Sorry for the wait and sorry for the length! I'll try to make the next one longer please read and review! xx
It's nearing midnight when Emma finally officially wakes up.
Yes, she's pretty sure she was briefly conscious several times earlier throughout the day. She recalls laying on the ice with her head sending forth bursts of unbearable pain for a few moments before the darkness again. She recalls laying on a gurney and being wheeled into an emergency room. She recalls someone- her mom, she's pretty sure- crying and asking the doctors if she'd be fine.
But all those instances had been flashes. Now, the room is dark though there's light from the hall seeping in, and Emma finally opens her eyes, groaning very softly as everything slides in and out of focus. Had she not been lying down, she's certain she would have fallen over because the ceiling spins above her. She blinks to try to clear her thoughts and her eyesight, but when she opens her eyes, the unpleasant sensation of lost direction is still there. Plus, she's also now aware that her head is pulsing with a ringing pain and she just lets out a tiny sigh.
As an athlete, she's been knocked in the head plenty of times, but she's certain it's never been this serious and it's never hurt this much. Still, the rational part of her argues, she can't be that injured now, or she wouldn't have woken up in those brief pockets of consciousness she has memory of.
Speaking of memory. She blinks again and quickly learns that moving her head isn't much of an option and moving her eyes is a huge pain, but her curiosity wins over and she takes a look. It's a hospital room. The clock reads 11:56. She only assumes it's night because even with a knocked head, she's not completely stupid. With that thought, she smirks mirthlessly at herself and thinks of how many would disagree with that, given circumstances.
She spots her dad sitting on a very uncomfortable-looking chair, his head resting against the wall. He's asleep and it must be his night off-duty. Emma blinks again, deciding to keep her eyes closed for now because even though she's tired of sleeping, keeping her eyes open hurts too much and she's not one for masochism. In a rush of a sudden urgency, however, she finds herself desperately searching for her last memory before darkness.
It's odd, but something struck her as she's thought of her aversion to causing herself unnecessary pain. And it's unnerving too, because with years of living in the system, she's grown to be alert from the moment she awakens. Comforting security is not a thing she's been able to have, even after Ingrid fostered her and her parents found her, so she wonders why now, of all the times, she'd woken without immediate panic.
With the searching bringing up results, Emma puts that to rest as she suddenly realizes that waking up without immediate thought had been a sore mistake, because there is never security. And she remembers, clearly as though she was living it now, Regina's startling rage from earlier.
Emma remembers, in horror, watching Regina zip across the rink at frightening, yet entrancing speeds. She remembers feeling a pit of longing desire in her stomach at the darkness in Regina revealing itself and coming to the surface, making itself visible to Emma. And she remembers that tiny dress, those lithe legs covered only in black tights which Emma could have ripped off with ease had she attempted to.
But beyond the physical captivation, Emma remembers something truly sinister. Regina's looks had not been all. What was truly enticing and troubling was the emotion clearly evident. Emma's eyes squeeze shut tightly as she remembers the flashing, heated eyes which were so uncharacteristic, given that they were of a usual kind, closed off nature. And she recalls that being the turning point, the point at which she'd realized that Regina was not herself, not her usual kind, soft-spoken self, and that at the speed with which she was skating, she'd get hurt. Emma recalls her own compassionate nature and- she has to admit it, her curiosity and her captivation by the stunning brunette- which lead her to make a flash decision of going into the rink- knowing full well that she can't skate to save her life- in a futile attempt to reach Regina and stop her.
She remembers vividly as she waved her arms around because she had no balance and nearly falling. She remembers (thankfully, she has a crystal-clear grasp on the memories she cares about) her own feeling of dread.
It's as if she's back in the moment. Emma surrounds herself with the memory and she can feel her emotions again. She's on the ice and she makes the mistake of looking up from her own wildly skidding feet as she hears the crisp sound of a sharpened blade cutting across the frozen ground. Emma sees as Regina slides into view in front of her, and she captures the shock slowly becoming evident on Regina's face. Emma feels her own stunned self tensing for impact, but it's not enough, because Regina's unable to stop herself at the speed with which she's moving at and in a moment, Emma feels the impact and she's thrown back against the wall of the rink, where everything bursts in colors in front of her eyes and then her memory stops abruptly.
Emma immediately is hit with the force of present day and though she feels like shit, her eyes snap open and she's struggling to sit up, causing her head to feel like it's going to explode with pain. But she needs to find out what happened to Regina and laying in bed isn't going to help her. Her struggling causes her to squeak from pain in an unEmma-like manner, enough to alert her dad, who jolts and is at her side in a moment.
