Chapter 7 – Try It

The exhilaration of battle was ending and the closer she got to the main base the more dread sunk in her stomach. It didn't help that Finn and Poe, no longer distracted by shooting, were seated in the living quarters eyeing off the three remaining knights they had picked up on the way. Their opinions would be shared with the groups they were about to meet with and she could not blame them.

They landed at the edge of the camp; as far out as she could manage without being completely separate. Her apprehension doubled as she sensed his narcissism glancing over to Ben with worried eyes. His expression indicated that this was her decision but if a fight broke out he would not hold back. Rey resolved that she would do everything in her power to prevent that.

Poe, Finn, Rose, and BB-8 were the first to leave; the crowd that had come out to greet them cheering for all the hits the Falcon had made that helped in winning the battle. But Rey could hear those cheers dying down no doubt at the stony expressions on the faces of her comrades who wanted to refuse her request. She helped Chewbacca, letting him lean on her as he made his way outside to see an experienced medic. He squeezed her shoulder in reassurance as she handed him over to be taken in and treated. Lando was looking between Finn and Poe before glancing back to Rey.

"What happened?" He asked noting that all heads were accounted for causing alarm as to why they'd be so solemn. Rey took a breath before glancing to the bay doors gesturing for Ben to come out. She could almost hear his silent question if she was sure about this but there was no turning back now. He let his knights hang behind as he stepped out. The shock lasted only long enough for the first man to point his rifle at the Jedi Killer and Rey was certain if she hadn't stepped in front of him someone would have fired though she could feel Kylo casting out his mind ready to use the force to halt any onslaught.

"It's fine. He's with us. He fought with us." She declared not ignorant to the look of disbelief and the derisive growls echoing through the crowd. Some of these men and women had personally suffered at Ren's hands; lost loved ones, lost homes. They had every reason to despise him and his knights but she had to try. It was futile before she even spoke up again, disarmed when she felt Ben step beside her. He spared a glance to the people but focused his gaze on her.

"It's not fine. I will always be Kylo Ren. There's nothing I can do to redeem myself to any of these people." He told her his voice velvet and soft and yet somehow it hurt so much to hear him speak. She was terrified of what might come next and she couldn't lose him.

"But you're helping us." She tried to reason not wanting to have this argument in front of so many others because it was so hard to keep herself from crying. She didn't want him to be alone anymore. I'm not.

"I'm helping you." He reminded her. Her eyes followed his as they traced the shape of her face almost forgetting the world around her.

"Poe, Finn. Your thoughts?" Lando interrupted bringing Rey back to reality as she looked over the people who believed in her with pleading eyes, silently begging them to believe in Ben Solo too. It was what their General had wanted, they had to know that.

"Personally I think he and his knights should be in a cell." Poe spoke up with a lot of resentment in his voice. Although she understood why, Rey shot him an angry look that held even when his eyes flicked to her abashedly. She didn't get a chance to rise to Ben's defence.

"Try it." Kylo's voice came out as a low threatening rumble, emphasised by his presence bearing down on everyone around them. She fumbled to keep up trying to rein him in thinking that intimidating them with the force wasn't going to help the situation. He looked back to her silently telling Rey to stop. "I won't fight for the Resistance. I won't fight for these people. I couldn't care less if they live or die, succeed or fail." He declared making sure that his voice was heard as he cast one last look across the crowd in warning. "They paint me as a monster because I am. But I'm not the only one in this war. The Resistance has suffered losses, so has the First Order. There a murderers on all sides. But I'm not here to fight for any part of this conflict. I'm here for you. I will stay only for you. The Resistance, the First Order, I don't want any of it. I fight to protect you." He concluded not waiting for a response. Despite his blatant honesty not including his remaining knights they followed him as he retired inside the Falcon leaving the others to argue over what they wanted to do with them.

A small party insisted on sitting outside the ship ready to shoot if anything happened while the others split up to their duties. Rey joined the crowd following Lando who kept up the discussion on what was next. They argued. She tried hard to reason with them, to let them understand that even if they still resented him, something they had every right to, now he was there fighting to help them. But it went in circles and before long the burden of her responsibilities left her weary. She tried to rationalise; bringing up Darth Vader's change of heart as confirmation that with the right motivations fallen Jedi could fix their mistakes. Not everyone in the cramped room believed the version of events that had been explained to the galaxy following the reveal of the Skywalker legacy. Many still held conviction that Luke had defeated both Vader and the Emperor that day.

