Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show.
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your reviews! Every time I see one, it totally brightens my day. I love you all! Here's a short, little filler chapter since I feel I've been neglecting the rest of the family (especially Jude) too much. It picks up right at the end of chapter 6. Read and review, please! (Sorry for any typos; I wrote and posted this pretty quickly.)
Chapter 7: Doubts
Though it felt like Callie had sobbed in her arms for hours, while she spoke soothing words and rubbed circles on her back, the clock in her car showed Stef that it was only about 2-o'clock in the afternoon. Callie's session had started a little after one. She had been in there less than an hour. Once Callie had stopped sobbing so violently, and had calmed down, and after Stef had held a tissue to her nose and told her to blow like a little child, Dr. Finch had asked Callie if she had anything else she wanted to discuss while Stef was there. Callie had shaken her head, and Dr. Finch had suggested that they talk then, if that was okay with Callie. It was Stef's cue to leave, and better her departure be Dr. Finch's idea. Neither of them wanted Callie to feel like she was being abandoned after opening up so much.
So here Stef was, sitting her car, trying to process all that had happened. In a way, she was jubilant. Callie had opened up. Callie had initiated touch. Callie had allowed Stef to soothe her. All of these things were big milestones, and that made Stef happy. But at the same time, she was sad. Sad that for the first time in years Callie had felt like she had a shoulder to cry on. Sad that she had had to grow up far too quickly. Sad that she was hurting so much, and Stef couldn't just snap her fingers and make it all go away. She'd love to snap cuffs on Liam right about now, but unfortunately that just wasn't legal. Damn it. She considered staying in her car, just in case Callie wanted her back, when she got a text from Lena. After reading it, she immediately started the car and begun the drive back to San Diego. Bill was at the house. Not even knowing if it would be necessary, she started mentally preparing herself for a fight. After what just happened, there was no way she was letting go of either of the kids.
Stef pulled up the driveway a little after 4 pm, and immediately noticed the lack of case worker's car. So she'd missed him. Not too surprising; CPS workers were notoriously overworked, so his visits never lasted very long. Still, she had expected to cross paths with him, given the enormity of the case. A short visit could be a good thing, or a bad thing. Hmmm. She walked inside.
"Hello?" she called.
Lena came from the kitchen. "Hey, babe, how was Callie?"
"She had a breakthrough today. I'll tell you in a second. Where are the kids? Bill's gone already?"
"The kids are upstairs. I'll tell you about Bill in a second. Callie first."
"Alright. Let's sit." She aimed them toward the living, and they settled down on the couch.
"First things first," she said and leaned it, kissing her wife. "I haven't seen you for hours."
"Your shift is longer than that."
"I know, I know." Stef turned down at the corners. "What, you didn't miss me? You don't want to kiss me?"
"Don't be silly," Lena said, trying not to laugh at her wife's attempt at a pout. "I love kissing you," she said, kissing her back. "But I am eager to learn about our daughter's breakthrough. Unless you're trying to distract me for some reason?"
"No, no reason. It's just been an emotional day. I talked to the cop, the one who talked her off the bridge. Then we joined Callie for lunch, and I finally had a serious conversation with her. Then she invited me into her therapy session, which, needless to say, came as a shock, and then she had a very emotional breakthrough. And then you texted me about Bill. So yeah, emotional, and all I wanted was you by my side."
"Well, I'll be by your side as you tell me all about it." She paused. "I wouldn't have minded having you by my side today, too."
"Too bad neither of us has mastered the ability to be in two places at once."
"Now that would be a useful skill to have." And this time Lena did laugh a little. Laughter felt good. She knew it was excellent stress relief. And there hadn't been many things to laugh about recently.
Stef began repeating Callie's conversation with the bridge cop to Lena, carefully leaving out the fact that she was fully intending to take Callie hang-gliding at some point. That bit was going to require some careful tactical planning in the future. Finally, she was at the point where Callie had brought the guitar to therapy.
"She sang me a song, Lena," Stef said, a slight hitch in her voice betraying the emotions behind the memory. "A song all of her own. Tune, lyrics, she wrote it. And it was so real, so emotional. And filled with so much pain."
