APRIL
"Honey, make sure that you're careful on the slide, please!" I called out to my daughter, an affectionate smile placed on my lips as I watched Harriet run out to the playground.
Jackson's arm looped around my shoulders and I leaned into him, my head finding his shoulder and resting on top of it. It was a beautiful summer day, one of the few days that was truly sunny in Seattle. Harriet had begged to go to the park – not for long, of course, given how eager the both of us were to give into the request. I was glad that she was a child who still wanted to spend time outside, not entirely sucked into screens and tablets. There had also been a promise of getting some frozen yogurt afterward, entirely my husband's doing.
"You packed the sunscreen, right?" I asked, turning toward Jackson.
"Yup," he confirmed with a nod of his head. "But she already put it on at home. She'll be fine, April, it's the park, not a swimming pool." He nudged me playfully with his hip.
"It doesn't hurt to be too careful," I scrunched up my nose at him with a slight shake of my head.
"Well, that might be debatable," Jackson chuckled. "Come on, let's go sit down."
His hand fell from around my shoulder only to take my hand and lead me over to one of the empty benches around the edges of the playground. Harriet had already seemed to make friends with one of the other little girls on the climbing dome.
Sitting down on one of the empty benches, I pulled out the book I had brought with me, noting that Jackson pulled out his phone and open his email. I was rereading one of my favorite books, Tuesdays with Morrie. I was trying to do a little more reading lately so that I could set a good precedent for Harriet and make sure that she knew it was something both of her parents loved. So far, she was still a little spoiled with me reading to her.
Flipping pages, I released the breath that I was holding onto and leaned into my husband a little more. His arm wrapped right around me again, bringing me in a little closer. I loved simple moments like this with my family. I often worried we didn't get enough of it because of how busy our jobs often kept us.
"Are you keeping an eye on her?" I murmured, adjusting my sunglasses.
"Yep," Jackson answered with a simple nod. "She's moved on from the climbing and now she's on the monkey bars with some boy." He added.
"Try not to go into crazy protective dad moment." I teased lightly.
"Working on it," he chuckled.
Crossing my legs and readjusting myself once more, I made myself comfortable. Harriet was capable of keeping herself entertained for a while whenever she was outside and she was quite a social butterfly. I knew that bit of her had come fro her father and not from me, but I was grateful that she happened to receive that particular trait from him.
A nice breeze blew through the park, carrying the sounds of children's laughter. It was a crowded day at the park compared to most, everyone had wanted to get out while the weather was being so wonderfully pleasant.
What drew my attention was a loud, high-pitched scream. Kids screamed when they were having fun just as much, if not more, than when they weren't. It was a normal part of having to be outside with so many, distinguishing the good ones from the bad ones. But this one was easy to tell was something more than the typical play fighting – this one was a loud, pained cry, something that I was much more used to hearing inside of the emergency room than on a date outside with my family.
The most concerning part was that I immediately recognized it was Harriet screaming.
Both Jackson and I jerked up immediately, dropping my book onto the bench. She was still over by the monkey bars where he had said she was earlier, but instead of swinging around on them, this time she was on the ground beneath them, laying on her back and holding her left arm against her chest. We ran over to her as quickly as we could, falling down onto my knees next to her.
"Baby, baby," I soothed, putting my hand on her shoulder and trying to give it a small squeeze to ground her. "Baby, what happened? Did you fall off the monkey bars and hurt your arm?"
"Yes," Harriet sobbed out, her eyes red and already puffy. "My arm hurts Mommy!"
"It's okay baby, it's okay." One of the tricks of parenting was supposed to be remaining calm when kids got hurt, so they didn't freak out just because you were freaking out. I knew that. I could do it as a doctor. But with my own baby girl? That was so much harder.
"Let Daddy take a look at it, baby, okay?" Jackson prompted her, taking a hold of one of her little arms. "I'm going to be really careful, I promise. Super duper careful."
The lower portion of her arm was swollen from where she had hit the ground, and it was clear that the pain she was going through was rough. She was always a trooper about most things – she didn't complain about trying most new foods, so long as they weren't green, she loved to explore and adventure. She fell down plenty of times, usually onto her knees, and always got right back up again.
