I do not own Zootopia, that belongs to Disney. This a fan work made solely for the sake of amusement.

The Burrows

Chapter Seven: Bachelors- One Night In Tanukitown, Part One

By: Gabriel LaVedier

The train depot at Bunnyburrow was always busy, at any of the four times of day. Matin, Day, Vesper, Night. It made no difference. The Zootopia express hit the node that was Bunnyburrow, was turned around at the massive roundhouse that was the pride of the burrow and went back into service with passenger cars reattached, occasionally stopping as freight trains packed with produce and goods chugged off to the big city.

The departure platform for one of the standard commuter class cars was packed with mammals, women saying goodbye to men, by and large.

"I'll hear if you do anything wrong, you hear me, Kenny?" Sylvia said, with mock-sternness.

"Well sweet jeepers, Sylvia, what am I gonna do? I've gotta come back here and marry you. Doesn't leave time for much else," Kenneth said, kissing his arctic vixen love. Like some of the others he was in what passed for decent clothes in the Bunnyburrow estimation, jeans and a shirt with buttons and medium sleeves. He had added his own touch, a brightly colored bow tie and a tall-crowned felt hat with a reddish-orange band.

"You so much as look at another weasel and I'll rip your ears off, and Pop-Pop will do something worse," Princess sternly said, holding her heated glare before she wrapped Jake up with a hug and kissed his cheek. "You stay with our cousin. He knows Zootopia, and knows how to keep bones unbroken and your head attached to your body."

"Don't worry, I got this. I don't owe nobody money no more, I look good, got some scratch. It's fine," Duke said, seeming reluctant to stop kissing and holding Muffin. He eventually pulled from the puffiness of her embrace and stood there, a step up from the rest of the fellows. Tailored black slacks, a fitted white shirt with sleeves and silver cufflinks, a skinny tie with a silver tie-pin topped with a small diamond, and a nice black vest with a slight sheen from the silken constituents. "Where were we goin' again?"

"Vineland," Jake said, kissing Princess up and down her long neck. "Seemed exotic enough. Deputy Buck suggested it."

"I wanna thank you for inviting me. You didn't have to," Buck said, leaning down to give Hayma kisses along her fangs. He was in his uniform, a better fitting version of the one he had had before. "Never been to Zootopia all that much. Quick visits for Sheriff stuff, being in court for the trial..."

"That's why you're invited," Jake said, pulling away from Princess to join the rest of the guys.

"Oh, Tanukitown. Little bit pricey in some of it but not bad," Duke said. "Never spent much time there. Happytown for me. Savannah Central. Tundratown... not anymore."

"Judy told the story. Just keep you snout clean, cousin," Sylvia said with an ivory grin. "You're better off now. Just stay in fancyland and your new mansion here."

"It ain't gonna stay a mansion. We're gonna have a house with a fence and all that. Gonna be sweet," Duke said, with a happy wiggle of his kinked whiskers.

"You have all the information, yes? Street names, a guide, the phrasebook, my personal phrases?" Hayma asked, continuing to kiss Buck as she queried.

"Don't worry, darling. I have it all. I'm sure this will all go smoothly," Buck said, finally standing up and stepping away from the tiny muntjac.

"Not that I don't trust the deputy, but you have actual police power. Keep everyone in line and together," Judy said to Nick, adjusting his tie. He was back in his old hustler outfit, loud and brash.

"I never spent much time in Tanukitown either. But you've got two natives leading this little gaggle of country folks. Finnick might even be up for joining in," Nick said with his usual slick smile.

"Please don't get my brothers dye-cut, arrested or passed out in their own mess," Judy pleaded.

"Fun and games only, carrots, fun and games. Just out to have a good time," Nick promised.

"Don't rightly know why yer bringin' me..." Gideon said. He hadn't gotten as made up as the rest. He was in his usual fire-resistant black slacks and heavy woolen checked flannel shirt with rolled-up sleeves and the top button open to show off his undershirt.

"Because Judy invited me to the party and I didn't want you to feel left out," Sharla said, casually adjusting Gideon's outfit, getting it all looking just right.

"More the merrier, my blueberry pie buddy," Nick said, slapping Gideon on the back and sliding up to an across-the-shoulders hold, leading him slowly down the platform.

"Be good, Dukey. I trust you to keep everyone safe," Muffin called as the group boarded the train.

"Not, not Nick, or Deputy Roeberts?" Judy asked.

