This chapter finally gets into Kate's mind, hope you like. Btw, sorry if this story the characters are not in character as much as my other stories. Anyway, enjoy!

She doesn't even know that she's crying, she doesn't care- all she knows is that she wants to explain herself. Tell him everything, she just wants him to understand her. Hell she doesn't even understand herself.

"Rick I am so sorry" Kate says as she sobs into his shoulder. Rick stays still for a moment before cradling her head into his skin. He wants to comfort her even after everything she has done to him, he still wants to make her feel better.

"Shh Kate, it's- it's alright." He knows it's a lie, it's not alright. Not alright at all.

"No" She's shaking her head against him, she knows this is all wrong.

"It's not alright, Castle" Looking up at him from unshared tears.

"Rick I am so so sorry for- for hurting you"

He silences her with a crushing kiss, holding her face in his protective hands. Resting his forehead on hers, he's about to say something but chooses to kiss her again. How he has missed her lips, missed everything about her.

He loves that she is kissing him back with the same amount of fever. When she breaks away it makes him want to pull her back in, but he waits instead.

"You're going to hate me"

It shocks him, how can she think such a thing.

"I could never hate you, Kate"

She knows it's sincere, knows that he could never fully hate her, she knows this because the same goes for her. She can never not love him with all of her heart, even if she's been showing differently from the passed couple months.

"I… I freaked out"

Is all that falls from her mouth at first. It leaves a confused silence in the air. At least on Castles side.

"You freaked out?" Castle asked unsure of what she really means.

"Yes, about everything."

He understand what she is talking about, it takes him a minute but he knows, because he knows her. Even after everything, he still knows his Beckett. She freaked about the engagement.

Suddenly he feels sick to his stomach. A depressing thought comes to him, he has to ask before he throws up.

"You're unsure about me?" His voice is strangled by the thick knot in the back of his throat.

"No- no that's not what I meant."

Kate replies almost immediately. The breath of relief that comes out of Castle doesn't go unnoticed by Kate. She feels like shit, knowing he can think such things. Then again how can she blame him, with the way she has been acting. She would think the same thing. It's almost ironic because of how her mind has been going for the passed couple of months.

She's embarrassed, he can tell. With the hint of pink creeping up on her cheeks, to her looking away from him. He doesn't let her look away though, he wants to see all of her, he wants to know everything.

"It's more so the opposite Castle" Her voice is quiet and it pulls at his heart.

"Wait, hold on"

Rick's in disbelief. No way she can think such a thing.

"Woah, hold on a second Kate." She looks away further though, not chancing a look at him. He pulls her face back, wanting her to understand that she is completely wrong.

"No, hold on. How could you think I'm not sure about you? Kate you're." He laughs, actually laughs because of how bizarre everything is, how everything is coming together.

"Kate you're the most- you're…" He can hardly find the words because he is just so shocked that she can possibly think such a stupid thing.

"You're the love of my life." It comes out so sure, and he's proud because he means everything he is saying.

"I will never be unsure about you."

"Rick what- what if this doesn't work, what if-" Castle cuts her off before she can say more.

"Kate you can't think that way" His voice is strong. He's honestly sad that she can be so unsure about them.

She's scared. She hates that she's scared, hates that she can't just shut up and be happy.

"Rick I don't want us to be unhappy. I want to marry you, I want it all, but-"

"But nothing Kate, that's all I need to know. That you want to marry me, nothing else, because nothing else matters. Everything will come together the way it's suppose to. We'll figure it out, like we always figure out everything"

This breaks out a smile onto Kate's face that melts Castle's heart with exhilarating happiness. His eyes only blink for a second and now her face is falling into some type of solemn uneven expression that makes him feel uneasy.

"Rick I just don't want things to go sour. If we get married, I want it to be… I want it to…."

"You're a one and done kind of girl"

It catches her off guard.

"What?"

"One of our first cases together you told me you were a one and done kind of girl and I know" Rick closes his eyes because he hates that his reputation with being one and done is so blurred.

"-I know that my rep isn't the greatest with marriage but Kate, you're it for me. I've never been so sure about anything in my whole life."

Beckett feels so stupid. How she could have doubted him so much, how she could have thought the things she did. There was also more going on with her, at least something that she thought would have been going on with her. Something she should have discussed with him a long time ago. Even if she was wrong about what she thought.

When she looks back up from underneath her eye lashes she see's so much truth and love in Castle's eyes. She's so grateful that he is hers. So grateful that he understands her odd thought process, just so grateful. That's why she needs to explain herself further more. So he knows everything that has been going on in her brain, everything that is holding her back.

"Castle I have something to tell you"

Figured I should write another chapter soon since my updating has been so shitty as of late. So hope you enjoyed this chapter, review if you like it. I love to know what you peoples are thinking!