Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the plot situations I put them in. Thanks to all my readers and have a really great day!

So sad, no one liked my last chapter. Please write and tell me where I screwed up, please?

Series of Unfortunate Events

Florian had only been at the paperwork for a half an hour, doing his "translating" when it hit. Hand going to his mouth he lurched to his feet, his other arm wrapping around his stomach painfully. Knowing there wasn't time he raced over to the window and throwing it open leaned over to throw up his supper. Bracing his hands on the windowsill he struggled to get in the fresh air into his lungs, trying to force back the gag reflex. Whatever Laila had made for supper had actually tasted all right for once. He should have known there'd be a catch. All over the house the same thing was happening with Noel throwing up all over Florian's bed, Laila throwing up all over the dishes she'd been washing and the various workmen throwing up throughout the house. The only one who wasn't throwing up was Noir who had been spared Laila's latest creation since he'd been unconscious at the time.

Waiting impatiently for the sandwich Laila had promised to bring up to him Noir finally got out of bed and went to see what was going on. Walking by the study he paused, deciding he'd check in on Florian and see what the situation was with Noel. His head was feeling a lot better after all. Sticking his head in Noir threw the door open and strolled over to where Florian was practically hanging out the window. "What the hell are you doing?" Noir demanded, whacking Florian on the back. "Are you trying to break your neck?" His response was the sound of the blonde throwing up over the side. "Oh." Noir said as he backed off.


"I've...been standing..here...for..a ...half an...hour." Florian said with a groan, having learned by now that it was a mistake to even try to move away from the window.

"You can't be sick, you were fine earlier. You..please tell me you did not eat something Laila made." Noir said slowly, already knowing the answer. Nothing made you throw up for over a half an hour like Laila's cooking.

"It was...edible for once. I thought...it would be..okay." Florian choked out, his breathing ragged as he struggled for control. It had been bad enough before Noir had entered the room. Now it was close to unbearable. "There...can't be much left..in my stomach. At least..I hope so."

"Please tell me that you were the only one stupid enough to eat that stuff."

"No..such luck."

"I'll go call for a doctor." Noir said with a sigh, reaching over to awkwardly pat Florian on the shoulder. Laila had given him a few cases of food poisoning in the beginning too. Until he'd realized that only a starving or suicidal man actually ate the things she created. He always just threw it out when she wasn't looking than raided the kitchen later. Leaving the room and Florian he winced as he heard the sound of retching coming from Florian's room. Well that answered the question of where Noel had intended to sleep tonight. Heading down the stairs he ignored one of his men kneeling in the corner with a look of agony on his face as he went out the door to hail a cab to fetch a doctor for him. Two if at all possible. This was sure to be a long, long night.


It was a bright, crisp spring morning when Solomon knocked loudly on the front door of the house Noir was renting. He knew that odds were he wouldn't get anything out of Noir about the necklace that had finally been reported stolen the night before. But he had to try anyway. Apparently the necklace had been gone for over a week now but the owner had been too embarrassed to admit someone had broken into the safe he'd been bragging about so much. In the end the man's wife had nagged and bitched him into going to the police. So here he was and if Noir didn't hurry up and open the door he was going to... Just then the door opened but the person on the other side was the last person he wanted to see. "Christina! What the hell are you doing here? It's eight o'clock in the morning!"

"I'm well aware of what time it is, Detective." Christina said dryly, crossing her arms in front of her. "And if you've come to see Ray he's indisposed at the moment and can't be disturbed. I'll tell him you stopped by." She added, moving to slam the door shut only to have him stick his foot in between.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you're here." Solomon growled, his eyes alight with fury and outrage. "Do you know what would happen if anyone knew you were here at this hour?"

"I don't see how it's anyone's business, least of all yours." Was her cold response as she pointedly looked from him to the foot that was in her way. Considering slamming the door as hard as she could on it she was just too tired to work up the energy. "Now if you would move your foot I do have things to do."


Lightly backing her into the house Solomon forced his way in. Looking around at the deserted main entrance he whirled around to face her. "Now why the hell are you answering their door? You're dressed like a servant, the people who should be answering the door instead of you!"

"I'm afraid none of them are in any condition to do so."

"What do you mean, none of them are in any condition?" Solomon demanded to know. "What's wrong with them? How could there be something wrong with all of them?"

"They all ate Laila's cooking."

"Oh. That would do it." He'd only been on the receiving end of that woman's cooking once but that had been more then enough to have him swearing off of it for life. HIS cooking tasted like ambrosia in comparison. "Wait a minute..what the hell were they doing eating her cooking to begin with? Everyone knows that anything Laila's makes is a weapon of mass destruction. It's deadlier than a crate of arsenic!"

