THE BLAME GAME
FADE IN
INT. – IZZIE'S APARTMENT – DAY
Alex looks around Izzie's apartment as she goes to the kitchen to get him a glass of water.
ALEX (V.O.)
The blame game…which ironically is a game that no one ever really wants to play…but we all do it. Initially there's the relentless anger…followed by the refusal to back down while you hang onto your truth like it's the only thing keeping you from falling off the edge of a cliff. But eventually…and with the passing of time…it becomes not so much a contest of who is right or who is wrong but which one is less wrong than the other.
You weigh the consequence of accepting the blame…or part of it…which is an easier thing to do the longer the game goes on. Someone eventually stops pointing fingers and decides to forgive…whether it's out of the true belief that you were wrong or it's that you are just lonely or tired, or wondering what you were arguing about in the first place.
What happens when you are all of the above?
"So, how have you been?" Izzie asks.
"How have I been? I've been pissed off at you. How have you been?"
"So, you came all this way to tell me that you are pissed off at me? Couldn't you have just told me that over the phone?"
"I needed to see you in person." He says. "I need to take your name off of my list and it wouldn't have counted if I didn't do it in person."
Izzie is confused. "First of all…what list is my name on and second…what the hell are you talking about?"
"My list of people I need to forgive. I came here because I want to forgive you for leaving me…I need to forgive you for leaving me."
"I thought we already did this?" Izzie says. "I came back to tell you I was wrong and you told me you had moved on. I've moved on Alex. I thought you had as well."
Alex considers his response. "I thought I had too…but I think it was more anger talking than resolve. Maybe I was just trying to hurt you as much as you hurt me…I don't know…maybe I just need closure or something."
Izzie sits down next to Alex. "Look…I didn't leave to hurt you. I just felt so cut off by everything it just seemed easier to break off all ties and walk away. But I want you to be happy so whatever it is you need just tell me and I'll do it."
"The problem is…I don't know what that is. There are days when I miss you so much I can barely breathe and days when I am so pissed at you that I wouldn't care if I ever saw you again. I need to get to a point where I can move on but I don't know how to get there…and I don't know what it is that I need from you in order to help me to get there."
They both sit in silence not sure what else to say. Alex begins to feel suffocated by the situation that he just threw himself into…thinking maybe it was too soon to confront Izzie. "Would you want to go for a walk or something?"
"I can't." Izzie says. "I have to stay here until Jack comes home."
Alex is wondering who Jack is and Izzie is purposefully not telling him to see what kind of reaction she can get. Alex doesn't bite and Izzie is disappointed. "So, what have you been doing since I saw you last?" he asks instead.
Izzie takes the opportunity to brag about some of her accomplishments to prove to Alex that she was able to move on in an attempt to trump his lack of disappointment by being aloof.
"Well, I still had some money left over from Denny and honestly, after leaving Seattle Grace, I felt a little lost. I had just found out I was cancer free which should have been this life affirming thing and at the same time my life was completely falling apart.
So I took some time off. I went home and spent some time with my Mom. We talked about my cancer and it got me to thinking, there is no feasible way that I should have survived with the treatment I received. So, I went to the library and just began reading…trying to figure out how a melanoma that leads to brain cancer can be treated with a drug that has more negative side effects than positive ones yet I managed to avoid them all and then I was operated on and now I'm cured. I ended up finding a study at UCLA where they are trying to develop a drug that can be injected directly into the brain that can kill a tumor by starving it of its blood supply…which is so cool…but I was looking for answers on how I could have survived without some kind of radio-therapy and the answer just may be that it was a fluke. Sometimes tumors go into remission or just disappear and it can't be explained…and as hard as it is to accept that or to feel helpless in finding a cure that would help people in the future…I had to. Anyway, I found it completely fascinating…that connection between melanoma and cancer. UCLA just offered me a fellowship there so I've been thinking about going back to work."
"Jeez…Izzie, that's great. I'm happy for you…that you found your passion."
Mission accomplished. Izzie was feeling a little full of herself. "I have. I just wish I could help you find what you're looking for too. "
A knock at the door. Izzie goes to open it and finds the dog groomer on the other side. "Here's Jack. He was such a good boy today."
Izzie gushes over him. "That's so great. Were you a good boy? Oh, you smell so good."
She then turns to Alex. "Jack is my rescue. I've also found a passion for rescue animals and have been volunteering at the local animal shelter. That's where I met Jack."
Jack runs over to Alex and takes an immediate shine to him. "So you're Jack. You're a lucky dog" he says.
Izzie pays the dog groomer so she can leave and watches as Alex and Jack bond…remembering the reason she fell in love with Alex in the first place. "So…now that Jack is home…do you want to go for that walk?"
