The loud sound of her alarm clock caused her to flick her eyes open. "Uh… Der?" she mumbled, a hand reaching out to pat the empty spot next to her on her bed. Yawning, she finally found it in herself to sit up. "What…"

She quickly shook her head as memories from the night before began to surface in her mind. Her mentioning Sally had been enough for him to shut her out of his private universe once again and leave just like that. Frowning slightly, and trying to ignore the incommensurable tiredness she was still feeling, she got up from the bed and lazily walked her way out of her room.

Surprisingly enough, she found nobody lining up to use the bathroom, so it wasn't too long before she was done taking her morning shower. Hair still dripping wet and with only a towel around her naked form, she quickly got back to the secrecy of her room.

"Why in the world is everybody so quiet today…" she wondered to herself as she slid into her clean panties. She randomly picked a bra from the drawer and put it on, not seeming to notice how mismatched her lingerie was.

Indeed, Casey had never cared about her underwear, except for the times Derek had put jelly or honey in it, of course. All she thought she had ever needed was for her undergarments to be comfortable and functional, so she would mostly wear plain white cotton bras and panties, much to her boyfriend's dismay. She and Max had once had "a little fight" over her underwear, with Max asking for Casey's lingerie to get a little bit more 'daring' and Casey complaining a girl's body being beautiful no matter what items of clothing it has on.

Of course Max never seemed to understand her feminist attitude.

She was about to go through her wardrobe to pick up a shirt and a pair of jeans when she heard the door open and close behind her. Jolting, she turned to see her stepbrother standing there, barely holding in a laugh. "Oh no, please tell me you don't usually wear mismatched lingerie."

Casey froze, unable to speak as she felt her cheeks burning. Looking down to let her eyes quickly dart over her body shamefully, she promptly tried to cover herself crossing her arms against her tiny form. "DE-REK! GET OUT!"

"Keep it down, sis, the 'rents and Marti are still sleeping. Because guess what, missy, it's Saturdaaay!" He teased in a sing song voice as he calmly walked past her to go sit on her bed.

" Oh man, why does this have to happen every Saturday…" She slapped her forehead, mentally cursing herself for not unsetting the alarm clock the night before. "Anyways, Derek, STILL! I'm in my underwear, just get out!" she shouted, rage radiating from her face as she tried to reach for her night-shirt on her bed, only to find Derek promptly grabbing her wrist.

"Case, chill. I see you in your swimsuit every time you go swimming in Emily's pool. Your bikini is no different than what you're wearing now. Possibly, it's actually more exposing than… uhm, this? Just… were your eyes open when you put those things on?"

"It's just underwear, Der." She muttered in annoyance, shaking herself free from his grasp.

"It's a burgundy bra over white cotton – I mean, cotton - panties. I say it's a sexual suicide."

Casey coldly glared at him, refusing to believe he was probably thinking about taking over and advise her on underwear choices. It was only 8 in the morning and no way was she gonna stand any more Derek sticking his nose into her private matters. "Look, Derek, before I finally kill you…"

"The sight of your underwear is already doing the job for you, Case, don't worry. Now, if you only…"

"Derek. Derek, please, just… stop."

He promptly brought his gaze up to her face, staring intently at her eyes as he let the sound of her broken voice echo within him. The sudden reality of the situation hit him like an ocean exploding as he fully took in his surroundings: there she was, standing so small and thin in front of him and finally giving up trying to hide the incommensurable weariness in her eyes. Her whole, defenseless body was pleading him to go, to leave her alone, and he almost could hear the silent scream of her fingers clutching the skin on her sides ever so tightly as she kept her arms crossed against her stomach.

He tentatively stepped back, quickly reaching out to squeeze his fists around the headboard slats of her bed before a vague feeling, which he remotely identified with guilt anymore, rushed over him. As he refused to take his gaze away from her shaking form, his eyes fixating on the tears that were beginning to run down her cheeks, he felt as if all the innocence radiating from that defenseless body in front of him would've been enough to make up for all the sins in the world – all of those, except his.

"Do you ever hurt, Derek?"

The aseptic sound of her voice pronouncing those words brought him back to reality, yet he still remained silent and only kept staring at her, motionless.

"I said" she paused for a few seconds, her eyes quickly darting to look out of the window as she bit her lower lip, in order to hopefully prevent any more tears from falling. "I said, do you ever hurt, Derek?"

"Case…"

"Do you ever feel like yelling to the top of your lungs because your whole chest feels like as if you were burning from the inside, yet you just open your mouth and all that comes out is… breath? Fucking meaningless air?"

He let her shout the last words so vehemently in his face, barely trying to hold her by her forearms as she pounded her little fists against his chest.

"I'm hurting, Derek, I'm fucking hurting like hell and I just wish you could see I'm no freakin' guinea pig you can run your little sex experiments on, right now! I'm starting to doubt all the logical and all the meaning my life ever had... and I'm tired to just give in to your sick games so that you can have your morning fun!"

