Chapter 7
For the next few months, Gwendal taught me the basics of archery, equestrian studies, and everything else including sword fighting. I excelled in everything surprising everyone including myself. Not only was I naturally good, but I was also a powerful opponent at anything I did for many soldiers in the castle. The only ones who could compete with me in sword fighting and win were Conrad, Gunter, and Gwendal. I beat Wolfram rather easily(tee hee). At archery I was unmatched and Taima and I were unmatched in speed. At first I was afraid of my own strength and skill and that Gwendal wouldn't like me because of my strength( guys and their issues with losing), but whenever I thought he would hate me, he praised me and said he was proud. I was glad he gave me praise and it felt wonderful, but inside I made it clear that no matter how strong I am, someone will always be stronger than me and the person I am hasn't changed from the pathetic little girl that I was on Earth. That at least kept me on my toes, but it didn't seem to make Gwendal so happy.
"I don't understand you." His blunt statement surprised me more than confused me because he know me more than I do now.
"What are you talking about?" We were having lunch outside because we didn't want to waste time going back and forth between the castle and training area during lessons.
"You excel at everything you do yet you're never satisfied with yourself as if you think whatever you do is pointless or not good enough." I don't think HE understands how well he really does know me. I looked down at the apple in my hand.
"You understand me a lot better than you think." I saw him shuffle uncomfortably. "The reason it seems that way is because I do think that way. That was the mind set for whatever I did on Earth. Reality there may be safer, but it's a lot harsher than here. I suppose no matter how far away from it I am, I can't escape my own realities." I don't even know if what I said made sense, but it did to me. His hand appeared in my line of vision and he put it over mine.
"You must learn that this is not your home and that this is different than your home as well. Keeping that mind set will not help you remember your home." Once again he's hit the true problem. "In the end it will only hurt you. What I don't understand..." He put his hand on my cheek so I could look at him.
"Gwendal?" He looked so pained. I grabbed his hand to comfort him and he gave a strained smile before continuing to speak.
"Why do you put yourself through this continual pain when you obviously know that your actions aren't what you want them to be?" Why does he know me so well? I tried to turn away, but his hand held my face fast. "Why are you hesitating to answer?" He looked a little angry. I honestly don't know what to say.
"I-I really don't know, I just do. I suppose it's a horrible tendency that I have. I know it seems like a lame excuse but I don't know how to better explain it." When I looked to see his face he looked a little skeptical and that actually hurt me. I really tried hard not to cry, but I couldn't help it. "I'm sorry Gwendal, but no matter how wise I may seem to you, I am still the same pathetic, useless person I was on Earth. Even here I'm making people worry endlessly over someone that isn't important." Before I continued talking, I put my eyes down so that I wouldn't keep looking at his skeptical face. I don't think I could handle him looking at me like that anymore.
"I understand now." I looked up to see him smiling at me gently. "Your tendency to lower your expectations on Earth have exponentially gone out of control here when you were so good at whatever you did which only fueled your minds desire to remember what was precious to you and keep what was left of your sense of normalcy even if it meant emotionally harming yourself, but you couldn't see it clearly because of your own insecurity." A-wha? I mean I totally get it, but what he said sounded so smart and professional it sounded very intimidating. I laughed carelessly, but felt better because I imagined Gwendal as my personal therapist.
"I suppose, but knowing the problem doesn't fix it." I put my hands together and looked at the setting sun. "I guess I can't get over a life of insecurity so easily." Suddenly, Gwendal hugged me from behind. "G-gwendal?"
"Why can't you have more confidence in yourself? You're a wonderful girl, but it seems that you're the only one that doesn't acknowledge that fact. Why are you so afraid to show that you know it too?" Isn't the answer obvious?
"Isn't it obvious?" He turned me around, but I didn't look at him. "I don't want you to think I'm self-centered. I don't want anyone to dislike me for that, especially you Gwendal." My hands tightened on his sleeve. He chuckled and pat my head. Huh?
"You are right about one thing," he looked so amused, "you really are still a child if you worry over something like that." I pouted, angry.
"Oh so you think it'd be fine with me just prancing around telling everyone how strong I am?" I turned away, peeved by his words. He laughed again then kissed me when he turned me.
"I don't want you to turn into Wolfram, but I don't want you to lose confidence in yourself either." He gave an amused smile. "Though I do kind of like it when your angry like this. You're really cute." I could swear my face was beat red. One, because he said cute and two because he called ME cute. Gwendal hardly gives me compliments, he never really has to and he doesn't say he loves me very often but he doesn't have to because he shows me his love through his actions. Pretty much, his compliments were a new experience for me. I looked away embarrassed, holding my cheeks with both my hands. "Hm? Mina?" He turned me around, but I avoided his gaze. "What is it?" If I prolong my answer, it'll just get worse, so I'll just say it outright.
"It's just, no one has ever complimented me that way before, well except from my mother, but it's the first time you've said something like that to me." I squirmed really embarrassed at what I just said. I peeked and I saw the most adoring smile on his face.
"You really are adorable. I love you more than you know." He hugged me, but at the same time we both heard something.
"Did you hear that Gwendal?" He nodded.
"It sounded kind of like a scream. Maybe we should head back." He stood up and offered me a hand. I took it and we headed back together. As soon as we were a few feet from the entrance to the kitchen(it's closer to my room and Gwendal's office), Gunter, Wolfram, Yuri, Conrad, and Celi came running after Wolfram who was running straight to me, very angry.
"How dare you touch Gwendal! Unhand him this instant you trash!" I sighed and looked at Gwendal cautiously to find that there was a vein that looked like it was about to pop.
"Gwendal, please, I don't mind really." I tried to appeal, but he was too angry at Wolfram.
"You may not mind, but I do." I let his hand go and stepped away from him and instead put my hand on my arm. Gwendal looked at me shocked. " Mina why-?"
"So you actually listened to me you whelp!" They let Wolfram go because he stopped struggling. "Now you're going to pay for ever thinking that you could have Gwendal!" Gwendal turned sharply to Wolfram only to see him summoning a fire ball and it heading straight to me. I didn't even have time to close my eyes. So I saw everything. Gwendal stepped in the way and got rid of the fireball and blew Wolfram against the wall. The others were standing by, shocked. Yuri, Celi, and Gunter all ran to assist Wolfram who seemed to be out and Conrad walked to us.
"It seems you've finally found your love." Conrad gave a friendly smile, but Gwendal was staring murderously at Wolfram. What have I done? I stepped back slowly so that they wouldn't see me moving at first, then I ran when I was far enough away to not attract attention to my retreating figure. I heard no one pursuing me so I just kept running until I reached the stables.