"Emma? Oh, Emma, thank goodness you're awake. The doctors said you'd be fine, but I never trust them."
Emma grimaces as she eases back down, remembering. Her dad had apparently been in a coma years ago, before her parents found her again. So she understands why he'd be tense about it.
"I'm fine, dad. I really am. Do you know- do you know where Regina is?"
There's a pause in which it's obvious that her dad's trying to follow and get on her page. When he finally speaks, he sounds confused.
"Regina?"
"Yeah, she was the one who- you know what? Never mind. Where's my phone?"
Her dad is clearly lost, but he reaches over to her nightstand and slowly hands her cell over. Emma takes it, turns it on and swears under her breath from the intensity of the screen, immediately turns it all the way down, and looks at her notifications. There are texts from Elsa, Anna, and all her friends all asking if she's okay, but there's nothing from Regina. And that's both offensive and concerning to Emma, who wants to go and find her, despite the fact that it's midnight.
"Emma, what's going on? Do you want me to get the docto-?"
"No," Emma interrupts forcefully, wishing she could shake her head. "I just need to find out what happened to Regina."
"Why?" her dad presses, and there's a hint of suspicion and unease in his tone now. Emma wishes she could just relax, but she can't, not knowing if Regina is doing something stupid because of her. She remembers her words from earlier and her threat.
"Because she... geez, I don't know! She's just upset, I think. She's the one who..."
"I'm well aware of who Regina Mills is, Emma," dad says in the same, uneasy tone.
"Oh. Then what were you asking me?" Emma asks, now confused and tired. The conversation is getting nowhere when she should be off trying to get her questions answered, instead of just getting more and more questions.
"I was asking why you were so fixated on her. She called the hospital, said you two accidentally crashed while ice skating. She's in the waiting room right now, actually."
"What?" Emma stammers, alarmed, her heart now hammering in her chest as she feels her palms tickle with the hunt of cold sweat and her head is a fucking pain dump. "Dad, please, I need to talk to her. Alone. I promise I'm fine. I just really need to talk to her."
"Emma, it's midnight and you just woke up from a head injury," dad snaps quietly, meaning business. His eyes are narrowed and he's usually so agreeable, but it's his dad instinct kicking in and Emma totally gets it, but it's an emergency and she has no idea how to explain it, because her dad won't understand.
"Dad, I know it's weird," she whispers desperately, moving her hand to squeeze his. "I know that. But this is an emergency. I need to talk to Regina. It'll be quick and then I'll rest and see the doctor and do whatever you want me to. But please, just let me talk to her for a bit."
She knows that David never can resist anything from his little princess, and although she doesn't like using that power and being all sparkly tiara stickers, she uses it now. It's no surprise to her when he finally agrees.
"Alright, Emma. But only for a moment."
Emma releases the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and she waits calmly, though inside she's anything but. Her dad walks out the door and it's about a minute before the door opens once more and in walks Regina, looking as lovely as ever and as calm as usual. Of course, Emma has to remind herself that the outburst had been nearly twelve hours ago and she's been unconscious for most of it, which is why it seems as if it's just happened, but even twelve hours seems to small of a time interval for someone so emotionally shaken to recover to perfect serenity. But even through the external composure, there's something lurking underneath. And maybe it's creeping to the surface, though it's difficult to place.
Regina's in skinny jeans, but Emma's concerned by how even what's clearly a size zero is still baggy on those long legs. There's a pale blue sweater that's also baggy, and simple black combat boots. The hair is pulled back into a french braid and her gorgeous face is untouched by makeup now. Or that's what Emma thinks. She can't know for sure.
Her eyes are forced to linger on Regina's jeans and take even more of a half-assed assessment on Regina's appearance since the dark brown eyes are carefully guarded and completely concealed. It's silent for several moments until Regina finally speaks, and Emma finally is able to look up and look into those captivating eyes.
"You're awake," Regina says in a calm voice, though there's no hint of relief anywhere. That's what frightens Emma. But there's no malice in the words either, which isn't exactly reassuring, but it's better than nothing at all.
"Yeah. Hook always did say I have a thick skull," Emma says softly, unsure if she should try to lighten the mood. It doesn't seem to work, and neither does the tentative smile she'd just given to Regina.
