We don't own Twilight, but we do own Emmett's Rosalie Hale boxers and Jasper's Alice Brandon pillow case. We tried to get Edward's collectors cups, but we were afraid we might lose a limb in the process of getting them.

******

[Emmett]

Jasper was one cocky ass mother fucker. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy and all, but only Jasper mother fuckin' Whitlock was able to pull off a pearl-snap shirt, grungy ass jeans and boots with paint all over them. I watched as he howled along with Kansas' "Wayward Son" and couldn't help but wonder if all Texans were this fucking cocky.

"You need to tone it down, Jasper," I said and leaned my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes. "You aren't in Texas anymore."

When he didn't have some sort of smartass remark, I looked over to see him looking at me, those stupid ass Aviator sunglasses tipped down on the bridge of his nose.

"Emmett, I have told you. You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the boy," he said in his hickass accent and turned back to the road.

I couldn't help but snort at how fucking John Wayne his ass sounded.

I looked back over the seat at Edward to get some back-up on the fact that no matter where you're from, a fucking pearl-snap shirt is not okay, but he was staring at that damn computer with an 'Edward Cullen is pissed as hell" scowl on his face.

"What the fuck is up with you?" I asked, and when he didn't answer, I slapped his leg.

"Ow, Emmett!" he cried like the titbag he was. I just looked at him and waited for an explanation. "For your information, I just found out that there are supposed pictures of Bella and Jacob kissing at some concert!"

When he started screaming, I knew we would probably need to get Edward drunk or stoned ASA-fucking-P. Before I could even suggest stopping for a six-pack, Edward leaned between the seats, shoving the laptop in front of me.

"Just look at these pictures, Emmett! I mean seriously!" He yelled in my ear and I had to lean away from him just to try and save my eardrum.

"It is so obvious that they are just talking!" He kept yelling, and I eventually had to push him back into his fucking seat.

"Number one, calm the fuck down." I glared at him and ignored Jasper's suggested coughing. "Number two; don't yell in my fucking ear again."

Edward opened his mouth, and I guess after seeing how fucking serious I was, shut his mouth.

I turned forward again and looked at the damn pictures. They were grainy as fuck, and honestly I couldn't tell what was what. I mean, I guess it could look like they were kissing, but his head seemed a bit low and I seriously doubted that Bella was the type of girl to let some dude motorboat her in public; although if she was, I might have to switch to Team Bella. Just sayin'.

"I call bullshit," I said, and passed the computer back to Edward.

He snatched it out of my hands and began muttering to himself and typing again.

"I guess this is going to bring on all the Bell-Cob rumors again." Jasper looked in the rearview mirror at Edward. He didn't get a response.

"And what the fuck is a 'Bell-Cob?'" I asked Jasper, but Edward answered.

"It is a stupid fucking nickname that people give them." He shouted again, but when I turned around and glared at him, he lowered his voice.

"You take the two names and add them together to make one name," Jasper explained when Edward went back to analyzing his pictures. I was sure any second he would bust out with a magnifying glass and make a diagram showing how they were not kissing, or even touching for that matter.

"Well Bell-Cob is retarded. I like J-Ella better." I watched as Jasper passed a Hostess snack truck and my stomach growled.

"Don't be stupid Emmett." Edward nudged the back of my seat.

"No, I'm serious. J-Ella is way better—it sounds like Jell-O, and everyone loves Jell-O." The car got quiet, except for Edward's typing. Jasper was giving me sideways glances, probably trying to tell me to shut the fuck up with that 'Jasper' glare that was so famous. He thought he looked intimidating—I thought he looked constipated or in pain, or both.

"Edward, you know if you put yours and Bella's name together, it could just be E-lla. Like the song." I turned back around in my seat and he glared at me.

"Under my umbrella, E-lla, E-lla, E-lla," I sang until he slapped the side of my head.

"Emmett, I swear to God I will hurt you," he growled at me.

Aw, it was cute when Edward got mad. His cheeks would get all flushed and splotchy. Pretty soon he would start stuttering because he would get so worked up; then he would pinch the bridge of his nose.

