Pairings: Dean/Castiel, mentions of Chuck/Anna
Author's note:
Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews, they mean so much and give me motivation to write.
Okay, this chapter was really long so I split it into two and will post the 2nd part tomorrow. It's huge but considering the next instalment (chapter after next) is going to be much smaller than usual it's pre-emptive compensation…but here's the chapter you've all been waiting for…well…this one and next one
~Enjoy
Castiel awoke to a crunching sound and the unpleasant feeling of something tiny dusting over his face. He blinked a few times and scrunched his nose up, fighting back the urge to sneeze. After a few moments of sleepy unawareness Castiel realised his head was lying in the lap of on Gabriel Novak who had been happily munching away on a piece of toast, not caring that his crumbs had fallen all over Castiel's face. The younger male grimaced and shivered slightly in minor revulsion before shuffling further away from the path of his brother's mess.
"Mornin', sunshine." Gabriel spoke through a mouthful of toast, spattering more crumbs into Castiel's face.
Castiel shuddered. "You're repulsive."
Gabriel didn't reply, just leant down to place a big slobbery kiss on Castiel's forehead to which the younger boy swiftly rubbed off. "Eww, Gaaaabe! Ugh, I'm out of here." Castiel quickly ran off to prepare for the day.
"Hey, Cassie! We don't have any food in the kitchen, Michael left you some money to buy some." Great, Castiel thought dismally, foul cafeteria food as icing to this perfect last 24 hours.
Castiel winced as he felt a backpack slam into him roughly, followed closely by another and another as Dean's usual gang passed by with snide smirks on their faces and chuckling lowly at Castiel's misfortune of being the closest 'nerd' to the entrance to the senior locker area. The constant stream of intentional blows almost every day of the school year was beginning to frustrate him. Just as he began contemplating the preposterous idea of standing up for himself and snapping at the next person, he caught sight of a familiar face in the corner of his eye. Dean. He was casually greeting and lazily flirting with a group of junior girls with no real intent other than a way to ease his boredom.
Castiel nearly dove back to hid in the protective barrier of his locker but stopped himself. After their interactions on the weekend Castiel had begun to consider them friends even after Dean pointedly ignored him yesterday (which Cass refused to think of as anything but a misunderstanding for the sake of his own feelings) and he only wished Dean would share the sentiment. Breathing in shaky breaths, Castiel forced himself to slowly turn around. He could do this. No big deal. Just smile, wave, and greet him…easier said than done.
He honestly did not believe that could have gone much worse.
First of all he hit his hand on his open locker door as it flew up in an awkward and hasty wave. He winced and shook the limb wildly as if the agitated movement would somehow both heal the would-be bruise and remove all pain. As he did this he took a few steps back and tripped on a backpack his locker neighbour had left of the ground, falling over with all the grace of a lame rhinoceros. As Castiel had stated before, this universe hated him and this fact was reiterated now as he ended up falling back and knocking a slurpie out of the hand of the person behind him, splashing to frozen liquid all over his torso, soaking his jumper and uniform shirt.
The ridicule and laughter filled Castiel's ears a second later. He stayed lying on the ground a while longer, breathing and trying to block out the sound in a failing attempt to fight off the panic. When he opened his eyes they flicked directly over to Dean who stood exactly where Cass had last seen him, not moving an inch to help Cass even if he did appear to be at war with himself about it. Castiel felt his eyes getting itchy and his throat uncomfortably tight.
So they weren't friends then. It was all Castiel's desire making things up.
Dean seemed to have made up his mind and had clearly decided to join in the ridicule. Laughing at Cass albeit in an entirely forced way. People acted so differently when they knew they weren't going to be judged for it, Castiel noted.
He felt a hand on his arm and a calming voice cutting through the tormenting laughter.
"C'mon, Cassie, let's get you out of here."
Castiel wasn't in the right mind to argue or even make an effort to recognise the voice but it was welcoming and Castiel needed the guidance it offered. He nodded, was helped to his feet by two steady sets of hands and guided silently to an empty classroom. His vision didn't seem to want to cooperate with his and all he could really see was blurred shapes but he managed to stumble around the desks.
"Cass. Cassie?" The voice was getting clearer.
"Anna?"
"Yeah, it's me, honey." He was starting to see better now and the bright red blur was beginning to gain shape.
"And Sam!" An enthusiastic voice added from somewhere to Castiel's left.
He was a lot calmer now and thanked his two friends for their assistance. The sigh that escaped his lips was so blue it actually depressed Sam and Anna by hearing it alone. "Thank you very much for your help." Castiel rubbed at his eyes vigorously. "And here I thought I could get through just one semester without making a complete fool of myself in front of the whole school."
"It wasn't that bad." Anna comforted.
Castiel smiled lazily. "No, it was worse. Perhaps I should have taken Michael's offer to get home schooling."
