Note: Don't get hung up on the accuracy or lack thereof in the medical stuff. Timing and recovery issues are just a minor part of the story; not meant to be medically true. However, ladies please be aware of and knowledgeable about symptoms of heart attack; they can be very different for us than for men. Enjoy.
Scenes From A Marriage
IV Regrets (Part 4)
"Don't say my name, Ziva. How far are you from DC?"
Ziva felt a shiver of fear down her spine as she heard Ducky's question. She leaned over and quietly asked McGee "How much longer?" When she had her answer she returned to the phone and said softly, "About thirty minutes hopefully."
"Don't waste any time. I hope Tony is driving and not Jethro. The Director has suffered a rather serious heart attack and she is in critical condition. They have had to revive her since she arrived at the hospital. Jethro needs to be here sooner rather than later. I wanted to tell you this before I talk to him so you will all be aware of the situation. Sometimes he doesn't share information very well. I'm not saying she is not going to survive but with heart attacks anything can happen. I'm going to call Jethro now unless you have questions."
"I have dozens but they can wait. Thank you Ducky." Ziva closed her phone and opened her laptop to silently inform McGee of what Ducky had said. Tony would have to get whatever information Gibbs was going to share.
Jethro was getting anxious and kept looking at his watch and then at his phone as if he could will it to ring. Actually he wasn't sure he wanted it to ring although he reasoned even in his somewhat questionable state of mind, that Ducky wouldn't call him and tell him over the phone that Jen was dead. At least he hoped not. Finally, the phone beeped.
"Yeah, Ducky talk to me."
"Jethro, Jennifer has suffered a rather serious heart attack. She is stable at the moment but is in critical condition in the ICU. They have called in a superb cardiologist from George Washington Hospital to consult with Dr. Scott here at Bethesda. Dr. Scott himself is excellent and I have no concerns about the level of care she is receiving."
"Is she going to make it Duck?"
"I won't lie to you my friend there are no guarantees at this point. She has not regained consciousness but that is not unusual or particularly alarming. Jethro you do need to be here as soon as possible but you need to be in one piece when you get here."
"I know Duck. Tony's driving and we have State Troopers with us. I'd estimate another twenty to thirty minutes. Listen, Duck, if Jen wakes up tell her that I love her and I'm sorry. Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can. Please tell her that for me Duck. Promise?"
"I'll tell her Jethro but you will tell her yourself as well. Remember, she is a fighter and she loves you. Don't give up Jethro."
"I won't Duck. Thanks. Call me back if anything changes."
"I will."
Jethro closed the phone and couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer. He didn't care if his team saw him cry. They were probably going to see more of that in the next few days no matter what happened. "Ducky said Jen is in critical condition. She had a bad heart attack. He said we need to get there now, Tony but in one piece."
"Workin' on it Boss." Tony tired to smile but it was hard to do under the circumstances.
'At least she's alive and getting the best care available', Jethro thought to himself as the minutes and the miles slowly went by. He tried to relax and prepare himself for the coming hours. He was usually the one in the hospital bed and Jen was the one pacing the hallways or sitting next to the bed waiting for him to wake up. Now he would find out what it meant to spend your time just hoping the person you love would open their eyes. He hoped he got the chance to see what kind of patient she was because she was always telling him he was a terrible patient.
When he thought he couldn't stay in the car another five minutes they pulled up to the emergency entrance at Bethesda and he was out of the car and inside before Tony had completely stopped the car. Tony took a few minutes to thank the State Troopers for their help before he went to park the car. Ziva and McGee had followed Jethro into the hospital. They quickly found someone to direct them to the ICU waiting area. Ziva had called Ducky as they approached the hospital so he was waiting for them in the hallway.
"Any change Duck?"
"Not really. Jethro, slow down and take a breath. She's still unconscious and still in the ICU but she has been stable for the past hour or so. That's a good sign. They are running some tests at the moment. They will only allow family in the ICU I'm afraid so the team will have to wait out here. Come on now. I'll take you to her."
Ducky led Jethro into the ICU and over to the curtained area where Jen was being cared for. There was a nurse with her virtually all the time constantly monitoring the machines that seemed to be connected to every available spot on Jen's body. It took all his strength not to break down when he saw her. She looked so small and fragile in that bed with all the wires and tubes everywhere. She was so pale she almost disappeared into the sheets.
Jethro approached the side of the bed where there were fewer contraptions and gently took Jen's hand in his raising it to his lips for a lingering kiss. He leaned down and kissed her forehead and began talking to her in a quiet, gentle voice. "Jenny, I'm here. I love you and I want you to come back to me. I'm so sorry about this morning and all the other mornings lately. You know you mean everything to me Jen and I need you to be okay."