Yup, there was the nose pinching.

"Edward, you have got to relax. The chance that Jacob is actually getting anywhere near Bella's panties is slim to none. Unless you count the fact that he is probably stealing them and trying them on when he gets back to his own room; then I would guess they are pretty good."

Jasper choked on the Juicy Fruit he had been smacking and even Edward cracked a smile. Mission accomplished. The tension in this mother fuckin' vehicle was getting out of hand. Jasper seemed tense as fuck, worrying if Edward was going to bust a cap soon. You could basically feel the hatred and anger radiating off of Edward as he continued to look through those damn pictures.

I knew the only way Edward, Jasper, or me, for that matter, would survive this weekend would be if Edward calmed the fuck down. If we let him go stand in line with the attitude he had now, there was no doubt he would either end up getting hurt, or he would hurt someone.

He was so fucking wound up I was pretty sure the only way we were going to get him to relax was to sneak some drugs into his food or get him laid. He was already suspicious as hell about being drugged, ever since the party.

I spent the next fifteen minutes trying to think of a plan. When Edward made Jasper stop so that he could get a piss break, I decided to get Jasper's opinion.

"Hey, do you know if prostitution is legal in Canada?" I asked while leaning against the side of Jasper's truck while he pumped it with gas.

He pushed his sunglasses on top of his head and gave me a 'what the fuck are you thinking' look.

"Not for me, asshole!" I punched his arm. "Like I would need to pay for that."

"Well then, what the hell are you talking about? Because that really isn't something I'm just dying to try." He rubbed his arm and looked around to see if anyone was listening.

"We have got to get Edward to lighten up, Jasper. I mean, other than drugging him, getting him laid is the only other option," I said like it was the easiest thing to understand, because it was.

"Emmett, you cannot hire a prostitute for your brother!" He pulled the nozzle out of the truck and put it back in the holder.

Damn Jasper and his fucking morality.

"Well, then what the fuck do you have planned? Because if we don't do something, he is either going to end up in jail or the hospital, maybe a jail hospital if such a thing exists." I crossed my arms and looked at Jasper.

I didn't really understand why I was the only one really concerned with this. I mean, normally I'm the one who is like 'hell yeah man, go ahead and get in as much trouble as you want.' When did I become the responsible adult in this scenario? We needed to start drinking pronto.

"Edward will be fine, Emmett, he just needs something to take his mind off this whole thing. I think we all could." He pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his back pocket and handed it to me.

"I was watching the Food Network and they had a segment about this. I think we should go," he explained as I unfolded the paper.

"And what exactly is the Cowgirl Café?" I asked as I scanned over the front page, but when I flipped to the second page I knew I was in.

Anything that involved scantily clad chicks and caffeine had to be sent from God himself.

I shoved the papers back at him, and without needing to hear another word, I told him I was in.

[ Jasper ]

This ride up to the Holy Land was not going the way I had expected at all. I thought some classic music in my beefed-up, brand new stereo system would bring the good times rolling in.

Apparently I was wrong.

Emmett was grumbling the whole way about me taking my 'Texas' down a notch, or whatever the fuck that meant. Of course he wouldn't understand—he wasn't from Texas, simple as that.

I tried to push past his idiocy, but then Edward broke out in a frenzy over some cell-phone pixilated bullshit pictures of Bella and Jacob. I tried to support him, agreeing with him that they shouldn't be together. And for the most part, I did agree. Jacob Black was no fit for Bella Swan—their personalities alone were enough to condemn their relationship, if they ever were to entertain that idea. Of course, Jacob was the hottest actor in Hollywood right now, but I felt like Bella was just above and beyond all the hype about him.

Emmett was convinced Jacob was gay—whether or not that was true, I didn't know. But his strong beliefs often kept Edward calm, so I was thanking God for that.

But it wasn't working today. When Edward shoved the laptop in the front seat, I let my eyes peek in the peripheral opening of my sunglasses. Nothing. Of course they would lean in close—concerts are louder than shit.

My remarks about Bell-Cob rumors didn't help much, either. I just couldn't win today.

As long as I get to Alice without fucking things up, I reminded myself.

