authors note; I wanted to get this out before Christmas, enjoy.

disclaimer; I do not own Glee or it's characters.

p.s sorry for any mistakes.


I haven't seen Santana since she told me she needed to sort things out with Rosie. That was a few days ago. Now I'm not sure if Rosie left or if Santana left with her. They haven't been around the store at all and I would know because I've been working non-stop this week. My mom has been telling me it's for the best because at least now if Santana's gone then I'll earn enough money to follow her.

I don't really know if I want to follow her though. My mom should understand what Santana's put me through before and if it's happening again now the last thing I would do is go after her. I hope she hasn't gone though and I kind of hope her and Rosie worked out so they can stay here longer. I know it's selfish because I would want to spend every spare moment with Santana but I can't help how I feel. No one can.

Today is another boring day which involves me waking at up 8:30am and going to the diner to get breakfast before going to work. I ran into Quinn when she came by the grocery store two nights ago. She explained that she was cooking a meal for Eric and it had to be Italian because that's what they both loved. I told her to ask Rachel for the best ingredients because Rachel is like half Italian and she could help. I think when I mentioned Rachel it stung Quinn. They both work together so it wouldn't be easy, unless they have sorted everything out.

The diner isn't as crowded today and there are barely any staff working. I think because it's the staff are allowed to work from home cooking breakfast and delivering it to people that call the diner. I think it would be fun to work here. Sam says I make really good bacon.

I order the usual and head outside to go to work. Jerry isn't happy when I spill some egg on the floor and I automatically run to get a mop. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

I can hear him laughing. I like those moments when you think someone is mad at you but they end up smiling or laughing and you end up feeling 10 times better. I wonder if Santana felt that when I told her we could start fresh despite her absence.

I get a call half an hour into my shift from Rachel saying she needs me to come to the bar straight away. I tell her it isn't possible right now but I'll be there on my break. I think I hear her curse but I just hang up and go back to work.

"Somebody told me that baked beans were half price today for good looking men."

I snap my head towards the door and my jaw drops almost instantly. Noah Puckerman is standing there in a leather jack and sunglasses that swallow his face. He has a smirk on his lips as he moves forward and removes his shades.

"Brittany Pierce," he says.

"How do you know my name?"

"I'm Puck, I remember every hot girl in my school."

"Wow," I breathe, "Okay. How have you been?" I ask timidly. He walks down an isle and stops in front of the canned food.

"Well I do live in LA where a hot woman stands at every corner..."

"I thought they were prostitutes," I mutter but he hears me and raises an eyebrow.

"I underestimated you in high school Pierce. You are definitely not as innocent as you look." The smirk is back on his face. "But if you must know really, Los Angeles is incredible, it's exactly where I want to spend the rest of my life."

"That's awesome."

"How about you?" He asks, leaning against a shelve and looking directly into my eyes.

"Well, you know Lima, it's okay."

"Whose still left in this town? Jake tells me he's been flirting with Fabray every time she passes through the garage."

I laugh, "Well yeah Quinn's here and Rachel..."

"Berry?" I nod. "I thought she would be long gone by now."

"So did everyone else," I mumble sadly.

"So is that it? Just you three girls," he says suggestively wiggling his eyebrows.

I roll my eyes, then contemplate whether telling him Santana is here is a good idea. They were competitive in high school from what I witnessed. They would start arguments in front of the entire school and one time the principle was called because Santana threatened Puck in Spanish. I don't what she said but it was really sexy.

"Yeah, we're it."

"Well I might buy these," he hands me two cans, "and I'll see you around Pierce."

"Awesome," I reply with a smile and bring the items to the counter.


I arrive at the bar two hours later because of the random rush of people that wanted half price baked beans. I didn't take Puck seriously when he said that, but seeing all those people expecting 10 cans really scared me. Jerry was even hiding in the store room and telling me to stand near the register.

When I spot Rachel near the pool table she immediately grabs my arm and takes me into the bathroom. I ask her what's going on but freeze when my eyes spot Santana standing at the opposite end of the room. She's fuming so heavily I can almost see the comical steam shooting from her ears. She grits her teeth as she walks forward.

"You called her?" She yells at Rachel.

"Santana none of us know what to do with you!" I know I should be wondering what they're talking about and what it all means, but I can't help but be really happy that Santana didn't leave again.