Anna's eyes widened comically and she shook her head, ruby locks flying every which way. "Don't you dare say that, Mikey is not taking away what little we see of you already."
"Anna, you see me every day of the week, there's almost always a family member in sight. I'd say you see more than enough of me."
"Still, Mikey's a douche and a control freak and I am therefore required to be completely against him at all times. It's part of the job description." Anna playfully grinned and the friendly and casual gesture comforted him more.
"Of course, we are the fallen angels after all."
Before Anna could reply, the door was slammed open and Dean Winchester poked his head around the doorframe. "Sam, Cass?" He stepped in. "Oh…and Anna."
Anna smirked smugly and Castiel flushed as he realised she was probably remembering Gabriel's false announcement from Sunday that Cass and Dean were dating. "See you later, Cassie. Chuck and I are going out after school but I'll be back before dinner." She whispered before skipping past Dean. Sam also petted Castiel on the shoulder, whispered a promise to talk later and left, leaving only Cass and Dean in the room.
It was completely silent for a long while as the two stood awkwardly and distant from each other. Castiel rubbed his temples and started to walk towards the door but Dean stopped him with only an outstretched hand in his path and no words.
Castiel rolled his eyes. "Look, Dean. You clearly don't want to be here with me and I really don't need to deal with your false act of actually caring about me right now so—"
"Cass, shut up." Dean reached out, pressing a palm flatly across Castiel's mouth. "How could you think that, Cass? Of course I care about you."
Dean's grip wasn't too tight and Castiel easily pried his hand away. "Obviously not. You were laughing at me too."
Dean's hand didn't wander far, landing gently in the crook of Castiel's neck and he felt even more conscious of the heat in his cheeks and the chilling wet spot covering almost the entirety of his torso. "Cass, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be making excuses but it's just…" his voice trailed off.
"Who you are expected to be." Castiel finished for him with a resigned sigh. "I understand, don't worry." He didn't sympathise with it, in fact he loathed the idea of conforming to be something other than yourself for someone else's benefit.
"Yeah…"
Dean's voice was breathless and but a whisper. It was only when the cool air of Dean's exhaled breath flush over his skin did Castiel realise how close they were. Their eyes were staring deeply into each other's, a familiarity lying inside their bright depths and Castiel could have sworn that Dean was about to kiss him in that moment but whatever actions were to follow were interrupted by the sharp ringing of the bell.
"Shit. I didn't realise it had gotten this late." Dean pulled his phone from his pocket, checking the time. Next he checked Castiel's jumper and saw it was wet all the way through to the uniform shirt underneath. He peeled the damp clothes back to assess the damage and revealed Castiel's stomach and slender hips to which Dean had to lick his suddenly-dry lips and avert his eyes. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up."
"But class-" Castiel prioded himself on his attendance record and he had even had an argument with Gabriel and Michael the day before in which the two had ganged up on him to convince him to stay at home. The youngest brother had won, obviously.
Dean's hand was on Castiel's collarbone again like it belonged there and Cass didn't oppose this idea for a second. The way Dean's thumb subconsciously rubbed his bare skin was tantalising. "Don't worry, Cass, let's just get you a new shirt and you head to class. I'll clean this up."
"Dean-"
"Shhh, just let me do this, okay? As an apology for being such a huge ass before."
Castiel felt a lazy smile tug on his lips as he nodded.
"Good, do you have a spare shirt?" Dean inquired.
"No, just this one."
Dean cursed. "Damn, well I have a spare but…" Castiel wasn't the type to rush someone's thoughts. He always patiently waiting for them to collect their stray ideas on their own, "it's a tank top and I don't have another jumper and considering how cold its getting you'll freeze in class and I can't have that on my conscience." He rubbed his own neck awkwardly in the typical Winchester way. He begun to remove his own jumper and offered it to Cass.
The jumper Cass had ruined was just enough warmth for the day. A tank top would be uncomfortable. It was certainly getting colder and Castiel had starting carrying his trench coat around everywhere. He told Dean this and he had sighed in relief and put his jumper back on.
They went back to Castiel's locker and he got his trench coat out of his bag. Dean's eyes narrowed considerably at the sight of it and Castiel pointed this out. Dean shrugged it off casually but had kept his eyes interrogatively on Castiel, observing his every action with such sharp eyes it was almost scary.
"D-Dean…is something wrong?"
"No, just checking something. Sorry, I've been really out of it since something last night." Castiel furrowed his brows but said no more. Dean only broke his one-sided staring contest when they got to his locker and he'd given Castiel the shirt. "You can just get changed here, the hall's empty and we're both guys."
