I must confess that I had not the slightest clue how much you loved Elona until I got so many responses from friends who wanted to kick my ass for killing her off. I actually feel bad for what happened to her now, especially after hearing that at least two of you who have read this actually shed a tear at the end of chapter 6.
Don t worry though, Dairou will have his vengeance, or justice, however you see it. But right now, he s got some healing to do.
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I sat on a rock looking out toward the ocean. The sun was setting in the distance and the twinkling light reflecting off of the rapidly shifting waves resembled a blanket of dancing flame that seemed to stretch on forever into the distance.
I contemplated my situation. The last week had been more then just life changing; it was outright life-ending. So much happened so fast, and all for the worst.
I had lost father, without the chance to say goodbye. In a fit of rage I committed murder, and let him down. I had lost Elona, and it was my fault. In losing her I had failed not only her but I had also failed Christophe. Now a wanted criminal, I was being hunted. I had not the slightest clue as to whom, other then that they were desperate enough to impersonate the Imperial Legion's guard patrols just to get to me. For them to have known where I was and to know when I was moving was a complete mystery to me.
I was definitely not ready for what was happening to me. In fact I wasn't so sure if I could go on any longer. I would have learned to cope with father's death; I could have evaded the guards. But to watch Elona die took its toll on my heart. I fell in love for the first time in my life, and it was beautiful. To be allowed to express affection to someone out of lust, passion, and love was a new experience for me. I had never felt so close to anyone that way before. But it was all ripped away from me before I could savor it. Before we left the inn I spent a few days with her, getting to know her and making up for the years that I had let her slip out of my notice. In that time we closed the distance that time had put between us.
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I felt a hurt that I had never felt before. I knew it was different because I didn t feel it in any part of my body, and I didn't like the sensation. The hurt and loss that I felt was starting to overwhelm me. I reached down at my side and pulled a small dagger, still in its sheath, from my belt.
It was a tanto, a small clone of my katana, but without a guard. I had all but forgotten that I had it. I always kept it on hand mostly as a utility blade, though I never really needed it and it wasn't as well crafted as its big brother. As drew it I began to look at in a new light for the first time in my life. I started to realize how beautiful it was, despite its flaws. It was more rugged looking, with a dull finish and many nicks that I never took the time to file out. But its service to me was obvious. Though I had almost never used it, every little impurity that was imprinted on its edge seemed to have a story. I found myself wishing that I could recall every moment I put it to use, but I had let those memories slip away in a lifetime that I had taken for granted.
After a moment I cast those thoughts aside, and started to think about something that I wasn't so sure I could go through with. I was beginning to wonder if my tanto was still sharp enough to pierce through flesh and bone. Then again it truly wouldn't have mattered; it would suffice as long as I had the strength to push it all the way through.
I had caused it all, left father by himself, turned myself into a criminal, put Elona in danger and let her die. I was the reason for everything that happened, but that wasn't the reason why I was about ready to end everything. It was because I felt like there was no way I could fix it. I would have gladly turned myself in to the Legion if it hadn t been for the fact that it would have been a victory for the Venin family. But to run away would be another crime against the empire that I had spent my entire life training to protect, as well as a contradiction to everything Martin, Jauffre, and my father had raised me on. All my beliefs were being defied by the very circumstances that I had been thrown into.
I knew that I should have waited another day before I made my decision but I was beginning to find that I didn t care, even if what I was going to do would only add on to another in a long list of deeds that I would be forever ashamed of.