"You had no right calling her."

"What did I do?" It slips out of my lips before I can help it.

"Nothing!" Santana shoots strongly. I flinch at the volume of her voice and turn to Rachel but she's not there any more. She left. I don't know how to calm this Santana down because I've never witness this Santana up close and alone.

"Don't yell at me, please." She notices the smallness of my voice and her features soften. She purses her lips and looks as though she could cry at any second. Not slowly either, just sob straight away with the whimpering noises and everything.

"I didn't want to tell you I was here, b-because I just didn't want t-to feel..."

"Feel what?"

She sniffles and shakes her head. "Feel for you." Why wouldn't anyone want to feel something for another person when that other person feels everything for them?

"Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you again Brittany."

"Were you trying to get over me?" I ask, slightly surprised.

"Yes okay! I was. It hasn't been working. I've been spending nights in my truck outside your house desperately wanting to see you but I couldn't."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because being left behind sucks." I watch her expression change from being sad to being completely drained of every emotion.

"Who left you behind?"

"Rosie left."

I gasp, "You didn't go with her?" She shakes her head.

"I don't feel anything for her, I never did. It was purely a comfort thing for when I was alone. I just know that when my mom passes, I'll know how you felt when I left you."

"Santana don't compare our situation to your mom's sickness. She has it so much worse and you need to be with her. You didn't need to be with me I just wanted you to be."

"Okay, I'm sorry I just, Rosie left and I started working here knowing that you visit here alot because of Rachel and Quinn. So I thought I wouldn't have to be the one to come after you, you would just bump into me here."

"Why didn't Quinn or Rachel tell me this earlier?" I ask frowning.

"I told them not to."

"But you wanted to see me..."

"Yes I did. But I also wanted to save you."

"Save me from what?"

She pauses and bites her lip, unable to look me in the eyes. I stare at her more firmly and she finally looks up. "From seeing me not being able to give you what you want." It wasn't the tone it was the words that weren't invited to possess it. She just stares at me for what feels like forever.

"Well," I exhale an unsteady breath, "if you were to speak to me at all this week you would know that I uh, I don't want you... any more."

I don't give her the chance to reply. I don't know why I said what I said, but when do I really? She told me the truth, I told her the... biggest lie of my life.

Once I run out of the bar I only then remember that I have to see her at Quinn's tomorrow.


If Rachel doesn't go to Quinn's why should I? I'm sure Rachel will skip and give her some mediocre excuse about getting the chicken pox suddenly. I think people would believe me if I used that lie, I just don't know why.

It's a late lunch, that's what Quinn told everyone. I can dress for lunch and dinner, but I have no idea what to wear to a late lunch. Is it a mix between the two? I decide to wear some thin material shorts which hug my waist comfortably. I wear a striped singlet top that I can easily tuck into my shorts. My mom lets me borrow her flat shoes because we're the same size and I don't really own late lunch shoes - I'm guessing flats are fine.

I realise I'm ready an hour before we're all supposed to get there, so I decide to join Sam in the living room.

"Where are you going?" He asks, his eyes still glued on the television.

"Quinn's pregnant so she's having a party."

"What if the baby pops out during the party and one of you has to like clean up the goo?" He scrunches his face.

"It isn't going to pop out, she only just found out."

He flicks through the channels until breathing out a big sigh and putting the remote down. "Is that girl that came over the other day your girlfriend?" He tilts his head in genuine curiosity.

I stay silent for ages because I didn't expect Sam to start talking to me about my love life - which is completely non-existent at the moment. I shake my head and look down to my lap. "No she isn't."

"She's really hot."

"I know," I giggle a little.

"Do you think you could ask her a favour for me?"

I frown at him and wait for him to continue.

"Can you ask her to pretend to be my girlfriend when I'm hanging out with Jake and Brett?"

"You do know Puck's back? And he knows Santana so that isn't going to work."

"Darn," he slaps his knee, "well she seems to really like you anyway, so I don't really have a chance."

"She's not my girlfriend," I reaffirm. Sam nods slowly before standing up and walking to the stairs.

"I could be your date to this party if you want?" I grin at him and watch him blush. "Hey, I'm just trying to be a good brother."

"It's okay Sammy, but I will bring you back leftovers."