"Well apparently she's reached the level where that weapon is disguised as palatable food. She got the taste right...it just had some rather unexpected side effects. Everyone in the house has been as sick as a dog for the last three days but Noir." Laila informed him, trying not to smile a little at his description of Laila's cooking. It would only encourage him. "That's why I'm here along with my aunt. Someone needs to help Noir take care of them."


"You've been staying over playing nurse maid to these ruffians? You do know they're a gang of jewel thieves working under your precious Ray, right? The man who is fact the infamous thief known as Noir! Do you have any idea how much danger you could be in, staying here?" He demanded to know, fighting the urge to shake her. She'd just kick him and he had no doubts as to where she'd aim.

"I haven't been staying here, for your information. My aunt and I go home at nights and come back in the morning. Noel is over at our place, my cousin is taking care of him. As it is we're being run ragged by the men without having a small, sick child underfoot. And for the last time, Ray is not this bad guy you're looking for. He's a good, kind man and you're just jealous because he's more of one than you can ever hope to be." Okay, so she was being a bit catty. She was tired and worn out, she deserved a break, Christina thought to herself, not too tired to enjoy the look on Solomon's face. Ohhh...direct hit.


"He wouldn't know kind if you spelled it out to him in several languages!" Solomon argued harshly, frustrated beyond belief that she actually thought a snot nosed brat like Noir was a better man than he was. Running a hand threw his hair in agitation he wondered what she'd do if he threw her over his shoulder and carried her out of here. It would serve her right and be for her own good.

"He is too. He's helped out a lot taking care of everyone. He's even making the broths, toast and teas for everyone at meal time." Christina said with a smug look on her face. He really was pitching in and willing to do whatever it took to get his men back on their feet.

"That's because of the three of you he's the only one who probably knows how to use a kitchen!"

Glaring, since it was unfortunately true, Christina almost wished Ray would appear and kick the man out. She couldn't stand being around him for this long a time. It just brought too many memories back. "Just get out before I have Ray force you to eat whatever it was Laila made. I'm sure she'd give him the recipe once she hears you've come around to cause problems again! Shame on you to come in here and try to kick the poor man when he already has enough problems as it is."

Since that first part was also true Solomon was torn between wanting to drag Christina out with him and getting out of there before Noir showed up. "You shouldn't be here." He finally said, taking one last stab at convincing her to leave willingly.


"I'll leave tonight or when they're well enough to get out of their bed without feeling the need to throw up everything in their abused, mostly empty stomachs." Christina replied sweetly, though her expression softened a bit. At least he was asking instead of telling now. Who said you couldn't teach a dog new tricks? He was still an ass though. "Now there's the door, if it hits you on the way out it's all the better."

"Tell Noir I'll be returning tomorrow to have a word with him about a necklace that was stolen recently." Solomon said grimly, opening the door without stepping through it.

"I'll tell Ray you're on another one of your witch hunts with him as the usual target."

Shaking his head he stepped out, closing the door behind him. Sighing Christina waited until the door closed before heading back upstairs to check on how Florian was doing.


"Only you would come to a man's death bed to plan out a heist." Florian grumbled as he opened one eye to look at Noir, not pleased at all to have his sleep interrupted. In sleep he didn't have the urge to puke his guts out so sleep was his new best friend. At least he finally had a bed all to himself again, he thought with a touch of irony.

"You aren't dying." Noir pointed out, not having any sympathy by now. As far as he was concerned if you ate Laila's cooking you deserved the consequences and after taking care of his men for three days sympathy was beyond him. He'd used it all up on Laila last night when she'd went into another one of her I'm so sorry speeches in between gags. At least now she was willing to let him hire a cook full time. In the past she'd taken great offense to him bringing in someone else to do it. Now, finally, they'd have someone who actually knew what they were doing. The grocery bills were bound to go down too.

"How would you know? You aren't a doctor."

"True but when the doctor did come he said you would all be fine if you just got plenty of rest and let this thing take its course."


"You say that only because you aren't sick too." Florian bitched, opening both eyes to glare at him. Noir was the one who was in charge after all. He could have gotten them a full time cook who wasn't constantly threatening to kill everyone in Noir's employment accidentally. As far as he was concerned at the moment Noir was a real sadist bastard for letting Laila continue to experiment in the kitchen, using them all as test subjects. After the first day he'd started to see death as a welcome relief from the stomach cramps and nausea.

"I have the intelligence to know better than to eat Laila's creations."

"Well at least I have the intelligence to duck when a frying pan comes my way." He shot back, then closed his eyes as another cramp hit. God, but if this was what women went through every month he'd never blame them for acting like demons from hell again. They were entitled.

