A/N: Okay, I'm back working on this story! Warning- this chapter gets a bit heavy towards the end. Hope you like it!
The rest of Kate's day after returning from the courthouse had dragged by. She worked at her desk in the unusually quiet bullpen as most non-essential staff had knocked off early in honor of the holiday weekend. Kate sighed and stared at the daunting pile of files she needed to go through before the department's quarterly audit in less than a week. She peeked at the time on her computer screen.
2:27.
Her thoughts wandered as she sorted through the files, organizing them first into two piles- open and closed cases, and then according to the date the case was filed. Much to her frustration, she just couldn't seem to get Castle off her mind, especially the thought of seeing him later at the party. She didn't want to admit it, but she was actually looking forward to the party more now that he would be attending. For the first time in several months, she also found herself putting some thought into what she would wear. She thought about the new white silk Jil Sander dress she had bought on the heavily discounted sale rack at Barney's a few weeks before. It had been completely an impulse purchase; she hadn't even tried it on before buying it. But when Kate had finally decided to put it on several days ago and stood in front of the full length mirror in her nude heels, she realized that the deep v-neck cut dress with its slightly sheer and flowing material unmistakably oozed sensuality and would drive any man mad. Kate found her face smiling and her cheeks warming at the image of Castle reacting to her sun-kissed body in that dress. The smile was quickly replaced by a frown as Kate silently chastised herself for her lusty reaction at the thought of Castle wanting her in that way. She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on.
Why do all my thoughts come back to him?
She mentally kicked herself for inviting Gina to the party. Memories of the first and only time she had met Castle's second ex-wife instantly created an uncomfortable sensation in her chest, as if a fist had grabbed her insides and twisted. She glanced at her father's watch.
2:35.
Scowling, Kate realized that thinking about Castle and Gina only made the already brutal passage of time doing paperwork more sluggish and torturous than normal. She seriously debated leaving the rest of it for another day. She had planned on leaving a few hours early anyway because Lanie had insisted that she come over beforehand and get ready for the party at her place. But, as Kate tapped her fingers on the desk willing her thoughts not to drift to a certain writer, she just couldn't seem to justify leaving this early.
"Beckett? I thought you would have headed out by now," Captain Montgomery said, standing outside his office door, sipping a fresh cup of coffee.
"Oh. No, sir. I've still got quite a bit of paperwork to get through before the audit next week," Kate replied, motioning to the piles in front of her.
"Detective, it's a holiday weekend, and as I recall your birthday, right? Heard about your party tonight. Sorry I won't be able to make it. In-laws are visiting this weekend," the Captain said approaching her desk. "Seriously, Beckett. You should get out of here. You're not even supposed to be working today."
"Oh, that's okay. And it's not really my party. Just a little get together Lanie planned for Labor Day," Kate said, still looking at the file folders.
"These can wait, Detective. I'm serious about taking some time for yourself today… of all days."
Montgomery paused as he considered his next words carefully, focusing on the steam rising from his coffee mug.
"I know that it's your mother's birthday too," he said, moving his eyes to Kate's face, seeing only a flicker of emotion as her lower eyelids twitched slightly and her hands slowed from reorganizing the papers on her desk. "And, I also heard he came back today."
"How did you know?" Kate said, suddenly on edge.
"Which? Your mother's birthday or Castle showing up?" Montgomery asked, watching the detective's eyes as they made contact with him.
Before she could answer, he continued.
"Well, as your superior, naturally I read the need-to-know aspects of your psychological evals from when you were a trainee and your first couple of years on the force. As I recall, you sharing the same birthday as your mother was mentioned somewhere in there. But I never had cause to bring it up until now because you've usually taken at least part of this day off in the past," Montgomery took a long sip of his coffee.
Kate sat there, silent. She didn't know how to respond. She had never told anyone about their shared birthday since Johanna Beckett had died. Still, it was slightly comforting to know that the Captain understood at least part of what she was going through today.
