Author Fangirling: Amiboshi's getting so much easier to work with now. Good, because I'm trying to make the next chapter a humorous one.
My lips were finally getting swollen from playing my flute for hours. I had savored our reunion, but it was finally time to put it away-- in a safe place, of course. I have skipped into the bedroom I shared with Chiriko, only to find him completely enveloped in the book Mother gave him.
"Are you enjoying it?" I asked with a wide smile. He turned with tear-stained eyes and a quivering lip. "Oh. I guess not."
"Should we really have done this?" his voice cracked.
The ends of my mouth sank as I got defensive. "Don't even think about going back. We can't take back our decisions now."
"Even if they weren't right?" he took on and angrier voice. "We ruined everything for other people, too. They can never summon the other Gods without us now. The priestesses will never be able to go home, everyone else's dreams will be crushed because of our selfish decision!"
I never even met my own priestess face to face. I would like for Miaka to be able to go home, but she has Tamahome to take care of her if she has to stay here. As for the other warriors' dreams never coming true, maybe it's for the best that Nuriko's wish will never come true so that Hotohori won't have to worry about marrying him.
As for the Seiryuu warriors, my real star-crossed comrades, they're all evil people. I can't understand why they were chosen to be saviors of a war-torn country to begin with. Suboshi will probably be sad that he'll never be able to put his training to use, but it's all for the greater good. He shouldn't have to fight, and now he'll have the chance to move on and find happiness somewhere else.
I'm going to miss him more than he'll ever realize. I'm the one making the biggest sacrifice, and Chiriko can dare to call this a selfish decision?
"I want to go back," he stood up to make his decision seem more firm. "I can't just give up on the task my entire life was leading up to."
"You can't go back!" I snarled. "You'll only cause everyone to start fighting again! Didn't we agree that it was better this way that they just move on with their lives, rather than loosing them foolishly?"
"It's not foolish."
"All this fighting is foolish! We don't need Gods or powers or anything! Neither do they!" I raised my voice, but he didn't seem phased, which made me nervous. "Fine. You really want to go back? Go ahead and try! You'll never even reach the next town without me, though. I had to carry you to this one!"
"That's only because I was dehydrated and not adequately prepared for a journey," retorted Chiriko. "Besides, it's your fault I was washed up here in the first place anyway. I didn't have much choice to begin with."
I hardly felt guilty at that moment. "The ceremony had already been ruined. All you did was prevent me from killing them, so you already did your part to help protect your priestess. Isn't that enough?"
"You weren't going to kill them anyway."
"Stop arguing with me, Chiriko! We already agreed not to go back! You thought over it and decided yourself to stay with me! Besides, how can you just abandon these people who are taking care of us and loving us like their own sons?"
Finally, his recalcitrant expression faded. "This couple has been very loving to us. But that's why it hurts to keep lying to them."
"It's not as if we're hurting them," my own angry tone faded. "By lying to them, we're loving them back."
"It's all foolish," his expression started looking weaker and weaker. "The life we're trying to live now, or the lives we would have led if we were still fighting to help our priestesses… at least… at least…"
Don't start crying, I mentally pleaded with him. Please don't cry!
"At least, that life would have…"
There goes the lip-quiver!
"…accounted to something!"
Here it comes!
The character on his foot faded as he let out a wail and sank to his knees. My brother-instinct kicked in and I rushed to his side and found myself pressing him against my chest and rocking him to try and stop the tears. After our parents died, I spent long hours comforting Suboshi the same way. Over the years, he started growing too tough of an attitude to let me to comfort him anymore, but I found his whole tough-guy act too cute to mind.
Being back in the same position, though, only brought back the pain of wanting so much to take away all of someone else's suffering. Chiriko was right, and had every reason to want to go back. He was right to blame all his problems on me, because they were all my fault.
000000
Being held so tightly was strange at first, especially by someone I was mad at. I wanted to get free, but was just too frustrated with life to stop crying. Amiboshi was right-- I'd never have been able to get back to Konan on my own. I was completely dependant on him now.
Because I'm weak and I have to depend on my character so much it's like I'm only a warrior part-time, and maybe it's better that I don't give the other Suzaku warriors false hope and then drag them down with my helplessness. I'm just going to have to accept that I'll never be able to have adventures outside of a storybook.
Another tear hit my face, but it wasn't mine. I looked up and saw that Amiboshi's eyes were clentched tight, but tears were still spilling out. "I'm sorry, Chiriko," he said in a pained whisper. "I'm so sorry."
"You're sorry?" I asked in a meek voice.
"Please don't leave," he pleaded, even though it didn't sound like he thought I was listening very closely. "I'd like you grow up here, in a quiet village, with no war… I hope… I hope you can be happy, too."
I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I relaxed and let him continued rocking me back and forth. As long as someone wanted that much for me to be safe and happy, then I didn't mind staying that way a little longer.
We didn't even notice Mother walk in. She was horrified to see our little crying heap on the floor. "W-what happened!?" she sounded as if she was going to have a heart attack.
We both sprang up right away and acted as if nothing was wrong. "I-I-It was the storybook, Mother! One of the stories had a sad ending!"
"Yeah! We both get too emotional over storybooks!" I added, eager to keep her from worrying.
She blinked. "What kind of story was this?"
"A… a sad one," we both lied through our teeth.
"Hopefully the others aren't like that," she frowned.
"No, it's a wonderful book. Thanks again, Mother," I chuckled a little. She seemed relieved and reminded us that dinner was ready. When she left the room, we both heaved sighs of relief. Amiboshi seemed reluctant to look at me, so I turned to him instead to put some closure on the situation. "I'm sorry, too."
"Sorry?" he blinked, as if he was more surprised by the word than I was. "Then does that mean…?"
"I'm not going," I nodded. He grew a very warm smile in return, and we left to go eat dinner, silently agreeing never to mention the argument again.
You may not mention it, boys, but you aren't out of the woods yet! (This is the part where I laugh like evil authors tend to laugh at the characters.)