Castiel swallowed, eyes widened and he shook his head. "I-I really don't-"
"Cass." This forceful Dean was scaring Castiel and he felt his throat constricting and his breaths getting shallower. With shaky hands and uncooperative fingers he tried to pull the hem of his shirt up but hadn't got far before Dean placed his much larger hand on his. "Sorry, Cass. You shouldn't do it if you don't want to. I don't know what came over me." He apologised.
Castiel sighed in relief and wandered off to the nearest empty room with Dean close behind, silent as a mouse. He had gotten changed with Dean outside the door. He knew he was being far too ridiculous about this but he hated showing skin. Always had.
When Castiel left the room, now clad in Dean's shirt and his own trench coat the taller boy sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes glued to Castiel. Before he could say anything, Dean snatched Castiel's soiled shirt and jumper and walked bristly down the hall without another word, leaving Castiel bewildered in his wake.
After a few short moments to compose himself Castiel brought the too-long sleeves up to his face (they drooped over his fingers) and breathed in the scent. Castiel had a few belongings that had tremendous sentimental value that most people would consider junk.
There was a pez dispenser in the shape of Scooby Doo that Gabriel had given him when he was eight. At this time Gabe was eleven and beyond selfish with his things (he broke Luci's nose when the older boy used his toy fire truck without permission. A scar remains there to this day) Castiel kept it in his bag if he went out. Another was an old bookmark him and Lucifer had made one Sunday morning at Sunday school when he was five, back when Lucifer still attended church. It was laminated and bright blue, featured the artistic attempts of a five year old drawing a lob-sided angel, and enough glitter to make a fairy cringe. He always used it when he was reading. There was also a teddy bear Cass kept on his bed. It wore a t-shirt that said 'I *heart* Cassie' that Michael had given him. His eldest brother had been sixteen and his girlfriend of the time had taken him to some weird teddy-bear making stall expecting him to make one for her. When instead he made one for his baby brother she broke up with him in an instant. He remembered Michael coming home, planting a kiss on his forehead mumbling that, after dad, Cass was the most important person in his life and that girls were weird.
By far his most important belonging was the old tan trench coat that belonged to their father. He was never around so Castiel treasured it even more. He almost always wore it whenever the weather warranted its use without the threat of heat stroke. That's why, despite his fight with D and Dean's sudden attitude, Castiel couldn't help but feel calm in what felt like his father's embrace.
C: Cafeteria pizza tastes like badly flavoured cardboard. I hate stale junk food.
D…?
Please can you reply?
Please, for me?
Okay, I get it. I can't just push this aside like it's nothing but I just miss you, D.
You're special to me, D, and I want to share my whole world with you…all of it…I just need time.
I need to talk to you. I need you to be with me. I need you by my side. I just need you, D.
I am sorry. I am so sorry, D.
I know I really don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness or your friendship anymore, but I need it.
How can I make it up to you?
…please.
Ever since Castiel had woken up that morning, D had been on his thoughts. He'd tried texting, messaging, even calling his best friend but had only received one reply for his efforts. When Castiel read the message in class he had to be excused and spent the rest of the period curled up with his knees to his chest on top of a closed toilet seat in the boys bathroom.
D: I can't do this anymore and I know that if we don't separate now it will end up destroying us both. I wish you the best of luck with your little crush; I have decided to act on mine as well although it is miniscule in comparison to my feelings for you. I love you, C. Don't forget that.
It hurt. Not just the blatant finality of it, but also the realisation that someday, not any time soon but someday, D will have moved on from him.
He hated to admit it but D's little crush on this new guy was sending little waves of jealousy and possessiveness throughout Castiel's body and he hated how guilty it made him feel. He tried to trick his mind into ignoring whatever growing feelings that he had been developing for D. He like Dean and D could have his stupid little crush on this new guy especially if it meant he wouldn't be on Castiel's tail forever. He tried to dispose of any malevolent wishes or jealous malice he had for the new boy. This was not like him and he had no reason to adopt such ugly emotions.
But he was jealous that D's affections were focussed elsewhere, that he could not hide. It had barely been twelve hours and Castiel was already missing D. Waking up knowing there would be no sweet 'good morning' message awaiting him on his phone was almost unbearable and sent waves of pain throughout Castiel's body. He had subconsciously checked his phone every five minutes. His brothers had tried to cheer him up and Castiel had absorbed all their affection like a sponge and only demanded more.
Sighing, he pocketed his phone and returned to his disgusting meal, focus entirely on the flavoured cardboard in front of him and only deviating at the arrival of someone who made Castiel's heart pound like a bongo drum visited their table.
I'll post part 2 of this chapter tomorrow night. I have the next chapter after that ready too which I'll probably post soon afterwards I'll give it a break though, especially since it's season 8 tomorrow! (Well today…or tomorrow…well it's 4am...what…AAAARGH. SCREW TIME ZONES!)
Hahahaha, I know I said the realisation would come soon but you'll just have to wait a liiiiittle longer.
Remember: the review button is your friend.
