Chapter Info

Title: Get It All Out

Number: 7/?

Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: I never really expected the kind words I have gotten for this story! It's humbling and awesome at the same time! Thank you all so much for that, and for reading! Comments are love!


By the time dusk was hitting, everyone was exhausted. Like Amaleen thought, the gas gauge was down to half a tank again so it would take them another couple hundred miles the next day before they would have to refill. It was quickly realized that they didn't have any tents, but Amaleen had a tarp in her bag. It would have to do and if they strung it up between some trees, and they slept a little closer than normal, they could all fit underneath it.

"Are the woods safe around here?" Rick wondered. Amaleen eyed the man and slowly calculated in her head where they were about on the coast. She decided they were three quarters of the way through North Carolina and she hadn't really been to this part of the state when she had passed through. Biting her lip, she looked over at Rick and he smiled at the look on her face. "Hey, it's okay if ya don't know, we'll just have to check it out, okay?"

Amaleen gave him a bashful smile and looked around as Rick beeped the horn to get the caravan to stop. They slowly pulled off the road and into the line of trees that surrounded it. Rick pulled them up into a notch of trees, backing them in so the front was pointed for the road for a quick getaway if needed, and that helped to hide the truck from view as well. Glenn did the same with the Hyundai, and Daryl pulled his bike up behind the truck.

Everyone climbed out and immediately began to stretch out their limbs from being stuck in the truck, save for Amaleen's right arm which she kept to her side as she knew stretching it would also rip out the stitches. Finally once they were all done, they began to start grabbing things, just bare essentials, from the back of the truck for the night: Amaleen's tarp, some food, a jug of water, and their blankets. Weapons were also grabbed and it was decided they should send out a couple teams to walk a one mile radius around camp just to make sure there were no walkers close by, or even other people.

"Daryl, you're gonna stay here for watch," Rick started causing the hunter's eyes to narrow and everyone else look at him with a surprised expression. It was a known fact that he was a tracker and probably would be most useful with one of the teams, but Rick just sent a look to Amaleen who glared back and looked away, before he continued his assignments. "Glenn and Maggie go east, T and I will go west. Once you're done come right back here. Everyone else just work on setting up camp for the night and getting some food made."

Everyone nodded and started about their assignments. Rick and T had their rifles ready and headed out west while Glenn and Maggie had theirs and headed out east. Amaleen watched them leave for a moment with a silent "be careful" to them before she turned to start helping.

Daryl had climbed atop the truck to keep watch and nobody argued with the brooding archer and Amaleen did her best to ignore his presence for that moment. She didn't want to get into it with him then, but it was clear to her that Rick had done this to shove them together, try and make them be somewhat friendly towards each other. It would be better for the group if they could talk out their issues, but Daryl wasn't exactly the most talkative person on the planet.

"Wait," Amaleen heard as she started to head just off camp to grab some firewood. Hershel was walking towards her and Amaleen smiled, already turning so he could see her arm, knowing that was what he was going for. He gently lifted up the edges of the bandage to peak and looked satisfied. "No signs of infection. Let's hope it stays that way." He paused. "When was the last time you took some of the antibiotics?"

"About three hours ago, Rick gave me some. I dunno if he left them in the truck or if he still has them in his pocket."

Hershel nodded. "We'll check the truck, but if not, we'll get them from him when he gets back. You'll need to take them again in an hour." Amaleen nodded and went over to take a look in the truck, seeing that the cup holders and glove compartment were indeed empty of any pill bottles which meant that Rick had them.

She passed the news onto Hershel who nodded and said another, "be careful" earning him a nod from her before she set out to get the firewood. She realized quickly that it strained her arm a lot to do that and was wincing when she brought it all back to camp, making Lori frown at her.

"You okay?" she wondered, looking around Amaleen to check her arm. There was no redness so she didn't rip her stitches.

Amaleen nodded and dropped it all to the ground, reaching up to rub it gently. "I'm okay, it just felt like it was tearing, but I don't think it did." She sighed. "I guess I can't do that anymore."

"I'll do it," Carol said as she stood up from where she was starting to build a fire ring with stones found to make a pit. "Can you guys finish up here and get the fire started?"

