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"Rachel, love? Your dad and I are going to the Christmas tree lighting down in the square. You and Sirius want to come? We probably won't be home until late." Alice looked in the kitchen where her daughter and Sirius were washing dishes. The two had volunteered to clean up and let Rachel's parents have a break.

The girl turned around. "No ma'am. You two go on. I think we can find a Christmas movie or something on the telly to watch. I might even make us some hot cocoa." She smiled at Sirius, who gave a wink back, thankfully missed by the elder Bartwell female.

Alice nodded. "Okay, you two be careful. We'll be home by midnight. Don't stay up too late."

"We won't. You and Dad have fun." Rachel raised a soapy hand toward her mother.

After Rachel and Sirius finished the dishes, they made their way to the living room to find a movie. Sitting on the couch after turning the television on, Rachel turned to her guest.

"So, you want that cocoa?"

Sirius sat back on the couch, closed his eyes, and stuck out his flat stomach as far as he possibly could, rubbing it as he talked. "After that dinner? My God, woman! I don't think anything else would fit in there!"

Rachel laughed at Sirius's expression. She hadn't been this happy since…well, since the last time he was here. Looking at him, she shook her head at her feelings. He chose that moment to open his eyes.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"I was just thinking about how happy I am right now," she replied with a smile on her face. "So, what'dya get me for Christmas?"

He reached over a pecked her lips. "I'm happy too. You don't know how much you've gotten under my skin since I started school. James and Lily have ribbed me since I got back from my last visit."

"So, they're attending school with you?"

"Oh, um, yeah. They live off-campus, you know, because they're married, but Lily insisted they get their degrees. She's brilliant…like someone else I know," he finished, grinning at her.

"You charmer. Now, you didn't answer my question." She looked into his eyes innocently.

"Ah, now, you don't want to wait until morning?"

She raised one eyebrow at Sirius. "We have three hours until my parents get home, and you want to wait until morning to give me my Christmas gift?"

"Too true. Okay, I'll be right back." Sirius ran upstairs to his room. While he was gone, Rachel reached under the beautifully decorated Christmas tree to retrieve her own gift. Hearing Sirius lumbering back down the stairs, she put the wrapped present behind her back.

Smiling shyly, Sirius tried to adopt a cocky demeanor. "So, will this gift-giving thing be mutual? I mean, I don't know why I'm giving you something if…" His insecurities, although he was trying hard to hide them by joking, were shining through brightly. Rachel seethed inwardly at his parents for disowning such a wonderful boy for such petty reasons.

"Of course I have something for you. Here, I'll give you yours first." Rachel held out the carefully wrapped gift to Sirius, grinning at the boy-like demeanor when he took the gift from her and just stared at it.

"You really didn't have to get me anything. I was just joking."

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?" He looked into her eyes, pausing his unwrapping.

"Shut up. Unwrap your present." At this, Sirius reached the box hidden by the paper and opened it carefully. Inside laid a beautiful leather-bound book. Sirius took it out with a raised-eyebrow thrown towards Rachel before opening the first page. That same eyebrow shot up with its mate as he read the note written inside:

Sirius,

You have no idea how much I enjoy our phone conversations, Sirius. However, I get the feeling at times that you're in the middle of something important while you're talking to me, and I can't say that I wouldn't love to hear from you much more than I already do, but because I know this isn't logical or fair, I do want you to do me this favor: take this journal and write to me.

Any time you think of something amusing or even something serious you want to tell me but can't at the moment, write it down. Next time we see each other, we'll exchange and read them because I've been keeping one since you left. This doesn't bind you to me in any way; you can go back off to college a free agent; however, should you or I ever find that "special someone," I want the journal back, no matter who that "special someone" may be.

Love,

Rachel

When Sirius looked back up, he was shaking his head. "Gods, Rachel."

After a moment of silence, Rachel gave a small smile. "Now, your turn."

Sirius smiled and handed Rachel a smaller box than she had given to him. She smiled and opened it. Inside was also a book, but this tome had writing already in it.

Rachel smiled as she glanced though it. "Poetry…"

"I really hope you like it. I know a taste for poetry has to be developed…" Sirius looked unsure. That feeling left when Rachel reached over and gave him a chaste kiss on his lips.

"I love it. Now, which one is your favorite?"

"Which what?" Sirius's eyes grew wide.

"Poem, silly."

"Well, I'm more of a sonnet man, myself, but for all intents and purposes tonight, I'll recite one for you that I doubt is in that book. It's by John Ragland and it goes like:

If there's one face I want to see,
so beautiful, so true,
one smile that makes a difference,
to everything I do.

If there's one touch I long to feel,
one voice I long to hear,
whenever I am happy,
or just needing someone near.

If there's one joy, one love,
from which I never want to part,
it's you, my very special love,
my world, my life, my heart.

Rachel smiled. "That's lovely, Sirius. Where'd you learn that?"

"James made me stay in the library a pretty good bit while he was chasing Lily. I grew bored quickly, so I had to find something to bide my time. Poetry caught my attention. Lily's actually the one who found this book. I have something else for you. Close your eyes."

"But…"

"Now." Rachel closed her eyes, and as soon as Sirius called her name, they flew open again. In his hand was a very beautiful yellow tulip. "I, uh, needed help finding the perfect gift for you, and she asked what your favorite color was. Since I didn't truly know," Sirius grinned a bit, "I told her it was yellow."

Rachel blushed when she remembered the conversation they had had about that particular color just a week before. "You didn't tell her why did you?"

"Of course not." Sirius leaned in close enough that Rachel felt his breath on her ear. "But I'm anxious to find out your new favorite color tonight."

Feeling bold, Rachel whispered back, "Why don't you find out yourself?" and pulled back where she could kiss him.