"I wish I could've been there."
"I wish you could've been there, too. But here," she said, passing her a folded piece of paper. "Callie gave this to me before I left. They photocopied it, for her file, before they let me take it home."
Lena opened the folded piece of paper. She quickly realized that Stef had just handed her Callie's song. There were a lot of cross-outs and eraser marks, and margins and spaces between the lines were heavily annotated in what she could only believe were chord progressions. Brandon could probably explain it to her, but as she read through the lyrics, she realized that it might be best to keep it from him for now. Stef was right. There was a lot of pain there, and she wanted to spare her sensitive son if she could.
Finally, she looked up, into Stef's eyes. "Unlovable?" she said, voice breaking. Stef could see tears on her cheeks, though she was not sobbing. It was like a cup overflowing with water, and as she reached over to embrace her wife, they found comfort in each other.
"Was this the breakthrough?" Lena asked.
"The first part. Honestly, I was shocked she opened up this much, but afterward, she totally turned inward, like she thought I would just reject her. So I sang to her."
"You sang? I haven't heard you sing in...well, outside the shower...in forever. I don't even remember the last time."
"I heard this song on the radio driving in, and it just seemed really suited for the moment. And I figured if Callie could sing to me, I could sing to her."
"Did she respond?"
"She did. It was more than I ever hoped for. She literally fell into my arms, sobbing and holding on for dear life."
"She initiated it?" Lena said, surprised.
"She did."
"She let you comfort her."
"She did."
They sat quietly, each in their own minds as they thought and processed and reflected upon what had taken place earlier that day. Stef was brought out of her thoughts as she saw Lena's face fall a little.
"What's wrong?"
"It's horrible, what that poor girl has been through. And I'm really glad that she's bonded with you so well. I am, truly. But..."
"But what?"
"Do you think I'll ever have that kind of relationship with her?"
Stef reached over to hug her doubting wife. "I'm sure you will. Just give in time, love. She'll come to her, and together, we'll make up for everything she's missed. We'll give her the world." She paused. "We will, right? What did Bill say?"
Lena sighed. "We had a long talk earlier today. And he talked to some of the kids, Jude especially..."
As if she had called him, Jude appeared at the foot of the stairs. "You're home!" he cried out. "Did you see Callie? How is she?"
"She's doing better, sweets," Stef replied.
"She is? Then why can't I see her? Doesn't she want to see me? Is she mad at me?" His entire face fell.
"Come here," Lena said, patting the space on the couch between them. "Sit." He trudged over.
"Jude, baby, Callie loves you." Stef began. "She's not mad at you, not at all. She asks about you every time. Like today, after she found out you had been at the beach yesterday, she wanted to know if you had remembered sunscreen. I told her you complained about having to wear three times as much as if she was there, because you had three more siblings trying to slather it on you."
Jude smiled a little at this. "She's always watched out for me. I was just so mad, when I said she was selfish."
"We know that. And so does she," Lena soothed.
"She's going through some stuff, processing what has happened to you guys over the last years."
"It was harder on her. Always. She protected me for it, but I still had to watch her get hurt."
"I know. That's why she's getting some help, dealing with it all, realizing that it wasn't her fault and that she can be happy. That there are people who will love her unconditionally."
"But why can't I see her?"
"She's still watching out for you, bud. She doesn't think a hospital is any place for a kid, and she doesn't want you to develop memories of her in there. She wants to come home and be your strong sister again. Fact is, we feel honored that she trusts us enough to take care of you in her absence. You tell me, but I doubt that's happened much before."
"No, never. I mean, she's left me before, like when they took her to juvie, but she used the moments before she left to coach me how to stay safe while she was gone. She didn't trust him, nah unh."
"See? She knows that this is a good, safe place for you. She just has to accept that it can be a good, safe place for her, too."
Lena cut in, when Jude looked confused. "Jude, sometimes when people have let us down our entire lives, we stop believing that there are people who won't abandon us. Callie was there for you, to show you that there was a least one person in your life who cared for you unconditionally. She kept you safe from that belief. But no one did that for you."
