A/N: Thank you to RainDropSoup and StoryPainter at Project Team Beta. How they remember all those silly rules is beyond me, but much appreciated.
Chapter 7: Control
Sam's POV:
"Well, what I was thinking was … I would have the ramp come off the side and a landing halfway down the incline to make the turn toward the front. Then, just have a concrete pad at the bottom that merges with the walk. With the landing off to the side, I can make it less steep."
We were standing in Charlie's yard under the yellow glow of his front porch light. Charlie had his arms crossed on his chest and his lips pursed as he thought about my suggestion. It was only seven o'clock, but it had already gotten dark a while ago. The sun had been setting earlier every day, and the temperature was dropping steadily with winter setting in. Mid-November was too late in the year to be starting a project like this, but I didn't have any other options for getting near Bella, so I was going to roll with it.
"You would use cinder block and concrete for the ramp?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Unless you want to invest in some kind of synthetic decking material. That's your best option if you want it to look nice, but it's pricey. I definitely wouldn't use traditional lumber, though — not in this climate. You wouldn't get a year out of it."
"Can you work me up an estimate with the synthetic decking?" Charlie asked. "I want it to look decent. Maybe, get some nice railing, too."
"Sure. I'll head over to Port Angeles tomorrow — get some prices on materials."
"Good. You do that," he said, nodding.
There was a long silent pause as Charlie stared at his front porch. I could see by his posture and the way his eyes darted back and forth that he had something he needed to get off his chest. So, I knew it was coming when he finally said, "Listen, I know you're a good kid. Billy and Harry go on and on about how you've become a leader among the youth down at La Push. That's why I haven't given it a second thought about you being here alone with my Bella." Then, he turned to face me, his expression deadly serious. "You gonna make me regret that?" Charlie slowly looked me over and then settled his gaze squarely in mine. I could see the police chief in him, sizing me up, making his own judgments about my character and intentions.
"No, sir. I won't" I didn't look away. I knew a man's integrity was written in his eyes, and it was important to me that he saw mine. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to start on your storm windows," I said, breaking the stand off. "Have a good night."
It was time for me to leave. I didn't want to do or say anything else tonight that might aggravate the chief.
"Night," Charlie replied. Then, he sighed heavily and headed inside.
I walked over to my truck that was parked across the street, thanking Christ that Charlie had let me leave with my balls still attached.
Charlie had told Bella he'd be working late, so I hadn't been listening for his car like I should have been. But even being caught unaware, I should have noticed him sooner. It wasn't until I heard him slam the cruiser door that I realized he was home.
How did I not hear Charlie's car pull up? I asked myself as I was driving away from their house. That fucker's loud.
Of course, I knew the answer. I had Bella wriggling in my arms, rubbing her little body all over my dick — that was what happened.
Charlie had made it clear he noticed something was up between Bella and I —"up" being the operative word. A boner like the one I was sporting just doesn't disappear on command. I think I managed to hide it from the chief, but if he did overlook my not so little problem, there was no hiding Bella's appearance. My dick was getting hard again just picturing her. When I left, her hair was a nest of tangles from my hands, her lips were red and swollen from my kisses, her neck and cheeks pink from my stubble, and, most obviously, her shirt was buttoned crooked — she was a beautiful fucking mess.
Suddenly, I was feeling more than a simple desire to protect or help her through a rough patch. I was thinking about the things I wanted to do with her and to her — very intimate things. Before, she always seemed small, weak and needy, like a child. I would never have thought of doing the things I now wanted to do. But the whole ride home, I kept replaying the way her soft skin felt in my hands — like silk, and the taste of her mouth — sweet, like candy. I could practically feel the smooth strands of her hair when I pulled it free from its binding and let it slip through my fingers — like feathers tickling across my skin. The thoughts I was having were definitely the thoughts a man had for a woman.
"Fuck!" I pounded my fist on the dashboard of my truck, leaving a dent.
I was frustrated with myself, with her, with this whole cluster-fuck of a situation. It was all spiraling out of my control. The evening had started out with me calling the shots. I had a firm grip on how things were proceeding; then she asked me to kiss her, and it all went to shit. Not to say that I didn't enjoy myself — I am a guy after all — but I hated that nothing was my decision to make anymore. I couldn't even control my own urges where she was concerned. Once I was kissing her, and she was making those soft moaning sounds … How was I supposed to deal with that shit, anyway?
By the time I got home, my mind was so wrapped up in confusion over Bella that I didn't notice Jared was sitting on my steps until I pulled up in front of my house.
"Where you been, man?" he asked as I got out of my truck. "I don't have all night. Kim's waiting for me."
That was just what I needed after what happened tonight — Jared throwing his perfect little imprint in my face.
"None of your fucking business. That's where."
"Whoa, dude," he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "Touchy, touchy. I just wanted to let you know things were all clear during patrols today."
"Good. Tell Paul he has first patrol before school."
"Yeah, yeah." He replied like he already knew what I was going to say. Then, he headed into the woods without even looking back.