I pulled off the highway to refuel the truck and get the hell out. I busied myself with pumping gas, pulling out my Juicy Fruit and popping a fresh piece.

When Emmett came over to me, I felt like we were going behind Edward's back. And then he suggested a Canadian prostitute? This shit was getting way out of hand.

"Edward will be fine, Emmett, he just needs something to take his mind off of this whole thing. I think we all could." I pulled a flier out of my back pocket I had printed off the internet.

"I was watching the Food Network and they had a segment about this. I think we should go."

"And what exactly is the Cowgirl Café?" Emmett asked, confused. He stared for a moment before he realized that this was exactly what we needed.

"I'm in, bro. Definitely in."

I finished pumping gas and headed inside to pay. While I was there, I grabbed a six-pack of Red Bull, some Ding-Dongs, Twizzlers, and more Juicy Fruit. I paid for it all and slid back into my seat, thrusting the bag towards Emmett.

He peeked in the bag and let out a cheer as he pulled out the Ding-Dongs. "What the fuck are the Twizzlers for?" He asked.

I looked in the rearview mirror at Edward as he caught my gaze. "I heard Bella loves them. Can't hurt to be prepared," I said with a wink. I saw Edward give a small smile. He'd come around again—that is, until the next big Jacob/Bella scandal came out.

I pulled out of the gas station and back onto the road. I moved to turn the music back on, but Emmett gave me the stink eye.

"Jazz, man, I know you got some satellite radio up in this bitch. Let's get some real music playing!"

"I don't have the Disney channel, Emmett, sorry."

He punched me lightly. "Ass." He began flipping through the channels, looking for God knows what.

I enjoyed the few moments of silence—Edward wasn't ranting, Emmett wasn't whining, and I thought about how close we would be to the Angels in just a few short hours. My fingers began to tingle in anticipation, and I felt like such a girl.

I drove for a while until I saw the exit for Seattle and looked over at Emmett, who was grinning and giving a small victory fist pump.

"Man, I don't know about you two, but I could sure use some coffee."

"Coffee sounds great!" Emmett screamed enthusiastically, shifting in his seat.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Alright," he said, his fingers still flying across the keys. I was surprised that either: a) his fingers hadn't fallen off yet, or b) his laptop hadn't exploded.

I smiled to myself as I took the exit ramp and traveled to our destination: Cowgirl Café. According to the Food Network, the girls who served coffee dressed in costumes each day. I pulled up in the parking lot and chanced a peek back at Edward. His eyes were wide, and I couldn't tell if he was nervous or aroused.

Emmett let out a loud whoop. "Chicks, costumes, and coffee? Fuck, could this day get any better?!"

We got out of the car and I saw Emmett clap Edward on the back, sending him flying a few steps forward. Emmett whispered in his ear, and Edward punched him playfully. It was a touching moment.

I have lost my balls, I thought to myself. I felt like I was in a fucking Hallmark commercial.

We sat down at a small table outside the hut, and a leggy redhead walked over in a bathing suit top and a small plaid skirt. My eyes ghosted over her perfectly in-shape body.

"Hey fellas," she said, leaning down to place some coasters on the table, giving us all a full-frontal view of her boobs.

Emmett turned his body towards her. "Hello there. I'm Emmett, that's Jasper, and this is my brother, Edward."

"Nice to meet you. What can I get you to drink?"

"I'll have whatever your regular is," I said.

"A redheaded slut," Emmett said, winking at the barista.

"Emmett!" I scolded him.

The girl laughed. "No, it's fine. It's actually one of our drinks."

I looked over at Emmett and rolled my eyes at him.

"What about you, sweet thing?" she asked, leaning her body down towards Edward, leaving him merely inches from her chest.

"Uh, um, I'll have…a, um…"

She giggled, running her hand down his arm. "Aren't you cute?"

"Black coffee!" he called out nervously.

She smiled. "I'll go whip that right up for you boys."

As she walked away, I heard Emmett let out a low whistle. "I'd like to whip something up on that fine ass."

Edward coughed.

"Bro, seriously--relax and enjoy the view!"