"So…it's a Christmas thing, huh?"

Rachel leaned up on her elbow, looking at Sirius curiously. "Christmas? What do you mean?"

"Your underwear. They're gold, and you were wearing a green dress. Very festive of you, m'lady. Although, as ravishing as you looked in that lovely dress, I had a much better time taking it off of you, love." Sirius grinned as he reached up to kiss Rachel, loving the sound of her moan as his hand traveled south…

Rachel suddenly shot up. "What time is it?!"

Sirius lazily glanced up at the clock beside the bed. "Almost midnight. Wh…Shit!" He jumped up and gathered his clothes, bending down to kiss Rachel once again after putting his pants on. "See you in the morning, love. Happy Christmas!" He opened her door gently, listening for any movement downstairs before sneaking down the hall to his room.

After gathering his toiletries and pajamas, Sirius walked across the hall to the bathroom he supposedly had to himself. Stripping down (again) and stepping under the spray of the shower, the nineteen-year-old leaned his head against the tiled wall. Although he couldn't be happier with what had happened between him and Rachel, he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. How serious did she see their relationship? How serious did he see their relationship?

Sirius finished showering and dressed quickly. Rachel's parents were just coming in as he stepped into his room.

"Sirius! How was your evening?" Christopher reached out a hand to the boy.

He couldn't help but smile, even if he did feel a bit guilty about what he had done with their "innocent" daughter under their own roof. "We had a great time, Mr. Bartwell. Thanks for having me over for the holiday."

Alice shook her head. "It's our pleasure, Sirius. Rachel seems to be happy to have you here, and we enjoy your company. Our home is your home. Make yourself welcome as long as you like. Now you have a good night."

Sirius's smile waned a bit at their hospitality, but he did have one request. "Could I possibly borrow your phone? I was supposed to check in with my friends and let them know I made it, but I neglected to do so. They should be up still, but I don't want to push my luck and worry them more."

Chris waved his hand. "Of course, go ahead! There is an extension in my office downstairs. It's yours as long as you need it."

"Thank you sir. I appreciate it." Sirius walked down to Christopher's office and dialed the Order's phone number. They had put in the phone to keep in touch while Floo systems couldn't be trusted; Dumbledore was working out a way to communicate via patronus, but he hadn't perfected it yet.

On the third ring, James picked up. "Hello?"

"James! I need to talk!"

"Shit, Sirius. Already? I though this girl was different."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

James sighed. "You've slept with her, haven't you?"

"James, it's not like that. Not with her."

"Really now? I pray it's not. Talk to Lily." Sirius heard the phone being handed off between the couple.

"Sirius?"

"Hey, Lily…"

"How are you?"

Sirius rubbed his face. "Well, I was doing pretty well until I talked to James. Now I feel like shit."

Lily laughed. "Now you know what I have to live with every day. Sirius, what did you really want to talk about?"

Finally, someone I can talk to! "Lily, this girl isn't just a quick lay. I think you know that, right?"

"I know, love."

"But I can't commit to her right now. First of all, it's too soon. However, most importantly, it's too dangerous, and there's no way she can protect herself and her family. Voldemort is too powerful to let any muggle get too close." He sighed. "I have to leave tomorrow. I can't stay around this girl."

Lily's sigh echoed his. "Sirius, usually I'd tell you that if you love her, go after her, but right now, you have a point. It is dangerous, and the best place for her at the moment is right where she is. However, don't hurt the girl, and don't just drop her. Remember: you're in school. She won't understand why you've just left. Keep in contact; just don't lead her on. You're both young. If it's meant to be, she'll still be there."

Sirius nodded although Lily couldn't see her. "I know. I'm supposed to be here for brunch tomorrow, then I'll leave. Gods, Lily…"

"I know, Sirius. I know."


Rachel lay in bed, dozing, but not quite asleep. She glanced at the clock. 5:33. Rolling on her back, she sighed. The girl had slept surprisingly well last night considering what had happened before her parents had returned. Although she regretted Sirius not being her first, she was happy that there wouldn't be any mess to explain to her mother.

A light knock came at her door, surprising her. Who could be here this early? She called for the visitor to come in and wrapped herself in her blanket, smiling when she saw his dark locks peek in.

"Are you sure? How late do your parents usually sleep?"

"Pretty late when they've been out all night. Come here, you." Sirius grinned and jumped in her bed after closing and locking her door quietly. He kissed her neck, leaving a trail all the way up to her mouth.

"I want to talk, but," he smiled at her moan, "but that can wait a bit." He continued kissing her, working his way down until she was begging him for more than his mouth.

Once they were spent, Sirius laid back and wrapped his arms around Rachel. "I'm leaving after brunch."

Rachel sat up, looking at the man who had just given her the best night of her life. "Brunch? Why? I thought you were going to stay a few days!"

"I talked to James last night. He needs me back now. I'll visit again before Easter hols; I promise." He took a deep breath, looking like what he was about to say was enough to cause him literal pain. "Rachel, like you said in your letter, we have no ties to each other. You're wonderful, and I'd be lucky to have someone like you. I'll take that journal, write you every day, but if you know what's good for you, when you get out of school, you'll finish college and find a nice guy who can be there for you, and only you. I'm just not that guy, no matter how much I want to be."

Rachel's black eyes seemed to darken even more than they already were. "You know, I don't have to be one of your whores, Sirius. Stay for brunch; my parents would be hurt if you didn't. However, I won't see you there. Leave my room, please, and don't hope to ever darken my door again."

Sirius hung his head and dressed slowly, not looking at Rachel as he did so. As he reached the door, he said, "Happy Christmas, Rachel."

"Fuck you, Sirius Black."