Author's Note – Hey guys, I am so very sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I've had a crazy couple of weeks. What with going away and then catching up on life, losing some of my notes for this and a poorly boyfriend it's been kind of hard to get this out sooner.
Thank you to everyone again for the amazing responses to this story. You guys are absolutely awesome. So with no further delay here is the next chapter.
You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory
Chapter 6 – Look on Down From the Bridge
"You're writing again," Lindsey's voice was joyous as she found him bent over the keyboard in his office. She had told him she would happily settle for the life of a small town's basketball coach's wife. That it would be enough for her as long as they were together. But since Isabelle had been born and he had no longer felt the passion for the written word within him her resentment had shown through her bravado.
"Yeah, I guess so," Lucas stared bemused at the shining screen taking in the words that his fingers had moved so frantically to form. Inspiration had set in from a place so long forgotten as the pent up regret and sorrow spilled from him and found its way into some coherent structure in front of him.
Lindsey pecked a kiss to his cheek, telling him that she'd leave him to it and went to tidy Izzy's room as Izzy sat playing contently at her father's side.
-- --
Have you ever been so happy in a single moment or a time of your life that you wish you could freeze time and preserve in its purity forever? To hold on to that feeling and that sensation that made you feel truly alive and content? Have you ever loved so fiercely that you believed that nothing or no one could ever come between you?
x-x-x
Lucas sat idly in his window seat as the plane touched down in Los Angeles. It was the last week before he began his sophomore year at NYC and he'd worked all summer long to pay to go and see her. Excitement overcame him as he walked through customs and he searched through the throngs of people. He hadn't seen her for almost three months since she had got the time off to visit her home town. He had missed her more than he ever thought possible and all he wanted to do was look into her big green eyes and take her in his arms.
"Luke!" She had seen him before he had spotted her. Her arms wound around his neck as he lifted her from the floor and squeezed her into a much needed embrace. He kissed her softly breathing in the familiar scent he had only but imagine until now.
Peyton smiled into the passionate welcome. "I missed you." She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her curls were longer, flowing to her mid back and held back in place by the sunglasses that perched on top of her head. She was radiant as the Californian sun served to highlight her already flawless complexion.
They soon exited the airport and she drove them back to her place. The small studio apartment had been run down and needed a makeover but she had now made it her own with the red walls, the record covers and the antique furniture she had hunted for about the city. The tiny living space was now cosy and reminded him of her teenaged room.
"I really missed you Luke," she purred then as she dropped her keys with a jangle on the table and slipped off her jacket. Lucas could only groan at the sight of her flimsy knee length dress that served only to accentuate her curves. He felt the tingles up his spine as she kissed at his throat and her nimble fingers began to unbutton his shirt. She was telling him in her own sweet way exactly what her intentions were for that night. Lucas responded eagerly sweeping her off her feet and carrying her to the bed. She giggled infectiously as he deposited her down onto the cool satin sheets before dragging him down with her.
Lucas woke up to the intrusively blinding rays of sunlight streaming through her blinds the following morning. He moaned shielding his eyes with an arm. They had spent the entire night making love and catching up on all that had been missed from each other's lives. The two of them were presently resting on a makeshift bed of pillows and blankets on her wooden floor. She was lying on her front, her tousled locks spilling out behind her as she continued to sleep soundly. Her gentle breaths tickled his bare shoulder as she shifted closer to the warmth and comfort of his body. Lucas felt a wide smile trace its way across his lips as he remained still, watching her. Despite the lack of sleep and the slight crick in his neck he couldn't have felt more content.
He had felt almost at a loss back home as he watched Nathan, Haley and Jamie. They struggled with their studies, marriage, money and raising a child but they were always striving for united goal. That was what Lucas was becoming increasingly aware of, that he wanted and needed to be with Peyton. That he was incomplete when they were apart.
x-x-x
Have you ever felt yourself losing everything you hold so close and so dear? That as you desperately try to hold on to the shards of what was, you find it slowly slipping away piece by piece? And that even as you see what is happening before your very eyes and you can place your hands on the words needed, you feel as though you can do nothing to stop it?
x-x-x
The following week was spent cramming in as much as they could into their sacred time together. She took him on tours of all her favoured and treasured finds in L.A. She showed him the little back streets she had found tucked away in the city. The vintage clothing stores, her favourite record store and the used book store she had just known he would love. They'd spend hours at a time in the quaint little coffee shop that was reminiscent to the one his mother owned with its homely welcoming feel and the paintings by local artists hanging from the terracotta walls. They'd sit on the all too comfortable leather couch in the corner, sipping mochas out of chunky mugs as she snuggled perfectly into his arms.