Wincing slightly in sympathy Noir waited until the pained look had left Florian's expression before he continued. "Anyway I can't do anything without my crew but you can never do too much research beforehand. Since you're in bed doing nothing anyway I don't see why you can't read through a few books while you're at it."


"That is a pile of books, not a few, and the only reason I'm not doing anything is because you have a cook who causes havoc and destruction to whatever food she touches." Florian growled, imagining bashing Noir in the head with one of the books in question. Over half of them were thick, more then four hundred pages. They'd do plenty of damage, even to a head as thick as Noir's. Unfortunately it wouldn't be fair to make Christina take care of Noir too. Especially since Noir caused more trouble than twenty patients put together.

"Don't be such a baby."

"Says the man who's barely a legal adult. You're ten times the baby I am when it comes to being sick." Florian muttered, taking whatever hits he could get in. He hated being confined to this bed, almost as much as he hated the idea of going through all those books. Then he'd have a headache to go with his other symptoms, Florian thought darkly.

Glaring at Florian, who knew how much he hated to be reminded of his age Noir deliberately picked up a book and dropped it on Florian's chest, enjoying the flames that shot out of those amethyst eyes. "Start with that one."

"Oh I'll start with this one." Florian threatened, picking it up and was about to pitch it at Noir when he heard the door opening. Dropping the book to his side he turned to see Christina walking into the room. Turning his head his mouth slowly curved into a devilish smile meeting Noir's eyes before closing them.


"How's he doing?" Christina asked as she came over to check on Florian who was laying on the bed with his eyes closed. "Is he asleep?"

"Christina?" Florian said in a weak voice, making a show out of turning his head to look at her, his eyes opened to half mast as they met hers. "Hey." He continued, giving her a small, brave smile.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, leaning forward to test his temperature as she put her hand on his forehead while the other compared her own to his. "You're still pretty warm but you're definitely better then you were last night."

"It's because you're here." Florian said as he reached up and taking her wrist drew her hand down from his forehead to his lips so that he could give it a brief kiss. "I don't know what we would have done without you."


Blushing Christina wasn't quite sure what was going on until she saw the annoyance on Ray's face and the pile of books that had appeared on Florian's night stand. Florian had said that Ray was a real task maker and apparently being sick was no excuse. Apparently Florian could be catty too when he was annoyed. Playing along Christina made her voice all breathy and shy. "I haven't done much." She practically purred, smiling beguilingly at him. She could see in Florian's eyes that her help was appreciated and she just barely managed not to wink at him in return.

"On the contrary, you've been our beautiful angel of mercy." Florian argued, staring up at her adoringly. He could feel the dark vibes just rolling off Noir and couldn't be happier. Oh he'd pay for it later but for the moment...he was getting his kicks while he could.

"Well I don't know about that." Christina gushed, her cheeks going even redder.

"Nonsense, you've been working yourself half to death helping us out. I know Noel must be driving everyone crazy. I've spoiled him so." Florian said with a sigh of feigned regret. He didn't actually think he spoiled the boy but everyone was always telling him he did.

"He's fine but you're right, I could use a break soon." Christina agreed with a wink, doing her best not to give their little game away. "I'll have to find someplace to curl up and have a nap later today."

"Well you're welcome to keep me company any time." Florian said smoothly, Noir choking from the other side of the bed.


"I'll have to take you up on that offer." Christina said with a grin before looking over at Ray who looked about to have a heart attack or some sort of fit. "I'll leave him in your capable hands. I'll be back to bring you lunch at noon." She added, walking out of the room with a definite swing to her stride.

Waiting until Christina's footsteps could be heard in the hallway Noir slowly turned his head to look down at Florian who was watching the door as if waited for Christina to appear once more. "If you think flirting with Christina is going to make me forget about the books you're mistaken."


"Unlike you I actually know how to flirt you mean." Florian said with a faint smirk as he closed his eyes once more. "Don't be jealous just because you wouldn't know how to pull a real move on someone. You're still young yet. There's plenty of time to learn."

"Oh I'll show you some moves." Noir threatened, his eyes flashing even more when Florian just shrugged, turning his head to look him in the eye.

"I've seen your moves. I have yet to be impressed." Florian purred, his grin downright rakish as he poked at Noir's pride deliberately. "So far you haven't been getting very far, now have you? Your moves are what got another BOY into my bed rather than you."

"You're lucky you're sick. If you weren't..."

"You'd what? Haul out that whip of yours? Oh, but I'm just quivering in fear."

"Oh I'll give you a reason to quiver."