I slowly got up on both feet and looked out into the ocean toward the sun which was almost gone over the horizon. The water and the sky seem to blend together almost perfectly in that moment. The orange cloudless sky was fading to a new shade of indigo as it pulled a blanket of stars over the world. The stars were getting brighter as the light from the sun grew fainter. It was a beautiful dance of the celestial heavens that I had never really taken my time to notice before. I didn t know what was overcoming me, but I was starting to feel a deep sorrow for the world I would be leaving behind. The wind started to pick up slightly as the tide started to come in. When the sun was gone I closed my eyes and lifted my chin upward. I took a long and deep breath of the air as the wind gently picked up again. I started to take in the sensation of everything I could. The salty sea air, along with the cooling of the ocean breeze, and the rhythmic crashing of the waves on the beach all seemed to come alive as if nature herself were begging me not to do what I was about to. I started to wish that I had paid more attention to beauty of my surroundings. There was so much beauty in the world that I had not fully appreciated until now. I couldn t help but let one last tear swell up and fall down my cheek. I loved my life once, but that was before it was taken from me. Now I was starting to fall in love with nature right at the point where I was going to end my life. Suddenly the tragedies that I had faced before seemed distant, almost like they were gone forever. But I could never go home again no matter what I did it was over.
I opened my eyes back up and looked out toward the sea once more. There was no more sun, only stars that ended at the horizon. I had lost track of time, but there was no need to keep it anyway. It was all over
I held the tanto up and took one last look at it. It was still beautiful, the nicks, cuts and flaws along its edge only added to its majestic perfection. Closing my eyes I held it outward at arms length with both hands. I said a silent prayer to the Nine Divines one last time then I brought it down
into it s sheathe at my side. I was going to have to sleep on it first. After all, such decisions should be given more thought. I slid off the rock and made a makeshift bed out of my extra clothes and my pack to lie down on. It didn t take me long to fall asleep.
You have improved, Jauffre said as he got up from the ground and started to brush the dirt off of his clothes, but then again I m getting old so I could be wrong.
It was the first time I had ever knocked him down, and I was frightened. I had never been able to do that, whenever I had sparred with Master Jauffre it was always him who took me to the ground or knocked me off my feet. If I were to try to overpower him most of the time he would always punish me by countering whatever I was doing, which almost always left me on lying on the ground trying to figure out how I got there.
I stood in a ready stance just a few feet from him, just outside double arms length to keep out of his lunging range in case he was thinking about surprising me. My caution was rewarded as he immediately darted in my direction. I started to step off line to dodge him but instead he side-stepped with me and drove the tip of this thumb into my side. I winced in pain and lost my focus long enough for him to kick out one of my knees causing me to stumble into his grasp. Before I knew it I found myself locked in his chokehold.
Now Dairou I m not holding back, so you have to find your way out of this one. He warned me as he started to drag me backward.
What!? I gurgled out between steps.
I said you ll have to OMF He was interrupted by my elbow being driven into his solar plexus causing him to let of my head with one arm, but that was all I needed. In one quick motion I dropped low, dragging the other arm with me, and with an underhook through the legs I rolled over taking him with me and landing us on our backs. With a last ditch effort I swung the knifedge of my hand toward his throat to finish him off.
TWACK!
He caught my hand! I looked over at him in amazement to find him smiling while holding my hand just inches from his throat, almost as if it didn t bother him at all. When Jauffre was smiling it was usually bad news for me, especially when we were sparring! Without thinking I started to roll up to my feet, which saved my arm because Jauffre was about to twist it in the same direction that I rolled. Somehow I was able to jerk my hand free before he had the chance to do damage to it, or the rest of my arm for that matter.
Using a hammer like motion I immediately swung my fist hard and fast as my body would allow downward onto my opponent s chest, but I took too long to set up the move and he saw it coming in just enough time to roll out of the way. When the bottom of my fist struck the ground a loud boom could erupted. As Jauffre rolled to his feet I stepped back into another ready stance to face him.
Dairou Dikata! He barked. I stood still
Yes, Master Jauffre? I responded.
He pointed at the hand that I stuck the ground with.
That hammerfist you used, did it hurt your hand? He demanded to know.
N-No Master. I stammered in surprise at his question.
Prove it! He snapped at me, his tone was one of authority rather then anger.
