I stared up at the bunk above me. My mind felt like it was drowning as I tried to swim through all my thoughts. There's way too much information stored up there for me to handle. I mean, I have to worry about Sky and my father who are both after me. Then there's Spot plus his little pu- I mean orange heads. There's also Jack who knows about my scar and stuff... now there's Kid and his confession of his love for me and not to mention I think he knows more about me and my family than I thought. I'm Dash's girl, not Kid's... Or is my heart still with that boy that saved me years ago? Er... Whose girl am I? I'm so confused! I want to like Kid. I mean he's a really sweet guy and has almost always been there for me, but then there's Dash... he's the one that helped me get away from my father the first time. He's the one that's waiting for me out West. He's waiting... for me. But then... what about that boy? If I saw him again... would my feelings for him be the same and would he share them? I pulled my covers over my head in frustration. Agh! If only these thoughts could just disappear!

"Cat?" Boots asked softly.

"Mhmm?" I replied muffled under the covers. Perhaps Boots could pull me out of my thoughts.

"The oder guys headin' out ta Medda's. Wanna come?"

I sat up immediately. Going to Medda's sounded like a great idea. "Sounds good to me. Who's all dere?"

"Um let's see. Most of the Manhattans are there already. I t'ink I saw the oder two orange heads. Oh and a few of the Queens and few from Bronx."

I nodded. It sounded like there would be a nice group there. I could enjoy myself and get my mind distracted for a few happy hours. "You headed out now?"

"In a little bit. I'm waitin' for Snipeshooter."

"Okay, I guess I'll just head up dere and meet ya later."

Boots nodded. "Sounds good wit' me."

I hopped out of bed and grabbed my cap. There was really no reason to rush, but I was eager to get my mind off of Kid. I scooted down the stairs and flew past poor Mr. Kloppman. I hope I didn't scare him too bad when I passed him. He's probably thinking to himself that girl newsies are almost more crazy than his boys. Heh heh, I think that's true to some extent.


I made it to Medda's and the place was starting to get filled up. I saw some girl newsies I use to know from over by Harlem. I heard one of them was getting married to the leader of Midtown. Sounds crazy to me. I mean most of us are only sixteen or seventeen, but then again I kinda do have an offer of marriage with Dash. Bother! I shook my head hard and looked for an empty table to sit at. Ah, nice place in the corner by the stage. I squeezed past some guys, dodged girls carrying trays of coke, and finally made it to my quiet, empty table. I studied the people around me and let my mind just wander. I kept a leash on it though. I didn't want it to wander too far or to *ahem* unpleasant memories.

"Why, if it ain't Cat." Jack grinned as I looked up in surprise at him.

"Jack!"

He pulled up a chair beside me. "Lovin' it in Manhattan, aren't we?"

"I guess you could say that," I replied, despite the fact that I honestly wanted to tell him I was not loving it at all. I was desperately homesick for Brooklyn despite only being there for only four days. Not to mention this whole stay seemed to be making those thoughts I was trying to escape become stronger.

He pulled out a deck of cards. "Wanna play a game?"

I shrugged. "Why not?"

He grinned and shuffled the deck. "How was your day?"

"Uh, good." I shifted and glanced at the table across from me.

Jack pursed his lips a little and gave me my cards. "Hoid you were wit' Kid for most of the day."

I could feel my cheeks flush a little. (I hope Jack didn't notice that!) "Uh yeah. We kinda bumped into each other and just spent the rest of the day together."

"Oh."

Eh? Why'd he sound sort of disappointed? Meh... it was probably just me.

The game was slow going, both Jack and I had bad cards.

Jack yawned and set his cards down. "Not a very good game."

I yawned too then stretched. "I'm thinkin' about headin' back to Brooklyn tonight," I mentioned casually as I stood up to go.

Jack grabbed my arm. "Don't go."

I blinked. "Why not? I know things probably haven't calmed down quite yet, but I miss Brooklyn."

Jack pulled me back down into my seat. "Stay in Manhattan."

I frowned. "I don't see why I have to."

Jack's grip on me tightened. "Stay."

His grip wasn't his normal firm grip that said 'do as I say since I'm older.' It was more of a 'do as I say because you might get hurt if you don't listen to me.' It sent shivers up my spine. Was there something going on in Brooklyn?

I bit my lip a little. "Somet'ing wrong in Brooklyn?"

He loosened his grip on me a little. "Just stay here."

I sighed softly. "Can't you just tell me?"

Jack pursed his lips. For a moment I thought he was going to tell me, but then he just stood up and joined some guys that were playing cards at the next table over. Sheesh... if he wants me to stay, he should tell me why I should stay. His grip only explains that it's serious. It doesn't tell me how serious it'd be if I left for Brooklyn.

Squeak.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw Hush and Mush pull up chairs at the table I was sitting at. "Hullo," I greeted.

Hush smiled at me. "Hi, Cat. How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "All right."

Hush cocked her head slightly. She opened her mouth to say something but then burst into soft giggles as Mush squeezed her hand playfully. I couldn't help smiling at the cute couple. I think Hush has got lovesick bad. Agh... that reminds me about Dash and Kid. Bother... I was hoping I could forget about that now. I let my eyes wander around the room, hoping for a new distraction. My eyes fell on Kid who was chilling over by the backstage with Skittery. Waaaaaaah... I turned back to Mush and Hush. Rats... they're talking. I glanced back at Jack. Naw, he's still playing cards. Don't want to bother him. I'll just slip outside for a bit maybe take a smoke or something.