"My sweet weasel has spilled the whole of his soul to me. He has survived a very rough life," Muffin explained. "I've no doubt your Nick has been through very much. Hatred, bigotry, abuse, all because he is a fox. Duke is the same, but as I understand, your charming fox had good influences, and came to his criminality late. My father-in-law is in prison, rightly so. His mother vanished, by her will. Your Nick had love and reformed. My dearest reformed..."

Judy gently reached out to pat Muffin on the arm, slowly nodding her head. "Those two can take care of everything. He can take care of more than his share, but Nick always helps out..."

The group made their way up to a seating area, slightly jostling as the train car was shunted along he track. "Car reattachment in progress. Please take your seats and wait for normal operation to move around. Please have your tickets ready and occupy your seats. Once your ticket has been punched you may move about the train. Thank you for using Zootrak. Our estimated time of arrival at Savannah Central Station is two hours and thirty-five minutes barring unforeseen delays."

"It don't seem so far, but it ain't exactly close," Gideon said, his ticket in his hand and slightly raised.

"Speed makes distance kinda irrelevant," Jake noted, looking out the window to watch them pass through the depot on the way to reconnection.

"You get used to it. Carro- Judy convinced me to get a pass so we can come out more often. I'll probably bring mom on one of these trips. It makes a great way to eat up days off. It's like taking a vacation every Sundas and Frededas but we don't have to pay for a hotel and get free meals," Nick said, casually leaning back on the padded seat, slightly the wrong size for the section.

"One of these days dad'll put you to work. He's not big on loafing," Jack huffed.

"Oh be nice. He's family!" Kenneth chirped. "He's a hard-working tod, putting his life on the line for the nice folks in the city. The least his family can do is give him a place to sleep and a hot meal. I'd say he's earned that."

"Hey, thanks. Never knew I wanted brothers, but now you're my favorite," Nick said, reaching out to give the confused buck a fist-bump. It took manually making a fist and tapping them together but he picked up on it eventually.

"Wish Hayma was coming with me. It's a bachelor outing, I know. But she's from there. She knows more. She gave me a map, a guide book, and some phrases in her language, in case I run into her kind of deer," Buck said, pulling the listed items out of his pockets, looking them over carefully.

"This ain't what a bachelor party's 'sposed ta be," Duke said, looking around at the group. "I ain't about ta complain that my dusty dame's got me, but it's 'sposed ta be a buncha single dudes throwin' money at strippers an' getting drunk."

"We'll hook up with my old gaffle partner Finnick. He's single and plans to stay that way. He can do all the drinking and stripper paying for all of us," Nick said with an easy grin. He pulled out his phone and hit one of his contacts. "Finn, you got a date tonight? My in-laws are having a bachelor party and most of these guys are married or close enough. We need a professional drinker and stripper hound." He put his hand over the phone and rose slightly. "Hey, Duke, your powderpuff gave you some bucks, right?"

"Yeah, she didn't wanna put too much on the guys. She didn't think they had too much to spend," Duke said.

"I'd say that's insulting but we really don't," Jake chuckled.

"Lotta mouths to feed and keep employed. We all get something but not a lot. On the plus side we're big wheels. That's a great thing," Kenneth added, the lilac-point, chocolate-faced bunny beaming with his trademark smile.

"Duke's got some scratch he can turn to ones and you can throw at naked ladies. Yes, it's real money. Come on, you know his girl's got the dough to give him. So you free? Vineland. We're just starting out. Little over two and a half hours. Meet us at the southern entrance? Great! See you!" Nick hung up and waggled the phone at the group. "Someone who can have fun on our behalf."

"It's the brother of the gal at Almondine's," Duke said. "He ain't nearly as snappy. Angry, yeah, but he ain't so snappy."

"Hey, be nice. He's an old friend," Nick chided.

"Anybody else hungry? I probably should have eaten before we left. But I wasn't really thinking," Kenneth said, patting his belly softly.

"I had kind of a light meal myself. I forgot how long it took," Nick said with a shrug. "There's a snack car we can buy something packaged from."

"Any fish? I don't mind saying Hayma got me hooked on fish. The Sheriff never lets me hear the end of it..." Buck said with a shake of his head.

"They stock a decent tuna salad kit. You even assemble it yourself so you can leave out the mayo. Unless you're into that kinda thing, I hear country folk like oleo and mayo sandwiches," Nick chuckled.