I relaxed from my ready stance and made my way to a nearby tree, then with all my might I struck it with the same hammerfist blow that I had used a second ago. I did not wince in pain at all, in fact, it didn t even hurt. Satisfied with my obedience and my reaction (or lack thereof) he relaxed from the stance he was holding and grinned.
I see you have conditioned your bones as well. He said to me with his tone lightening up. Most soldiers see no point in smashing boards and bricks, but you have never let one aspect of training go unchecked. I congratulate you Dairou.
Thank you Master Jauffre, I try my best. I responded with a bit of pride, I tried to avoid sounding conceded but my tone gave me away.
You try? His tone snapped back to his usual cold nature. Dairou, what is the definition of try?
I was caught off guard by his question which left stunned and struggling to find a response.
Well, um, you make an attempt at something? I accidentally answered in the form of a question.
Attempt!? He repeated. Dairou you like to say you try?
I was afraid to speak any further for fear of making a fool of myself as I had no idea where his point was going to lead me. He must have sensed my confusion because he quickly went on to speak again.
When someone tries, or attempts, they only do just that, they try but does try mean succeed? When he finished I suddenly realized what he meant.
I don t try my best I do my best, I do not try because trying is not doing. If in the end I tried, then I have failed, if I have done, then I have succeeded. I finally responded.
My answer pleased him as he grinned from ear to ear.
Every year you have come to train with me you surprise me Dairou, you have grown in both mind and body, but you are far different from everyone else I ve taught. His tone was light again.
How so? I asked politely
This year, you have proven to me how well you have listened and how well your father has taught. Most of those who join the ranks of the blades begin their blades training after being frustrated with the Fighters Guild or have felt life as a guard was too dull. Never living a life that is dedicated to learning, they are always fighting.
I wanted to ask him what he meant but I had always learned that is was best to remain silent as he spoke, because at the end of his explanation his meaning would finally make sense. It was always best not to interrupt the flow of his lessons with questions, so I did what I knew was respectful and sat down(1). He did the same but in a slightly different posture(2).
Fighting is essential to training because it is real experience in which you learn much, but it always involves putting your life on the line. Fighters will deny it for the sake of pride, and will try to back it up with tales of past deeds. But no matter what, every battle that you fight is one for that is very likely to be your last. The moment you draw your sword is one that you must be prepared to die in, that is why you should only draw it when needed. That is why we spar, to learn how to fight in a way which trades the risk of death for the less severe risk of injury.
He paused and nodded his head once, which meant that if I had a question, that right then would be the time to ask. Indeed I had a question, and so I took advantage of the opportunity.
What about fighting honorably and fairly like what people in the arena talk about? I asked.
A man who fights fairly will die long before a man who doesn t. People who put their lives on the line for the sake of settling a dispute don t live to regret it, and those who do tend to think that they were right. Thus, the idea of fighting fairly is carried on by fools lucky enough to survive by it. Since so few of these people exist, due to obvious reasons, they are thought of as being great warriors, but as you can see a long streak of good luck tends to be mistaken for such. That is not the mentality of a true warrior, it is the idea of a fool whose idea of combat is that might makes right. You know as well as I that the stronger or more skilled warrior is not always the one who is right. That is why we practice tactics that most would call dishonorable and cowardly, even if we do it for the good of the empire. Protecting the empire is far more important than trying to live up to the standards of those who believe in an idea that completely disrespects the basic principles of survival. Does that make sense(3)?
I nodded once.
Good, you understand why as blades we have to keep our identity secret if we do not serve as priests. The last thing we want is to have our agents and our informants getting caught of in the Vanity fairs that come along with the fame from being so unorthodox. Which reminds me...Dairou haven t you ever considered joining the arena in Kvatch? I m pretty sure you would do very well for yourself.
What!? I exclaimed. Again I was completely caught off guard by his strange way of asking questions. I knew it was a trick question but it was best if I didn t try to answer it, but the idea of putting my life on the line for gold was almost damaging to my pride to think about. Never!
Good, He said, almost laughing. I know that is an insult to your resolve, I just wanted to surprise you again.