"You got it," Amaleen said with a smile. Carol headed off while Amaleen and Lori leaned down to finish up Carol's work. Once the stones were all set up, they started stacking the firewood that Amaleen had managed to get into a pyramid shape so it would be easier. Lori went to grab the gas to help start the flames while Amaleen looked through the food and grabbed out a can of beans and some of the canned meat to make a stew.

The flames were soon licking the bottom of the pot and Carol was just coming back with more wood to add to the fire later after it has died down. Lori and Amaleen took turns cooking and finally there was a nice pot of stew for everyone to eat. Since the teams weren't back yet, they made sure to save enough for them while they dished out some to those that were still there. Carol took a bowl to Daryl because they all knew that if she didn't, then he wouldn't eat.

Carl sat between Lori and Amaleen as they ate, the boy still wearing her jacket which made her remember what she had grabbed on the highway. She jumped up causing everyone to look at her and she smiled easily, showing her there was no cause for alarm, and jogged over to the truck. The bag that she had shoved items into had been thrown back there after Hershel had started work on her arm. Ruffling through the bag, she pulled out the cans to put with the other food, but also pulled out the coats she had found.

Sitting back around the fire, she set the one for T-Dog next to her, but the one for Carl she turned to him and held up. "What'dya think, kiddo?" His eyes went wide and he immediately stood up and handed Lori his bowl and shucked off Amaleen's jacket, grabbing the one she held up and put on the one she found. It fit him perfectly and he zipped it up, sitting back down to eat.

Amaleen smiled at him wistfully, if not a bit sadly. Alex would be around his age now, about ten years old. Carl had to be between ten and twelve and she knew they would have fun playing together. But all that Amaleen had left was a crinkled picture and the memories in her heart, both of which she would die to keep. Still, Carl reminded her some of Alex, acting older than he really was, wanting to do everything the grownups were doing, and the woman gravitated towards him.

Looking away before anybody really noticed, she blinked away her tears even as a couple managed to slip through and fall down her cheeks. She scrubbed them away and glanced at the truck where Daryl was looking right back at her, an unreadable expression on his face. She couldn't manage any other emotion on her face rather than exhaustion and she slowly looked away from him, finally smiling and telling Carl how glad she was he liked it.

"It fits perfectly, too," Lori said, grinning happily at the other brunette.

"I have one for T-Dog as well," she said, holding it up. "It's too big for Glenn, but too short for any of the other guys." Lori and Carol nodded in agreement.

The teams came back about ten minutes later and Amaleen took it upon herself to dish them out some food and give T-Dog his jacket, enjoying the look of happy surprise on his face. As she did so, Hershel got the antibiotics from Rick and a bottle of water so Amaleen could take one. He checked her arm one more time before they started to all wander towards where the sleeping bags were beneath the tarp, not laid out yet, just sitting. It took a bit of maneuvering, but finally everything was all laid out so they weren't on top of each other, but they still all had a spot under the tarp. Amaleen still didn't have one, so she used the blanket Maggie let her use the night before and laid that out with her bag once again as a pillow and her coat as her cover.

"We need to find you somethin' more," Beth said as she laid down in her sleeping bag next to Amaleen's little set up. "It's gettin' colder, you'll catch somethin' if we don't."

Amaleen smiled and sat down, her legs pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. It would be hard to sleep with her arm and her mind so riled up from both the herd they very narrowly escaped and the walker that almost got her that afternoon. She wanted to go on watch, but Hershel forbid her from doing that, so at least she wouldn't have to worry about waking up for that if she eventually fell asleep.

"I'll be okay," she said. "I was in New York for a decade, this is nothing." Beth giggled softly and Amaleen looked up as Daryl hunkered down on the top of the truck again, apparently just taking first shift anyway.

Amaleen turned slightly from Beth and slowly pulled the picture out of her pocket. She put it down on the blanket and let her fingers run over his face. I love you, Alex, she thought, smiling thoughtfully.

"Who's the boy?"

The voice startled her and she looked up to see Lori standing there. Amaleen panicked for a moment, snatching the picture up and holding it close to her. Lori's eyes widened just for a moment and then Amaleen stood up. Taking Lori's arm, she nodded her to the other side of camp. She waved away Rick who saw them leave as there was nothing for him to worry about. He looked unsure, but nodded and sat back down next to Carl.