"Sweet," he cheers and then runs upstairs. My mom is in the kitchen, sitting at the table and I enter quietly. She's drinking coffee and I think it's because she doesn't want to fall asleep until I'm home.

"What are you up to tonight?" I ask as I sit down across from her.

"Nothing really, I might watch an old film."

"That's nice," I say softly with a smile. She's smiles back at me and turns to put her coffee on the bench.

"So how are the girls? You got any gossip for your mom?"

I don't know why, but I felt the need to spill every thought on my mind at that moment and hope that my mom doesn't think I'm being a bad friend. "So I found out Quinn's pregnant which you probably already know because she was here last week with the other girls and before that though Rachel looked really upset when she found out Quinn is having a baby with a guy that I've never even met before until now," I take a deep breath, "so Santana and I were going to comfort Rachel, well I was, and Rachel said it doesn't matter because sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go and be happy without you and I realised that's what I had to do with Santana, but then I saw her yesterday and apparently Rosie went back to California without her and Santana is really fucked up at the moment," I frown, "well this whole situation is really fucked up at the moment because we both like each other, well I love her, but we can't seem to just say it and live together."

"Christ," my mom breathes softly.

"I know," I sigh and slide down in my chair.

"Well obviously you've been told how to handle your feelings from Rachel and probably Terri and April, knowing them, so I'm not going to say anything."

"But I need help mom," I plead.

"Brittany honey, you have to figure this out by yourself. Besides, what's the big deal about Santana anyway?" She smirks.

My eyes bulge out of my skull. "What's the big deal? She's incredible, she's an amazing singer, her voice gives me chills and her face just makes me want to kiss it all the time and she's such a gentlewoman..." I trail off, realising my mom's smirk has grown.

"You're so in love," she giggles.

I roll my eyes and tell her I'm leaving for Quinn's. She yells at me to be careful and I yell back I will and then leave.


Quinn's house is a lot nicer than mine. She lives next door to her mom and her step-dad. Quinn's home is almost made of all glass. It's got a sun room and really nice white curtains in every room.

I really like the simplicity of it all.

When I step into the house I'm greeted by her mother Judy who looks really happy that she's going to be grandmother. I look at her husband and greet him with a smile because I don't really know what to say. I've never met them before, I've just heard a lot about them from Quinn. There's not much to celebrate in Lima that often so we barely see each other outside of the bar and the grocery store.

They lead me towards the kitchen and from here I can see Quinn, Eric, Rachel (I smile that she came), two girls I've never seen before, Santana and Puck.

They're sitting on a bench beside each other and I suddenly don't want to go out there. I'm rooted to the thoroughly polished tiles until I feel a hand on my back. "Come on dear," Judy says.

I walk forward and step outside. I wish the ground wasn't all gravel because maybe I could have had a few seconds to adjust around everyone, but I made a loud sound when I walked out resulting in everyone's eyes on me.

All of a sudden Puck jumps to his feet and looks at me in shock. "Oh my god it's Britney Spears!"

Everyone is silent for a good 5 seconds before we all burst out into laughter. "Close but not really," I say with a wink.

"She can dance like her," Santana adds and I turn my head to her. She's smiling slightly, unsure if I'm still welcoming a compliment from her.

"How the hell would you know Lopez?" Puck interjects.

Santana sips on her drink and gulps. "We're, w-we're friends, so that's how I would know that Puckerman."

"Since when?" Puck's got a really over dramatic confused expression on his face as he looks from me to Santana and back again. I wait for her to speak but she doesn't. I notice everyone has kind of started talking to each other again so I doubt they'll notice anything I say.

"I love her," I say clearly and Puck's eyebrows shoot up while Santana's face slowly possess a pinkish hue, "I'm in love with her, so that's how," I shake my head quickly, "no I mean that's not how she knows I know how to dance, I just don't, um, I don't know why I said that."

"Wow," Puck breathes and punches Santana in the shoulder lightly, "that's why you weren't reciprocating to my flirting, this is awkward." He purses his lips and takes his beer to the other side of the garden where Quinn's dad and one of the girls stand.

"That was completely inappropriate to say out here Brittany, we're here for Quinn."