Before buck could get out an answer Gideon said, "That's a half-truth. Ain't nothing says we gotta like mayo sammiches. Some jes do. Ain't shame in it. I may not think much-a my family but mama at least kept us fed. If we needed ta eat mayo sammiches, we did."

"Okay, okay, just a joke," Nick said, looking out the window. The depot scenery passed slowly, a shuddering announcing the recoupling of the cars, followed by the yank as the powerful locomotive drew the train out of the station. "We'll grab a late lunch after they take our tickets."

After an elderly deer in a sharp uniform passed through to punch the tickets the whole group rose up and made their way through the train to the snack car. They could faintly hear voices on the lower level, where the snack purchasing areas was located.

"Ay, papi... cielo..." A deeply accented, sweet voice was speaking from the lower level. "Es verdad. La cosa lo dicho. ¡Tres veces! Te lo dije. No es una broma..."

"¡Genial!" A deep voice cried in response. "Eso es maravillosa... ven acá, corazón... dulce, dulce cola..."

When the group made it down the stairs the found the llama counter worker out from behind the counter and hugging an extremely well-muscled and rather tall red fox. The llama was wearing the usual crisp pastel blue of a Zootrak employee, a medium-sleeve blouse and a darker blue vest, blue pencil skirt and a blue boat-shaped hat perched between her ears. The fox was in blue jeans, a white undershirt and an open short-sleeve shirt of tropical motifs and bright colors. Several dye-cut marks were poorly hidden with cheap bleach and off-color dye.

Nick raised a brow as he looked on the scene, confused for a short minute before he snapped his fingers. "Oh! Guys, that's Conchita. She was really great while Judy and I were coming up on the train."

"I remember her. She called me 'sir'," Duke said, with a soft smile. "Who's the tough guy? Looks like a Downtown borderer, we see 'em in the Canyonlands edge, they do a lotta the work in there."

"It's her boyfriend, she told me about him when we came up," Nick said.

The two, who had been focused on each other, finally noticed the group, the llama waving enthusiastically to them. "Officer! Don Comadreja!"

Kenneth clicked his tongue softly and whistled. "Well sweet plenty, that's something. Mr. Manchas uses that title when he talks about big, big folks like Big Daddy Dreyson and dad or your uncle. She thinks you're a real big wheel," he said softly to Duke.

"Someone that should get called sir," Duke said with a proud stretch to his full height.

The fox looked at Nick with a slight quirk. "Conchita, quien es esto?"

"Ay, no mames, cielito," Conchita said, waving her hands at the fox. "He is an Officer with the ZPD. Very nice. The comadreja is a very rich mammal, he gave me the big tip that bought our fancy dinner the other day."

The fox took a moment to look at the collection before he rushed over to give Duke a huge, hearty abrazo, practically crushing the willowy weasel with his powerful muscles. "¡Gracias, catrín! You've very generous, Don Comadreja. We need more mammals like you being kind to those like us."

"Heh, I ain't far removed from ya," Duke confessed. "Only reason I ain't got any dye-cuts is I couldn't afford it. But hey, it was just nice." He pulled an arm out and started pointing to folks in the party. "Name's Duke Weaselton, of, ah, Hyenahurst. There's Nick Wilde-Hopps, ZPD. The cookies-and-cream guy there is Jake Hopps, he's marryin' my cousin. Chocolate-face there is his brother Kenny, he's gettin' married too. Heavy guy's Gideon, family friend. And the deputy's Buck Roeberts, also a family friend."

"Good to meet you. You know mi corazón, Conchita. I am Diego Montoya," the fox said, moving back to Conchita's side and placing a hand on her belly. "This is our new little one."

"Hey, congrats, buddy," Nick said, giving a breezy salute. "Like I said back when I was coming up, we reds are really doing well for ourselves."

"What is your wife?" Diego asked.

"Bunny. Their sister," Nick said, casually throwing an arm over Duke's shoulders and pulling him in. "My cousin in a day. Were we interrupting something major?"

"I just found out I'm pregnant! I was so happy I had to bring him out. I didn't want to tell him until we were coming back. It was a wonderful surprise," Conchita said, leaning down to kiss Diego on the head.

"It might be hard on the family. They love Conchita but we aren't married..." Diego said with a slight rub on the back of his head.

"Well that makes no sense," Kenneth said. "Sylvia and I aren't married yet, but the family's just too happy. Hers is too, now..."

"They were the other foxes. You know..." Nick made a card-swiping motion and grinned. "They got better."

"You Peaceground? You're Zootopians, it makes sense," Kenneth said.

