The Korolev exploded before her eyes, and she felt sorrow overwhelm herself as she realized there might not be any survivors from this particular battle because of the power and might of the Ori attack.
Her memories flashed forward to when the action had settled around her. "This is Lieutenant Colonel Carter. I'm in a spacesuit drifting free, approximately two thousand feet off the front right position on the Supergate." She cried, desperately. She was starting to feel the effects of the diminishing life support. "Look, uh, I hate to be self-centered here, especially given what's just happened, but uh, I've only got a couple of hours of life support left here." She said, concerned.
"I'm aware of your situation, Colonel." Emerson reported, seriously. "I'll keep you apprised."
The scene changed to when she'd first found herself suspended in space.
"Something's happening." She announced as she watched the Supergate in horror as she found herself suffocating. She gulped at the air, but she found herself losing consciousness.
"Jack..." she whispered as she blacked out.
"Jack!" She cried in a panic as she gasped and shot up as she woke from the nightmare, heaving for breath.
"Sam?" Jack murmured from where he lay beside her. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." She managed, breathing heavily as she tried to catch her breath. "Nightmare..."
He rolled over, touching his hand to her arm as he tried to comfort her. "Tell me about it."
"It's the same as the others." She said, shaking her head. "I'm stranded in space, and I can't breathe."
"You're safe," he whispered, gently, recognizing that she needed space more than she needed a hug.
She turned a watery smile to him. "I was so scared," she managed as she began to shake with the fear that she had felt.
He sat up and scooted over to her as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her trembling frame. "You're fine, Sam," he comforted, running his fingers through her hair. "I've got you."
She clung to him as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I'm calling Landry." Jack said as she finally pulled away, having received the comfort she had needed. "You can't go back like this."
"I'm not the only one who suffered through something horrible that day, Jack." She sighed, a great deal more calmly than before.
"Yes, but..."
"Vala, Daniel, Cam, Teal'c," she said, softly. "They're all back already. And Vala...she had a baby."
"First of all, Vala's physical healing was sped up by the very daughter to whom she gave birth," Jack began. "And seccondly, everyone heals at different speeds and in different ways."
"Jack." She whispered, touching his lips with her finger to silence him. "It's time. You know as well as I do that they need me. Especially now."
"And what happens if you get PTSD, hm?"
She tensed. "I've been seeing Dr. MacKenzie to make sure that doesn't happen."
"But you're still having nightmares..." He said, concerned.
She bit her lip as she nodded. "Yeah..."
"And he's cleared you to go back to work?"
"You know he hasn't." She sighed.
"Then, take the time to really heal, Sam." He pleaded.
"Jack..."
"You'll be no good to anyone if you're not all there, Sam."
"I'm tired, Jack." She sighed, laying back down and rolling over so that her back was to him. "I'm going to sleep."
"Sam..."
"I'm going to sleep, Jack." She sighed as she clutched the pillow on her side of the bed. "Maybe you should do the same."
He sighed, as he looked over at her before he lay back down. "Sweet dreams..." He said, softly, as he followed her example.
Sam's eyes were still wide open as she continued to think into the wee hours of the morning.
-
Jack was not surprised when he awoke the next morning to find the other side of the bed cold and neatly made. He sighed heavily as he slipped out of bed, and walked out of the bedroom.
"Good morning," Sam said, efficiently as she finished frying up some sausage. "I didn't know what you wanted, so I made a little of everything."
"That's an understatement," Jack murmured as he looked at the breakfast bar which was filled with plates of French toast, pancakes, waffles, toast, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, as well as several boxes of cereal, a pitcher of orange juice, a carton of milk, and a pot of coffee. And they were all in quantities that would have intimidated an entire restaurant of starving refugees.
He walked over to her, and took her hand from the handle of the frying pan. "Couldn't sleep, huh?"
She sighed as she looked away.
"Sam, I've been there." He said, turning her around to face him. "You don't need to be ashamed..."