I deserved his indifference. I had been a grumpy motherfucker in general since I imprinted, and I hadn't exactly been supportive of him and Kim. He imprinted on her shortly after I imprinted on Bella, but it was different for him. He was happy about it. Kim was his age, and they went to school together. Although, she did seem like an odd choice for him. She was tall and skinny and awkward, with big, nerdy glasses and braces. She was smart, too — the typical geek girl. Jared, on the other hand, was the class clown — popular, laid back, and fun to be around. He had never even given her a second glance until they were paired up in class for an assignment and then — Bam! I was beginning to think that imprinting was a big joke, pairing us with exactly the opposite of what we would choose for ourselves.
Anyway, Jared was all into Kim now, and that was fine with me because it made it easier for me to keep my imprint problem private. I avoided being in wolf form with the pack if I could, and when I couldn't, I could count on Jared to constantly inundate us with images and thoughts about Kim. With that lovesick shit going on, they wouldn't have noticed even if I had slipped and thought about Bella.
Still, it was getting harder to hide my imprint from them, but I knew I had to. They wouldn't understand. When they thought about Bella, they were disgusted. To them, she was "vampire girl." She had offered herself up on a silver platter to that Cullen leech and let him do whatever he wanted to her.
Up until that moment, I tried to avoid thinking about Bella and that bloodsucker being together. But with what happened between Bella and I earlier, and the way I was starting to think about her … just the thought of him touching her at all made me so insanely angry I couldn't hold back — I phased instantly right there in front of my house, shredding another perfectly good set of clothes. I took off into the woods, needing to run. I kept picturing Bella with Edward Cullen's cold, pale hands on her, doing the things that I had been doing to her not an hour before.
Did she let him? I wondered. Did she let him fuck her like she had been going to let me? Of course she did — they were together for months. She would have let me fuck her tonight if we hadn't been interrupted — and she barely knows me.
"Aaaaaooooooooooo!" The wolf in me let out an agonized howl. Picturing her with him cut me like a dagger to the heart, but I told myself that it wasn't because she was my imprint.
I would feel this protective of anyone one of those vampires laid a hand on. Didn't she realize how easily he could have hurt her?
With that simple turn of thought, all my anger dissolved and was replaced with my ever-present desire to know she was safe. I tried to fight it, but I still ended up perched outside Bella's window. I needed to be near her, and, in the end, seeing her sleeping form and hearing the beat of her heart was what finally allowed me to think rationally.
She needs me — I've made my peace with that. And I can't help that I feel less anxious when I'm near her, too. But I have to put an end to anything more than casual touching. That's a line I shouldn't have crossed. I can't lose control like that again.
I sat outside Bella's window the rest of the night, waiting for her nightmare to come. But, for the first time since I began my nightly watch, she didn't wake up that morning screaming. The only thing I heard from her until her alarm went off was a few mumblings about "trees" and something about a "watcher."
Huh. Ironic.
I didn't want to admit it, but there could only be one explanation for her restful night. There had been only one change in her routine, and that had been our little make-out session. It didn't matter, though. I had made my decision — nothing sexual could ever happen between Bella and me again.
No. I might not have any choice about being a wolf, but I won't let this imprint business dictate my actions.
I'm in control.
I call the shots.
The next day I made good on my commitment to Charlie and went to Port Angeles to price out materials at the lumberyard before I headed over to Bella's. When I got there, I headed straight around back to Charlie's shed to retrieve his ladder. I had screens to remove and storm windows to put up today, and I wanted to get that done before I had to confront Bella. I was going to let her know that if she needed me, I was there, but this thing between us was going to stay platonic. End of discussion.
I went into the shed and was backing out with the ladder in my hands, trying not to bang it on any of the crap Charlie had piled up inside, when I heard Bella's soft voice behind me.
"Hi," she said timidly. I turned to look over my shoulder at her, not quite having cleared all the obstacles in my path. "Do you need any help?"
"Uh." I couldn't come up with anything to say I was so stunned by her appearance. I had to do a doubletake. She was clean and rested. The dark circles under her eyes were still there but better, and she had obviously put some effort into her grooming today. Her hair was pulled away from her face, and she had put big curls in the ends of it.
"Um, no. I've got it," I managed to say, but I really didn't have anything because I couldn't take my eyes off her. I ended up hitting my head on the doorway and swinging the ladder into a stack of old paint cans, sending them clattering to the ground. "Shit," I mumbled as I tried to get the ladder back under control.
Then I heard Bella giggle behind me, and I froze. I'd never heard her do that before, and it shocked me. I leaned the ladder up against the shed and turned my attention back to her.
"Are you sure you don't want any help?" She was trying to stifle her laughter behind her hand but was failing miserably.
"Don't be a smart ass," I replied, a scowl on my face. She had me completely flustered with her bouncy curls and those sweet giggles. This was not what I expected to find waiting for me today, and my go-to reaction to anything unexpected was to get pissed.
She didn't pay me any mind, though, smiling as she moved forward into the shed to help pick up all the cans. "Here let me get these," she said.
"No, I'll get them." I rushed into the small space right behind her, knowing that Bella and a shed full of sharp tools and clutter was a bad idea.