"Traditional Selenic," Diego answered. "Conchita is Peaceground."

"That'll do it," Gideon piped up with a sage nod. "The Convocation weren't Traditional, but we had a Traditional Bokor in fer some speechifying. They hammer that enrichin' life stuff, but we gotta work in the Convocation. Marry that partner. Goin' in bounty ain't so respected like they do with Solaterrans and our sect."

"The Houngan is always howling about marriage, marriage, marriage. No wonder so many of the young ones have left. They either don't care or are pregnant," Diego laughed.

"But you came here to eat, yes?" Conchita asked, going back behind the counter. "We're open for business. Would you like a staff discount?"

"Ain't fair to you. Dusty-puff gave me lots of walkin'-around money. I'm kinda likin' givin' tips. Makes me feel like a big mammal," Duke said, walking up to the refrigerated section and looking at the selection. "I gotta ride the train more. Got some good stuff in here."

"They got crawdaddies an' catfish?" Gideon asked, walking up to the refrigerators.

"Better. Lobster and shrimp rolls. They do it up right," Duke said, pulling out a packaged sandwich.

"Wish I had some of Hayma's home cooking. She's got a good touch with fish," Buck said, picking out a simple tuna salad sandwich.

"Excellent, bean burgers. Hope they're a little better than the ones at the Concho," Jake commented, pulling out one for himself and another which he passed to Kenneth.

"Mande? Oh, Concho," Conchita laughed. "Where is that, with a name like mine?"

"It's the gas station out by Squirrelburrow, serves most of both, for the border folks," Buck explained coming up to the register to pay for his sandwich and a canned coffee. He finally looked at the name tag on Conchita's vest and made the connection. "Right, nickname. Exactly the same except for the last letter. Good place but they stock most of the usual junk."

"Eat up and eat hearty, fellows. If you plan to drink, pack your belly. We don't need anyone going rogue on us," Nick advised, paying for his own snacks. "Bar food is salty on purpose, they know how to hustle. Eat all the bread you can and try to top off before then."

"You listen to him, he's right on the money," Gideon said, getting himself one of the lobster rolls and meekly standing beside Duke, who just grinned and paid for the pair of sandwiches. "Never drink empty, never drink alone, never drink. I mean, never drink t-too much..."

"Relax. Finnick'll drink for you. He's a professional," Nick said, patting Gideon's back in a firm and friendly fashion. "Judy told me about... you know, things. Hey, I understand. Don't worry about it."

"This isn't one of those dumb movies they marathon over the Vesper/Night divide at the Vogue Bijou. We're not gonna get drugged by strangers, or take some weird plant, or marry a stripper. This is the Vine Country, not Sahara Square," Jake asserted.

"That'll happen anywhere," Nick warned. "You can get drunk and meet weird folks anyplace. So everybody, stay together and we'll be fine."

"Come and join us if you can, folks!" Kenneth said with his usual chipper energy. "We gotta celebrate your new life. It's real excitin'. My Sylvia's having herself a half-fox too. We got bets on what's gonna come from who."

"Most generous of all of you, amigos," Diego said, choosing a packaged cricketloaf sandwich and cheese selection. "But it is most appreciated."

"There was never any harm in being friendly, it helps society out, after all," Kenneth said, putting his burger through the microwave.

"I don't see very many of our kind in these parts. All Solaterrans," Conchita noted, smiling her crooked-toothed smile as Duke stuffed another large tip in her jar.

"We're pretty rare. Enough to have a Peaceground church but not more than one. We have to bring folk into Bunnyburrow. Sylvia has it worse. She goes to a Convocation now and then, has to get a ride out to Predburrow," Kenneth said, sitting down at one of the little attached booths near the cash register.

"My dame's gonna buy us a scooter, like the deputy said. Slap on a sidecar and she can take me to the Convocation chamber. I'll have this anathema off me in no time," Duke said, sitting down beside Jake, after he had sat down with his food.

"An anathema? Oh, a powerful thing. What do you seek to cleanse? If I may ask, these things are personal," Diego said, sitting with Duke and Jake.

"I don't mind. It ain't right ta bottle up stuff. I done a lotta bad stuff. Never too big, never too bad. But I broke my dusty-puff's heart week in an' out, just 'cause I was too thick-headed ta leave a cheap Happytown apartment and be with her. She paid money ta save my worthless hide, good money. And did I move in with her? Nope! Kept makin' love and dodgin' the need ta be by her. I never felt so guilty in all my life. So now I pay my penance. Had the anathema said over me and now I'm payin' it down. Gave myself a long penalty," Duke explained.