Ducky pushed a chair up behind Jethro then lowered the bed rail so his friend could sit down but still reach Jen's hand. Ducky stood behind Jethro when the younger man had taken a seat. He put his hands on Jethro's shoulders to offer his encouragement and support. Jethro let the tears he had been holding onto for the past hour fall freely down his face. He never took his eyes off of Jen and he continued to hold her hand and stroke her arm with his free hand. After just a few minutes of Jethro being there Jen's heart rate and other vital signs began to improve fractionally and stabilize even more. The nurse smiled at him and told him he was the best medicine Jen could have.
"How long can I stay with her?"
The nurse smiled at him again. "You can stay as long as you want. As long as she is stable and resting you can be with her. But don't forget to take care of yourself too. We will take care of your wife but you're on your own. Okay?"
Jethro smiled for the first time all day. "Okay."
Ducky gave him a pat on the back and said, "I'm going to let the others know how she's doing. I'll try and get them to go home but I doubt they will for a while. And I'll try and find you some decent coffee."
"Try the nurses station for the coffee, Doctor Mallard. It's the best in the hospital."
"Thank you."
Jethro settled down to wait for Jen to wake up. The nurse told him Jen would hear him if he talked to her so even though it made him a little uncomfortable with her there he continued talking to Jen. "I'm sorry I wasn't there today Jen. I got here as fast as DiNozzo could drive and you know that's pretty fast. I love you, Jenny, you have to wake up and be okay. You know I won't make it if something happens to you. A lot of people are pulling for you. Please don't leave me Jen. We have a lot of things left to do together and I need you with me. I promise I'm going to be better when you wake up. No more fighting over stupid stuff. I love you so much it scares me you know. And I'm not scared of anything. I'm right here Jen and I won't leave you." All these things were said in a hushed voice as Jethro held her hand and kissed her palm pressing her hand to his face.
After about fifteen minutes Ducky came back with some coffee. Jethro continued to hold Jen's hand; he never stopped touching her or kissing her hand or holding her hand to his face. He remembered the last time he was in the hospital and pretty well out of it he could feel Jen holding his hand to her face. It had felt so good to him to touch her then and he hoped it would do the same for her now. Besides he needed to feel her touch on his skin.
After sitting with them for a few hours, Ducky went home to get some sleep and Jethro's team did the same. He dozed on and off for several hours until around 8:30 am when he felt Jen's fingers moving in his hand. He opened his eyes and found she was slowly starting to come around. The nurse looked over at him and gave him a thumbs up signal. Jethro stood up and leaned down to kiss Jen. Her eyes finally came fully open and she saw those blue eyes she fell in love with so long ago gazing down at her. She smiled up at Jethro and raised her hand to touch his face.
"Hi."
"Hi yourself. You scared me Jen. I love you, please don't ever do that again."
"I'll sure try not to. What did I do anyway?"
"You had a heart attack, babe. A bad one as a matter of fact. But the doctors say you're going to be okay."
"How long have I been out?"
"About twelve hours. How do you feel anyway?"
"Just really tired." Jen looked over at the nurse and asked, "Am I really going to be okay?"
"Why don't I get your doctor and he can tell you. But the short answer is yes."
Turning her attention back to Jethro she asked, "Could I get another kiss please?"
Jethro didn't answer except to lean down and kiss her gently but thoroughly. The doctor came in and Jethro sat down while Dr. Scott told Jen what had happened. He said she had a serious heart attack but there did not appear to be any significant damage to the heart muscle and she should be fine in a week or so. He told her to take this episode as a serious warning that she needed to make some lifestyle changes. He talked about diet, stress and exercise and Jen frowned the whole time he was talking. Jethro had to smile especially at the stress part. He had been telling her for two years she needed to slow down and make the SecNav hire her an assistant in the DC office. Now that was going to happen if he had to camp out on the man's doorstep to accomplish it.
The doctor left after telling them Jen would be moved to a private room in the cardiac care department the next day. Jen said she was tired and finally convinced Jethro to go home and at least shower and change clothes. He agreed and kissed her goodbye promising to be back in a couple of hours. When he stepped out into the waiting area Ducky was just coming in the door.
"How is our patient this morning?"
"Well, she finally woke up about thirty minutes ago. Dr. Scott came in and gave her a lecture about stress etc. She said she's tired and kicked me out to go home and shower and change clothes. I don't suppose you could give me a ride?"
"Of course. I have something I want to talk to you about anyway."
When they were settled in the car Ducky began by saying, "I know the past day has been a scary one for you Jethro. I imagine you have not given much thought in the past twelve hours to whatever has been bothering you lately. Am I right?"
"You are. I gave it a lot of thought on the way to Norfolk yesterday but once we got there I focused on the case. Then on the way back I couldn't think about anything but what was happening to Jen.
"I have a theory if you're interested."
"Yes, I'm interested. I don't want to continue the pattern we, or more precisely I, have been in for the past couple of weeks. What's your theory, Duck?"
"How long were you and Shannon married?"