"I should really get back. But I'm happy for you Iz. I really am. Take care of yourself ok?"
Alex leaves to head home and Izzie struggles to close the door on all of the old feelings that have now been brought back to the surface and while Alex seems to have found some peace with their visit, Izzie has been propelled back to uncertainty and that nagging, unstable feeling of loss.
INT. – NURSE'S STATION – LATE AFTERNOON
Meredith is filling out a patient chart when Derek walks up on the other side of the nurse's station. She watches intently as he talks and laughs with the nurse and he glances up catching her.
Derek finishes talking to the nurse and begins making a move toward Meredith while she prepares herself to turn and run. The sound of the elevator doors opening breaks the tension and Rose steps off with her son.
She immediately gravitates toward Derek. "Derek?"
Derek turns to greet her. Rose and Joshua walk up to the Nurse's station and the three of them stand there in awkward silence. Derek is afraid to look at Meredith's reaction even though he was the one that contacted Rose about bringing Josh to see him. Rose bends down to talk to Josh. "Josh, this is Dr. Shepherd. He's a friend of Mommies."
Derek puts his hand out to shake Josh's and instead Josh puts his up in the air. "High five!" he says.
Derek laughs. "High five!" he says back.
While the nursing staff finds this display so adorable, Meredith doesn't realize she has been scowling at them the whole time. Cristina and George walk up.
"Hey, isn't that Rose? Look at that little kid, he looks just like Derek."
Meredith turns and walks away even though she knows George meant the comment to be innocent.
"What did I say?"
"George, think about it. Come on…you can do it…go ahead…I'll wait." Cristina says.
George is confused. He looks to Rose…then back to Cristina for clues and nothing. He looks at Rose again and then at her son who is now sitting up on the desk reaching for Derek's stethoscope. Derek helps him remove it and places it around his neck and it hits him. "Oooooooo. Rose is…"
Cristina responds "Uh-huh!"
George continues. "And Derek is…."
"Uh-huh!"
"…and that's their…"
"Good job. I knew you'd get there." Cristina pats him on the back and turns and walks away while George turns to catch up to her.
"So Derek and Rose are together?"
Cristina exhales. "Ahhh, so close."
INT. – SGH ACUTE CARE WING – LATE AFTERNOON
Meredith walks into her Dad's room and he has a visitor. The woman has her back to Meredith and when she turns around Meredith is shocked that she looks remarkably like Susan…her Dad's second wife who died while Meredith was treating her for hiccups.
"Hello sweetheart. This is Judy, Susan's twin sister."
Meredith is surprised. "Wow, you look so much like Susan it caught me off-guard a little. I didn't realize that Susan had a twin sister."
"We were identical twins. She was also my best friend."
Meredith suddenly feels an overwhelming sense of guilt. Not only has she left her Dad alone by not correctly diagnosing Susan…she's destroyed one of the strongest bonds there is…sisterhood. "Well, I'm sorry for your loss."
"That's sweet dear but not necessary…she really liked you. She talked about you often."
Even though it appears she is no longer being blamed for Susan's death, the conversation is still making Meredith a little uncomfortable.
Judy breaks the tension. "Now we need to get this guy healthy again."
"Judy is a yoga teacher and she's also into all that organic food nonsense."
"Yes, I am and it's not nonsense. As soon as you are better I'm going to sign you up for my class and cook you some meals that will change your mind. Then you will know what I have been talking about all of these years."
Their friendship makes Meredith happy that they have each other. "Well, that will be good. Exercise will be good for you. So, I'll let you two talk. Dad, let me know if you need anything."
Meredith can't exit the room fast enough. She turns back to watch her Dad with Judy.
They are holding hands.
INT. – MARK'S APARTMENT – EVENING
Mark is putting the finishing touches on dinner and there's a knock at the door. "Callie is that you? Come on in."
"Hey…wow, I'm impressed. I thought I'd walk in here and find takeout containers from a local restaurant or a beautiful young twenty-something that you hired for the evening…to make dinner of course."
Mark is amused by her comment. "Haha…there is so little you know about me."
Regardless of his playfulness…Callie sets the ground rules for the evening. "So…I just need to warn you…I'm in a really bad place right now and mostly I just needed someone to talk to. So tonight…it's just dinner right?"
"It's whatever you want it to be."
"Mark?"
"It's just dinner. I promise." Mark says as he uses the silverware he is holding to cross his heart and Callie laughs.
"AHHHH, it feels so good to laugh. Whenever I am with you I feel like I can let down my guard and be myself and if I'm in a crappy mood you don't try to talk me out of it like Arizona and seriously, if you ever say the words…go to your place of zen to me…I will literally beat the crap out of you."