"And as far as Castle goes… well, Esposito's got a mouth for gossip that rivals most 15 year old girls in study hall. Told me when he got back from court this morning. Explains why you're still here though. Always have thrown yourself into work as a way to avoid dealing with the issues at hand, Detective. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as it's not a habit. I'm guilty of it myself on occasion. But, you know, Kate, you can't use work as an excuse to hide your feelings forever," Montgomery said maintaining eye contact for a beat, then standing.
"Anyway, have a good time tonight… and say 'hi' to Castle for me, " he finished, giving the tiniest of winks that Kate might have missed had she not been staring at him so intently.
Kate sat at her desk, flabbergasted and slightly annoyed as she watched the Captain head back to his office. She couldn't believe he had just laid it all out like that about Castle.
What makes everyone so freaking sure that Richard Castle and I would be so damn good together? First Lanie, now the Captain?
She shook her head, fuming inside.
Doesn't matter. Moot point. He is with Gina and we work together. That's all.
She moved to stand, but her thigh caught the underside of the desk, with the resulting jolt enough to send half of the case files sliding over the edge onto the ground with a crash. Kate closed her eyes in frustration.
"Dammit!" Kate cursed under her breath at the mess in front of her, kneeling to gather papers on the ground for the second time that day, her mind flashing immediately to her literal run-in with Castle at the courthouse earlier. She cursed again, almost, but not quite, regretting her earlier invitation to him. She just didn't want to see him with Gina. She thought that she could be okay with him coming back, but now, she wasn't so sure. She felt her eyes stinging, and choked back a sob. She was sick of her emotions getting the best of her today.
Screw this.
She rose, restacking the files haphazardly on her desk and decided she wasn't going to get anything more done today anyway. She needed to find somewhere to relax and not think about him, and she had the perfect place in mind. Grabbing her coat off the back of her chair, she twirled on her heel and made her way towards the elevator.
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Kate pulled her light coat tighter around her slim body as she strode briskly down 5th. A late summer cold front was expected to arrive that night and she could already feel the cool nip to the air whipping past her as she rounded the corner in front of St. Thomas Church to turn onto 53rd.
Kate loved modern art. Absolutely loved it. Almost as much as her mother had. Johanna Beckett had majored in art history in college and Kate had followed in her footsteps, choosing it as one half of her double major, the other being psychology. The first few years after her mother's death, Kate had faithfully visited the Museum of Modern Art every year on their birthday. Somehow being surrounded by all of their favorite masterpieces felt more personal than going to her gravesite and crying in front of the bleak tombstone. Johanna Beckett had been just as vibrant and full of energy as Matisse's dancers, and Kate preferred honoring her memory in this way.
She made her way through the entrance after buying a ticket, pausing briefly in front of a temporary display just past the entrance. It included a circular strip of film some eight feet in diameter floating between two large floor fans sitting opposite each other. The film hovered in the jets of air created by the fans, threatening to touch the floor or go flying off to the side, but somehow it maintained its unpredictable dance in the countercurrent winds. Kate marveled at the controlled chaos.
Amazing.
Over the last several years, Kate had given up her MOMA ritual on their birthday. She wasn't quite sure why, but up until this point she had failed to realize how much she missed it. Kate always felt calm and at peace here, her mind free of the thoughts of work and any other stressors in her life. She subconsciously fingered the outline of her mother's ring beneath her blouse as she made her way up the escalators to the permanent exhibits, memories of their many trips here together tugging at her mind.
She first stopped at Van Gogh's famous depiction of the night with the "twirly swirly sky" as her mother had called it when Kate had first come here in grade school. Kate continued her tour of the exhibits, celebrating and mourning with the masters: Matisse, Monet, Chagall, Orozco. After an hour or so, she finally made it to the Picassos. Surprisingly, her mother had not really been a fan of the Spaniard, save one very special painting. Kate knew exactly where it hung and she made a beeline past one of Monet's many water lily paintings. She rounded a corner, and there it was.
Girl Before a Mirror. Picasso. 1932. Oil on canvas.