"The last time I relaxed, I ended up drugged and tattooed," he hissed between his teeth.

I rolled my eyes at the two of them. "Both of you shut the fuck up—I haven't had enough caffeine to put up with this shit."

They argued back and forth a little, so I pulled out my iPhone and updated my Twitter account, leaving some rude comments for Emmett on his. The barista came back with our drinks and we sipped quietly. I was daydreaming about the upcoming weekend, Emmett was ogling the baristas, and Edward was trying to pretend like he wasn't sporting wood.

The redhead came back over and flirted with us. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy her curves and breasts, but I knew in the long run, she was no Alice Brandon. I whipped out $25 and handed it to the girl, tipping her very well. I asked for a receipt and she came back with it, sliding her hand down Edward's arm and whispering thanks in his ear. He shivered and stammered, causing Emmett to chuckle.

I stood up and stretched my arms. "Let's hit the road guys!"

We all walked back over to my truck and climbed in.

"Vancouver, here we come!" Emmett bellowed loudly.

I turned onto the highway while Em searched for some road tunes.

"Thanks for the coffee," Edward said.

I shook my head and laughed. "Don't thank me, thank the radio station!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've got a budget for gas, food, and all that. As long as I get a receipt, I get reimbursed."

"Alright!" Emmett cheered.

"Boys, welcome to the best vacation of our lives!"

[ Edward ]

I hadn't ever been a fan of Twizzlers, but as I gnawed on a piece that Jasper had handed me, I decided they weren't that bad really. I tore another piece off with my teeth and tried to tune out Emmett singing along with the Spice Girls. I honestly didn't give a shit what he 'really, really wanted,' I just wanted him to shut up.

About ten miles back, Emmett had taken the laptop and my cellphone away from me, saying that it was 'for my own good.' He was probably right. I was getting a little upset, and that wasn't how I wanted to start this weekend off.

I rubbed my forehead and cursed the day that Jacob Black was born. His stink face and perfectly white teeth just pissed me off. I didn't give a shit that he was supposedly "one of the best Actors of our generation." All I cared about was the he kept his grubby paws off of Bella. She deserved better than him.

I started daydreaming about how much better I could be for her. There were certain advantages about dating someone who wasn't a celebrity. No one knew who I was, and she could easily hide at my house. No one would ever think to look there. Although if that was actually ever going to happen, I would have to find my own apartment; Emmett would probably scare her off within ten minutes. I smiled at the idea of Bella hiding out at the house, being wrapped in my way too big t-shirts and pajama pants. It would be heaven.

Emmett interrupted my day dreaming when he told Jasper that the exit was coming up. I looked up, eager to see just how close the hotel was to the convention center. Maria had told Jasper it was within walking distance. That would be highly convenient.

I drummed my fingers against my legs nervously as Jasper weaved in and out of traffic, turning and stopping until we finally pulled under the awning of the front doors of the hotel.

"Wow," Emmett and I said together.

The hotel was actually right across the street from the convention center. I leaned across Emmett to see if anyone had started lining up yet, and when I didn't see anyone, my whole body seemed to relax. I was so nervous that we wouldn't be able to be first in line. At the very least we had to be in the top twenty to get really good seats.

"Emmett, move," I ordered, and, moving as slow as he possibly could, he got out of the truck. I jumped out as soon as I could and literally sprinted across the street.

I ignored Jasper and Emmett yelling at me; I ignored the cars honking as I shot across the street. None of it mattered because I, Edward Cullen, was going to be first in line.

I stopped at the front gate, giving the three cops standing there a brief smile.

"Are you here for VanCon?" One of them asked me as I looked around the gate, watching the convention workers bringing stuff in and out. It wasn't that I was ignoring him, but my mind was just on other things at the moment.

"Son, did you hear me?" He tapped my shoulder and I nodded my head.

"Yeah, sorry," I nodded.

"Well, we aren't letting people line up until noon." He pointed to a sign that had been taped to the front gate of the convention center.

I looked down at my watch and groaned when I saw that it was only ten fifteen.

"I can't just stand here?" I asked. I promised them I wouldn't be any trouble, but they still told me no.