"I'm not." She protested, pulling away.
"Sam, look at me." He prodded, gently.
"Your flight is in a few hours. You need to eat, shower, and get dressed so that you can get through the security checkpoints in time." She said, looking away.
"Not with you like this." He said, seriously. "What's going on?"
"I told you, I'm fine." She huffed, turning a pointed look his way.
"Could have fooled me." He said, folding his arms across his chest.
"I have an appointment." She said, pushing past him.
He followed her. "Sam, you need to talk about this..."
"And I am!" She cried, looking back at him. "I happen to be seeing a therapist about it. Would you like his number to verify that I'm actually going to my appointments?"
"That's out of line."
"I'm sorry. Sir." She snapped as she slammed the bedroom door.
-
Daniel walked into his office with a cup of coffee and several books in hand as his phone rang. He hurried toward it, dropping the books on the desk as he reached for the receiver. "Daniel Jackson."
"Danny."
"Jack!" Daniel greeted with a smile. "Hey, what's going on?"
"It's Sam. I'm worried about her."
"What happened?" He asked, more soberly as he sat down at his desk. "She's having these nightmares...she says that she's dreaming about being stranded out in space and how scared she was when that happened. Then, she wakes up gasping for breath."
"That would be normal after the physical and emotional trauma she endured." Daniel said, seriously.
"I know, and I'm not exactly worried about the dreams. I mean, I know she's seeing MacKenzie, and she's..."
"Wait, what?" Daniel asked, curiously. "MacKenzie's not here anymore. He left just a little after you did."
"What?" Jack asked, surprised.
"I don't know what's going on, but she's not seeing MacKenzie unless it's in private practice."
There was silence on the other side of the conversation, and Daniel looked at the phone before he placed it back to his ear. "Jack?"
"I'm here."
"Besides the dreams, what's going on?"
Jack sighed. "Mood swings."
"Mood swings..."
"Last night, she had one of those nightmares, and I comforted her, and then, still somewhat worried, I figured I'd call Landry and ask him to give her some more time to heal."
"Did you tell her that?"
"Of course, Danny! I'm not going to do something like that behind her back!" Jack snapped.
"Okay, okay...what next?"
"She tells me that she hasn't been cleared to go back to work yet, and I suggest that she takes the time to actually heal, and she rolls over and tells me to go back to sleep. Then, I wake up this morning to the biggest breakfast buffet I've ever seen, she yells at me when I suggest that she's having trouble sleeping, she storms to her bedroom with some lame excuse of an appointment that apparently, she's been lying to me about from the beginning, and then when I say she's out of line for offering me her shrink's number so that I can verify that she's actually going, she says "I'm sorry, sir," and slams the door."
"Ouch."
"Ya think?"
"Look, maybe she is seeing someone...."
"As in a shrink or another guy, Danny?"
"She'd never cheat on you, Jack."
"So sure of that, huh?"
"Jack." He reprimanded.
"Sorry." He sighed. "I wouldn't even think about it if she was actually acting like herself..."
"Maybe she went to see Orlin."
There was a pause. "Orlin?"
"Yeah. He's in town at a long-term facility."
"If you know this, then she knows this..."
"Yeah, she went to see him just after she got back from DC. I think she has a standing appointment there every week..." J
ack sighed, and Daniel cursed himself silently. "And...she never told you that she'd been seeing him..."
"Uh. That's a negative, Danny." Jack said, seriously. "What's the address of that place?"
Daniel rattled it off before he inhaled. "Jack, she's been through a lot..."'
"Yeah, I know."
"Don't be too hard on her. She really does love you."
"I know," he sighed. "But she's got a funny way of showing it..."
"Hey, I think you're both nuts for having waited THIS long to do something about it." Daniel said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Bye, Danny." Jack said in all seriousness.
"I-I...that was a joke, Jack." Daniel tried to explain as the line went dead in his hands. He sighed. Oh boy...