Oh, well, you did a good job of it.
I know. You can take a rest now for the rest of the morning. But after noon has passed I want you at the archery range that I have set up just up and off the road. Don t keep me waiting long.
Wait, in your last letter you didn t tell me I had to bring my bow.
I know, you re not going to need it for this lesson.
As soon as he said that I suddenly had a feeling that I wasn t going to like that afternoon s training. That feeling was well justified
Hours later I found myself standing at the end of Master Jauffre s archery range dodging arrows with weighted tips.
SHOMP! I ducked just in time to avoid one that would for sure have hurt, it s blunt tip left an indentation in the tree right behind the ideal spot that I just been standing, but it did not penetrate.
Master Jauffre, please! Can this part of the training be skipped at least until later? I begged while hiding behind a rock. Master Jauffre was using arrows with heavy tips that were guaranteed not to penetrate, instead they would leave a nasty bruise on whoever they hit. Luckily he had allowed me to don a set of leather armor to help to keep me from taking too much of the sting.
Nonsense, this is the perfect time for you to practice this, after all it is about survival. He laughed as he fired another arrow at me as I peeked out from behind my rock.
If it hadn t been for the fact that I had learned to trust his wisdom from all of my years of training, I would have assumed that Master Jauffre was a delirious, drunk, senile, and outright dangerous skooma addict who was trying to kill me. However if that were the case he would have actually been pretty easy to take on, but the fact that he was the perfectly sane and kind hearted blades trainer I whose lessons I had grown to appreciate made him even more frightening at that moment. He was trying to make me catch the arrows as he was shooting them at me.
I didn t deny that it was part of my training, in fact, catching arrows would be a very useful skill to have. The problem was that I would have to be skilled in some sort of alteration magic to slow down time or speed up my perception in order to accomplish that.
Come on Dairou, quit dodging and start catching! He shouted to me from several yards down. Quit thinking about it and start doing it or else you ll never be able to defend yourself in a situation like this!
I took a deep breath and looked up over the rock that was shielding me from Master Jauffre s line of sight only to be met with another arrow that bounced off my helmet causing me to fall backwards landing on my rear end.
Oh nice one, I must say Dairou that if you ever got into a fight with an archer that I would have to put my money on the archer! He laughed.
I was not enjoying the lesson that day obviously, and I was afraid that more lessons that were similar were going to follow. Every year I had left my home at Dikata farm to train with Master Jauffre for a week, and every visit had always surprised me with something new and strange that I had never thought I would be taught, this year was the most painful of all the lessons.
If you can t catch then at least find a way to get to me, you have to survive after all!
I was relieved to hear that, because that gave me a chance to get around the impossible task that I thought he was forcing me to undertake. It was a lesson in survival that he was teaching me. It took me that long to realize that he didn't really mean for me to catch the arrows. But either way it was not going to be easy to get close to him. His accuracy with a bow, his reflexes and his experience were all very tough things to overcome at that moment, but what made it even more difficult was his sense of humor.
I got up from the ground after recovering from the stunning effect of his last shot and pressed myself against my cover again. In the next few seconds I began to come up with a plan.
On the other end of the archery range Jauffre knocked another arrow onto his bow string and waited for me to appear again. But his wait was going to be a long one, this time I was going to test his patience. For a few minutes he waited, he knew that is was going to take a while for me to show myself so he didn t draw it back, instead he just kept it almost at the ready.
Several minutes passed by, then several minutes went on to a half an hour. At that point Jauffre finally started to get worried, but then brushed the feeling off, he knew what I was trying to do and decided that he was going to wait too.
I can do this too Dairou! He called out after forty-five minutes passed by.
I knew he wasn t joking about that, he would wait for the next day to pass before moving from his spot, which was fine by me because as long as he stayed there I could execute my plan.
