How Did We Get So Mean?

It seemed like every Glee club member was cheerful except Kurt and Blaine. Kurt remembered how ecstatically happy he had been when Blaine transferred to McKinley to be with him at the beginning of senior year. Of course his super talented boyfriend had been accepted into the New Directions straight away. Now when Kurt looked at the older boy it brought him nothing but sadness.

"Okay everyone, this weeks topic –"

"Mr Shue, if I may?" Kurt interrupted his teacher before he could start babbling about their new topic.

"Yes Kurt?"

"I have something that I really need to sing. There's some feelings that I need to express which I don't think I can do any other way."

Mr Shuster examined Kurt's face and saw something in his expression that made him agree after only slight hesitation. "Of course, the floor is yours."

Kurt stood gracefully, handing a piece of sheet music to the pianist. He stood before the Glee club whose expressions ranged from confused to expectant of a good performance. Finally Kurt's eyes settled on Blaine. The older boy held and kept his gaze for the first time in a month.

The opening piano solo finished and Kurt began to sing – his blue eyes never leaving Blaine's hazel ones.

"You used to hold the door for me
Now you can't wait to leave
You used to send me flowers
If you fucked up in my dreams

I used to make you laugh
With all the silly shit I did
But now you roll your eyes
And walk away and shake your head

When the spark has gone and the candles are out
And the song is done and there's no more sound
Whispers turn to yelling and I'm thinking

How did we get so mean?
How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning
When it comes and everything's undone?
Is it 'cause we wanna be free?

Well that's not me
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor
Like a thousand times before
Knowing that forever won't be

I'm always sentimental when
I think of how it was
When love was sweet and new
And we just couldn't get enough

The shower it reminds me
You'd undress me with your eyes
And now you never touch me
Yeah you tell me that you're tired

You know I get so sad when it all goes bad
And all you think about is all the fun you had
And all those sorries ain't never gonna mean a thing, oh

I know we said some things that we can never take back
It's like a train wreck just trying to hit the right track
We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe
But we should've drank it down while it was still sweet
It all goes bad eventually

Now do we stay together 'cause

We're scared to be alone?
We got so used to this abuse
It kind of feels like home

But my baby, I just really wanna know

How did we get so mean?
How do we just move on?
How do you feel in the morning
When it comes and everything's undone?
Is it 'cause we wanna be free?

Well that's not me
Normally I'm so strong
I just can't wake up on the floor
Like a thousand times before
Knowing that forever won't be."

As the last few notes filtered softly through the choir room Kurt gave Blaine a small, sad smile and walked slowly from the room without a word.

"What was that?" Rachel asked of no-one in particular.

"I think that was Kurt breaking up with me." Blaine answered sadly, his voice coming low and choked.

Blaine sat stunned for another moment as the Glee kids buzzed the information back and forth in hushed whispers. Their speculations as to what could have happened between the club's golden couple fell on deaf ears. Thoughts whirled around in Blaine's head before the most important came to the forefront and he raced out of the choir room and after Kurt.

Blaine heard Kurt before he saw the younger boy. He was slumped on the ground – back resting against the hard metal of the grungy lockers. Tears tracking down his pale face. Soft sobs reached Blaine's ears as he strolled down the hallway toward him.

"Go away, Blaine. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Kurt, what's going on? Did you just break up with me?"

"Yes. I'm glad you got the message – you always were intelligent."

"But why – I though every thing was going well? I love you." While the first part of that statement may not be entirely true the second part certainly was.

"Fuck you, Blaine. I don't want to hear that you love me. You're a lying sack of shit!"

"What?" Now Blaine was really confused and taken aback. He rarely ever heard Kurt swear – apart from in the bedroom – and certainly not at him.

"I know you're having an affair."

"I'm not having an –"

"Oh – don't try to deny it. You've been distant for weeks. You won't even touch me anymore. Just admit it – you've been seeing someone else on the side and you won't break up with me because you're scared you'll hurt my feelings or something. You were never good at being the bad guy."

"Kurt, listen to me – I'm not having an affair. I love you."