Jethro looked at his friend and frowned. This was not a topic he generally discussed with anyone but Jen. But, he trusted Ducky so he answered. "Eleven years and three months."
"How long had you been overseas when she and Kelly were killed?" He saw Jethro swallow and plunged ahead. "I know these are painful subjects for you Jethro but I believe if we can just explore a little bit into this we can find the answers you have been looking for."
Again Jethro hesitated. He wondered where Ducky was going with this. He knew his old friend had only his and Jen's best interests at heart and he knew Ducky would never bring up something that was hurtful to him without good reason. So, he finally answered, "Almost four months."
"And how long have you and Jennifer been married?"
"Eleven years next month as a matter of fact. Where are you going with this, Duck?"
"It's just a theory Jethro but think back to when you started shutting Jen out. Back to the time you find yourself being so argumentative over the smallest things. You had to leave Shannon just weeks before your 11th anniversary, correct? And now as you approach that same anniversary with Jennifer you are closing yourself off from her; creating discord where none really exists. Not intentionally of course but subconsciously you are preparing yourself for her leaving you too. Your mind is telling you that you can lessen the pain of her leaving if you figuratively leave her first by causing all this anger and unhappiness."
"Sounds like a lot of psycho babble Duck. You really think I'm trying to drive Jen away from me?"
"Not on purpose! It's like a child who believes they have been rejected by a parent or a friend. That child will often reject the next person who tries to love them because by doing the rejecting themselves they feel more in control and believe they will feel less pain. In other words, 'I'll hurt you before you hurt me.' Does that make sense to you at all?"
Jethro didn't answer and was quiet for the rest of the trip home. In fact he didn't speak again until he had showered and changed and come back downstairs. Ducky was waiting in the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee.
"You know old friend, I think you hit the nail on the head with this theory of yours. It does seem like I was driving Jen away by pissing her off all the time and then shutting her out when she tried to talk to me or help me. Damn I didn't even know what I was doing and God help me, I almost really did lose her. I have been thinking a lot about Shannon lately but I never put the anniversary thing together with what I've been doing. Thank you Ducky. How did you know?"
"I did a little research yesterday after my lunch with Jen and the timeline just seemed to fit too perfectly. You are like a son to me Jethro and I hated to see you hurting. I knew something had to be wrong because otherwise you would never treat Jen as you have for the past month. You love her too much to consciously hurt her feelings. Now what do you say we go see how she's feeling?"
Jethro embraced Ducky in a fierce hug. "Thank you again Ducky. Jen and I are very lucky to have you on our side."
The two friends returned to the hospital and found Jen sitting up in bed looking much better than she had just a couple of hours ago. "Well, you two look like you've accomplished more than just getting Jethro showered and into some clean clothes. What have you been up to? Or do I want to know?"
"Oh you definitely want to know but I think we'll save that for later. I want you to concentrate on getting better so you can come home. We have things to talk about and I have a lot of making up to do."
Jen smiled and said, "I sure like the sound of that. I don't suppose I could persuade you to fill me in, Ducky?"
"No my dear I think you will want to hear it all from Jethro. But don't worry it's all good and you will be pleased with what he has to tell you. Now, I will leave you two alone. Don't keep her in suspense too long Jethro. Goodbye my dear, Jennifer, I am so happy you are going to be alright. You gave me quite a scare and I'm too old for that. I will come see you tomorrow."
"Thank you for everything Ducky. I'm sure you held Jethro together yesterday. We love you."
Jen was now unplugged and unattached from all but one monitor. She looked very small even in a hospital bed. Jethro looked longingly at her in the bed and she read his mind.
"I'm sure there is room for you if you want to join me." Jen said with a wicked grin on her face as she scooted over to the side of the bed. "Just take off your shoes first."
Jethro didn't have to be asked twice. He turned off the lights and pulled the curtain around the bed then climbed in and laid on his back. Jen snuggled up with her head on his chest and her arm around his midsection. He had one arm around the back of her shoulders and the other hand on her hip holding her closely to his warm body. Jen raised her head and kissed him softly on the mouth before settling back on his chest.
"Do you want to tell me what you and Ducky talked about?"
"Yes, I do but I don't want to hurt you."
"Hey, you won't hurt me. I know something has been eating at you; causing you to not be yourself. If you have figured out what it was and have fixed it then I'm happy for you and for myself. I want my Jethro back. I need him back. My life isn't the same when you're not here. In fact, life isn't all that interesting or appealing to me without you."
Jethro kissed her hair and pulled her just a little closer. Then he told her everything he and Ducky had talked about. When he was finished he just held onto her and let her hold onto him like she had done for years whenever he was fighting the demons of his past.
END
A/N: I was sorely tempted to have Jen die in the end but I couldn't do it. Hopefully this is a satisfying ending for those of you who have been reading along. Thank you for all the reviews and alerts.