"Well, then it should comfort you that I have never been to Zen and wouldn't know how to get there if my life depended on it." He opens the bottle of wine and the cork pops. "Say when."
Callie watches him fill the glass and it isn't even a quarter of the way full. "When…when…WHEN!"
Mark keeps pouring until it's so full that she needs to sip some off the top first before she can pick up the glass.
"Awww, screw it!" She says as she tips the glass back and takes a big drink.
"See" Mark says. "I know you enough to know what you want even before you do."
He grabs a glass for himself and fills it just about to the top as well and pulls up a chair at the kitchen bar next to Callie. She had forgotten how hot he was and tries to deflect her observation with another drink.
"So…what's going on with you?" he says.
"Everything…and nothing…and then George comes back and its not as if it wasn't happening before he left because it was and Arizona…she's this girly girl that likes to sit up for hours at night talking about her feelings and giving each other long massages followed by meditation and it's just too much for me. I can't handle the constant requirement to keep baring my soul in order to make myself vulnerable to her. I find myself crying at the stupidest things like commercials with animated characters. They're not even real…and I'm sobbing so hard I can barely breathe. And then George comes back and I am in this vulnerable state and I start to remember all the things he and I went through and how hard it was to get past the fact that I was never at the top of his list and even though he said he loved me I had to wonder if he wasn't just looking for a way to replace his Dad or to find something stable to hold onto after his Dad died…and why didn't he call me and tell me he was ok? Didn't I at least deserve that? But his entire focus after reappearing from the dead was to find Izzie. I mean, what the hell was I to him and then, why do I care after all this time and that's why I blame Arizona."
Mark is nearly speechless. "Well…ok…that's a start."
"I need to take some time and get out of that situation so I can put what we had in perspective."
"You mean your feelings for George?"
"No…Arizona. I just need to get out of that situation for a while and find that strong person that once existed that could stand on her own two feet and didn't need anyone else to support her. After George and I got divorced, it took me forever to find that person again."
Mark reaches over and tops off her glass again. "Well, in all fairness, the guy was gay."
Callie almost spills her drink. "What!"
"George…he's gay."
"Wait…what?" she repeats.
"Yeah, I guess that's why he left and then never called. He had been seeing someone…that guy that died that we thought was George? Him."
Callie is speechless and looks to Mark for more clarification and Mark continues to explain in the same nonchalant manner one would use to read a restaurant menu.
"Hey, don't you find it kind of funny that George was gay all along and then the two of you get married and then after you divorce you start seeing Arizona?"
"No. I don't find it funny at all" Callie says…taking another drink.
"Come on…not even a little."
Whether it's the alcohol, the company or the news about George, Callie suddenly feels like a weight has been lifted off of her. She begins laughing and Mark follows her cue. The two of them laugh for several minutes and Callie feels exhausted but good exhausted. "Fill up my glass again would ya."
"Say when." Mark says.
They both start laughing again.
INT. – OR VIEWING ROOM – EARLY EVENING
Meredith is standing in the back of the OR Viewing Room watching Derek perform a surgery and George walks in. "I'm sorry about Derek. Obviously I didn't know or I would never had said anything."
"That's ok" she says. "I knew you'd find out eventually because since when is my life not the talk of the hospital and honestly, I am just tired of talking about it you know?"
"I know." George agrees.
But Meredith is tired of talking…tired of talking about Derek and what happened. "Let's just sit and watch ok?
"Ok…sit?" George points to the back row and Meredith takes a seat. George sits beside her and puts his arm around her. "There is one good thing though."
"What's that?" she says.
"At least you don't have to worry about me copping a feel."
Meredith starts to laugh. "Actually…"
George cuts her off. "Not even if you beg me."
She lays her head on his shoulder and the two of them watch Derek perform in the OR below.
MEREDITH (V.O.)
The worst thing about the blame game…is it's never over. Once you forgive or have been forgiven, the old feelings and hurt still linger to remind you. I'm sure there's a dusty manual on a bookstore shelf somewhere to help you get through it…Chicken Soup for the Pissed Off Soul…or Who Moved my Cheesecake followed by How to Survive in Prison After Having Killed Your Lover for Moving Your Cheesecake.
There is a reason that police look to the family first in solving a murder. When I read the headline where the man stabbed his lover 75 times because she wanted to cuddle afterward and he didn't…I'm sure most people thought that was an over-reaction. I completely saw his point. Not that I'm planning murder or anything close to it…but I can see how easy it is to get there. The anger takes over your mind and body and all rational thought is locked away in the closet where you keep your off season clothes. The problem is…winter comes and you eventually have to open that door…and waiting on the other side is judgment which stares you down until you concede that maybe you were a little wrong…ok…maybe you were a lot wrong…awww crap!
