"That can't be possible," Tom insisted after Harry told him what happened. "I've reunited with all my horcruxes. You know I got back my diary. You were there ."

"I'm not saying you or one of your souls did it," Harry said gently, their roles for once reversed as Tom got increasingly agitated. "I'm just saying someone opened the chamber and only two people know where it is, and they're both taking part in this conversation."

"Unless there's a stray soul bit sticking to someone again, or another legitimate Parselmouth in the school, then there's no other way they could have found and opened the chamber, and gave the exact same warning as the first time, right?" Harry frowned then his eyes squinted at Tom on the mirror, "Voldemort didn't actually knock anyone up this time around, did he? Marvolo Thomas doesn't have a sibling, does he?"

"Voldemort couldn't even get an erection," Tom dryly said. "The rituals did a number on my old body, physically and chemically. In fact, my second body during Life 1, the genitals were-"

"Stop. I regret bringing up Voldemort's sex life already," Harry blankly interrupts. Tom rolled his eyes. "Okay, so if it's not you, your soul fragment, or - oh Merlin - an illegitimate demon spawn, who opened the Chamber?"

The former Dark Lord very seriously ordered, "That's what you have to find out."

"Oh, fuck you."

.

"Now, don't panic," Harry immediately said as the sink in front of them shifted and opened to reveal a hole. "This is completely natural."

Neville, his chosen companion for this particular task, stared at him. "You're a Parselmouth," He faintly squeaked. "And you just opened the Chamber of Secrets, I think?"

Harry beamed at his friend, "Yes! Well, I didn't open it last time , that's what we want to find out, but yeah!" He patted the Gryffindor's shoulder. "I knew you'd keep a level head. This is why I picked you."

"I'm starting to feel the regret that Ron and Malfoy always feel when you do something… Harry-like," Neville sadly murmured before taking a leap of faith and jumping down the slide towards only one of the most legendary places in magical Britain.

The Chamber was as wet and filthy as Harry remembered it to be. There were miscellaneous bones scattered here and there, as was gross muck and slimy green stuff.

"If I die I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life," Neville said, side-eyeing the enormous shed snake skin as they continued on deeper into the chamber.

"We'll be fiiiine," Harry cheerfully assured, but paused. "I think."

"I swear to Lady Hecate, Harry-"

"Did I mention we're meeting a basilisk?"

"The rest of your life and beyond ,"

.

"Are you okay, Neville?" Hermione asked the next morning during breakfast. "You look a little pale."

"Harry," Neville, slowly turning to his housemate with a dull look in his bagged eyes, and it was all Hermione and Ron needed to hear.

"Have some eggs, mate," Ron sympathetically said, trying to be comforting in the one of few ways he knew how.

"Oh, come on," Harry suddenly appeared, making half the Gryffindor table jump in surprise. "It wasn't that bad, was it, Nev?"

Neville mustered a rather vicious glare that made Harry croon in pride. The cub was turning into a lion so fast. "Never again," he hissed.

Harry pouted. "But we haven't solved the mystery yet!" And just as predicted, Hermione and Ron's ears perked up. Neville, seeing the same, twitched.

"Mystery?" Hermione's eyes practically sparkled.

.

"Mystery?" Draco says almost excitedly, when Harry snuck into the Slytherin dorm to pick Draco up that night. "Wait a minute, how did you even-"

"Shh, don't worry about it," Harry smiled. "Now are you in or not?"

"I will murder you if you leave me behind this time,"

Honestly, having Draco as a friend was a wonderful change. He always knew the pureblood had some Gryffindor in him.

.

"This," Harry swept his arms around the bathroom grandly, "is where it all began." Ron, Hermione, and Draco looked around dubiously while Neville sighed in regret of his life choices.

"You're back!" Moaning Myrtle squealed in delight while Harry's friends startled. "And you brought friends over! Oh, there's always enough toilets for you all when you die down there."

"If, darling Myrtle," Harry cheerfully rebutted. " If we die. Come now, be a little positive."

Moaning Myrtle playfully pouted, "But I am!"

Ron and Draco looked properly horrified at Harry's flirting with a ghost, but bless Hermione to look for more important things. "Is this where the Chamber is?"

"Five points to Granger!" Harry approached one of the sinks and tapped it firmly. "You're all bearing witness to a piece of Hogwarts' history." And then proceeded to give his three friends a heart attack by speaking Parseltongue to the sink, revealing the Chamber entrance. Neville sighed deeply for the tenth time that night.

.

"You're going to drive your friends to an early grave," Tom scolded the following evening after Harry reported to finding nothing but a very lonely basilisk down at the Chamber.

"Oh come on, I was careful and all," Harry protested. "I may be slightly unhinged and questionably sadistic, but I wouldn't deliberately lead my friends to danger without taking precautions first. They're just kids."

Tom rolled his eyes. It wasn't like Tom could say anything else without being hypocritical himself. After all, he's been subtly tormenting his entire school since he stepped foot into it. Only a handful of students seemed to be taking everything in stride, among them most notably Krum.

"Anyway, Sasha says no one's come visit her since you." Harry continued, ignoring Tom questionably mouthing 'Sasha?', "So either there's a way to mind-voodoo a basilisk or someone's deliberately fucking with us."