Standing for a moment with her back to Lori, she finally turned around. Lori didn't know about her and Daryl and that would come up eventually, so why not now. She saw Alex. Taking a deep breath, it all spilled out. Starting with Daryl and their relationship, which was a major shock to the other woman to begin with because Daryl definitely didn't seem like the relationship type. But then it went onto her leaving with Alex in her belly, giving birth, finding out his illness, keeping him as healthy as she could and working like a dog to pay his hospital bills, and finally with his death at five years old.

Lori looked so stunned she didn't speak for nearly five minutes. Amaleen stood there awkwardly, looking down at her boots, and she almost backed away before Lori's arms shot out and she was pulled into an embrace. Eyes wide, she stood still for a moment before her arms wrapped around the other woman as well, clutching her thin shirt. She wasn't expecting that reaction. Disgust for leaving him brokenhearted, for not telling him about his son. But that wasn't what she heard, she just heard soft sniffles in her ear and with a jolt she realized Lori was crying.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a soft gasp, Amaleen's fingers coming up to soothe down the woman's back.

"I'm fine," she said with a sniffle, pulling back then and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, honey, especially alone. And nobody deserves to have their baby die before them." Amaleen looked down then again, tears pressing at her own eyes and Lori picked her chin up. "I believe you should tell him eventually, he does deserve to know, but I won't push you. Though, I don't have much room to talk, it took me a couple weeks to tell Rick about this baby." Amaleen smiled gently.

"I'm sure you had a good reason," she whispered.

Lori nodded. "I...I'm not sure if the baby is his." Amaleen's eyes widened in shock and Lori gave her a desperate look in hopes the other brunette didn't walk away from her. "I thought he was dead. Before this happened, he was a cop. He got shot and was in a coma. His best friend at the time, Shane, he thought Rick was dead. I thought I was a widow, I was grieving, and I took comfort in him. But then Rick came back and I was so angry at Shane, and I really wanted my marriage, my life back. And then the baby..." She sniffed and trailed off.

"I'm sure you had a good reason," Amaleen repeated again, more firmly this time, but her voice still soft. She hugged Lori again and they both sniffed out their tears before pulling away. Amaleen reached for her picture and she pulled it out, letting Lori take it to look. "He would be about ten-years-old now. He and Carl would've gotten along great. Carl reminds me a lot of him. Alex—that was his name, Alexander Daryl Dixon—lived so much in his five years even though he had been sick since he was born. So wise and full of knowledge, like I didn't even know how he knew it. And he was never bitter about his condition, even the day he died, that was all me. I was bitter about a lot of things for a long time before I realized that's not what he would've wanted. I could hear his voice, 'Momma, don't be sad, we'll see each other again' and so I let go of bitterness."

Lori laughed softly as she took one more sniffle. "That does sound like Carl. He takes on so much even though he's only a kid. Carol had a daughter, Sophia. She passed away while we were at Hershel's farm, and he took it upon himself to find her."

Amaleen was surprised to hear that and glanced over to Carol in sympathy before looking back to Lori. "Thank you for listening," she said softly. It felt so good to finally tell someone. She barely said Alex's name to anyone in the past five years, only when she was speaking to his picture. It was like a weight off her chest, even though there was still some there because she knew she still should tell Daryl, it did feel a little better. He did deserve to know even though she thought it was better if he didn't. She hurt him so much, and this would be worse than anything she's ever done to him before. But Lori was right, he deserves to know.

Giving each other one last hug, the women wiped away their tears and walked over to where the rest were sleeping. Rick and Daryl both eyed them as they did so, but the flash of a smile had the men shrugging and letting it go. Lori went over to where Rick and Carl were, Carl already sleeping. Amaleen had a spot over by Beth and Hershel and laid down in her makeshift bed, sighing softly and made sure not to lay on her bad arm. She took another glance at Alex before pushing the picture into her pocket and pulling her jacket closer. Sleep came easy to her that night surprisingly enough, thankful that Lori let her get it all out.