After several more minutes of waiting Jauffre began to smile to himself, just a few more seconds were all that were needed. Suddenly he quickly stepped sideways dragging his bow across the ground tripping me as I attempted to rush him from behind successfully sending me flying onto my stomach
After I landed with a thud he laughed at me playfully.
"Very smart, but it still would have been nice if you were to catch an arrow. You've done well.
Eh, but I didn t take you down. I grunted as he helped me up.
I m not easy to take me down, but if I were anyone else you would have been able do what you wanted at that point, so your lesson is done.
I had no arguments there
You may have the afternoon to yourself; however I need speak with you tonight I have something important to tell you. He added. Then with no other gesture he turned in the direction of Weynon Priory.
I spent the rest of the afternoon honing my hand to hand techniques; I worked up quite a sweat with the paces I put myself through, which was not something unusual for me. That night I searched for Jauffre in the barracks of the priory to avail. I did however meet up with Eronor, the Dark Elf shepherd as I came down the stairs.
Oh, there you are. He said as soon as he saw me.
Any idea where Master Jauffre is? I asked.
Actually yes, he sent me to find you. He answered gesturing me to follow him, which I complied.
He led me out of the priory and down the trail that led due south. The walk lasted for a few minutes until he finally came to a stop on the side of the path.
He s about a hundred yards that way, he said pointing into the woods, he has a fire going so you should have no trouble finding him.
I politely thanked him before he walked away and started in the direction he pointed. After a few more minutes of navigating the forest I finally saw the light of his fire just as Eronor said. When I came up on Jauffre he was turning over some venison over the fire. From that I figured he spent the rest of the afternoon hunting with his bow.
Good evening, Dairou He greeted without looking up.
Evening, Master Jauffre I greeted him back as I sat down by the fire.
Did you have a good afternoon? He asked as I was finally settled.
Yes
Did you learn anything from today s lesson?
Another trick question, as most of his questions were. I decided that since it was a trick question that I should somehow give a trick answer.
I should have learned to catch arrows at some point?
If he found it funny he didn t show it. He just sat down on the stool that he had close by and stared into the fire, he looked like he was lost in deep though as there was almost no emotion on his face. That usually meant that he had something important to tell me, and that it was best to pay attention.
If you had to have actually caught even one of those arrows then I would have had no more need to train you. You would have proven that you were above learning the lessons that I could teach you and would have never needed to learn from me again.
I remained silent, I didn t know for sure if what he said was good or bad. So I waited for him to speak again.
I told you to catch those arrows despite the fact that you weren t able to, you chose to instead to sneak up on me and catch me by surprise. What I wanted you to learn today was survival, and you did very well. He ended that sentence with a slight chuckle as he turned his head to look at me, he was obviously thinking back on the end of that particular lesson.
I smiled a little, and waited for him to continue.
You are a not a boy anymore Dairou, you re a full grown man and you ve proven to both your father and I that you are very capable of taking care of yourself. He had a smile on his face but his tone was still serious, his smile faded as he went on however. The letter from your father that you brought to me told me everything about his illness and Brother Martin s efforts to find the cure if it still exists. Dairou, are you prepared to face the fact that you will be forced to live on your own, without your father to guide you?
That question struck a nerve. There was no way I could hide from that truth, nor was I going to be able to lie to Master Jauffre. I just closed my eyes and tilted my head downward as I felt a tear beginning to form. After a moment of hesitation I finally shook my head in a subtle manner.
I m sorry, I whispered to make sure my voice didn t come out as a sob. But I don t think I can.
I kept my eyes closed tightly and didn t say anything after that. Jauffre spoke once more.
That s the answer I expected to hear, after all you ve never spent very much time away from home. But I want you to know that you will do just fine on your own, your father went through the exact same thing at your age.
He did? I asked after wiping the tear away and looking up.
Yes, I remember twenty years ago after he and your mother ran away. They were both afraid of me due to my anger and disappointment at their mistake of conceiving you, but it was your mother who wanted to run away. They both plotted in secret to do so, but Hiryu was so afraid of leaving that he came to me in the night and told me everything. Like you he was unsure of himself and reluctant to be out on his own. But it was time for him to get out on his own anyway. I assured him that he was going to be alright, it took all night to convince him though that I was not angry anymore.