They walked arm in arm along the moon lit shores after he'd wined and dined her at an expensive restaurant that he couldn't really afford. It was the last full day before he was due to go back and he wanted every to be perfect.
"Peyt," he brought them to a holt and took her hands in his. The unanswered question burned at the back of his throat.
At that precise moment the skies opened up and the fading summer's rain pelted the sands around them. The storm had caught them completely unawares and they ran the short distance to the refuge of her apartment. They laughed despite the fact they were soaked head to foot and shivering uncontrollably. She quickly supplied towels for them both.
"It's crazy out there," Peyton said through her chattering teeth as she huddled in her towel.
"Yeah," he rubbed at her goose pimpled arms trying to keep her warm. "Why don't you take a shower and warm up. I'll make us some hot chocolate."
Peyton grinned before kissing him. He always knew just how to comfort her. She pattered away discarding her now sodden dress before disappearing for a steaming shower. Lucas quickly changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. He busied himself foaming the milk for her following the recipe she'd told him her mother would make for her when she was little.
"Do you have any marshmallows?" he called to her from the bathroom door.
"Top left hand cupboard," she answered back.
Lucas poured the rich steaming mixture into two of her mugs as he went about applying the finishing touches. He stopped as he saw the letter she had pinned to the board next to the fridge. He sucked in a breath taking it down as his eyes scanned over the print.
"Is it ready?" she asked as she padded over to him. She was dressed only in his favourite sweatshirt that she had 'borrowed' and liked to sleep in because it made her feel close to him when she missed him at night. She towel dried her tangled curls and smiled. Her smile dropped as soon as she saw what he was holding.
"Were you going to tell me?" He tried his best not to sound accusing.
"I...." she stammered. "I didn't think I'd even get an interview. I was surprised to even be considered."
"The interview's tomorrow," he informed her placing the letter down on the counter top.
"I know." Peyton bit her lip before continuing knowing he had every right to be upset that she hadn't told him. "It's an amazing opportunity Lucas." She had been working in the mail room, enduring the pompous jibes and the sad knowledge that she was seen only as the girl who went on the endless coffee and bagel runs, and to get to a point like this was too good to pass up. "A Junior A&R Executive. It's the first step up the career ladder. It's my chance."
"I get that Peyton. I do. And I'm so proud of you. I really am. But this means more time apart and you really should have mentioned it to me."
"I know," she faltered. "I just didn't want to get my hopes up. And I didn't want to upset you."
"You really should have talked to me about this." He'd made it perfectly clear after she'd stayed on at Sire Records after her internship had expired that he missed her and that he wanted her home again. They agreed that she'd stay and that she'd build up her connects in L.A in the hopes of making a career. He wanted that for her, he really did. He knew how much the girl he loved was capable of. However despite the best of intentions their relationship had become strained. It was truly wonderful when they were together but when they were apart their communications fractured due to the demands of their busy lives.
"Peyt," Lucas took her hands in his in an attempt to reason with her. "I love you. I love you so much. But we go days without even a conversation. We make decisions every single day that affect our lives and then we hear about them later as old news. I see Nathan and how he is with Haley and Jamie and that's all I want."
"And I want all of that too," she exclaimed struggling to hold back her tears. "I do. And we're going to have it all. I'm just asking you to wait for me."
"Ok," he uttered then. "Say I wait. You get this job tomorrow and you stay. How long are we talking about? We barely see each other as it is; I can never even get you on the phone."
"I'm just asking for time," her voice was a mixture of stubbornness and despair. "I love you Lucas. I'm always going to love you. A year? Two years? Time isn't going to change that."
"But it is Peyton. And we can't keep pretending it isn't."
Lucas crossed over the apartment and sank down on the bed placing his head in his hands. He looked up as he heard her steps. "I'm not going to tell you not to take it Peyt."
"But you are," her voice was tainted with annoyance. "You're asking me to chose whether you say the words or not."
Lucas knew enough to know that ultimatums never went down too well with his strong willed girl.