It was Finn who saw her fatigue. He interrupted saying they could continue the argument but make no decision without her. But for now she needed rest. They all needed rest. He called for a recess to recuperate after the long battle, reconvening before sunset as he understood the tension in the air would not hold until morning. Rey appreciated it more than she could put into words and she tried to convey that in her expression as she left.

Without even thinking about it her feet led her back to the Falcon. She slowed at the sound of harsh whispers. Jun and the other knights were concerned they'd made the wrong choice in following Kylo. He'd taken them from one danger to the next and changed his mind with a shift in the wind. One of them hated that he was motivated solely by 'some girl'.

"She's the answer the Force has given to him. You saw her on the battlefield. We've had years of training and yet none of us could do that." Jun spoke up again reminding them there was substance to Kylo's decision.

Deciding she didn't want to know what conclusion they came to Rey turned the other way letting the thread that bound them lead her to Ben. He was in the med bay kneeling in front of a small panel he had removed. Behind it was a box of treasures that had survived their hiding place. Somehow he'd closed off his remorse. It was there but he'd built a wall around it that made it feel hollow. She wondered if he felt it and was just sparing her the agony of sharing in his pain.

"I think he knew it was here…" He murmured to acknowledge her presence as he placed the lid back on before returning the chest to its hidden home. When he stood once the panel was back in place he looked to one of his hands. She could almost see it; the link connecting them and mirrored the action looking at her own hand. "Snoke claimed he made this bond through the Force to manipulate us but that's wrong." He stated with conviction turning to lock his gaze on her. His dark eyes were intense as he watched her. It made Rey feel uncomfortable. Like he could see everything. Her first instinct was to defensively attack but instead she shuffled in place staring at the ground hoping he'd look away.

"If it wasn't Snoke, where did it come from?" He asked taking a slow step towards her. "When did it start? Was it that sensation in the interrogation room? Or long before?" He continued, each question another step closing the distance between them. "Why is it still here? Why can't we control it?" She held her breath looking up at Ben as he towered above her. He was so close she could smell him. His musk made her head swim and it was hard to think, to put words together. She licked her lips mentally shaking herself to try and get some form of focus. She realised in that moment that she had to acknowledge a truth. She cared deeply for Ben Solo and Kylo Ren.

She wished things were different, by all the stars she wished things were different. But it wasn't. There was no future with the Resistance for Ben. There was a chance, a fraction of a chance so small she didn't know how to achieve it, but there was a chance that some would forgive him. If he put all he was worth into helping defeat the First Order there was a chance that maybe he could live somewhere safe and happy away from those who would never pardon his crimes. He wouldn't be redeemed, not truly, but he would be safe and at peace. But that future was hard to find, hard to reach and she realised that the burden of fighting for that was becoming too much for her to carry. Things hadn't mattered this much when she was Rey from nowhere. She crumbled under that weight tears slipping past her defences.

"I can't save us. I can't save you." She affirmed; the torment in her voice as she tried not to weep. She felt comfort reach out from him and almost instinctually his arms extended, hands on her shoulders in reassurance as he leant his forehead on hers in spite of the fact he had to hunch to do it.

"I don't need to be saved." He informed her though they both knew that wasn't true. But he wanted to reassure her that as broken as he was, he could carry on; she didn't have to fix him for things to be fine. He forced a smile before pulling her into a hug. She had never felt more at home with his chin resting on the top of her head and her face buried in his chest. She returned the embrace and for the first time they became aware that they were touching, really touching. This wasn't some force link letting them physically affect each other from across the galaxy, this was solid and real. She pulled back, fidgeting under this knowledge as her hands roamed his muscles. He flinched under her caressing fingers, hands dropping to her waist as subconsciously he pulled her closer. Not for the first time his eyes went to her lips, her gaze mirroring as she observed his. He wanted to play it cool but he was nervous. Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure even without their bond sharing their sensations he would feel it. She leant forward first, tilting her head upward. It was all the invitation he needed to close the distance. The taste was sweet, the energy coursing through her unlike anything she could recall in that dizzying moment. Like an open floodgate the kiss deepened, Rey hooking her arms around his neck as Ben lifted her from the ground letting him stand straight again while her legs wrapped around his waist.

He was nervous but he was attempting to portray a confident front or as much of one as he could allow considering she had some sense of the emotions that ran through his head. He hoped she was as drunk as he on the sensation and not really aware of any shared thoughts. He didn't realise how much he had wanted this until now and in this bare moment it had all felt worth it.