She struggled herself free from his weak grasp and reached out for her night shirt lying across her bed. "You know, I'm beginning to think you must be no human." She bitterly uttered as she finally covered herself. "There's just no pity, no… anything that could possibly make me think you know what suffering is like. Because if you did…"

"THEN WHAT?" he suddenly shouted, turning around to face her once more. His face was flushed and Casey had to find it in herself not to jolt in fear for his reaction.

"Then what, Case? How would me having had my personal load of shit ever make your hell a better place? Boo-hoo Case, you might think you're smart, but there's this huge, dark truth you still have to figure out: hurting is like dying, people only stick around you while there's still light, and as soon as that's gone they'll only ever do as much as bury you- possibly even more."

"Der, I'm…"

"You're what?" he hissed, stepping closer to her. "You're sorry now? Well I should be too, then. Would that change anything? No. Would you still be hurting? Definitely. Would…"

He was unable to finish the sentence as his vision blurred and he felt his hands burning, and it took him quite some time before his breath finally stopped coming out in raspy pants. So there they stood, both silent for a few minutes as the two of them tried their best to keep it together.

Although his eyes were fixated on the wall behind her, he tried to carefully listen to her breathing as he realized the shallow sound had a soothing power over him.

"I know you do."

He slowly looked up upon realizing she had finally spoken. "Uh?"

"I know you hurt, too. I don't know why I asked you if you ever did. I guess I just wanted to upset you. You always do that to me. You always touch any raw nerve."

Her voice was merely audible, and although he still refused to look at her, he could picture – he could feel – her shiny eyes looking at him so vividly that he knew he'd be blinded by their light if he only ever tried to look back. "Well, you got me then. Thumbs up for you." He choked out, his voice sounding low and unspeakably tired.

"It's just that… you never tell me anything about you."

"Funny, Sally says the exact same words too all the time. If I don't talk about my personal shit with my girlfriend, what makes you think I should tell you about it?"

She slowly closed her eyelids, letting the sarcasm in his voice swallow her thoughts. "Because… I'm family, Der?"

He grinned widely, still questioning whether what she had just said was supposed to be a question rather than a statement. "Please… the last time I thought I had a family I was nine and even back then I wasn't even that sure about the whole thing anyways".

And with that, he simply stormed out of her room, leaving her alone with her devouring thoughts.

x-x

When Casey finally found it in herself to get downstairs for breakfast, she found Nora, George and Marti sitting around the table in the living room, skype-ing with Lizzie and Edwin. She had briefly interrupted the conversation to ask about Derek's whereabouts, only to find out her stepbrother was going to spend the day out with Sally.

Before she even had the chance to take notice, she had involuntarily let out a sigh of frustration upon realizing she was not going to speak to him again until at least later that night. Questions were still invading her mind as she brought her breakfast upstairs to eat it in her room, but before she could taste a spoonful of her oatmeal, her phone rang.

"Hey Em, what's up?"

"Tell me how lucky you are to have me as your best friend."

"Em…" Casey chuckled, finally allowing herself to start eating. "Just spit it out – whatever it is"

"Uh, girl! I just got the two of us an invitation to Troy McLivory's party tonight!"

"Uhm… a party? C'mon Em I'm not exactly in the mood for a …"

"Case! This is not just a party, this is THE party! We just have to go! It'll ruin our social life if we don't! and plus… you shouldn't let Max keep you from living your own life. You hear me, the two of us just go have some fun tonight, and having a good time will probably help you clear your mind a bit too… Jus t you know we could…"

Emily kept ranting for what seemed the longest time, but Casey wasn't listening anymore any ways. Max. The only sound of that name had been enough for her push her bowl of oatmeal away from her, as she had begun to feel her stomach turn into knots. She hadn't planned to see him again at least until Monday, let alone meet him at a party – a party where for the first time in months, he would've gone stag to.

She herself couldn't picture entering a crowded room without his strong arms tightly clutching her waist, anymore. Surely, he'd always keep nagging about how she wouldn't take alcohol or do anything overdaring, but his presence made the partying crowd look all the less scary to her, and she almost felt safe as he'd hold her while dancing.

He was gonna go, Casey quickly assumed, as she knew all too well Max would've never missed any of his teammates' parties. But most likely, he wasn't expecting her to go without him, she also estimated. And soon enough she found herself wondering whether he had already found some chick to place beside him in her lieu for the night. She morbidly questioned how sharp the pain of seeing him completely deceive her would've been and before she could process anything, she simply blurted out : "Fine, Em, I'll go with you"

x-x

Derek was lying back in the front seat of the Prince, his lost stare wandering over the woods surrounding the car as he could barely hear Sally asking him to help her found her bra.