"I'm glad you do. I was afraid you'd not wake," Regina responds, slowly and deliberately. The problem is, Emma's simply unable to read between lines of any given conversation, and Regina's not giving her much to work with anyway, leaving Emma as lost as ever. She tries to hold back the resentfulness, but is unable to. Years of confusion in life, of never knowing whether or not someone was serious and what the true intentions were, left her somewhat cynical and alone in her own island of solidarity.
"Yeah, I can tell," she says with a hint of bitterness. Emma doesn't mean to turn to resent, but she'd expected a little more from the person who'd hurt her in the first place and who she'd tried reaching and couldn't find. Her comment, though, appears to fall on deaf ears because Regina continues to gaze calmly into Emma's face. Emma's face is on the verge of crumpling and she feels her chin trembling, and it's so embarrassing because she hates to show emotion, but it's coming through, and all Regina does is continue to look blankly.
"Emma, I am glad you're awake. Though it doesn't seem like it, I did hope you'd be fine."
Emma's hurt and anger is still there, but that's getting nothing done. She knows she should change tactics, try to accomplish something, but she can't. She's stubborn as hell, and it's a flaw she recognizes, but she's not going to do anything about it.
"Yes, I'm sure you did. After all, you did threaten me and I still don't know why and then you did succeed in hurting me. Listen, I get that it was an accident, but- Christ, couldn't you at least acknowledge it? I'm not even asking for a fucking apology, I'm just asking for you to say something about it."
"The issue underlying that," Regina replies, without missing a beat, "is that it assumes that I fully comprehend today's events. I don't, and therefore, I can't form a presentable conclusion."
"Are you even listening to yourself?" Emma demands, a tear now falling down her cheek. She refuses to let any more fall. "You sound like you're reading out of a fucking textbook. We're not in class. We're not in AP Lit or AP Fucking Linguistics or whatever the hell it is you're taking. We're in real life, and I'm not asking for a lab report quality conclusion, all I'm asking is for anything, goddamn it. You're so closed off."
"But you wouldn't like me if I were open either," Regina whispers. She frantically grabs Emma's hand and Emma flinches at the icy grip, but it's the first sign of any human emotion Regina has shown, and Emma will take whatever she gets. "I'm trying to tell you that I can't open up. Not now. Every time I do, I feel like I'm losing my mind and I fear that I already have. It's terrifying, and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry about what happened, but I'm so mad- so, so mad- and I've only but an inkling of what I'll do should I release it. I did earlier today, and it hurt you. I can't do that again."
"But you were alive, Regina," Emma whispers desperately, pleadingly. She finds herself trying to warm up Regina's icy hand, though maybe it's just Regina's heart that makes her unable to warm up. "And I've gone years without living and without loving. I've got my parents, I've got my friends, and I have love, but it's never complete. Why do you think I'm in so many clubs and sports at school? I need something to take up my time. I need to be occupied or I'll be left alone; a slave to my own mind. That's terrifying. And- fuck it, I'll admit it- I never even noticed you at school. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I never knew you existed. Because at school, the light I know you have is extinguished, but that night that I saw you at the rink, I was entranced in a split second. Because on the ice, you come alive, and it's beautiful to watch. You're beautiful to watch. So Regina, help me, but I need some kind of indication that you're still here with me, because all I'm seeing is an empty shell and I can't stand it."
Her outburst has her exhausted, but she feels a weight taken off her shoulders. Her head's throbbing, and yet, she feels so much better, sinking down on her pillow. It takes her an entire minute to get her breath back and she looks up as patiently and calmly as possible. Regina looks like she's about to crack. It breaks Emma's heart, but she wants Regina to just shatter and let it all out, whatever it is, because clearly Regina is incapable of handling emotional conflicts in a mature way, and Emma feels as if she has to be there to make sure that, like a little kid, Regina doesn't hurt herself or anyone else in the process.
Emma's hope fall apart in a moment though. Because Regina's face shifts back into one of utter and frightening calm and she slowly shakes her head.
"No. I'm sorry, but I can't do that, Emma. You've been so kind to me, but I can't be around you. One day, I'll just snap and who knows just what else might snap...?
"I'll have to go home now. My mother will be expecting me. I have things to do. I want to lay under my apple tree and think. And sleep."
There's a pause. It's brimming with unspoken emotions and they're almost addressed, but then, they're not. Regina straightens up, calmly. There's tears in her eyes too and now they're freely falling, but Regina's completely ignoring them. Emma refuses to let her own tears fall as she accepts the fact that Regina's not going to talk.
"Good night, Regina. I'll see you around, I hope."
"Good night and sweet dreams, Emma."