So, rejected and highly annoyed, I walked back across the street to find Emmett and Jasper unloading all of our bags onto a bellhop cart.

"We can't start lining up till noon." I took the bag Emmett was handing me and threw the strap over my shoulder.

"Oh good, that gives us time to get upstairs and unload and then go find some food." Emmett pushed the cart up the ramp and into the hotel. I followed behind him, wishing that my brother wasn't such a pig.

His quest for snacks was probably going to make us late lining up. That was unacceptable.

Deciding that it wasn't worth a fight right now, I anxiously waited while Jasper checked us in. The girl checking us in took forever. She kept asking us stupid questions about our trip to Vancouver while making the most obnoxious flirting eyes at Jasper. He was polite and answered her questions, but I really wanted to just yell at her to shut the fuck up and give us our room keys. She wasn't his type anyway.

Finally, we got upstairs. Jasper started unpacking his stuff for the station while Emmett kicked all of the bags off of one of the beds and sprawled out.

"I have to go pick up my press pass in about thirty minutes, do you want to go with me?" Jasper asked me, and I nodded excitedly.

"Did you even have to ask?" Emmett laughed, but I ignored him as I started going through my stuff.

I had pre-packed my bag for the wait outside last night, but double-checked that I had everything. Emmett could make fun of me if he wanted, but tomorrow morning when we had all been up for more than twenty-four hours, he would be begging for one of my Listerine strips. I wasn't so sure I would give him one.

I looked at the shirt I packed and decided I might want to pick another one. I dug through my other bag and pulled out a different shirt.

"Which one should I wear tomorrow?" I asked Emmett while Jasper was in the bathroom.

"What's the difference?" Emmett asked.

"The difference is obvious, Emmett." I sighed and held the shirts up again.

"No it isn't, Edward. They are both long-sleeved plaid shirts," he laughed.

I am glad he thought this was so fucking amusing.

"Emmett, one is a larger plaid and the other isn't. Plus, they are both totally different colors," I said like I was explaining it to a three year-old.

"Why the fuck does it matter what you fucking wear, Edward? Just pick a damn shirt." He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

"Why does it matter?" I asked, my voice raising at least three octaves. "Bella will be seeing me for the first time tomorrow, Emmett!"

When I started yelling at him, he gave me that 'big brother is going to kick your ass' look, but I ignored him.

"First impressions are important, Emmett. You know a little thing called 'love at first sight' and all." I threw the shirts on the bed and glared at him.

He looked at me, then at Jasper who was coming out of the bathroom with a fresh shirt on.

"I am not getting in the middle of this," Jasper said as he held his hands up and shook his head.

Emmett went back to watching the TV, acting like the whole conversation hadn't even happened, and Jasper picked up one of the shirts and handed it to me.

"The green will look better with your eyes," he said quietly and patted my back.

"Thanks," I muttered and folded it neatly before putting it back in my bag.

"Jasper has a man-gina," Emmett said in a girly sing-song voice, but we both ignored him.

I point blank refused to let him ruin this for me. Brother or not, if he was going to be the dead weight this weekend, I would drop his ass faster than he could down a package of oatmeal cream pies.

This was it. And no one, not Emmett or even Jacob Black, was going to ruin this for me.

******

CharlsaD: So, I am sorry for the slow update. Really, I am. You can ask anyone who knows LMW or myself, and they will vouch that we have both been extremely busy. So, we are here… at VanCon… I hope no one gets arrested. To everyone who nominated us for the TwiFic awards, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Hopefully we will make it to the next round and then you guys can start voting! Also, a special thanks for the chicks that made our thread at Twilighted!! Thanks to all the usual people. Love ya lots! Xoxo

LMW: hi bbs! Thanks for hanging in there with us—I know it's been a while, but I got a job and CharlsaD is going back to school so, we had to take care of some bidness! I'm so excited that they are AT VanCon! And even if Jasper has a man-gina…I still love him  Thanks to Kendall and the usual suspects! And thanks for the love you've given us with the TwiFic Awards! Come play on our Twilighted thread! It's muy fun!

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