I sighed softly as I blew some out some smoke. It's an awful habit I picked up. I know I shouldn't but at times like this, it takes my mind off things. Once I finally make up my mind on things, I'll kick the habit. I put my cigarette back to my lips. The only thing smoking doesn't do is keep my mind off Dash. Maybe it's because of those times we smoked together. Oh Dash... why did I make you let me smoke?


Flashback (5 years ago)

Puff... puff.

"What are you doin', Dash? Smokin'?" I asked as I sat beside him on the docks.

He glanced at me and nodded.

I held out my hand to him. "Give me one."

He ignored me and kept smoking.

I frowned and jabbed him with my bony elbow. "Dash."

"What?"

"Give me a cigarette."

Dash frowned at me and tossed his cigarette into the water. "No, you don't need ta be smokin'."

I huffed. "You smoke. So does Spot and the oder guys. Why can't I?"

"You are a goil."

"Don't bring that up! Don't forget your promise."

Dash sighed. "You don't need ta be smokin', Cat. It's an awful habit."

"I don't care."

"Cat, please don't." His blue eyes begged for me to say no, but I foolishly ignored them.

"Dash, the cigarette."

He pursed his lips and pulled out his box of cigarettes for me. "Here..."

End Flashback


I sighed through my nose. I was soo foolish back then. Why didn't I listen to Dash? And... why didn't he just stop me? He was too easy on me. Huh... maybe Spot is a good thing for me.

"What's this?"

I coughed hard and dropped my cigarette. "Ow! Hey!" I turned around angrily into the light that Jack let out as he slipped into the alleyway.

"Cat?" he asked as he closed the door behind him making the alleyway dark once more.

I glanced at the ground. "Hi... Jack." Why did he suddenly decide to come out? Wasn't he still in the middle of a card game? Or have I been out here longer than I thought?

"Didn't know you smoked."

"Eh... it's an old habit."

"You shouldn't smoke, Cat."

"You smoke too," I retorted, trying to justify myself. I mean, so what if I smoke? Okay, maybe I am feeling a bit guilty... okay... majorly guilty.

I heard Jack sigh softly in the darkness. "Just because the guys do it don't mean you can. It ain't nice for a goil to be smokin'. Especially not a young lady like yaself."

My face flushed some. "Young lady?" I wonder if Dash... or Kid think of me that way.

"Yeah..." Jack's eyes met mine. "You're toining inta one you know. A pretty one at that."

"P-p-pretty?" I managed to spit out. Am I going mad? First Kid, now Jack? What is going on around here?

"Mhm."

Gah! What to say, what to say?! "Thanks?" Really stupid reply, Cat... Real stupid.

"You're welcome."

Yay... what now? Should the bonehead say something else now? "Do you think I'm as pretty as Sarah?" Wah! Where'd that come from?! Ooooo! You're a real bonehead now!

"You're prettier."

"Wha?" I was really not expecting that answer.

"I've always thought you were prettier."

"Eh? But Sarah-"

Jack put his finger on my lips. "She's a nice goil, but I like you better."

My face turns bright red for the hundredth time. Was today the day to confess your love and nobody informed me? I should check the calendar more often... "B-b-but," I stuttered. "you and Sarah, aren't y'all going out?"

I could faintly see Jack shake his head. "Naw... we're just friends, Cat."

Deja vu... Kid, now Jack. "Jack... you're not serious are you?"

Jack brushed his fingers against my cheek. "I'm serious."

Oh Jack! Why? Why do you have to do this to me too? I've always liked you too, but not like this! Come on, Jack. You like me like a little sister... not the other way. I took a step back from Jack. "Um... I'm gonna go inside. It feels a little chilly out here."

Jack let his hand fall to his side. "Okay," he replied softly.

Man, oh man! Why? Why me? Why not Sarah? Or Sky? Or Hush? Or anyone except me?! Maybe I should just come out and say I'm Dash's girl (even if I haven't decided about that) so the guys will leave me alone. But then... maybe, just maybe I really do like Kid or Jack back in the same way? Grrr, I need to get my head straightened out. I made my way back into Medda's but then turned back. If I wanted to set things right in my head, I'd be better off alone. I'll slip out the other door so Jack won't see me if he's still back there. I'm going to head to Brooklyn tonight though. I'll be able to think better if I head back home. Eh, the weather isn't looking good. It looks like rain. I better hurry if I want to make it before it began raining. I probably have told Jack I was leaving, but I didn't think it was that important to tell him. Not to mention I'd rather not talk to him again after that *cough* confession. Besides, nothing was wrong in Brooklyn, or he would have said it straight out, right? Besides, it's just a short walk to Brooklyn. What could possibly go wrong? I'll be fine.


The streets were darker than normal as I made my way back home. I hope it doesn't start storming... Ow! Clumsy me. Ran into a pole. Ah, light from the bridge. Now I can actually see where I'm going! Stupid pole... I rubbed my side. The rain began to pour down as I crossed the bridge. I didn't like all this rain, but at least it wasn't storming yet. I hurried over to the nearest alleyway were I could dry off a little before continuing on to the lodge. Yuck... this rain was making the streets reek. I can't wait to get home and dry off and smell decent again. Oh, I hope Spot isn't there. He might get mad at me for coming back without Speed and Hush. Not to mention if it starts storming... I shuddered at the thought. I crossed my fingers. Spot couldn't be at the lodge. He just couldn't. I glanced up at the sky. Looks like it has stopped raining for now. I guess I better get a move on. I stepped back onto the street, but suddenly two arms grabbed me from behind. I gasped and nearly cried out, but the cry turned into a lump in my throat as I took in a familiar scent of tobacco.

"If it isn't my daughter, Catherine."