Jace
I woke up to muted sunlight coming through the blinds in Clary's room, shining on her red curls as she lay cuddled against my side. I carefully stroked her face, marveling at how smooth her skin was. She moved instinctively towards me and I snatched my hand back. I had to be more careful.
Normally, when I slept over Clary's I maintained a careful distance. It was becoming more and more tempting to hold her in my arms, and I was beginning to crave the feel of her soft skin. I didn't know what was coming over me, but I could not allow any of these strange feelings ruining our friendship. Sure, there were a few exceptions to my rule. Last night, for example, she had cried herself to sleep in my arms, and I hadn't moved her. Currently, she was curled against my side, her face inches from mine.
Thinking of how upset she was had me tense with suppressed anger. Clary had managed to tell me some of the things he had said before she fell asleep, and I have never wanted to physically harm someone so badly before. I sighed, knowing that it would not help anything if I beat up Jonathan.
Clary mumbled, her eyes fluttering open and then shutting as the sunlight hit her eyes, sending her burying her face into me. She groaned, and I laughed, causing her to peek up at me. Her emerald green eyes widened, and she say up quickly, running a hand through her curls.
"Hey, sorry about all that last night. You caught me at a bad time." She said sheepishly, biting her full bottom lip. I shook my head, trying to send all thoughts about her lips out of my head.
"Clary, you don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm glad I came over when I did, I've never seen you so upset before." I said, eyeing her carefully for more tears. She shrugged, trying to play it off, but I saw right through her. "Please, don't act like this isn't a big deal."
"Jace, I don't know what you want me to say." She insisted, tugging on her curls and avoiding eye contact.
"You seem to be forgetting I've seen you after seeing your brother. Yes, you guys fight, but you've never had this reaction. Normally you're more angry, but you've never cried like that." She scowled, glaring at her comforter. I was getting somewhere, but it was clear she wasn't about to give up her reasons for being so upset.
"I know, okay? Jonathan and I always fight, but last night was different. Normally, he just uses my choice of education and how different we are against me, which just pisses me off. He's a perfectionist, and the one thing in his life that isn't perfect is his family. He blames me for our parent's divorce, which I've gotten over. But he's never had to use you against me." She finally looked up at me, and her green eyes were full of pain. Her words hit me, and a wave of guilt hit me. I was the reason she had been so upset. My involvement with the band had given Jonathan a new angle to hurt Clary with.
"It's my fault. I'm so sorry I-" I stopped. My reflex was to tell her I was quitting the band, but I couldn't. There was so much that Clary didn't know, it was about so much more than just being in a band with Jonathan.
"Jace, why are you in his band?" She asked, the question that she desperately needed and answer to and the answer to which made me feel so ashamed. I took a deep breath, knowing I couldn't keep it from her any longer. I had hurt her enough trying to spare her from all the details, and now I had to stop.
"Clary, my dad hasn't been doing well. He never got over losing my mom, and it's taken it's toll even after 18 years. He's been gambling, and drinking, enough that he's barely getting by paying the bills. If I didn't have a scholarship to Leigh, my tuition would have been the first thing to go towards the bills. But I don't even have that to fall back on. He's getting out of control. You know how he's always on business trips? Most of those are gambling trips that he's covering up." I was speaking too fast, my words were coming out in a rush, but Clary was listening intently.
"Jace, why didn't you tell me?" She said, reaching for my hand. I hung my head back, staring at her ceiling to try and ignore the feel of her soft hand in mine.
"I didn't know how to tell anyone. I thought I could fix it, and if no one knew then it never happened. I don't have time for a full time job to bring money in, I considered quitting school, but that wouldn't get me anywhere in making money and I can't hide that from you. So my plan was to join a band, and make money off any gigs we had. It was a stupid idea, because the likelihood of me actually joining a band good enough to make money is ludicrous." I shook my head, feeling as if there was a weight being lifted off my shoulders. "And that's when I auditioned for Jonathan's band. They've already had labels looking into them, but lost one of their guys last minute. They were scrambling to find someone good enough for the labels to still be interested in them, and I needed a band that would help me."
I bit my lip, thinking of all the nights I had fantasized about telling Clary all of this, but scared she would reject my explanation and still be upset about the band situation and her brother. "I've wanted to tell you this the second it all started happening, but after your reaction to finding out I was in the band, I was afraid you would still hate me for it anyway."