She took a few steps back to where a bench was positioned opposite the painting and took a seat there. Letting her eyes lose focus for a minute, the jumble of shapes and colors that formed a women's body and her reflection in the mirror successfully pushed the remaining clutter out of Kate's mind. She remained perfectly still, refocusing on the canvas, remembering why this particular Picasso had ultimately gained the approval of her mother's critical eye.
She recalled the last visit she had made to the MOMA with her mother. It had been about 18 months before her murder, the summer before Kate had left for college.
"Mom, how can you say that! Dad may know books, but he has got absolutely NO eye for art! He thinks that hideous print of the 'dogs playing poker' that hangs up in the study is the epitome of American 20th century art!" Kate said a bit loudly, garnering looks from one of the security men as they made their way through the exhibits.
"Hey, now! Watch it, sister! I gave him that print for our fifth wedding anniversary, so don't knock it," her mother said playfully.
"Seriously? THAT was your anniversary gift to him? Jeez, Mom! No wonder I'm an only child. That painting has about as much romance as a can opener. I'd hate to see what he gave you!" Kate snorted, idly pulling at her loose ponytail.
"You've seen what he gave me lots of times, and dare I say, you seem to covet it," Johanna said with a smile, musing at her little girl, now grown up and leaving for college in two short weeks.
"Not your antique ring! And, I don't 'covet' it… I just like it… a lot," Kate said at the same time grabbing her mother's hand and examining the ring on her delicate fingers.
"Yeah- 'like' is an understatement. Remember how you snuck into our room several times to slide this ring off my finger when I was sleeping… you were quite the little thief!" Johanna said snatching her hand away from Kate and stopping in front of Picasso's painting.
"Mom, I was like, 4 years old," Kate said coming around next to her mother who now stood mesmerized by Girl Before a Mirror.
"Picasso got it right on this one," Johanna said softly.
"Thought you didn't like Picasso?" Kate said cocking her head to the side, trying to see what her mother had found in this painting.
"Oh, I like some of his work. Well, okay, actually very little. But, in my opinion, this is one of his best," Johanna stepped back slightly, studying the canvas.
"Why?" Kate said eyeing the opposing women in the painting; the woman on the left serene and youthful, the reflection in the mirror almost disfigured and aged.
"I dunno," Johanna said with a slight shrug of her shoulders. " I just feel this one, Katie,"
"I never paid it much attention before a few years ago. But, now that you've given me a few grey hairs, I suppose I identify with her more. One day you're young and beautiful, your whole life ahead of you. The next thing you know, you look in the mirror and 'bam!' you've lived half your life and your baby girl is going to college in a few weeks," Johanna Beckett said, grinning widely at her lovely daughter.
In that moment, Johanna had felt like the woman in the painting, but in reverse. She saw her own youth reflected in Kate's shining face, and that made her very happy.
"I'm going to miss you, Katie," Johanna said suddenly feeling nostalgic.
"I'm going to miss you too," Kate said softly, wrapping her arm around her mother's waist and squeezing. "But, I'll only be a few hours away. And besides… if you get me the cell phone I want for my birthday, you can talk to me anytime you want!"
Kate smiled, batting her eyes pleadingly, knowing her charms never worked on her mother and she was better off using this tactic with her father.
"Cell phone? Oh, Kate, we have been over and over this. You are NOT getting a cell phone…"
Kate was jerked back to reality by a school group that noisily entered the exhibit room on their way to the escalators. She looked out the window, noticing the muted colors of dusk outside. Her watch read a quarter after 6. She had been absorbed in her memories for nearly an hour.
Kate brushed at tiny tears that escaped her eyes as she stood. Despite these tears, she felt better than she had all day. Although she still felt the emotions swirling around her heart and mind, they were no longer pummeling her being. She was back in control, at least for now. As she made her way to the room's exit, she glanced over her shoulder for one more look at her mother's Picasso.
Happy birthday, Mom.
A/N: Whew! Don't worry, Kate's gonna cheer up soon, but I couldn't have her go the whole day without some mention of memories of her mother.
BTW- MOMA in NYC rocks, I highly recommend it. Oh, and I have nothing against Picasso :) ... and I do LOVE Girl Before A Mirror.
The party is next!
Reviews are appreciated! -KB