I guess it's a good thing neither of you are Jedis because you've definitely thrown the code out the airlock. An irritating tone cut in and Kylo growled his annoyance hoping if he kept his eyes shut it would just turn out to be a voice in his head. Rey was not so determined to keep going, pulling back in surprise though he did not permit her to drop down as she tried to move away.

"Is there a point where you're going to stop tormenting me even from beyond the grave?" Ren asked finally opening his eyes and shooting mental daggers at his uncle. He eventually let Rey slide down who made an attempt to brush herself off and pretend she was decent. Kylo just chewed his lip as he tilted his head toward her, watching her movements from the corner of his eyes calling up the sensation of her pressed against him. That is until she lightly kicked him in the shin with a blush burning on her cheeks. She had sensed his thoughts.

"If we're all that's left of the Jedi legacy we can make a new order. Train new force wielders, change the code." Rey suggested with an expression that stated her unspoken request. She was looking to Luke for advice.

"Ben's right. He can't be out in the open at the end of all this. No one will trust him. People will be ordering his execution the second the war's over." Luke counselled eyeing Kylo apologetically. He buried whatever emotion this incited with anger, trying to seethe hatred for his uncle but Rey's presence held him back and perhaps even he had burnt out his rage at the universe. "Then again, fallen Jedi have a bad habit of going into self-imposed exile on abandoned, forgotten planets. Maybe they can call for his head but they'd have to find him first." The force ghost continued strolling around the room as if he were physically there and inspecting it.

"I'm not living on a hermit island on the arse end of space." Ren warned glancing to Rey as she took his hand. She was trying desperately to keep him from snapping back at any suggestions just because it was Luke making them.

"I didn't say you had to be completely isolated. There are some discreet places that are pretty much family heirlooms you could disappear to. You always wanted your rightful legacy of royalty. It's almost the same." Luke proposed ignoring his nephew's outbursts. "There might even be people to work with you to ensure it stays that way if you help restore and keep peace in the galaxy. It's what the Jedi were meant to be. Peacekeepers. You're not Jedi but you could become something new. Something not bound by the principals of an outdated religion. The Sith corrupted the force with the dark side. Twisting it. Changing it. But you two…you use those darker aspects together with the light. You can restore balance and without the limitations of that code perhaps the dark side will lose the majority of its allure to those in training." He concluded leaving the pair with much to think on. He stopped his wandering, turning to face them. His gaze was approving when it rested on Rey knowing that he had learnt more from her than she had from him. She would lead whatever the Jedi became in a better direction; he could believe that.

Then his eyes moved to Ben; so many things he wanted to say. So much he wished he could undo. If he could impart anything on him it would be the understanding of the events of that night so long ago from a new perspective. One where he no longer struggled to sleep at night.

"Take care kid." He offered before his visage faded from view. Kylo hid under bitterness but his mind unbidden called up memories. Of his parents, of Chewbacca, and of his uncle. Exciting visits, training, gifts. Late nights of talking and stories. For a moment he thought he would fall into despair as a terrible loneliness rose up to meet him but a warm hand squeezed his tightly and he looked down to the girl at his shoulder. She should have been uncertain, weary, and afraid of what the future held for them. But her mouth parted in a reassuring smile that took his breath away.

"Come on. We have one last battle to win. Let's remind the others that you're helping because I asked you to." She spoke up leading him out of the room. His admiration burned in his chest in a sensation he had no label for but was delighted to feel her reciprocate, if only coyly, when he cast it out through their bond.

"Before we head into the wolves den, I think I should properly introduce you." Kylo interrupted her determination to resolve their current dilemma. He didn't let go of her hand as he lead her away from the ship exit into the open living quarters.

Where his knights had stood hunched in a conspicuous circle of discussion they now stood straight and to attention like the well trained soldiers that they were. There was an incline of Ren's head that indicated acknowledgement to the one mask Rey had a name for.

"Your loyalty is…appreciated." He advised in an almost cautious tone. It was as if the sentiment of gratitude was unnatural for him and he couldn't recall how to convey it. Jun bowed in response. Rey had sense of loyalty from the knight who headed the three that remained. As she surveyed them Ren gestured to her.

"This is Rey." He introduced. Again the words and actions seemed unusual to him. He pressed his mouth into a thin line, running his tongue along his teeth as if he could almost taste his own discomfort but he was determined to do what he had to just the same. A small movement of his hand requested more than ordered, that his knights remove their helmets. Jun was the first to respond.