"So you're the appropriate and responsible one now?" I bite back. "Look Santana I'm content with what's happening right now between us, I meant it when I said I don't want you any more because we probably wouldn't have worked any way, I'm reliant on my mom and I'm in my mid twenties, I'm literally going nowhere in my life. So before you school me with social etiquette, I would like to tell you that I'm happy settling into the life I have for many more years to come and who knows maybe I'll find someone nice to live this comfortable life with."

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time." I frown at her and scoff.

"Who told you that?"

"You did," she smiles. Despite everything I just said to her, she smiles. "Junior year we studied Dreams for an insomniac and you had to read the part of Frankie. It was one thing that stuck in my mind. I couldn't remember your name, but I remembered that quote and I've been trying to live by that but obviously," she pinches her lips together, "it hasn't worked out for me because I keep running away from that sort of love."

It takes a few minutes to realise I haven't blinked, swallowed or spoken. Quinn hands me a glass of wine and then moves to sit by Rachel. If they can still be friends why can't Santana and me?

I shrug my eyebrows and walk to the table on the grass. I down my drink fast but know that I'm not having another. If I could reveal to a guy I haven't seen in four years that I was in love with Santana then who knows what I would say drunk.

Santana is still in her seat, facing away from me. She isn't talking to anyone and no one is talking to her. I can't help but think that she needs me in a way. I was the only one school friend she told about her label and I've been nice to her mom because I know things other people don't know. And when you have only one person that can save you from all the bullshit in your life, it's hard when they're not there.

Quinn announces that the food is ready and every lines up to grab a plate in the kitchen. I follow after a short while, because I don't want to be near Santana in the line. I want her to have space from me, because I know I've been acting strange especially before with Puck.

"Okay so if it's a boy we're naming it Liam and if it's a girl we're naming it Kimberly," Quinn says with a proud smile. Judy puts her palm to her chest and uses the other hand to grab her husbands shoulder.

"How beautiful," she says breathlessly.

"What are you going to name it if it comes out a fully aged man with a thick beard?" Puck jokes but no one laughs. Well, except me.

"Sorry," I mumble, trying to hide my smile.

"Hey Puck you know what you remind me of?" Quinn begins.

"What?"

"A really undernourished vagina," everyone bursts out laughing,"have you been groomed lately?"

"The ladies love the hawk," he replies confidently.

"It looks like a squirrel." Santana's giggling, Quinn's squawking, Eric's laughing with his mouth full, Rachel is laughing so loudly with her mouth so wide and the adults are smirking. The two other girls are giggling to each other. I think they're Quinn's cousins.

I feel happy. I've never made a whole group of people laugh. It sounds like an orchestra or a choir. Except of course everyone is off pitch.

We finish serving our food and all sit together outside on the table. Santana is opposite me, eating salad and roast chicken. I have food on my plate that goes untouched because I can't stop feeling. I like today. I enjoy these people and I adore the girl in front of me. I feel almost numb. I've never felt this much before.

I feel like calling my mom and telling her I love her and telling Sam that he's the best brother in the world. I want to tell Puck I love Santana again. I want to tell Santana I love her again and again. She knows I lied yesterday. She knows I want her and she knows I'll wait until she's ready to want me back.

Once all our plates are empty, we head inside and sit by the fire. The cool breeze has set in and everybody has put on either a woollen jumper or a coat. Santana has a tanned coat on. She's wearing a grey t-shirt and a black skirt. Her stockings cover her legs and feet, but I'm happy to know what beautiful skin lies beneath them.

Her eyes find mine across the room. She begins to smile but Quinn says her name and she's distracted. "You haven't spoke about your time in LA Santana, why don't you make Rach jealous and tell us how amazing is it to be famous."

Everyone's attention is on her but she doesn't look shy at all. I want to say something. I want to tell Quinn not to bring that up because there's a reason Santana doesn't talk about it. But before I'm able to open my mouth, Santana's speaking.

"I actually don't perform any more."

"What why?" Rachel almost yells.

"Well, my record label didn't want me any more," she says shrugging, "I won't go into detail, but I wasn't the angel everyone assumed I was. I'm kind of happy they did," she smiles to herself, "I think it was fate." She looks to me and I stare back just as intensely. Fate.

"That sucks," Puck adds.

"Sweetheart why did you return here though?" Judy asks in disbelief.

"Oh yeah, well I found out my mom was ill," everyone sends her a look of sympathy, "I would have come back to see her even if my label hadn't dropped me, but yeah. She hasn't got much time left."