"I got it," she insisted, and we both ended up in the small shed, reaching for the same paint can and bumping our heads together in the process.
"Ow!" She stumbled away from me while holding her hand across her forehead. Once again, my quick reflexes were put to use as I grabbed a hold of her before she could fall backwards over the push mower and really hurt herself.
"Are you all right?" I steadied her with one hand around her upper arm and used my other to brush aside the hand she was still holding against her forehead. "Let me see."
"I'll be all right," she mumbled. "But that's one hard head you've got there."
When she was steady on her feet, I put both my palms on her cheeks and guided her head from side to side, looking at the red mark on her forehead. Then, I lightly skimmed my fingertips over it, feeling for any bumps. It wasn't swelling, and the redness was fading. She was all right, and she was lucky because I did have a supernaturally hard head.
"You'll live," I confirmed. "But I think from now on you should just watch and not help. I don't want you to suffer any permanent damage."
I looked down from her forehead and into her eyes to find them staring dreamily into mine. I didn't realize how close I had brought my face to hers until I felt the soft whisper of her breath across my lips. She was right there with her luscious mouth and soft skin, and I was getting lost in her chocolate eyes.
I wanted to talk to her and tell her that last night had been a misunderstanding, that I had made a mistake in letting it happen, but before I could form a coherent thought, we were attached. Our lips were smashing into each other's, and her arms were flung around my neck as I pulled her against me. I wrapped my arms tight around her, trying to press her small body into mine, but she was too short. I didn't hesitate in dropping my hands down around the backs of her thighs and picking her up. She didn't protest. Instead, she wove her fingers into my hair and locked her legs around my waist.
Holy shit! So fucking good!
The way she tasted, the way she smelled, the way she pressed her soft, little tits into my chest … I couldn't help myself. I cupped her ass cheeks in the palms of my hands and ground my dick against her sweet spot.
"Mmmm," she moaned into my mouth, and I thought I would come at the sound of it.
I brought one of my hands across her lower back to keep her pressed against me while I used the other to support her head as I deepened the kiss. I was desperate to be closer to her. I wanted to kiss her and touch her and fuck her and … Shit!
Something in me snapped, and I realized what I was doing. I was letting her lure me in again. I fisted her hair in my hand, holding her still as I wrenched my lips away from hers to look at her.
"What are you doing to me?" I demanded.
She could barely open her eyes to look at me she was so far gone. She was drunk with lust, and my imprint-fueled instinct was to push her further into oblivion, but I didn't want that. I didn't want to be weak. I didn't want to be at her mercy.
Does she think she can just come along and make me do whatever she wants — that she can make me give in so easily? All this time, I've worked to earn the respect of the council and the pack. I've given up everything I've ever wanted, been responsible and carried the burden of my people on my back — and for what? To watch the Elders smirk and snicker when I asked for their help getting to Bella, like they expected it? To have to worry about how Jared and Paul will laugh behind my back because of who Bella's been with? To be brought to my knees by a tiny woman? — I don't think so.
"Answer me, damn it!" I seethed. "What kind of game are you playing with me?"
Her eyes flew open wide and darted back and forth between mine. She was coming to understand the situation for what it was, and she looked terrified … of me.
The fear in her eyes brought me back from the verge of phasing. I hadn't realized it until then, but I was trembling with rage, a dangerous thing to let happen with Bella in my arms.
"I … I need you," she said with a breathy gasp. Then, I watched as her spirit crumbled once again and tears welled up in her eyes. "I … don't know why, but I just do."
With her words of despair, all of my fury evaporated.
Oh, God! I could have hurt her.
I clutched her to me protectively and guided her head to my shoulder, hushing her as I kissed her temple.
"It's all right," I told her, reassuring us both as I brushed her hair away from her face. "I'm sorry."
"Don't go," she pleaded, clinging to me.
"I'm right here, doll face." I hugged her tightly as she sniffled into my neck. "I'm not going anywhere."
I knew then that I had acted foolishly, risking her safety and taking my anger about the imprint out on her. The girl in my arms was not to blame for my present situation. She didn't ask for this any more than I did, and to know that I could have hurt her … Inexcusable.
Bella lifted her head and looked at me with a flicker of hope in her eyes. "You won't leave?"
"No," I told her. "As long as you need me, I'm here." Then, I leaned down and kissed her. Just small, soft pecks at first, simply wanting to assure her that I was there to stay and wouldn't hurt her. She responded, and the pecks turned into long languid strokes as our lips melded together — slow and easy. When I felt the tension leave her body, I pulled away and waited for her eyes to find mine.
"Just promise me one thing?"
She nodded, waiting.
"We keep this between us. No one else knows."
Bella's brows knit together in confusion.
"If your father found out …"
Understanding played across her face.
"I won't tell," she promised.
"Good. It'll be our little secret."
I kissed her again for a long time, doing a thorough job of it before I put her down and sent her inside so I could do my work.
I knew eventually the pack would find out about my imprint, and someday, I would have to tell Bella something about what this was between us. But, as the weight of the inevitable finally settled down around me, I decided that if this was going to happen between us, whether I wanted it to or not, then it was going to happen on my terms.
I was in control.