From beneath the mask emerged a freckled face with dusty brown hair that was messy naturally even before the influence of a helmet. His mouth seemed to push outward as if pressed by teeth too big for it creating an awkward line to match a large nose that had been broken at least once. Hazel eyes appraised Rey as if assessing her.

"Rey, this is Jun." Kylo introduced glancing between them before looking up as another of his knights stepped forward. "And that's Keiko." He continued. When this helmet was removed a young girl was hidden beneath. Red locks tumbled out complimenting narrow green eyes and pale skin with a small mouth that was welcoming in its smile.

"When all this is over, can you show me how you made your glaive?" She requested in a friendly manner. There was something about it that felt forced but not in a deceptive way. There was a desire to trust this woman that had captured their leader's attention so successfully. Rey could sense a great deal of respect and faith in the trio for the descendant of a famous bloodline.

"And finally Nobu." Ren concluded regaining her attention. The last mask was removed to reveal a dark skinned man with half his head shaved short, the remaining curls long in their side swept style. A short beard framed his jaw line, broken by large lips that were set in suspicion. But the expression broke into a small smile. He trusted Kylo too. These three that were left would follow him wherever he went.

"What's next our illustrious leader?" Jun questioned almost as if he were teasing. Before Kylo's knights would never dare, confident in his temper to never cross it. But for some reason now they felt free to. What about his actions for Rey had changed their opinion of him and to what? He couldn't dwell on these questions, he didn't get a chance.

"We fight. We end this war. We find a way to live in the world that follows. A world where all of you can live even when the galaxy is calling for your heads." Rey answered once again awing him with her fierceness. This strength of hers earned admiration not just from him but from his knights who quickly understood what Ren saw in her. They nodded to him in approval as the pair departed, determined to get past the talks that were delaying their next actions.

He thought that his own savage irritation would meet him as their welcoming party to the summit was held by men and women training rifles on him. Ren wondered if their ace pilot refrained from joining in only because he recalled a time where he had discovered the futility of such an action against the Jedi Killer. But there was no anger from Kylo, just disinterest. He questioned if the peace was coming from her.

"I understand that many of you can not forgive him. Years of blood and carnage can't be undone easily if at all. But he is here to help us." She spoke up not giving them a chance to hurl accusations and demands. He refrained from biting in that he was there for her, not them. She knew it but she was trying to persuade her allies to let him do exactly that.

"You'll have to forgive us if we don't trust him Rey." Lando spoke up, the words heavy. It stung though Ben would not let that show. They weren't related by blood but he had on more than one occasion been another uncle who cheered him on and had taught him a mischievous streak to Han's irritation. But he saw something in Calrissian's eyes. Something painfully familiar in an old man asking someone important to him to come home.

"Please trust me. The Force has shown me this is how we win. Ben can provide us important intel. It will help us end this war." She pleaded a request for patience. The serenity of her tone seemed to be swaying some but others still held to caution and hostility. Lando nodded in acknowledgement, requesting this intelligence be shared. The force wielders exchanged a tense glance, one hinting at conviction the other defeat. He ignored the click of rifles as he approached their holo display manoeuvring it with ease as he brought up the location of the remainder of the First Order legions.

"This is where they're waiting. By now reports of defeat and my defection would have arrived. The plan was to come in with a second assault for any surprises but that would have changed. General Lucius will be back amongst them. If he can keep counsel with Hux they'll withdraw from this location soon. If not, Hux will want to start another assault." He explained knowing full well that once the news made it to Armitage he would be furious. Claude meanwhile would be a lot more calculative. He was the bigger threat. But there was another yet past all of this.

"How do we know he's telling the truth? How would he even know this?" One Resistance member chimed in, this man seething a particular viciousness. Ren mulled over it with his senses. He'd lost a son to the knights. Guilt struck him like a knife but he didn't dwell on it.

"Because I gave the order myself." He replied calmly not backing down from any of those who wanted to refuse his aid. The Resistance members began to bicker not ignorant to his presence as they almost craved he hear their words of hatred. As they argued he withdrew staring at the map of the galaxy before him. Chartered planets and regions, names, colonies. The known world. But at its edges was unexplored space. Dangerous, unchartered. The home of a threat long forgotten for their petty war. The origins of his former master.

She felt his mind wandering away from the present issue. It distracted her as she tried to chime in with reasons to trust his information. She didn't understand the emotion flowing through him and bleeding into her. Apprehension perhaps? It was a sensation that made the years of fighting both during the cold war and after, feel small and menial.

"What is it?" She asked unable to keep her curiosity at bay. As she tried to pry into his mind images swam up before her. Of Snoke and of the creatures that had attended him. Kylo met her gaze with earnest conviction. She could feel the importance of this information.

