Playlist: I Just Called to Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder

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It was a whim. You'd been feeling off lately. Your body ached, more so than when you were PMSing. It was around that time of the month. You still hadn't gotten anything yet, and the cramps were non-existent. Maybe you were just a day or two late, that happened sometimes. You pulled your shoulders back, the soreness of your chest echoing through your torso. That's what had you standing here in the Family Planning aisle. That feeling exactly. It wasn't normal.

You stared at the rows upon rows of pregnancy tests. Did women actually know which one to take? Was it common knowledge knowing which one was the best? You sighed and rubbed your eyes. You were probably overreacting. You grabbed the pink one off the shelf. It wasn't the cheapest one, but it was a brand you remembered from commercials. You stopped by the snack stand and picked up a bar of your favourite chocolate. You figured that after all the stress you'd put yourself through, a little indulgence was ok. You dropped the chocolate and test down on the counter. The woman at the checkout rang them through and gave you the total.

You held up your bank card, "Debit."

She nodded and pressed the button. You inserted the card into the machine, went through the motions of inputting your password and checking the account type.

"Would you like a bag?" The woman asked as you waited for the transaction to clear.

You shook your head, "No thank you."

She handed you the two items and the receipt. You dropped them down into your purse. You exited the drug store and stood on the street corner for a minute. You couldn't do this alone. You needed some guidance. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and texted Tara.

Can I call you? You pressed send and began walking home.

The sun was shining. It was early evening and you'd just finished work. You recounted the last few times you and Kozik had been intimate. You ran your fingers through your hair, you guys weren't the best at being 'safe'. About a month ago you'd gotten back from a trip back home – visiting family. The both of you were excited to be back near one another. There was the quickie in the bedroom after work one day. You hadn't even managed to get undressed. You attacked him, pinning him on the bed and demanded his attention. Then there were the two times in the shower. You ambushed him first. He was taking too long and you needed to be somewhere. That led to you both showering together, amoung other things. Your phone rang in your hand and Tara's caller ID showed up.

You smiled, "Hey girl."

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" She cut right to the chase.

You stopped in your tracks. You hadn't even voiced your concerns to anyone yet. This was the first time you'd even seriously given this thought. You thought about lying, just to spite her but you two knew each other so well that it wasn't a surprise that she'd picked up on your worries early on.

"I bought a test." You explained.

She squealed into the phone and you had to pull it away while she freaked out. You laughed at her reaction. Your nerves settling the tiniest bit. She already had Abel and Thomas. She knew exactly what to expect. You unlocked your front door and bee lined it for the couch.

"Ok." She settled hearing as you entered your house, "Take the test right now."

You shook your head, "Isn't it better to take it in the morning? I swear I heard that somewhere before."

"Psh if you're pregnant it doesn't matter what time of day you take the test." She explained.

You rolled your eyes, of course she knew best, she was a doctor after all.

"How am I supposed to pee on a stick and hold the phone at the same time?" You joked.

You heard a door shut on her end, "Put the phone down, pee on the stick and come back."

You groaned. What if you really were pregnant? You were happy but scared at the same time. This wasn't something you've ever had to deal with.

"Alright." You said.

You placed the phone down on the table and pulled the test out of your purse. You went into the bathroom, ripped the box open, ignored the instructions and made sure that the bristles were in place. You frowned, this was almost as awkward as peeing in a cup. A shiver ran down your spine as you felt weird about the whole thing. Tara was willingly waiting for you to pee on a stick. Why was being a woman so strange sometimes? You set the test on the corner of the sink, finished your business and pulled up your pants. You pushed the cap over the bristled part of the test and then washed your hands. You grabbed the instructions and test as you went back to the living room. You glanced at the clock. It was only 5:30 in the evening. Kozik wouldn't be home for another few hours.

You picked up the phone, "It's done."

"Yay!" Tara laughed. "Have you thought about how you're going to tell Koz?"

You shrugged, "No. I don't even know if this is real yet. I could just be overreacting."

"Y/N, you wouldn't have called me if you thought this was a false alarm." She stated.

You groaned, "Ugh."

Why was she always right? She laughed again. She distracted you with mindless prattle while you waited the three minutes for the test to finish. You left it sitting on the coffee table, upside down because you still didn't know if you were prepared for the outcome.

"Three minutes." Tara announced.

You took a deep breath and gingerly picked up the test. You flipped it over and creased your eyebrows in confusion.

"Uh – it has one solid line and one really faint one." You told her.

You pulled out the instructions pamphlet and began scanning through. It mentioned that two solid lines meant pregnant but it made no mention of a solid first line and faint second one. Were all the tests this finicky?

"That's exactly what it looked like when I was pregnant with Thomas." She advised.

You shook your head, "This doesn't make any sense. The booklet distinctly says that you have to have two solid lines. Not one solid and one barely there."