"I'm sure she's happy to be spending this time with you," Rachel says with a soft smile. Santana nods and then slaps her palms against her thighs.

"Enough of me, this is Quinn's party we should be focusing on the little one inside of her."

Quinn smiles shyly and Eric holds her close.

"Where's the bathroom?" I ask Quinn.

"Oh I was there before I can show you if you want," Santana offers with an innocent smile. I nod automatically and the rest of the group involves themselves with a new topic.

"It's this way," Santana whispers, leading me down a hall. We reach the door and I step inside.

"Can you, um, wait out here?" I say shyly. She laughs and nods. I close the door.

Quinn's bathroom is really nice. It's all white with some purple mosaics in between the tiles near the sink. I wash my hands after I'm done and walk towards the door. When I open it, Santana is leaning against the opposite wall. She sees me step out and stands back up straight. I turn to walk but stop when I see a door half open. It's the nursery. I walk in and am mindful of Santana following me.

There's a single bed at the opposite end of the room and crib near the other wall. I walk to the bed and sit down slowly. I want to say something so bad but Santana is sitting down so close to me that I can barely breathe. I sense her leaning into me, but I'm not sure because I'm looking straight ahead.

She kisses my cheek, holding her lips there for longer than she should. I close my eyes automatically and slightly lean into to her, still facing ahead. She pulls back an inch and kisses me again, only this time her lips are pressing against the corner of my mouth. My lips twitch a little in response. She pulls back and this time uses her nose to brush against my skin. I turn my head towards her a little and she doesn't hesitate to kiss me on my lips this time.

I breath in through my nose and stay still. Her hand lands on the inside of my thigh. She knows my body so well she doesn't have to open her eyes to know where to touch me. I tilt my head left and open my mouth to swallow her lips. She lets out a satisfied moan and moves her hand to cup my vagina. She doesn't try to slide her fingers beneath my under or even my shorts.

Her tongue enters my mouth and I gasp softly. Her hands moves up and down and I begin to grind against it. I know she can feel how wet I am through the material but she isn't talking dirty about it. It isn't a bad thing. I enjoy this. I enjoy how intimate this is, because we're both passionate people wanting skin on skin contact. This feels so good.

She stops kissing me and our foreheads rest together. We're looking straight into each other's eyes, wondering what the other's thinking. Her hands presses hard against me and I gasp. She bites her lip, but doesn't smirk like she normally would. Suddenly, my chest feels heavy. Is she going to tell me something I don't want to hear? Maybe to her this is goodbye.

I can't think about it any more, because my centre is pulsing and shaking every time she presses her palm against me. I whimper and lean into kiss her again but she pulls back. I close my eyes and realise I'm slightly bouncing on the bed. Once the orgasm hits me, my hands crumple the bed sheets and I arch my back until she releases my sex.

When I open my eyes I notice the wet streaks down her cheeks. I lift my hands to wipe the tears away and she cries harder. She rests her head on my shoulder, she's shaking. I pull her onto me so she's straddling my lap. Her head doesn't lift off my shoulder, she just cries and cries and eventually falls asleep on me.


She wakes up half an hour later. Her eyes are red and swollen but I don't try and fix them because if you can't help something it shouldn't be fixed. No one had searched for us, but I can hear some jazz music playing out in the living room though.

Santana's staring at me and still straddling my lap. I don't know why she's like this. One minute she looks so put together and confident, especially around me, and the next minute she's completely broken to pieces. I want to tell her she can talk to me, but I want her to speak first. Her eyes flicker all over my face and linger on my lips. Her fingertips run through my hair in a repetitive motion. I want to be this close to her all the time, for the rest of our lives.

"I want to see if we can be something too," she whispers. I frown, before remembering the day at her trailer when she was taking a shower and I told her the same thing. "I want to try my best to give you what you want Britt."

My smile grows, as does hers. She then bites her lip and I know she wants to say something. I know it's not a goodbye now.

"I love you." Her voice is so strong when she says it. "We'll figure this all out together. I'll never leave you, ever."

"Say it again San," I whisper. She swallows before grinning.

"I love you." She says she loves me, she says we'll figure everything out together, she says she'll never leave me, ever, she says she'll try, and I know she means it now.