"I might just murder the person if it was the latter," Tom said after a moment.

"Me too, actually."

.

"Now, Harry," Lockhart beamed, "Remember your lines?"

"Oh, I feel so much agony," Harry deadpans, "Please save me from this misery." From behind him, he could hear Terry and Justin not even bothering to smother their snickers anymore.

"Hm, a little more enthusiasm please, as always," Lockhart patted Harry's head and Harry refused to feel murderous, but it was so hard , "You have to work on that! Take it from me, I'm well accustomed to what the fans like, and really, you're very lucky to have me as a mentor, Harry-"

"Please curse me," Harry mouthed to his all too amused Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff classmates as Lockhart continued running his mouth.

Then everything seemed to quiet down and all Harry could hear was the faint hissing of the basilisk through the walls, in the pipes, " Ssssoo hungry …. Masssster… Tell me where to go... "

Suddenly things got more serious.

.

"I heard the basilisk through the walls in Defense," Harry told his friends in a private warded corner of the library, serious for the first time since the year started. "Someone is definitely controlling it."

Ron paled. "But you said she didn't know anything."

"It's always possible to be controlled against your will, and even without any memory of," Draco said darkly. "People can do it to other people, who's to say it's any different against magical creatures?"

"You would know, wouldn't you?" Ron snidely muttered, and Hermione hissed a reprimand before an argument could break out.

"Now is not the time," Hermione scolded, eyeing Harry's unusually grave expression, "This is serious, and we don't need a lecture about light versus dark magic to top it off."

"You introduced us to Sasha though. She scented us, so she should be able to recognize us as allies, right?" Neville asked thoughtfully.

"Having her in someone's control changes things though." Harry said. "It makes her unpredictable. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want a Myrtle to happen again. I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"Myrtle was killed by the basilisk, wasn't she?" Hermione quietly asked and Harry's somber nod was all she needed as an answer. "Right," Hermione straightened. "You're all getting pocket mirrors. None of you are allowed to complain how girly they look, either."

"Check corners, especially at night, but considering I heard her going around in the afternoon, be cautious always anyway." Harry said, "Never travel alone. If you see a hallway that's wet, turn back. Spiders are also afraid of it, so if you see them going a particular way, follow the spiders."

"Follow the spiders?" Ron faintly looked sick at the information being recited, but seemed to be paying attention to all of it and taking it to heart. "Why does it have to be spiders. Why can't it be follow the butterflies?"

"Because we can't have nice things," Draco joked, and Ron actually laughed, albeit a little hysterically.

.

After double checking that it wasn't Ginny being possessed by some malevolent magical artifact again, nor was it some other first year otherwise, Harry found himself in a conundrum. Any way you looked at it- only Harry and Tom (and his soul fragments) could have possibly opened the Chamber. But all the soul fragments had been reunited with Tom for years, and the only reason why Harry could even still speak Parseltongue was because it was a quirk stuck to Harry's own soul as much it was to Tom's, so it always appeared when they were even remotely magical.

The Duelling Club debacle hadn't happened this time around, so he wasn't met with accusations of being the Heir of Slytherin every step he took. Yet. Unfortunately, there were two other people other than his friends that knew about his little trick, and they watched him more like a hawk than ever.

Then one night, Justin Finch-Fletchey and Nearly-Headless Nick were both petrified, and the next morning, Harry wasn't welcome at any of the House tables anymore.

"I swear none of us said a word," said a distraught Hermione, all of them having retreated to the kitchens to eat their lunch after Harry's sudden exile from the student body. Harry thought their loyalty was really admirable.

Ron took a bite of a rather large serving of pudding that a house elf had happily gave him. (And wasn't their existence a shock to Hermione, who if it weren't for the fact that Harry's situation warranted more attention, would've probably given birth to SPEW then and there.) "I'm surprised the snakes didn't snatch you up immediately," he said with his mouth still full.

"Slytherin isn't allowing you mostly due to politics," Draco explained apologetically after giving Ron a look of disgust. "There was a lot of debate of whether or not you would be welcomed but at the moment, the cons outweigh the pros."

"Who leaked the rumor, though?" Neville asked, because it was clear that it wasn't either the four of them.

"Snape," Harry and Draco both said, the Slytherin scowling slightly. "I mentioned it when he and the headmaster dropped my letter off, because I wasn't sure if it was a common thing."

"Well he 'somehow let it slip' to one of the older students," Draco added. "And it spread from there."

"Slytherins are a gossipy bunch," Harry grinned teasingly and Draco rolled his eyes, not disagreeing because he was raised around Slytherins, he knew how they got.

"That's completely unfair and unprofessional!" Hermione was scandalized. "That breaches student privacy and spreads unfounded rumors-"

"Oh Hermione," Harry patted her hand, "Didn't you get the memo? Snape hated my father, ergo, he hates me."

" Completely unfair ," She insisted, and Harry was touched, really. "You could sue for libel if it weren't-"

"True?" Harry's grin never wavered. In fact, it turned slightly sinister. "Don't worry, I got it covered."

His friends all exchanged alarmed looks. ' Oh, Merlin .' They simultaneously thought.

.

Then Hermione got petrified.

Now Harry went from slightly annoyed and worried to downright pissed .