-
Jack walked into the common room to find Sam sitting at a table with a ten-year-old boy, piecing together a puzzle. He walked quietly up to the table.
"Hey, Orlin." He said, looking at the boy.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" He asked, curiously.
"Jack O'Neill. Her boyfriend." He said, gesturing to Sam.
"Ah." The boy said, nodding as he looked at the guilty astrophysicist.
"Mind if I steal her for a few minutes?"
"Go ahead. I'll work on this while you're gone." He said, pleasantly.
Jack looked at her, expectantly, and she sighed, standing. "I'll be right back." She said, mustering a reassuring smile.
"Outside." He said, motioning to the nearby door.
She sighed as she walked out the door. "You know, I haven't been this humiliated since my father caught me necking on the porch after my Junior Prom," she said, sarcastically, as she turned to face him again.
"You lied to me." He said, soberly.
She clenched her jaw as she looked down at the floor.
"Daniel told me that MacKenzie hasn't been at the SGC since about the time we left."
She swallowed, still unable to look at him. "And that you've been having regular visits to Orlin since he got back."
Her eyes darted up to look at him before they quickly returned to the ground.
"What's going on, Sam?"
"Nothing." She mumbled.
"This isn't you, Sam. Lying, sneaking around..." He said, earnestly. "This is...juvenile. What's going on?"
"Can we not talk about this right now?" She asked, looking up at him, uncomfortably.
He sighed. "You've been through a lot, Sam. I recognize that. And I'm willing to stand by you. But you've got to decide whether or not you want that."
She hesitated for a moment. "And if I don't?" She asked, looking away.
He paused in surprise before he schooled his emotions. "Uh...then, uh, I'll go back to DC, and you won't have to see me ever...again..."
"I think that would be best." She said, clenching her jaw against the wave of emotion which threatened to erupt.
"Look me in the eyes, and tell me that." He said after a moment. "At least give me that much."
She inhaled before she looked up at him. "I think that you should..."
"Should what, Sam?"
She looked away.
"You can't do it, can you?" He asked, matter-of-factly.
She closed her eyes as they filled with tears. "Jack, please..."
"What's this really about, Sam?" He asked, his brown eyes boring into her soft blue ones.
"I-I can't do this to you anymore." She whispered. "I can't put you through the agony of wondering if I'll make it home, and I can't let it distract me either."
"So, you want to end this."
"I would never want to end this," she sniffed.
"But you will anyway."
"It's the right thing to do, Jack."
"The right thing to do?" He asked, incredulously. "I don't think so, Sam. It's the easy thing to do."
"Leaving you would never be easy," she said, seriously.
"Then the stupid thing to do." He corrected.
"What do you want me to say, Jack? That we can fix this? Because they need me right now, and we're at war!"
"Exactly why you need a strong anchor at home, Sam!" He roared.
She tensed as she closed her mouth.
"Look, I don't like that you're in danger everyday," he admitted. "But I've waited a long time for you, and I'm not going to let you throw this all away for something as silly as thinking we're better off without this." He sighed. "Because I've been there, and that's never the answer. No matter what the circumstances."
Sam's cheeks were wet with silent tears as he turned to leave.
"I'll be at Daniel's if you need anything."
She watched him go for a moment before she felt her lips move of their own accord.
"Don't leave, Jack," she whispered.
He paused, refusing to turn back.
"I need you." She continued. "And I'll always need you."
He turned back to look at her with pain in his eyes.
"Please, Jack," she begged as tears slipped down her cheeks more rapidly.
He took a few hesitant steps toward her.
"Hold me?" She pleaded as the sobs she'd tried to hide from him began to their way to the surface.
Almost instantly, he wrapped his arms around her waist as she flung her arms around his neck.
"I'm so sorry," she sobbed.
"It's okay," he whispered as he held her.
"I'm here," he murmured as he gently cradled the back of her head in his hand, rubbing his other hand up and down her back comfortingly. "I'm here."