With that Kurt lunged to his feet and slapped Blaine across the face. The blow seemed to hang in the air with a resounding whack. Blaine lifted a hand to his stinging cheek, staring at Kurt in shock.

"I don't want to hear it Blaine!"

Kurt took off down the corridor. This broke Blaine out of his revere and he raced after the younger boy. He tried to grab Kurt's arm, but the younger boy pulled out of his grip.

"Kurt!" Blaine was getting frustrated now.

"No."

"Kurt – please listen to me," Blaine whined. The new tone seemed to touch something within Kurt and his steps finally stuttered to a halt.

"Fine. You have two minutes." He crossed his arms and waited for Blaine to start.

The older boy shot Kurt a relieved smile before his face fell again. "Thank you."

Kurt nodded, still not looking happy about the current situation.

"First off – I'm not having an affair. I promise you. I love you more than I can say, and that's part of the reason I've been avoiding you. There's something I haven't told you." This felt like déjà vu, reminiscent of their conversation a few months ago about Blaine's days of self-harm.

"Another story of your past huh." Kurt seemed to have noticed the resemblance also.

"Kind of. It's about the test results."

"You said yours were clean. Were you lying?"

"Yes."

"Oh, this is unbelievable. Why should I trust you about not having an affair if you lied about your test results? You said you were a virgin – did you lie about that too?"

"No. Kurt I –"

"Well how else would have you contracted something if you hadn't been cheating on me with anything that moved –"

"I have HIV." Okay, didn't mean to blurt that out.

Kurt's rant cut off. He looked lost for words.

"I didn't cheat on you. At first I couldn't even figure out how I got it. But I think I've worked it out now."

"Pray tell." Kurt still looked disbelieving.

Blaine looked pained; he really didn't want to say what he knew he had to. With a sigh he began. "I told you that when I was younger I had a problem with self harm. Well there were other things apart from the cutting. One of the only friends I had at that time was a drug addict. Heroin. And one day I thought, in all my infinite wisdom, that it would be a good idea to try it."

Kurt's mouth opened in a surprised 'O'. Blaine? Drugs?

Blaine saw Kurt's unbelieving expression, but pressed on with his story regardless. "I wasn't in a good mindset in those days. I wasn't thinking straight. I was just looking for a way to feel – and if possible to feel good. This guy was always going on about how good heroin was – how you felt great while you were on it. Rule number one in life – never trust a junkie. I was just going to snort it but he said if you're going to snort it you might as well mainline. So I did. I spent months injecting that stuff into my veins – I didn't care who I was sharing needles with. It was making me feel good again and that's all I cared about.

"I guess I was lucky in one respect. I never got truly addicted like some people do. The withdrawal was horrible, but possible for me. I could stop using whenever I felt like it. Eventually I decided it wasn't helping and I gave it up for good. But not before I contracted HIV from one of the other users.

"I'm so sorry Kurt. That's why I've been avoiding you. I didn't want to lose you. I know I should let you go – we've been lucky so far, but I could infect you at any time."

"Blaine." Kurt put a manicured finger to Blaine's lips, halting his apology. "I'm not going anywhere. We've survived so much. People live in relationships like this all the time. If they can do it, we can do it too."

A/N – For those who are interested this note is an explanation about how I came up with this story. This chapter was my original idea and I developed the story backwards from here. I had a stroke of inspiration one day about Kurt singing the song 'Mean' – by P!nk – to Blaine as a break-up song. I then developed a back story around this scenario so that the lyrics would be relevant, which involved Blaine not touching Kurt anymore because he is HIV+.

The lyrics to Mean fit in with Kurt's character talking about being strong, which Kurt always comes across as, but when you look deeper it's really an act. 'We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe' can be related to the start of their relationship when they were friends for so long and they only had a short time to be passionate with each other 'we should have drank it down while it was still sweet'. And while the line about abuse isn't used in a physical context Kurt does believe Blaine is cheating on him – so it's emotional abuse. And the previous line of 'do we stay together 'cause we're scared to be alone,' again fits perfectly because Kurt is scared that if he gives up on Blaine he might not find love like that again.