Chapter Seven

A/N: Well I managed to get onto the internet again so, another chapter! (Don't get used to it; I don't know how often I'll actually be able to get on). I'm not sure about this chapter. I wrote it at like 3:30 this morning after no sleep so, yeah. Anyways I get to go into Ryan's POV so I'm happy. I'll shut up now.

~Rose


"When you love someone but it goes to waste"

Ryan:

The precinct felt too empty. Without Beckett and the cap there is just wasn't right. Beckett's desk was still covered with her things, awaiting her return; but the Captain's office was empty, reminding me that he was never coming back. I knew Jenny was worried about me—I had been more distant lately—but I just needed time.

"Yo Ryan, I'm going to check those security videos for the Simon case. You good with the paperwork?" my partner asked me.

"Yeah," I responded turning back to the huge stack of it on my desk.

Not long after Esposito left Martha Rodgers entered the precinct with a worried look.

"Martha? Is everything okay?" I asked her.

"I honestly can't tell you," the red head responded, "I don't know myself."

"What's going on?"

"I don't really know. Richard is gone and he asked me to give this to you."

"What? Castle is gone?"

"I don't know much about it Detective Ryan," she said shrugging sadly, "maybe the letter will explain it."

"Thank you Martha."

She smiled at me sadly and held up another letter, "I guess I better go give this to Kate."

"Beckett's gonna be pissed."

"Kiddo that is an understatement."

I chuckled softly. It definitely was an understatement.

As soon as Martha left I ripped open the letter.

Kevin and Javier,

Kate is never going to forgive me for this; but I had to leave. Montgomery left me files saying who hired Coonan and Lockwood. I can't tell you who it is at the moment. I know withholding information on a crime is against the law, but you guys have to trust me. Montgomery also left me a letter stating that I can't tell Kate who it is because she will just get herself killed over it. I can't let that happen. He also told me not to tell you two until I have enough evidence against him that you guys can arrest him. I fully trust you but you know Beckett will find some way to pull the information out of you guys then she'll go after him. I can't apologize enough for what I am doing but it's the only way I can protect her. Please don't mention this letter to her. Tell her nothing. Protect her from herself.

Castle

What the hell was Castle up to? Yeah, Beckett was definitely going to be pissed.

"Yo Esposito," I called out when I found him five minutes later, "I have something for you to read, and your not gonna like it."


TWO MONTHS LATER

Beckett:

I don't know how many times I had read that letter since he left. It was threatening to rip at the creases where I had folded it, unfolded it, and folded it back up again. I don't know why I kept rereading it; I knew all the words by heart now. Those words still haunted me.

Kate,

I am so sorry that I have to do this. I have to get away. You deserve to know everything, yet I can't tell you anything. I don't know when I'll be back but I promise one day I will come back. I don't know what else I can say Kate. As my mother one said to me, "For a writer I can never find the right words when it counts". I hope you and Josh are happy. Please watch over Alexis and my mother for me. I regret a lot Kate, but I will never regret meeting you; you're one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Until we next meet,

Rick.

Although he didn't say the words in the letter (he barely said anything in the letter) I knew why he had left. He thought he was "protecting" me by leaving. I was a cop; I didn't need him to protect me.

Even though I tried not to be, I had been moody ever since he left (although I'm sure the fact that I had been shot just three days before that didn't help either). Ryan and Esposito hadn't been that much better though. We had a new captain now, Elizabeth Grayson, so we tried not to mention any of the events that had happened two months ago at work. The precinct would never be the same without Montgomery and Castle, and we were going to have to get used to that fact.

Castle claimed he would be coming back but I wasn't so sure. It hurt that he had left again, and I didn't know if I would forgive him this time if he did come back like I did last time when he left with Gina.

I sadly looked over to my bookshelf and saw my collection of Castle's books. I was going to have to move them; I don't think I could handle looking at them every day. I had only been back in my own apartment for about a week. I had been staying with my father before that because Dr. Ramsey didn't want me to stay by myself while I recovered. I still hadn't fully recovered yet but I was getting there. The pain in my chest wasn't as strong anymore, nor was it as frequent. I had been cleared for going back to work but I was on desk duty until further notice. They certainly wen't letting me anywhere remotely close to my mother's case. I itched to get back to field work, just to get my mind off Castle.

There was a knock at my door and I couldn't help secretly hoping it would be Castle. Opening it I saw the face of my best friend staring back at me.

"Hey girl," Lanie said holding out a box of cupcakes, "I think we deserve these."

"I think you're right."

"So how are you really?" she asked me. I pretended to be fine at work but Lanie clearly saw through that.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"No you're not. You're still pissed at him."

She was right; I was pissed at him, but I was more pissed at myself for letting him hurt me. "He's gone Lanie. I don't really care."

"Like hell you don't! Come on girl, I know you better than that. You're pissed that he broke your heart again."

"Lanie I don't care about Castle anymore. It's done."

"Katherine Beckett, you can stop lying to me right now. You were in love with him, and you're certainly not over it."

"Yes Lanie, I was in love with him. I feel like it was all wasted; I was ready to admit to him that I love him. You know how big of a step that is for me. I was finally ready to make the jump and what did he do? He left! Okay Lanie, sure I loved him, I still do, but he left; nothing is going to happen between us."

I angrily sat down on my couch and Lanie came over to sit next to me. "You know, if he shows his face again I'm gonna hit him," she said seriously.

"Thanks Lanie," I said smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Do you want me to stay tonight?" she asked. It would be fun to have a girl's night but I knew she probably had already had plans with Esposito, and I didn't want to impose on them. I also didn't want anyone to feel like they had to take care of me; I was perfectly fine on my own.

"No that's okay," I told her, "now let's eat those cupcakes."


A/N: So the next chapter is going to be about Beckett's mom's case, but i still have no idea who I'm going to make "the dragon". If anyone has any ideas for me private message me (and I'll go to an internet cafe to check) and I'll take your ideas into consideration.

~Rose