"Did you hear a cracking noise when you fell?" Jackson asked.
"Yeah. It hurts." Harriet nodded her head and sniffled loudly as she leaned back into me. I held my arms around her waist tightly, hugging her against my chest, unable to find my voice as I tried to contain the panic inside of me. I rested my head on top of hers, pouting at my husband.
"Well, I think we should go pay aunt Callie a visit at work, what do you think? She'll make it all better, I promise." He leaned forward, kissing her on top of the head and shooting me a look.
"Will she make it stop hurting?" Harriet asked.
"Yes, ladybug. She'll make it all better." Jackson promised her. "Your arm is broken and she's the very best at fixing it. You'll get a cool little cat and she'll let you pick our whatever color that you want."
A broken arm. For any kid, that was normal. There was nothing remotely abnormal about it. Most kids probably went through it at some point or another. But it was too sensitive of a point for me to not freeze up about it. My kid had a broken arm. Samuel had broken bones when he had been just trying to grow inside of my room. And now to see my little girl crying out in pain… knowing that that was what he had been through while inside of me, without any comfort? I could feel my heart breaking inside of me.
"Do you promise?" Harriet asked her dad.
"Yes, I promise. Let's get you to the car, okay?" Jackson's gaze moved up to me.
I took a deep breath, sniffling myself before standing up, continuing to hold onto Harriet. She's a bit big for me to be doing it now, but not too heavy for me to carry, especially when she had tears streaming down her face like this.
We got to the car as quickly as possible, and I strap her into the car seat, being extremely careful of her arm. I joined her sitting in the backseat, wanting to hold her other hand.
"Mommy, I wish that you could fix it." Harriet sniffled, looking right at me.
"I wish I could too." I kissed the top of her head.
"You'll be okay, ladybug, I promise. Daddy's right. Aunt Callie is the best at fixing broken bones." I tried to reassure her, offering a weak smile that I hoped she wasn't old enough to see through just yet.
"You know, Hattie, I had a few broken bones when I grew up. It hurt at first, but it was always cool to get the cast. Everyone wanted a chance to sign it. All of my friends thought it was really, really cool." Jackson glanced at both of us through the rearview mirror. He was doing a better job at keeping calm about all of this than I was.
Not every case of osteogenesis imperfecta looked the same. The characteristics of OI varied greatly from person to person, even within the same family from what I had read. Samuel had been type two, he had died within an hour of being born. But I knew that there were different types, that it wasn't just type two. Type one was common and mild, less collagen than normal. Bone fractures were common especially during the childhood years of recklessness. She didn't have other characteristics of it, she was strong and had healthy teeth, her spine was great. But my thoughts still spiral into thinking about whether or not I should get her genetically tested.
"When's it going to stop hurting, Mommy?" She was looking at me with her father's eyes, pouting.
"As soon as we get to see Aunt Callie. I promise. It's going to be all better." I answered.
"And you know what?" Jackson glanced back at the both of us, waiting until Harriet had looked forward at him. "Afterwards, I think that we can still go get ice cream. Ice cream is better than frozen yogurt. What do you think about that, Hattie? Do you think you deserve some ice cream after today?" He asked.
"Yes please," Harriet answered, her bottom lip still jutted out.
"We'll definitely get some ice cream, I promise." I leaned over to give her another kiss, unable to help the fact that I was definitely mirroring the pout that she was wearing at the moment. I hated to see her in pain.
The drive to the hospital certainly felt much longer than the ones the three of us always took on the weekdays, and yet that was without the obstacle of morning rush for traffic sharing the roads with us. I knew it was just because I was so worried about herm, regardless of how normal of an experience this might have been for a child. I didn't want it to be my child's experience. It should have been something else.
"Why don't you send a text to Callie to let her know we're just about there?" Jackson suggested.
I nodded my head, fishing my phone out and quickly sending the message.
When we finally made it to the hospital, I could feel at least some of the panic and stress begin to decrease. I got her out of the car seat as quickly as possible and carried her to the door, not wanting to let go of her for even a brief moment. Maybe hugging he wouldn't make much of a difference, but I could pretend it did.
"Let's get you fixed up, ladybug."
