitting in front of Clarke on the bleachers, not saying anything more than 'hi' when she got there. Once Jacob was done he ran over to his family.

"Momma!" Was the first thing he said heading right to her.

"You made it!" Jake smiled.

"I did, I'm so sorry I didn't get to see you pitch but you got a GREAT hit in, I'm so proud of you!" Lexa said.

"It's okay, Mom said you had an important meeting in DC and you were trying really hard to get here."

"She was right I was trying really hard to get here." She kissed him, "I love you, son."

"I love you!" He said.

"Did you see Uncle Lincoln?" He gestured to his uncle standing a few feet behind him talking to the group.

"I did, have you?" she asked.

"No, not really yet."

"Well go!" She said nudging him over there.

He ran over and Lincoln picked him up in a huge hug. Lexa stayed where she was and just watched, Abby walked over "See he was thrilled none the less."

"Yeah, but she isn't" She gestured to Clarke.

"I know" Abby said, "And you need to talk to her Lex."

"I know… everyone keeps saying that, but every time I do it just makes things worse" Lexa sighed.

"You need to find a way to make it better though."

Lexa just nodded.

/

They had gone out for pizza to celebrate not only Jacob's first game, but win. Clarke sat on the other side of the table next to Jake and Octavia, Lexa with Kate and Anya which wasn't odd, but the fact that Clarke didn't look or speak to lexa the whole time was. When they left the restaurant Abby took the kids with her back to her hotel. The car ride back to their house was silent, Lexa drove as normal when they were together and Clarke just stared out the window.

When they got home Clarke went straight up to their room and Lexa hung back for a few minutes, not really wanting to have the blow up she knew was coming.
When she walked into their room Clarke was just standing in their closet.

"Can you talk to me?" Lexa asked.

"And say what, Lexa?"

"I don't know, yell at me… scream at me… say what you want."

"That's the thing though Lexa, I don't want to yell and scream at you anymore. I don't want to end or start everyday with an argument or an empty bed. I am sick of it. I'm not mad at you… Okay I am… I'm furious with you. But I'm more than anything SO devastated for that little boy! Yes he was SO excited to see his Momma there at the end of his game, and yes he understood that you were trying SO hard to get to his game… But he asked about it all day, Lex. His little face got more and more sad as he had to come to the realization that his Momma who he adores was not going to be at his first baseball game today because she had a really important work meeting."

"I know" Lexa said "and it was shit because I tried Clarke, I tried SO hard. I rescheduled my meeting so it was early. I got up at three this morning and I even set an alarm in the meeting so I knew just when to leave."

"And what happened?" Clarke asked.

"Fucking Ontari… she said I couldn't go until the meeting was done. Then challenged me on sending my men in saying their lives where in my hands, like I don't fucking know that."

"So what, you stayed?"

"No, Clarke. I took like three more questions because I insisted she skip to her end notes which she did. Then I got in the car and it said we would be there by four-thirty."

"What did?" Clarke asked.

"The GPS Thelonious had up" Lexa told her. "Then there were two accidents on 95 so we literally sat at a dead stop for like an hour in a half. I am sorry Clarke I'm so sorry."

"The thing is Lexa… you shouldn't have to be telling me your sorry! You should have just been there. My mom was here and she's a fucking surgeon, she got off work for his game. Lincoln came home early from his work trip and Anya left work an hour early. Everyone was there Lexa!"

"THAT IS NOT FAIR" Lexa raised her voice, "I DIDN'T HAVE THIS MEETING PLANNED, I PLANNED ON BEING THERE."

"WELL YOU WERE'NT YOU WERE AT THAT MEETING INSTEAD!"

"I WAS THERE, I WATCHED HIM PLAY!" Lexa yelled, "I WAS LATE AND I'M SORRY BUT I FUCKING TRIED!"

Clarke just looked at her wife, not knowing what to say. Lexa paced for a moment taking a deep breath. "I fucked up Clarke, what do you want me to do?"

"I WANT YOU TO STOP FUCKING UP!" Clarke yelled.

"I'M REALLY TRYING CLARKE…. BUT IT'S MY JOB CLARKE, IT'S HOW WE LIVE!"

"YOUR JOB IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR FAMILY, OR AT LEAST IT SHOULDN'T BE. LEXA WE'RE GETTING READY TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY… IF YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN AND THIS… THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO DO THIS!"

Lexa took another deep breath she didn't want to do this she didn't want to fight. Clarke was right and she knew she was right. "You know today they told me they want me to go to Syria…"

"WHAT!" Clarke freaked, "YOU BETTER NOT EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT GOING TO SYRIA ALEXANDRIA! YOU TOLD ME WHEN YOU STARTED THIS JOB YOU WOULDN'T GO ANYWHERE OVER SEAS, YOU SAID YOU WERE DONE WITH THAT!"

"CLARKE!" Lexa said trying to gain control again but Clarke just kept going, not wanting to hear a word that Lexa said.

"I TRUSTED YOU, I TRUSTED THAT! BUT A LOT OF THINGS HAVE CHANGED LATELY…. SO YOU KNOW WHAT GO! GO TO SYRIA, AND WHEN YOU GET BACK YOU CAN MOVE INTO AN APARTMENT AND HAVE THE KIDS EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. IT'S ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SEE THEM ANYWAYS!" Clarke said storming out, slamming the door behind her.

Lexa couldn't believe what just came out of Clarke's mouth as soon as she processed what just happened she ran down the stairs.

"Clarke!"

But as soon as she got to the kitchen she saw Clarke's keys and purse were gone.

"FUCK!" Lexa said.

/