[AN]: Happy new year everybody, hope you've had a great start =3 Beware of angsty chapter!

Remember: flashback = things are spoken in Japanese


When Yamamoto came back from his mission and headed to the Vongola tenth's office at the Japanese HQ to report he was surprised to see the other guardians there. Why had they come back to Japan? The most urgent question had crossed his lips before he could stop it.

"Where is Hayato?"the room turned deadly silent. Seeing the expressions of the others he felt his knees buckle underneath him. In a flash the sun guardian was by his side, holding his upright. "Where is he? Where's Hayato?"

"There is something you must know." The intenseness of Tsuna's eyes kept him from protesting as Ryohei steered him towards one of the couches, making him sit down. "Gokudera is no longer here." Without fully understanding what he was hearing Yamamoto watched as Tsuna's gaze faltered. "Your mission was taking so long and Gokudera… well, he got more and more irritable by the day, so he…" Tsuna fell silent, his face twisted in sorrow.

"That herbivore left on a mission by himself." Hibari's stoic voice added when their boss remained silent.

"Then, where is he?" Yamamoto asked, feeling as if his heart ceased to beat when he noticed how his fellow guardians all tried to mask their sorrow.

"Why did you let him go alone?" realizing that he was screaming he closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. He knew that the others were equally upset. After several deep breaths he continued, his voice barely audible. "Shouldn't someone have gone with him?" They were always sent out with at least one partner, Tsuna knew the dangers so why?

"He knocked me out and took off on his own." Yamamoto stared at him flabbergasted, his anger subsiding. Gokudera had knocked Hibari unconscious? For that to happen he either would have had to gain superpowers, not that he doubted his lover's abilities, or Hibari would have had his guard extremely lowered. As if reading his thoughts Hibari glared at him, but then he averted his gaze. "I was careless."For a moment Yamamoto almost thought he had seen a flicker of sorrow in the other man's eyes.


"Hayato!" Yamamoto's hands stretched out in the darkness, desperately trying to catch what was not there. His eyes flickered back and forth in panic, trying to determine where he was. Suddenly remembering he sunk back against his pillow, trying to calm his erratic breathing. Gokudera was safe.


"He's still alive. He's in Italy, with Bianchi…" Tsuna hesitated, his eyes fixed intensely at his guardian, but continued speaking. "The thing is… he doesn't remember… he doesn't remember anything." As Yamamoto grasped just what those words meant the world blackened around him. It was as if someone had pulled a thin veil over him, blurring out the rest of the world. He could still hear Tsuna talking, see how his lips moved, his sad smile, but everything was like a haze, the only thing echoing through his mind were those words. "He doesn't remember anything."


Safe… yes, without the traumatic memories of his childhood. Without a clue of the agonizing pain he had gone through. Without any idea of the constant danger he had faced.


"Che… sometimes I just wish it could all go away." Yamamoto raised his head in surprise, trying to figure out what his lover meant. But Gokudera was not watching him; his eyes were focused on the clouds above.

"What..?" he pushed himself up on one elbow, watching the Italian as he leaned back against the grass. Emerald eyes met his for a brief moment before closing.

"It's just that…" Gokudera held up his arm, his loose shirt falling back to reveal a long scar. His thin fingers traced the white mark and Yamamoto could see them shaking. "It was so close…" when the other man did not continue he opened his mouth, but was quickly interrupted. "Don't say I'll just have to be more careful the next time! Can't you get it into your head that sooner or later there aren't going to be fucking next time!" his fingers dug deep into the cloth, teeth clenching. "We'll die Takeshi. There's nothing we can do…" a sudden gust revealed the tears threatening to fall behind those silver strands. Instantly Yamamoto was by his side, cradling him in his arms. "I don't know what to do…"his hands reached up to Yamamoto's face, stroking his cheeks as the tears streamed from the green orbs. Gokudera's lips pressed against his own almost desperately, fingers burying in his hair, pulling him closer. "I don't want to lose you."


Yamamoto covered his face with his hands, trying to shield himself from the truth. His lover might be safe, but what about himself? Could he live knowing that he might never return to him?


Gokudera laid motionless on the narrow bed, his face ashen. Only the ragged breaths showed that he was still alive, still with him. Yamamoto's fingers trembled as they brushed against the bruised skin below the Italian's eye and he could taste his lover's precious blood as he leaned down, lips softly touching. He did not dare to think of what he would do if that barely moving line on the monitor flattened. His cries filled the room as he slumped against the bed.


The night seemed darker than ever before, threatening to engulf him as he tried to hold back the sobs. But out they came, strangled, forcing their way through his quivering lips. So there he laid, his body convulsing as the grief poured out, slowly letting himself get drenched in the shadows that lured in the night. Tsuna's eyes watched him with grief. "I'm sorry Yamamoto."


[AN]: Omg what did I do? T_T This part wasn't supposed to be so long, but then more and more popped up in my head and then it just happened D= I promise to make the next one cheerier