She chuckled at your denial, "Y/N you're pregnant."

"That's not what the booklet says!" You fought back.

"You're pregnant." Tara said again.

You paused and then all the excitement of being pregnant caught up with you. Tears formed at your eyes.

"I'm pregnant." You whispered. "I'M PREGNANT!" You screamed. "Ohmygod. Ohmygod! How am I going to tell Kozik?"

"Do something cute, like put the test in a pan and put the pan in the oven." Tara offered, "Symbolically tell him you have a 'bun in the oven.'"

You burst into laughter, "Isn't that sort of stuff reserved for people planning on these things? This wasn't exactly on our list of to-dos."

You both broke into giggles. This was absurd and exhilarating all at once. You never expected to ever be a parent. It wasn't something you thought you had in you. Now that you were pregnant, and with Kozik, you'd never felt more ready. The two of you could do this. You'd been together so long that this wasn't going to be a problem. It was just another wrung on the ladder you continued to climb together.

You took a deep breath and then blew it out through tight lips, "He's not going to be home until after 9. I can't wait that long."

"Mull it over. Figure out how you want to tell him. He loves you, remember that." She gave me a minor pep talk, "Oh, and guys handle these things differently. Don't forget that."

You nodded, "Alright. Thanks Tara."

"No problem. You have to call me and tell me how he reacts." She demanded.

I laughed at her, "I will."

"Alright girl, I've got to go. I've been paged five times now." She spoke swiftly and then hung up.

You dropped your phone down onto the coffee table and turned the TV on. You had no idea how you were going to tell Koz. This was definitely not something either of you had talked about in a long time. There was a conversation years ago about hypothetical kids and names, but that was just a bunch of 'ifs'. Now those 'ifs' were becoming 'whens'.


~(xXx)~


He'd been home for at least an hour now. The two of you were just sitting on the couch, watching TV. You couldn't concentrate on the show because there was so much going on in your mind. Your face was hot and a blush was covering your entire body. You had no idea why but you felt embarrassed. You hadn't even said or done anything yet. The tension in your body was building and you were starting to freak out. What if he had a horrible reaction? You never did talk about this. It wasn't in the plans. Shit! You needed to get out of your head. You couldn't start making things up. He didn't even know yet. You tucked your feet underneath you and cradled the throw cushion into your stomach. You felt safer, almost like you were hiding your secret.

"Baby…" You murmured.

He glanced over at you, "Yeah."

"We need to talk." You said, immediately regretting your choice of words.

Now he probably thought you were breaking up with him. How did other people do this? This was the hardest conversation you'd ever had to have in your life. He raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to speak. You opened your mouth but stopped. You didn't know what to say. Your heart was thudding in your chest and the adrenaline soared through your body.

With a deep breath and your blush deepening you muttered, "I'm pregnant."

He stared at you, completely silent. There was no change in his features, he just stared. He turned back to the TV, grabbing the remote and rubbing his thumb on the buttons. You stared at his profile, unsure of what was happening. You heart rate slowed and you felt like everything was under water.

"You should probably see a doctor." He finally uttered.

You blinked. What? That's it? Was no reaction a good reaction? You sat on the corner of the couch staring off into space. You couldn't say that you were disappointed because honestly you had no idea what to expect. This wasn't the kind of news that anyone prepared you for. You shook your head and stood up.

As you walked away you mumbled, "I'm going to bed."

You changed out of your day clothes, pulling on one of his old t-shirts and climbed into bed. You curled onto your side and began to cry. You weren't sad per se, just overwhelmed. You'd been so excited after finding out that you figured that he'd be too. You realized that not everyone reacted the same to everything. He was his own person. You needed to give him a chance to come to terms with the news himself.


You tried desperately to go to sleep but a few hours later found you still lying in bed with your eyes wide open. You'd done nothing but think about his non-reaction. Was he happy? Was he mad? Was he going to leave you? You heard as the TV in the living room switched off and heard his soft footsteps making their way to the bedroom. Without turning the lights on, he undressed and slid into the bed next to you. You turned over, notifying him that you were still awake. He dipped his hand under your neck, embracing you and pulling you close to him. He stayed quiet, pressing a kiss to your forehead. That was a good sign. You unwrapped your arms and cuddled into his chest.

"We're going to need a bigger house." He murmured into your hair.

You laughed, "Yes. That's a given."

He squeezed you closer and kissed your forehead.

"Shit!" He exclaimed and you pulled back, "We're going to need to buy a crib, and save money. What about daycare?"

You smiled. There it was. The new dad panic.

You snuggled in closer, pulling him down to your face, "We still have another nine months before this baby comes. We have enough time to plan everything out."

"I love you, Y/N." He spoke. He reminded you every day but today it meant more to you than it ever did.

You kissed him in response. You were strong together. This wasn't going to be easy, but you had each other to lean on.