And were you? I asked, my voice no longer needed to be in a whisper.
Not anymore, besides it would have been for the best if they had left. Earlier that day I had received word from one of our blades agents that Lianis had heard that your mother was pregnant was extremely angry. Not only that, but he was probably planning on doing something drastic. When I told your father of the danger that they were both in he was a lot more agreeable at that point. He came to realize that leaving would help to protect you and Jenna.
Jenna was my mother s real name.
But Master Jauffre, didn t Lianis kill my mother anyway? I couldn t help but ask, I felt like I should have kept my mouth shut but Jauffre didn t seem bothered.
So, Hiryu has finally told you then. He looked me in the eye. Yes, Lianis did kill your Jenna, but that didn t mean that Hiryu failed what he had set out to do.
And what was that?
To bring you up, he wasn t even so sure that he could accomplish that after your mother s death. He looked strait ahead as he reminisced. I remember the night he came back to the priory, he was covered in blood, scared and he held you in his arms tightly. He had ran all the way from Kvatch immediately after killing your mother s assassin.
Wait, I interrupted him with wide eyes. Assassin!? I thought it was Lianis who killed my mother.
Jauffre sighed but not in frustration.
He ordered her killed. That s how he was able to get away with it so easily. Since he would be somewhere else when it happened, there was no way we could prove it, although there has always been no end of suspicion from those who know him personally.
But we are digressing from what I was trying to tell you before. He glared at me for interrupting. You are capable of making your own decisions Dairou. I want you to know that once you leave here, that you will be living on your own. Hiryu and I have taught you all that we can, and you no longer need us to guide you.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and stared into the fire.
There is just one more thing that I need to tell you. After saying that, he paused as if waiting for my response. But I had none. Of all the lessons I ve taught you, I want you to remember that above all, no matter what empire you are defending, no matter whose life you are responsible for, and no matter what purpose you have placed on yourself you must survive.
For once, I felt like I wasn t going to ever understand what he was telling me. It was common sense to me to stay alive, but it felt like there was some greater purpose in what he told me that I was not going to fully grasp. We spent the rest of the evening in silence while feasting on the venison that he had cooked, I was going to be leaving for the trip home tomorrow and we both wanted time to digest the weeks lessons.
The next day I was about twenty feet out the door when I heard a voice behind me.
Dairou! it was Jauffre s voice
I turned around just in time to see that a blunt-tipped arrow was flying at me in slow motion, as well as the out of focus silhouette of Jauffre having just released the string on his bow. My heart suddenly skipped a beat as I instinctively ducked. But somehow, someway, or by some twist of fate, reality or magic, I found myself kneeling on the ground after saving myself from falling over. One had was supporting me off of the ground the other was holding the arrow, I caught it!
I looked up at Jauffre who was smiling from ear to ear. Without a word he gave a small wave and walked into the priory.
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Will Dairou ever truly make sense of Jauffre s final lesson? Tell me what you think.
I love hearing your feedback, and I do try to take in the constructive critique that I am given, just keep in mind that I m still learning as I go. I remember when I had a true plotline written out for this thing once, but it seems the story keeps taking a path of it s own as I write it so that went out the window long ago.
I love logging onto my account and checking the number of hits I have, it amazes me how many of you actually game my story a second thought and read through it. To those who leave me feedback, thank you. To those who don t, thank you for taking your time to read it anyway, I hope you stay with me till the end of this story.
Seizo no Kamai: Kneeling/Sitting posture where you sit on your knees.
Fudoza no Kamai: Immovable Seat traditional Japanese style sitting posture that is often taken by high ranking instructors of the Bujinkan.
Does that make sense? That is a phrase that my Ninjutsu Instructor says at least once every class. I m kind of modeling Jauffre after him in this.