Callie greeted us downstairs with a bright smile and positive attitude, much to my relief. I was sure that it was for Harriet's benefit more than my own, yet I felt like I ended up being the one who was more receptive to the positivity that she had to offer. It was a quick elevator ride upstairs to get her into one of the patient rooms so that x-rays and everything else could be done properly, even if she was getting a little extra attention. It was a small break, just a hairline fracture, not something that needed the expertise of a world-renowned orthopedic surgeon. Yet Callie was happy to do it, I already knew that. We were all family, one way or another.
Very predictably, Harriet picked out the brightest pink cast available. Jackson and I both knew that was going to happen. She'd liked purple when she was younger, but now she was all about pink.
"How does your arm feel now, honey?" I asked, smoothing over her curly hair with my hand from where I'd ruffled it up a bit by accident earlier. "Does it feel all better?"
"Yes, Mommy." Even with her answer, she snuggled up against me.
"Who's the best?" Callie asked, holding up her hand for a high-five.
"Callie's the best!" Harriet answered enthusiastically, using her uninjured arm to reach up and high-five her. It earned a good laugh out of both me and Jackson, one that was much needed at the moment.
"Yes, yes she is." Jackson agreed, standing up and giving a one-armed hug to Callie. She returned it and I smiled up at her in thanks. "Thanks, Callie. We owe you one big time."
Callie laughed. "Well, hopefully, I'm not going to need either of your services any time soon."
"Mommy, Daddy, can we go get ice cream now?" Harriet asked, looking up at both of us.
"Of course we can, sweetheart." I laughed, giving a nod of her head. I helped her get down from the table that she was sitting on, holding her hand so that she wouldn't run off ahead of the two of us too far. The last thing that I wanted was her falling down twice in one day. "Let's go get you some ice cream. You can even get some extra sprinkles, if that's what you want, baby." So I was definitely being a softie.
"Yes please!" She shouted.
A smile finally softened across my lips as the three of us headed back out to the car together, our daughter in much better spirits than she had been heading into the hospital. I was glad that she wasn't in pain even if it was still going to take a few hours for some of the shock and worry about the entire situation to wear off.
Chocolate ice cream was the thing to solidify the smile on Harriett's face. She showed off her cast loudly and proudly to the clerk working at the shop who agreed that it was cool – something that she seemed to like quite a lot.
"Will you sign my cast?" Harriet asked when we were home and all the ice cream was eaten.
"Mmhm. Let me grab a Sharpie." I went over to the desk drawer with a plethora of pens. "How about next time you go to daycare, we take some colorful Sharpies and you can get all of your friends to sign it too?" I suggested. "Even Jane can sign it the next time that she watches you. I bet Grandma Catherine will, too, if you want." She loved her babysitter, Jane. I knew she loved Catherine, too. She seemed to pretty excited about the colorful cast now that it didn't hurt anymore.
"I wanna do that." She agreed. I sat down next to her at the kitchen table and wrote a little note to remind her just how much I loved her and signed Mom, knowing that Jackson would probably do the same later.
By the time the end of the day came around, Harriet was in much better spirits about the cast on her arm. I wasn't sure how long it was going to last given that it was likely to become a bit inconvenient in the coming weeks as some of the novelty wore off, but for now, things seemed to be okay.
I collapsed into bed with Jackson, my hair still damp from the shower, and let out a loud sigh. Even if Harriet was in higher spirits and asleep by now, I was still a little frazzled.
"You know she's alright, don't you?" Jackson asked as he set down his phone, rolling on his side and propping up his head so that he was facing me directly.
"Yeah," I mumbled quietly, laying on my back and folding my hands over my stomach.
"You kind of seemed to zone out earlier today, between her getting hurt and getting to the hospital," he remarked. I could feel his gaze on me even without having to glance over to confirm. His hand moved to rest on my forearm. "Is everything alright?" He questioned gently, his thumb rubbing little circles on my skin.
I released a breath. "Yeah. It just made me think of Samuel, that's all. Broken bones." I admitted.
"She's a strong girl, April. You know her. She almost always falls and gets right back up before either of us have a chance to even ask if she's okay. She's strong just like you are." He comforted me, scooting a little closer to me.
"She is," I agreed, rolling over to lean into him. "I love you, Jackson."
"I love you too, April."