"Did you ask for a bokor at your convocation hall?" Diego asked.

"Oh nah... Nah, I ain't that kinda hob. I ain't got nothin' against folks that think about that kinda stuff but... Maman and Baron and all of that ain't somethin' in my life. I got religion, plenty of it. But that's 'cause I'm lucky and I know it. Now I got my Muffin... ain't no excuse fer what I did. Gotta make it right," Duck said with a smile.

"I don't know how I feel about it either. But I have been lucky. You can surely see," Diego said, indicating some of his dye-cuts that looked like they came from lower-end shops or personal making. "I did better things. Now I teach... those like you how to shadow-box and do sit ups."

"Me? What, idiots that don't know nothin'? Ya make money on that?" Duke asked.

"Hyenahurst is a rich place. I can tell you live there with the woman you talked of. Folk there always need more help with things. So many overweight hyena house-husbands and businessmammals. They want the prestige of a tough-tod from down in Barrio Glotón telling them they punch hard or they have good form when they ride a bike." Diego said with a smile. "They pay for our apartment, and my gym. I teach those like us to do something with their lives. Don't throw them away on jail. And don't think you can't live after jail. ¡Fuerte y libre! ¡Nos podemos, junto!"

"He is very generous. Tender Alebrije tells of him at Sanctuary. We were all growing tired of the story about the tree, it was a good change," Conchita said with a laugh, leaning on her hand and watching Diego's muscular back with a smile.

"We reds are going up in the world, and it's a great time to be alive," Nick commented, toasting Diego with a can of Pep. "Good of you to help those guys who can't quick kick the racket. Probably heavier than a few street corner hustles but we all have a past."

"Former members of gangs. Tough muchacos. They do not want help, too proud. But I charge them some tiny thing, some thing we both know is only an act, we make progress. They do good things. All that anger goes into punching bags and padded gloves. They spar big men I hire, tire, and go on to do good things," Diego turned and blew a kiss to Conchita. "Como yo, verdad, cielito?"

"¡Ay, callate, güey!" Conchita cried, sticking her tongue out. "Cabrón..." She blew a kiss back and gave more of her crooked-toothed smile. "Te amo mucho."

"Tengo gran fortuna. Soy un cabrón maravilloso," Diego said with a wide smile.

"Things are... a little different in the city," Buck said, looking sufficiently nonplussed. "More than I thought."

"Yer little doe's got fangs and speaks a language I ain't even heard, an' I'm from the city," Duke noted.

"Hayma's a special lil doe," Buck said, firmly. "It wasn't about the language bit, that's what Mr. Manchas speaks. We got all kinds in The Burrows. Shoot, the Sheriff is always jawing on in Suomi on the phone, probably to her wolf. I meant that thing about reformed criminals getting help at a gym. Then again... never seen a gym-gym. Just the place for sports at school."

"You should come by. Exercise is good for policía. And women love a strong man. My rates are very reasonable, even if you only come very rarely," Diego proudly said.

"A soft hustle is the best kind," Nick said, leaning back and relaxing with his meal.

The train surged on down the tracks, zooming past the rolling hills on its swift road to convey the party to a good time in the waiting city of Zootopia.

Author's Notes

Dye-Cut- Tattooing doesn't exactly work on fur. This is similar but closer to scarification and permanent dying, making sure the fur picks up the pigment forever.

Abrazo- It took most of my life to realize this wasn't a thing in other places. This is what you could call a "bro-hug" with a Spanish accent. It's something common in most Hispanic communities.

Catrín- Anyone who has played Loteria knows this one. It means dandy or fop, though here it's being used with a laughing respect. It's a good thing. And, Duke kind of is all dandy'd out.

Diego Montoya- Don Diego, El Zorro. It was too good to pass up. The last name, Carmelita Montoya Fox and Inigo Montoya. A proud pedigree.

Maman and Baron- Since The Holy Selenic Convocation is a little bit Pentecostal and a little bit Voodoo there are lots of terms that get thrown around to show it. There's a spiritual element not everyone takes strictly seriously. Lots of mystical beings. In particular he's referencing Maman Bidgitte and Baron Samedi.

Barrio Glotón- Barrio Wolverine. Fun fact, for different periods of time members of my family lived in San Diego's Barrio Logan. You can make the connection, I'm sure.