"Luke." Peyton sat beside him and placed a hand to his cheek. "I believe in us ok. I believe in you and your book. I believe in me and my music. I believe we will both achieve our dreams and have everything we ever wanted. And how I feel about you is never going to change."
"Luke please. I don't want this to end us".
They lay in the silent darkness for a long time. Lucas wanted to be mad at her. Part of him was mad at her. He was mad at the stubborn trait that sometimes he found alluring but right now he wished she didn't possess. Part of him ached as they had ended such a perfect day and a perfect week on such a sour note.
Her tears fell as the bed shook just a fraction. It was enough to weaken him and his heart stung. Lucas couldn't bear to see her cry and felt terrible as he knew he was the cause of her suffering. He moved closer to her folding her into his embrace as she silently begged him to reconsider.
Neither of them spoke and both clung desperately to the life they felt was slowly slipping away.
x-x-x
Lucas finally set Izzy down in her crib as she decided she would go to sleep and he turned to face a disgruntled Lindsey standing in the doorway. She simply moved to him in hushed annoyance and his eyes fell immediately to the pink envelope he had hidden from her.
"I found this while I was tidying up in here this afternoon," she tried to keep her tone calm and level. Lindsey's accusingly icy stare was on him and he could only shake his head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me about the card?" She folded her arms awaiting his answer.
"It's a card Lindsey." He tried his best to reason with her though he knew by the look she wore that her paranoia had already won out. "And would you really have wanted to know?"
"I am not doing this again," Lindsey hissed.
"Doing what exactly?" he replied incredulously as he ushered her out of his daughter's nursery and closed the door behind him "Are you having an affair?" The words thundered through his memory involuntarily.
Lindsey hadn't answered him. She chose to remain quiet as she sucked in her cheeks.
"What do you want from me?" he seethed. She started back just a fraction at his outburst. "It's a card. I don't understand why you are being so unreasonable."
"My husband's in love with another woman and I'm the one being unreasonable?"
Lucas opened his mouth to counter her but closed it again as he watched as his angry and frustrated wife gathered the blankets and pillows from the airing cupboard. He had seen her this way too many times now and knew there was no getting through to her until her tantrum had subsided. She tossed the bedding at his feet not bothering to look at him and not uttering another word. She slammed their bedroom door shut and he moved slowly back into the nursery before sinking down into the chair.
Since Lucas had spoken to her, Peyton had occupied his mind more than normal. He worried about Peyton more than he should and more than he would ever admit. She had left so broken and betrayed. And try as he might to convince himself that she was strong and that she had Brooke he worried who watched over her now. Who would be the guy she could always count on? Who would always be there to rescue her in her time of need?
Sometimes late at night he would catch himself wanting to be that guy. On the occasions when Izzy looked at him and he saw her reflection staring back at him or in the moments when he didn't submit to the notion of denial that Lindsey was the one; his heart would yearn for his lost love.
Truth was they had never cheated. He couldn't and she wouldn't. They didn't have to. Their history lay just below the surface. It spanned across the years, across the continent. It was always there. Undying and unbreakable.
x-x-x
Lucas knew even before she had spoken at the other end of the line that she had got the job. There was never any doubt in his mind. Her passion, fire and grace would always set her apart as special and unique. He smiled in spite of the sadness the newly found knowledge caused him.
He congratulated her and after hanging up he paced in silent melancholy. He loved Peyton. He would always love Peyton.
He picked up his already packed bag telling himself this was for the best. That for right now this was the best thing for both of them and that if she was right then their love would survive and they would find their ways back to each other again.
One final look at the life that surrounded her now and Lucas pushed out of the door. He let his hand graze the ring box in his pocket and blinked back the tears.
x-x-x
Regret. Regret can drive us, control us or destroy us. It comes in many forms. Perhaps the worst form is when we are left wondering what could have been if we had taken a chance, said or done something differently or stayed and fought for something we knew was all too special to give up.
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A/N So there you have it, the latest chapter. Let me know what you think.
So a couple of you mentioned the time line and I thought I'd do my best to clear things up with what's happened so far.
Peyton moved to L.A after graduation. She and Lucas break up at nineteen.
Lucas meets Lindsey a year later, proposes to her at 21, marries her at 22 and has Izzy at 23.
Any questions leave it in a review or whatever and I'll answer them.