"I tried!"
"I know you did. And you did really good. But no adult did. So when we showed up on the scene, Callie just couldn't believe that it was for real. Can you understand that?"
"I guess. Is that why she ran?"
"We think so. It's very overwhelming for her."
"It's not because of me?" He still sounded so hesitant.
"No, it's not. It's definitely not."
"Is she coming home soon? I heard someone say that they had to keep her for 72 hours. It's been 72 hours."
"I wish I could give you answer, sweets. I really do. But it's up to the doctor. It may be tomorrow. It may be next week."
"I really do want to see her."
"I know. And I promise you that if she stays through the weekend, I will talk to her doctor and see what we can do. Okay?"
"I guess." He was silent, but they could hear footsteps pounding down the stairs.
"Hey Mama?" Jesus's voice rang out. His head soon followed. "Oh, Mom, you're home. Hi. What are we going..." he trailed off, as he saw the three on the couch. "Oh, am I interrupting something?"
"Nah, what's up?" Lena asked.
"I'm hungry. What are we going to have for dinner?"
"I suppose it is about that time, isn't it?" She shot Stef a look. "Let me think for a minute...Well, to be honest, I haven't really thought about it. What do you guys want? We could get a pizza? Chinese? Tacos? We could go out for hamburgers? I could toss together a quick pasta or something?"
Jude and Jesus shared a look. It was Jesus who finally spoke up. "Mama, and note, this is me talking and I never turn down the chance for pizza, we've had a lot of takeout over the last few days."
Lena saw Jude nodding in agreement. "Pasta it is then. I think we have the makings for that here."
"Cool." Jude said.
"I'll throw together a salad," Stef said, rising.
"I'll set the table!" Jude dashed toward the kitchen, intent on the silverware drawer, as Lena and Stef shared an amused look.
"Wanna be my chopper?" Lena asked Jesus.
"Sure," he said, shrugging.
"Really?"
"If I chop, we'll eat sooner."
"You must be really hungry, my man."
"Hungry for your cooking, mama," he said with a smile, before joining Jude in the kitchen.
Stef and Lena shared a glance. Stef raised an eyebrow. "Bill?"
"Later" was all Lena replied, before getting up to join the kids in the kitchen. She turned back to Stef. "Funny, but we haven't seen Mariana or Brandon in a while..."
Stef's eyebrows both shot up. "I'll go check on them." She took the stairs, poking her head first in Brandon's room, where he was at his keyboard, headphones in his ears, and then in Mariana's room.
"What's up, Mom?" Mariana asked, rising her head at the intrusion. She was busy painting her nails a bright pink that made Stef's eyes hurt.
"Nothing, just saying hi," Stef said, relieved to know that they had no more runners. Not that she had thought they did when Lena said that, but then again, she didn't expect to wake up the morning after her wedding to find Callie gone either.
"Okay, hi."
"Your mama's cooking pasta for dinner. It should be ready in a little while."
"That's cool. Be a nice change from takeout."
"That's what your brothers said too." She was about to leave, when Mariana's voice rang out again.
"Did you see Callie today?"
"I did."
"Is she coming home soon?"
"Hopefully. I don't really know." They both looked at Callie's empty bed.
"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"I know that when you first said I had to share a room with her, I wasn't all that excited. But now that she's not here, it just feels like sorta empty. Like something's missing. I hope she knows that her bed's still here and waiting for her."
"I'm sure she does. But I'll make sure to tell her that."
"We still can't see her?"
"As I told Jude, if she's there through the weekend, I'll see about bringing you guys to see her, whoever wants, that is."
"Okay." Mariana sounded resigned.
"I know it's hard, but right now, we just have to give her time, and trust the doctors."
"At least we know she's safe."
"Yes, that we do know. And she will be coming home, in time." Stef was happy in that moment knowing all her children were safe.
"Stef!" She heard Lena's voice calling from downstairs. "Are you going to make that salad or do I have to do that?"
She shared a smile with Mariana. "Your mama beckons."
"You better answer."
"Stef!"