"Must be somewhere in the backseat. Chill."

She simply sighed as she ultimately resigned to only put on her shirt. "Der, you're still naked. It's getting cold. You should get dressed."

He threw his head back some more, closing his eyes as he felt his body warmer than ever, his core feeling almost liquid as he stretched a bit. "Do you ever think about my seed?"

"What?"

"All the sperm we waist when we have sex. All the potential that goes dying somewhere in a garbage bin inside a freaking condom."

Her bright eyes stared at him in shock, horrified at the seriousness his face was still displaying. She tried to say something but he quickly silenced her with a swift kiss.

"It's ok. I know you never thought about that. But it's still ok. Everything is ok. We wouldn't want a little leafy tree growing inside you, don't you think?"

Sally didn't know how, but she actually found the strength not to burst into sobs as she leaned in to cup his face with both her hands. Her gaze traced every contour of his face and despite his chapped, dried lips and his bloodshot eyes, she would've still climbed on top of the world to swear to God nothing had ever looked more perfect than him in her eyes. Sharp pain numbed the loneliness she felt at the very moment she realized he seemed to see right through her and her presence wasn't any more real to him than the fog clouding his mind.

"I love you, Derek Venturi." She daintly kissed him, relief rushing over her as she was sure there was no way he was going to remember what she had just said.

x-x

It was already 9 pm when Casey and Emily got to the McLivory's household.

"I can't believe you wore Converse sneakers. And jeans." Emily muttered under her breath, glaring coldly at Casey as they made their way through the dancing crowd, across the huge living room. "It's just.. just…"

"A sexual suicide, I know." Casey sighed, slightly annoyed as she kept looking around herself, in hope – or fear – to spot Max, who was still nowhere to be seen. That was sure something a part of her wanted to feel relieved for, yet she couldn't help but wonder where he was hiding out, because he sure as hell had to be in that mess of a house.

She was shaken out of her thoughts as Emily pulled her by the arm. "Alright Case, let's just go leave our jackets upstairs and… oh my gosh don't look his way but… Jerry Norton is..."

Before the brunette could finish the sentence, a tall, blonde boy had already stepped closer to her, giving the girl the widest smile. "Hey Emily… wanna go take a drink?"

"Uh… I'd love to, Jerry, but I'm here with…"

"Don't worry Em" Casey quickly interrupted, genuinely happy to see her friend was getting the attention she had always craved for. "I'll take your jacket upstairs and then just hang around here…"

"But…"

"No buts, c'mon, go!"

Eyes still not leaving her best friend's happy face as Emily headed towards the kitchen with Jerry, Casey kept smiling as she climbed up the stairs. Soon she found herself standing the only bedroom door she found open and had a light on, but she couldn't bring herself to walk in as she heard familiar voices coming from inside the room.

"How can girls trust leaving their purses here? I mean anybody could just steal whatever they wanted and nobody would notice with all the mess…"

"Then just be glad you're not a girl who has to worry about her purse, Derek."

Casey froze, just like she would do every night in her bed as she'd hear those voices through the vents. She could tell the two of them had recently made love: Sally still had that soothing, sweet tone that sounded nothing like Derek's own after-sex rudeness. Casey held her breath as she kept listening in silence, guilt already building up at the pitch of her stomach as it'd always do whenever she felt like intruding the secrecy of their lusting whispers.

"I heard you, Sal."

"I'm standing right here, you dummie, of course you…"

"No, I mean, back in the car, this morning. You said you loved me."

"I always try to tell you that I love you. But you always stop me"

"This time was different. You thought I couldn't hear you. But I did. And it sounded… it sounded damn sincere to me."

"Pot, Derek. Everything feels genuine with pot."

Casey gasped, and at that very moment she knew she was going to have a hard time trying to convince herself it was only worry for his drug use.

She could damn tell he was ready. He was ready to discuss his feelings or whatever it was that she had always tried to get him to do without ever succeeding. And he was ready to open up to Sally. To a girl that did drugs with him and that he fucked senselessly every night and that just made him feel real.

"Because, I am family, Der?"

Her own words words echoed in Casey's mind with the gravity of a verdict as her eyes widened in the dark. Her chest was burning for the lack of air she was forcing upon herself by holding her breath once more as she heard Derek begin to speak again, but before he could say a word, a pair of strong, firm hands grabbed her by the shoulder, gently turning her around.

"Casey!"

She jolted in surprise, and so did Derek and Sally who rushed out of the room, only to find Max cupping the girl's face ever so gently, barely taking notice of the couple's presence.

A.N: alright guys, I know this chapter was like super long so if you managed to go through all of it I applaud you no doubt xD anyways, it was actually supposed to be longer but then I decided to just create a chpt 8 already… which will be up soon!

In the meantime, review guys! U know how that makes me happy

Love always

Daniela