Clary was speechless, for once. She was staring at me, her mouth slightly agape. "Jace, I never could hate you. I wish I had known... It all makes sense now. You've been avoiding having me over, you've been acting so strange. Does Jonathan know all of this? or Kaelie?"
"No, no one knows. He just thinks I want to be famous. That's probably he was giving you such a hard time last night, he doesn't know my real motives for being in the band. Also, I would never tell him something that you didn't know. Especially something like this." I insisted, squeezing her hand. "And I know I've been acting weird. And as for Kaelie, there is truly nothing there. She was a distraction from everything. She doesn't know me well enough to see there's something wrong, and all she cares about is physical attraction. It's nothing more than that, and I have no interest in pursuing anything more with her."
Relief flashed across Clary's face, but was quickly replaced with concern before I could ask about it. "So what's really going on with the band? Are there gigs lined up? Are you being signed to a label?" She asked, her eyes full of more questions. "Wait, how is everything with the money situation? Sorry, I just have so many questions." She said, looking abashed.
"The money situation is getting slightly better. My dad hasn't completely gambled away everything, and the band is slowly bringing in money. Our first gig is actually coming up soon, we're playing at the Emporium, that club downtown. It's supposed to be huge, and we're actually getting paid. A guy from the label might show up, which would be amazing. I've been wanting to ask you to go..." I trailed off, not sure how she would respond. "But I understand if you can't."
"I'm going." She said, her tone telling me it was a final decision. "I'm not afraid of Jonathan. Now that we've talked everything out, there isn't anything he can say that's going to upset me. I'm done letting him get away with hurting me."
"Good." I grinned, smirking at her. "I can't wait to tell everyone you're my date." I joked, tugging on a wayward curl.
"Shut up." She rolled her eyes, but she was blushing as she ducked her head to and swatted my hand away. Hmm. That was interesting, was Clary having trouble hiding unfamiliar feelings like I was? I watched as she got up out of bed, walking over to her vanity to inspect her face. "Ugh, I'm such a mess." She indicated to the slight smudges of eye makeup from her night of crying.
She didn't look like a mess. She looked happy, and I couldn't believe she couldn't see how the sunlight coming through her window lit up her green eyes and danced in her hair. Her skin glowed, and her cheeks were still tinged pink from blushing.
"You're beautiful." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. A moment passed as we both stared at each other in shock, before I recovered and cleared my throat. "Anyway, I better get going. You're mom is probably worried about you after last night." I stood up, stretching and grabbing my keys and wallet. I had to leave before I started saying more things that I thought of when I looked at her, none of them appropriate to say to your best friend.
"Oh, right." She recovered from my outburst, following me towards the door. "Thank you for coming over, and tell me everything. It means a lot." She looked up at me, smiling. It was the happiest I had seen her in weeks. She hugged me, and I nearly lost my mind at how close she was, and feeling her body pressed against mine. I hugged her back for as long as I could stand, inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo before I backed away, nearly tripping over my own feet.
"Anytime." I said sincerely, turning to go downstairs. As I walked down the stairs, I turned around to look back up at her. "Oh, by the way, there's supposed to be a huge snow storm coming up tomorrow. Are you coming over for a snow day?" Every winter break, we got a least one huge storm. Clary, Alec, Izzy, Simon, Magnus and I had made it a tradition to stay at one of our houses every year, and spend all day having snowball fights and following it up with a movie night sleepover. We didn't get to all see each other as much as we wanted during school, so we were all anticipating this snow storm.
"Of course. Who's house is it at?" She grinned, leaning against the banister. Her tank top was already low cut enough to test my self-control, but leaning over did nothing but make it difficult for me to concentrate enough to answer.
"Mine, my dad's actually on a business trip this time. But he said it's fine, as long as I don't burn the house down."
"Hm. Maybe I should be in charge of making hot chocolate this year." She laughed, as I rolled my eyes and grinned back before I was out the door, grateful for the cold air that greeted me. I needed to clear my head.
A/N: Thank you for the reviews! They truly make writing this such a great experience, I love hearing what you guys think. I hope you like this, let me know!