"The First Order is a remnant of the threat of the Empire. But there a things more dangerous out there than warring factions." He explained. The words were for her but maybe it was the timbre of his voice that silenced the room capturing everyone's attention as all eyes fell on him again. "Snoke came from the unknown regions. He single-handedly wiped out the majority of the leaders of the First Order and left Hux in charge as a pawn. He spent years moulding me as another." He continued and Rey could see the direction of this train of thought. There had never been a concept to her of beyond the war aside from how to keep Ben safe. It had taken over her life, replacing her daily grind of waiting. What came next? Again, the only question of that she had had recently was how to keep him away from the rest of the galaxy.

"So what, Snoke's dead. It doesn't matter." Finn spoke up irritated at what he thought might be a distraction from the current debate, the murmurs of the crowd suggesting agreement. She bolstered her attempts to send patience to soothe Kylo but found she didn't need to. His irritation had run out it seemed or it had tempered.

"His attendants are alive. They returned to deep space where the First Order began. A location we couldn't hope to find let alone navigate to search for it." He returned holding Finn's gaze. "The flagship has that data. When the war is over an effort can be made to remove any future threats if you send in a special unit to retrieve it." He concluded the glare in his expression softening.

"You just want to get our best soldiers on that ship." The man from earlier accused. But she was surprised that as angry jeers cried out in agreement so too did voices raise in defence. Some people saw the reason in his observation and despite who it came from, acknowledged that it was important information to factor in.

"I suppose even if we make a vote and concede it's too dangerous you're going to go for it anyway?" Lando spoke up with a hint of his usual humour in his voice and a good measure of a familiar fondness as well as he eyed the force wielders. Rey bowed her head in admittance. She hadn't come here planning to suggest this course of action, it hadn't even crossed her mind but she could sense that it had been plaguing Kylo's for a long time now. "Well, if we're going to sneak onto their biggest ship we better organise some explosives as well while you're there." He concluded overruling any objections stating that the matter of Ben's trial could be resolved after the battle had ended. He may have had the worst war crimes against his name but he wasn't the first soldier to ever defect. They'd make use of him while they could.


((A/N: First up, massive apologies for the long delay in posting this. I decided I needed to heavily review and revise which unfortunately with a very busy last week meant I didn't get time to. But now we're here with some updates to chapters 5 & 6 as well. I'm also uncertain if I should have split this chapter. Initially it turned out very long and I was going to leave it as is but ended up splitting it. So now it's two short chapters and I feel 8 may fall flat because of it. I guess we'll see.

So, I realised I massively messed up on the number of Knights of Ren last chapter when I unawares got very loose and vague with their numbers and (though I guess it's not confirmed so I could add more) there's only six. So some tweaks for that as well. Whoo. Sorry all. I will try to be a better writer and revise more before I post stuff. (^▽^;) Speaking of; describing the knights is one of those things that made me feel really guilty about how much I've glossed over the other characters throughout the story because we know what they look like from the movies. I still have a note on my original document telling me to go through and write descriptions for everyone. Maybe one day when I stop being horribly lazy.

Mystic 777: It was five at the time of your review but as you see, was revised to three. Apologies again and thank you for helping me realise how badly I'd done with the guys. WhatIsThis'Sleep'YouSpeakOf: Thank you very, very much for your feedback. It really helped me in my review process to tweak and add where I realised I was lacking for it. I've now made it much clearer that Rey and Ben fired at each other at the same time because I did get very vague. I'm now really tempted to do another fic establishing Ben and the knights before all this. Isamu would definitely be one of the ones as dark as Kylo. I can't put into words how giddily happy it makes me to hear that someone would enjoy reading this story if it went on indefinitely. Sadly, it will come to an end but I always leave things open for potential sequels. (〃 ̄▽ ̄〃ゞ Also glad you loved Fulgor. TFA and TLJ have had some really beautiful and remarkable places, I wanted to keep up that tradition. And yes, she totally deserves it! pagan-seijou: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I probably neglect the other characters too much for the silver screen. (〃 ̄▽ ̄〃ゞ Shestoolazytologin: Thank you. Hope you are still enjoying. n_n Treblemkr: Thank you!

Long note is long once more. But this time I think it's a necessary evil considering how much I needed to fix. I should hopefully be fine to post the rest without delays now. Should I have split the chapter? I guess we'll see. Hope you're all still enjoying! Constructive criticism is cherished and feedback is appreciated!))